Chase wasn't in school the next day either.

I called and left an apology last night. He knew I worked on Mondays, so he would hopefully understand. That didn't stop me from regretting it nonetheless. Whenever I needed him, he was there. And, I couldn't do the same.

I was also worried.

He wasn't one to take school lightly, so when he didn't show, there was a valid reason. We texted between free periods and lunch, none of which his messages had relayed any detail whatsoever. I basically caught him up on the assignments he'd missed in the few classes we shared.

I followed the same routine for the rest of the school day, mentally preparing for the distressful ride home with Mason.

Only, he wasn't there when I got to the lot, and neither was his car.

The thought that he'd gone, hadn't even crossed my mind until I circled the area at least twice. I should have known he'd pull something like this. After he caught me on my way to Chase's yesterday, he hadn't touched me. He hadn't said a word the whole ride to drop me off. But, that didn't mean he forgot.

"Aly!"

I caught her mint Volkswagen pulling out a few spaces down. She whipped her head around, eyes widening as she saw me wildly sprinting towards her. "Kay?" She asked, voice and eyebrows raising as she lowered the window. "What are you doing here?"

I shouldn't have been winded from that short distance, but I'd dropped cross country long ago, freshman year.

"I could say the same for you."

She usually spent her Tuesday's after-school on debate team. I know it seemed like an odd combination, but she needed to voice her opinions somewhere that people actually cared to hear. Rache and I convinced her to join last year. After listening to countless arguments about alternative energy sources and the global consumption of organic substances, we figured she needed an outlet. In addition, Aly was great at arguing so why shouldn't she use her natural talent to benefit somewhere.

"No practice today," she answered the question I hadn't asked. Her eyes studied me momentarily. "Hop in," she decided when she put the pieces together. "Sorry about all the crap, just toss it in the back."

I walked around to the other side and discarded her jacket, as directed. Then I proceeded to dislodge Starbucks cups into the recycling bag between us.

She didn't raise any questions as we drove along. I almost forgot how it felt to travel at a speed below eighty. I squinted as a flare of light reflected off the dream catcher hanging from the mirror. The ornament seemed to radiate a peaceful aura. Warm. Safe.

"Remind me which turn you're on?"

"Wow, gee. You've only been to my house like a thousand times," I smiled.

"Yeah taking the main road," she shot me a duh-glance. "You know I don't usually go the back way."

"Next stop sign we're going left."

"Thank you." She turned into the development, effortlessly. "Looks like you've got company."

I clenched the seat. It took me a few seconds to gather the courage and look up. And when I did, I almost darted from the car without my bag.

"Chase!"

I practically skipped up the stairs to my patio. He was seated on the the swing, and from the looks of it, he'd been out here for a while. The tip of his nose was flushed, and I was sure that his flimsy sweatshirt was barely covering the job. He stood as I approached.

"Later Kay!" Aly's voice carried from the window.

I turned to wave.

"What's your phone not working?" Chase asked as I approached, lifting his own from his pocket. I studied the outbox messages as he lit the device for me to see.

"What? No," I felt around my bag for the key. "Left it on silent. Sorry."

"You're good." He followed behind me all the way to the kitchen. I went the usual route to the pantry, pushing past all of Mom's diet snacks to get to the goods. "Doritos?" I offered. He grabbed a bowl. I emptied a quarter of the bags contents, then wrapped it up to stash it in a more convenient spot.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't get around to see you." I'm sure he'd heard enough of my apologies within the past day to last a lifetime.

"Hey, stop it. I told you about that last night. You had to work," he shrugged, and took a bite of a chip. "No big deal."

"Except, you're not okay."

He had no response to that. I led him towards the living room, temporarily discarding the no-eating-on the carpet rule, and took a seat on the couch.

"What's going on?" I urged, patting the seat next to me. "I'm all ears."

I could feel the tension of his muscles as he slid in beside me. He took a breath and combed a hand through his dark locks, forcing them in wild directions, before letting his forehead slide into his palm. His unsettling behavior was sending my own mind into a realm of unfortunate scenarios. They plagued my imagination with each second that he remained wordless. He knew he couldn't lie to me, and even if so, he wouldn't. Chase wasn't the type of person to let a catastrophe build up inside, leading up to a indefinite eruption. If there something was bothering him, he talked about it. We were nothing alike in this aspect, and that's what made these situations so unsettling.

"She's leaving." I didn't say anything. He'd get there eventually. I wouldn't rush him. "I mean, I knew it was coming. I just didn't think it would happen so soon. I didn't wanna believe it."

