If I thought Leah's home was a model for the American dream on the outside, the inside must have been the prototype. I had to crane my neck to find the crystal teardrop chandelier hanging over us above. Before I could make a comment about it, something short and white caught my eye, dashing across the marble floors. It let out a squeaky bark, and yelped. Leah crouched down to her knees, and caught the puppy in her arms. I was never good with dog types, but my best guess was a shih tzu.

"Hey baby," she cooed, running her fingers through it's thick fur. "Guys, this is Lucy, say hi.." she made it wave with it's paw.

"No way!" Chase was already all over it. "She's amazing," he held out his palm to her mouth before tickling her nose. She took an instant liking to him, and coated his arm with her tongue.

"You can hold her if you want. I'll put the food on," Leah offered, already handing her dog over. Chase took her with open arms, and a large boyish grin on his face. I stood off to the side, never having been a huge fan of doggy drool. Watching Chase handle her was enough for me, but nonetheless very amusing. Now, she was attacking his face.

"Kaya, come pet her, she doesn't bite," he said, practically reading my mind. I let out a sigh, and offered my hand to her mouth. She sniffed it before her tongue tickled my palm, making me want to pull away. But, instead, I ended up giggling. She was a pretty cute dog.

"See, she's a nice puppy," Chase continued, scratching the top of her head. He was such a natural with her, I wondered how he'd be with his own kids. After all, he and Aaron got along even better than I did, and he was my brother. I didn't doubt at all that he'd make a great dad some day.

"Yes she is," I agreed, patting her on the head.

Leah returned with her hair in a bun, and an apron tied around her waist. "You guys are allowed into the kitchen, you know?" she joked. "But, I guess Lucy's much more entertaining, huh?"

"You said it, not me," Chase shot back. She playfully rolled her eyes at him, and smiled.

"Remember who's the guest in this house."

"Do you need help with anything out there," I asked, beginning to feel a little useless just standing there. "I'm not the best chef, but I can help you set the table if you want."

"Oh please, that's much too formal. There are some paper plates in the cabinet, and I was just gonna set them out. You guys are free to eat in the living room. It's after ten which means my dad's done for the night. Don't be afraid to turn on the tv, and get comfortable."

Chase looked at me, and shrugged, finally letting the dog down. But, she stayed right next to him, hopping up on her hind legs, and panting with her tongue out. "Come on Lucy!" he motioned to her with his finger. The sound of her collar jingled after him. With me, at the end of the line, I entered the room, and tried not to gawk at the sight of it. The square footage was at least twice the size of my living room. A sixty inch wide television was docked above the stone fireplace, which was casting a soft glow throughout the room. I had a choice of seats ranging from a white leather sectional to the retractable love seat in front of the coffee table.

"Wow," I said below my breath.

"I know right. Looks like something you'd add on Pinterest," Chase responded.

"I don't use Pinterest." He was getting me confused with my mother. "I think you mean Tumblr."

"They're all the same to me."

Of course they were.

"So, are you gonna tell us what you're making, or is it some kind of big surprise?" he said to Leah.

"You'll see."

As they went on about dinner, I checked my phone for notifications, but the lock screen showed nothing but the time. It was beginning to freak me out, that I hadn't heard anything from him. I hated when he did things that I didn't expect. When he's predictable, I'm safe. I could deal with a thousand text messages and voicemails. Hell, if he drove to my house, tomorrow morning, I'd know exactly what to say. But it was the silence that I didn't know how to respond to. That kept me on edge, always anticipating a surprise.

I swiped to the last text conversation we had, December 18. Only a week ago, but it might has well have been a year. I think we need a break. I'd said so because I thought that was best for us. Both for him, and for me. He needed the time to get himself together, and figure out his mess. Maybe without me around, he could find himself again. Find the Mason I used to know. I know how stress can make a person, and relationships rank pretty high on the stress factor list.

Mason wasn't a bad guy. It was just that his life didn't make it easy for him. I was surprised how well his mom looked, after everything he'd said about her. He always told me that she was crazy. Just a used-up junkie that would never turn her life around until he could do something about it. He picked up football to do something about it.  They never had a lot of money, and since he could remember they'd lived in that same small house on the rougher side of town. And, every night there would be someone new walking through the front door. A different guy each time that liked to claim he'd be his new father. He didn't even know the face of his real one. He took up football because he wanted to change his life. He believed that he could pay back all of the hard years as soon as gr went  pro. He told all of this about a year ago, when I asked him what he wanted to do after high school. I hadn't expected the conversation to get so deep, and I felt extremely insecure because I didn't have a plan,  but I loved every second of it, because he revealed so much to me. He trusted me.

He was letting down his walls. I can remember every expression on his face. It was the first time I knew his anger. I began to read it from his taut jaw, and dark eyes. His beautiful grey became more than a storm. It was more like a hurricane. And his sadness was worse. He never cried, but I always knew from the way he masked it with silence. He'd just stop. Right in the middle of his memories. I gave him time, let him think about it, sometimes for hours. Sometimes he never finished, but what he did say was more than enough.

It was why I was so hesitant to cast blame on him. And, it just hurt so much because I couldn't use those excuses anymore. His mom was better now, and I'd seen it with my own eyes. She wasn't a junkie. She'd taken up a job and bought him that red car for his sixteenth birthday. And, I realize that looks don't tell the whole story, but it's evident that she wants the best for him. We both have that in common.

