The weight on my chest didn't give when lunch period came around. I exited the line and made eyes with Aly across the cafeteria. She was sitting with them, dead center of the the room, Seth right by her side. And him. Directly across from her.

I backtracked. Rachel was missing, but for good reason obviously. There was no way she could stomach her lunch face to face with him, now that she knew. And it wouldn't be long  until everything else did too.

I couldn't sit with Chase because then I'd have to face what happened earlier in the hallway, and I didn't know if I had the right words to do that...especially in front of Leah.

"Kaya Fischer?" Came a voice from behind me.

I turned around to find Mrs. Peterson, the school's counselor.

"Um, yes?"

She looked hesitant, as if she had laid out her words in front of her, and was critically assessing them to make the right choice.

Her brown eyes met mine.

"Can I see you in my office for a moment? I promise you it won't take long, I'd just like to speak with you."

Rachel.

It was her that was behind this wasn't it? She must've run down there last period right after she swore..she promised that she wouldn't say a word until I was ready. How could she do this to me? I was suddenly livid.

"Why? What's this about?" I asked, even though I already knew.

"In my office," she coaxed. "We'll speak inside."

I looked back towards the table. Aly's attention had since strayed back to her almost-boyfriend, who thought to share his tray of fries with her. It wouldn't matter if I was there or not; she wouldn't even notice I was gone.

I turned back to Mrs. Peterson.

"I'll stay for five minutes," I said, dropping my eyes to my tray. "I need to eat."

She didn't give in so easily.

"Bring your food with you," she offered. "A little crumbs won't bother me."

Looking at my limited options, her office was, in fact, the most appealing. And besides, I didn't have to tell her anything. She couldn't force me. Didn't student confidentiality exist for that reason?

I followed her out of the cafeteria down the hallway to her office.

I'd only been inside a couple of times, once earlier in the year, back in September, to meet with her about college applications. At that time I'd been so torn between following Mason to his dream school or looking into others with a nursing program that I'd been considering. I was willing to sacrifice my own future for him, and merely months later, he started beating me.

I chuckled aloud.

That all felt so far away now as I braced myself for interrogation.

"Kaya, why are you so stupid? Why in the world would you want to be with someone who hurts you?"

"I don't know Mrs. Peterson. Maybe it's because I'm insane. I mean, I have to be right? To stay with him all this time. And that's not even the best part. Did you know that he's purposely poisoning his mother too?

He's going to kill her. And then he's going to kill me next because I was too afraid to say anything. I watched him murder her right in front of my eyes, just letting him do. You might as well put my name on her grave as well because it's all my fault that she's dead in the first place. All of it, actually, is my fault. I deserve it all."

Mrs. Peterson glanced my way as she followed into the room behind me, taking a seat on the tan leather sofa that sat directly across from me. She folded one pant clad leg over the other as she searched her thick binder for my file.

"How are your classes going?" She asked. A shallow attempt at small talk before pushing me into the deep end. I played along.

"Fine." I picked an apple slice off my tray, and bit into it. "Mostly B's, a couple A's."

"Still an honor roll student, I presume?"

I nodded. "Uh huh."

"Great well, I'm sure you're hearing back from plenty of schools,"she retrieved the file. "It's almost time to make a final decision. Do you have a particular one in mind?"

"I do, but I'm not so sure I even want to go anymore."

I saw the opening to a new conversation from her shifting expression. Before she could use my statement to her advantage, I interrupted.

"Mrs. Peterson, why am I really here? I know Rachel said something. What did she say to you?"

"Miss Fischer, as you're aware, I'm not allowed to discuss other student matters as that information is confidential."

"But I should be able to explain if that information involves me-"

"Is there something that you feel the need to share, Kaya?"

There it was, and I walked right into it.

She was good.

"There's something that you want to tell me," her dark eyes pressed me as hers brows arched, prompting me to continue. "Am I correct?"

I picked up another apple slice, and chewed on it. My yes drifted away from hers, to the sharpie marked calendar hanging overhead on the wall. There was a framed picture beside it of her beaming at the camera with a pigtailed little girl who didn't look much older than Aaron.

"I want to let you know that whatever you choose to share with me will stay within these walls, unless you're in immediate harm. Then it's my responsibility to contact whomever it may concern to ensure your safety. I'm here to help you Kaya. Please, let me help."

I unwrapped the plastic from ham and cheese sandwich on my tray, separating it into two pieces, although I had no intention of actually eating it.

"Your friend came to be because she's concerned about you. Now, I cannot follow through with any of her claims without any proof which is why I'm giving you the opportunity to open up to me. Kaya," she leaned forward, titling her head sideways. "If there's anything that you want to tell me. Anything at all. I just want you to know that this is a safe place. I would never force you to do anything against your will, however as a counselor, I will do everything in my power to guarantee your safety in this school."

I bit down on my lip, swallowing back the words on the tip of my tongue eager to slip out.

It didn't matter anyway. Whether I told her or not, it didn't matter. Things would only get worse regardless. Everyone would look at me and see me for as stupid as I truly was. And it isn't as though I could judge them for it, because once upon a time, I would have done the same. Once upon a time, I judged my own family the same way.