I frowned. She only meant one person.

"Your Mom?"

He nodded.

I was speechless. What could I say? I'm sorry would have just been an apology for something that I couldn't fix. I'm sorry's were impersonal. Easy responses from those who wanted to look like they cared. Mason said I'm sorry.

I understand's were even worse. Practically offensive when you've never gone through anything of the sort. I forced the lump down in my throat. It wasn't my place to cry. Though, my mom didn't deserve a parent of year award, she was still around at least.

My arms found a way around the base of his back. It was useless. I knew that there was nothing I could do to make it any better. But I had to try. I could feel the tension slipping as my chin rested on the crook between his neck and shoulder. He needed to know that I was there for him. There was nothing I could say, so all I could give were actions.

How could she do this? And right before the holidays no less. It just didn't add up to her character. Mrs. McCaugh always seemed so happy, so caring. In the entirety of our five year friendship, I'd never once heard her even raise her voice. She was the type of woman to serve as a second mother when home got too stressful, never asking questions, and always offering the things I was afraid to ask for. Like a place to sleep for example or an extra side of eggs at breakfast. And when I saw her with Chase's dad, I always got a twisted gut feeling of envy.

Unlike my mother, she was always there. A stay at home mom who put her family before work. And, when she looked at her husband, there was never that tired look in her kind eyes. I probably spent more time studying them than I should've, but this thing they had was something I'd never seen before. At least not in my family. There's especially one moment that stood out to me between them. It was around the end of summer, right before tenth grade. Dad was off at an overnight football camp with Aaron and Mom was doing business  in Albuquerque for the week. I was thrilled at first, but after a t few days, the excitement of being home alone gets old. I didn't know how to cook anything besides Ramen and fifteen year old girls aren't made to live off take out. But the worst were the nights. In the dark, my imagination loved to show off its mean steak and replay all the grotesque scenes from the horror movies we binged more times than we probably should've.

So, on the third day Chase offered to let me stay at his place until they got back. I was sitting at the kitchen island the next morning and his Mom was scrambling a second batch of my eggs when Mr. McCaugh walked in wearing a loose striped tie, around his neck. That's when Chase's mom turned her back on the eggs on the burner, and caught him mid-stride. She stood before him for a few seconds, taking him in as though it was the first time they'd met. Then, her hands found the tie, looped it through the knot and pulled it taut. As she worked, his arms fell around her waist, perfectly fitting the linen skirt cladding her petite shape.

I couldn't understand why my eyes were glued to them. Because during that moment, all that I could think was that this is how it should be. This is how it was for normal families whose dad's didn't shove failed dreams on their ten year old sons and mother's that didn't live, breath, and eat paperwork all day long. Chase's parents actually paid attention well enough for one to take notice of something so minutely askew on the other.

I could scream until the house came down, and my family wouldn't bat an eye. To think that I was the lucky one put an entirely new perspective on everything I'd  known. It didn't make sense.

Chase leaned back. The silence between us didn't need words to fill, but I felt the need to offer something. He was so much better with this kind of thing than I was. He always knew what to say. I was never the best at consolations.

"That's awful," I said into the fabric of his shirt. He shifted face to me.

"It is," he agreed. "But, she deserves to be happy. I guess."

How could she not happy? I wanted to ask. But, then I got my answer. Was I happy? Did everyone think so? Sometimes when you wear a mask long enough, it becomes apart of your face. I of all people should've known better. I was a master at the game, after all. But, I couldn't see Mr. McCaugh capable of causing such distress. He was a wonderful person, as far as I knew. He laughed a lot. Spent enough time with his family outside the job. The only thing that could be the problem were the late hours. But, even so, he always made up for it. When I first met him, the first words he said to me were, Chase could use more friends like you. Pretty enough to catch his attention and witty enough to make him stay. Then he laughed. And, just like his wife, he welcomed me with open arms. Being with the McCaugh's was a home away from home. A little better sometimes. It never crossed my mind that my safe haven could be a hell for someone else.

"Wow." It was really all that I could say.

"Yeah. Wow," he sat forward and shrugged his shoulders. "Shit happens, though. I'll be okay."

He stood before I could get out another word. He paced towards the door arch, as I sat there, waiting for something. For frustration, for anger. Desolation even. But, he didn't express any of those things. He simply looked over his shoulder and said, "Hey, how are those college apps coming? I think it's about time I started mine."

I blinked. "They're good," I looked at him, attempting to stop the image of Mason's Texas State envelope from crowding my mind. "Everything's... fine."