I just wanted an answer. How could the same person that told me all of these things turn around and hurt me? Why would he even want to? When I think about him, it's as though I have memories of two different people. It isn't just the physical wounds that keep me up at night, it's the way he treats me. He talks to me like I'm nothing. The only time he's ever nice is in front of a damn crowd! He ignores me, and then at the same time, wants to control every second of my life, and mistreat the people that I care about. God, I want to hate him so badly.

I couldn't...I just couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. My eyesight was blurring, and spots of water sat on the screen of my phone. I heard laughter behind me, and turned around. Chase was following Leah through the kitchen, and making a whole lot of noise, bumping into pots and pans on the counter. There was a jingle next to my feet, and I looked down to find Lucy with her paws on the couch, staring at me with literal puppy eyes. I wiped my face, before anyone else could see me, and picked her up off the carpet. I didn't say anything as I held her. At first she sat still, too entertained licking my hands to care, but then she began to grow restless. I let her down, but she didn't go far. She ended up chasing her tail in a circle beside my feet.

I decided to turn my phone off, and turn on the tv instead. I didn't know how to navigate the channels, so I was stuck watching a horror movie that looked like a product of the eighties. The smell of lasagna wafted into the room from the kitchen, but it didn't do anything for my appetite. I couldn't think of eating with all of this crap on my mind.

"Uh oh, Freddy's on the loose," Chase said, coming into the room. I tried to crack a smile at the reference to the movie, but I couldn't let myself. "Hey Lucy girl," he commented without forgetting her presence for a second. "Food's almost done," he was back to me. "Want me to grab your plate?"

How could I say no without sounding like rude guest? After all, the girl invited me over to her home, cooked dinner,  and I was too busy sulking to even have a no-thank-you helping?

"Um. I'm not really hungry," I couldn't look at him as I said it. "I feel bad about it, but I really can't eat right now. My stomach's all messed up."

"Are you okay?" he asked. Great, then he took a seat next to me.

"Chase, I'll be fine. Don't worry about it. I think I'm gonna head home."

"Kaya.."

"I'm sorry," I said with my voice cracking in the process. Damn it.

"Hey, hey," he angled his face towards me, lowering his voice. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Chase."

"Kaya, come on. I'll take you home if you want-"

I stopped him right there. "No. No, I'm not wasting your time, and I'm not gonna ruin tonight. I'll walk if I have to, but you're staying here. I'm fine."

I could tell he wanted to keep arguing, but once he let out a sigh, I knew I'd won.

"You don't have to eat, but I'm not letting you walk home by yourself. Do you even know how to get back from here?"

"Yes, I do. I know this area, it's like a fifteen minute walk." His looked at me with a frown. "I'll be okay."

Leah called to us from the kitchen. "Food's done!"

Without another word about it, Chase got up, and walked away. Lucy trailed after him. I didn't look in their direction as I pulled my jacket on, and started for the exit. Re-thinking my decision, I stopped before I reached the door, and headed back into the kitchen. I was upset, but that was no reason to be rude.

"Hey, Leah?"

She turned towards me with a look of confusion and the pan of lasagna in her hands. "Where are you going Kay, are you leaving?"

"I'm so sorry. I really don't feel good, something came on on all of a sudden. I really wish I could stay.."

She didn't look too disappointed. "Oh okay, well..." she reached into the cabinet, and grabbed an empty container. "At least take some home, in case you feel better and you're hungry?"

I nodded. "Of course."

"I hope you feel better."

"Thanks. And, I mean for all of it. Thanks for inviting me over and cooking, that was really nice of you."

"Are you gonna be okay getting back?" she asked.

"Yeah."

Leah looked to Chase for confirmation. I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't satisfied with my answer, but he didn't say anything. He just looked at me without showing any expression. I turned to leave. "Bye."

It wasn't until I was outside, and nearly a mile off that I regretted my decision. I wasn't lost or anything, I'd just underestimated the distance to my house. Now would be a better time than ever to call Chase.

Or Mason.

The thought of him brought a weight to my chest. I couldn't do it. Not now, and not anymore. We were done, and I wasn't going back. I continued walking, willing myself to think of something else. I hope Chase wasn't mad at me. I could tell he was frustrated because I wouldn't tell him what's wrong. But, he had to understand that it's none of his business. And, I know he means well, but I can't tell him everything.

By the time I reached my neighborhood, the lasagna was cold in my hands. I walked up to my front stairs just like I'd done every other night, and I didn't feel any better than I did then. Mason or no Mason. It's all the same with or without him. I still carry him around, in my heart. In my mind. I needed a distraction. Sure, there was work tomorrow, and Christmas in a couple days. But, it wasn't enough. I needed Aly to come back so that we could go to a party or something.

Unfortunately all I had were Chase and Rachel. One was just going to guilt me into telling him about the break up,  and the other was mad at me. I'd call her tomorrow, but then there's still Chase. I know how much he hates seeing me hurt, and it's not like I can pretend around him. Withholding truth is one thing, but flat out faking it is another. He knows me too well for that.

I almost felt bad about saying it. It's sad really. He thinks he knows me so well, but I've been keeping so many secrets from him for the past few months. I felt like such a hypocrite. I would have hated for him to keep me out of the loop about his parents divorce. He tells me everything, yet I couldn't even tell him about the biggest issue in my life.

I reached the top of the stairs, and entered my room, laying on the bed. I stared at the ceiling, remembering when it was fully covered sticky stars that glowed in the dark. And now, only half remained. It was such a random thought, but suddenly I felt like bursting into tears. I didn't understand how I got here; from innocence to a victim of abuse. All I wanted was to love a boy, and for him to love me back. And I thought I had it.

I really thought I did.