I used to wonder how mom didn't get tired of it all. Dad's pathetic excuses for his failed career. His unyielding stubbornness, only good for throwing the blame onto someone less deserving, like my brother, rather than take responsibility for the problems he brought on himself. But Mom wasn't any better. She locked herself into the office and never-ending telephone calls to mute out the sound of a faltering marriage, holding on by a mere thread of what it used to be.

I never wanted to be like either of them. And yet, somehow, I was far worse. If I told they would know it too. It would be yet another wrench to throw into the glass house that barely held our family together. How could I expect them to understand when they couldn't see anything wrong in the first place?

I rose my eyes back to Mrs. Peterson. She saw it all so clearly. And she might have been the only person in my life that ever would. But what could she do?

"You can't."

I stood up, leaving my tray on the table between us, and strapped my bag over my shoulder.

"Kaya-" she started after me, but I was already at the door.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Peterson," I said in the archway. "You can't help me."

***

I was the first one out the door when final period dismissed us. I didn't want to give Aly a chance to find me, since she was my supposed ride home. I couldn't deal with her questions about where I was during lunch, or even worse, brace the fact that Rachel might have already gotten to her, and repeated every single detail about whatever she said in Mrs. Peterson's office. It was bad enough she opened her mouth, but if Aly knew...

I would never be able to face her.

I stopped beside Chase's truck, leaning against it as I waited for him to come out. We weren't completely on speaking terms yet, but there really wasn't anyone else right now that I needed more than him. And, I think he understood that, from the way he held onto me in the hallway earlier today. He didn't even have to ask. He never did.

"Kaya?"

It was Leah standing in front of me as the school body flooded out the doors into the parking lot. She looked just as confused to see me as I did her, before I remembered. This is how things were now. The passenger seat was reserved for her. What was I doing in her spot?

I didn't get a chance to respond before Chase approached behind her.

"You need a ride," he said. It wasn't even a question.

"Yeah."

He gave a direct nod that told me to get in and climbed into the driver's seat. It took a few seconds for Leah to process what had just happened before she finally climbed into the truck, scooting into the middle to leave a few inches of room for me. I stuffed my backpack beneath the seat and reached over to fasten myself in.  His truck felt smaller than it used be with Leah's sharp elbows jabbing into my side as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Three really was a crowd.

The air was thick with silence, and I was certain it was all because of my presence. I faced the window, trying to make myself smaller, but it was to no avail.

We took the second exit before the highway that led onto the street of Leah's neighborhood. I'd almost forgotten how lavish the property estates were, with grass so lush and green it stayed vibrant throughout the entirety of winter. Leah gathered her bag as we approached the winding road that was her driveway, and pulled into the gravel.

She pressed her lips to Chase's cheek and climbed over me without giving me the chance to let her through.

"See you tomorrow," she said.

"Later," he called back. I slid into the open space beside me before I could get hit with the door as she shut it. The extra space should have lightened the air, but it didn't. I felt just as small, if not smaller, sharing the car with just him.

The drive to our neighborhood was less than fifteen minutes, but seconds seemed to crawl on the way back. I didn't think I had the right to touch the radio dial anymore, so I left my hands by my side. Conversation was unavoidable.

"Thank you," I said. He didn't even have to ask what for. We both felt the exact same thing in the hallway. The collapse of the bridge that had been up for far too long.

"You're welcome."

"And I'm sorry, you know. About everything." I never had a chance to give him the apology that was far past due, even after he said the words first.

"I never wanted to fight with you."

"I know Kay," he sighed. "I'm not mad. I never was."

We stopped at the light before the entrance to our neighborhood.

"You should be. I'm mad at myself. We were...we were best friends and I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

"Hey, come on, don't say that. It's not true."

"Yes it is. It's my fault that everything's so fucked up now. We don't even make eye contact in the halls, Chase. And now we're about to graduate. You're going all the way to Chicago with your mom, and I...I don't even know if we'll see each other again after school's over. Things will never be how they used to be."

Damn it, I was crying. A tear slipped out of the corner of my eye before I could even catch it. I turned away from him, embarrassed. How dare I have the nerve to cry when all of this was my fault in the first place. I used the edge of my shirt sleeve to wipe the side of my face.

I felt his eyes on me. The light changed green.

"It's not your fault Kay," he said.

But it was

He pulled into the development, onto our street. Even though all was forgiven, things would be different now, and I couldn't help but blame myself. It was all a butterfly effect. If I were strong enough the leave the first time, none of this would have ever happened. We wouldn't even have had to have this conversation.

As my house came into view, my breath left my body.

There was a vehicle parked on the curb, right in front of the driveway with it's headlights shining in our direction.

A crimson red chevy.

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A/N: Hey everyone, Happy New Year!! Once again, I'll spare my apologies for my slow updates. This school year has been the hardest ever. I'll be graduating in the Spring, so I'll try my very best to get chapter's out faster in the meantime. Thanks to all my readers who are still here! I really appreciate you guys so so much, you're the very reason why I haven't let this story go! You encourage me to keep going and I love you all for that <3 <3