I was dressed from head to toe like I was supposed to be: My long hair in an updo adorned with sequined pins, heavy masses of jewelry crawling around my neck and hanging from my ears, a mask of glimmering tones to hide - to enhance - my eyes. My lips were the main culprit, plush red. His favorite distraction when he wasn't focused on the main course. These were simply accessories to the best part.

He beat me without touching me. This time, using words as his weapon. I was a slut, a worthless bitch unworthy of his love. The dent that appeared on the windshield on the way here was somehow fault of course. For forsaking him. For trying to replace him. He hated my beauty yet consumed himself with my appearance. He held me on display now as a rare prize that only belonged to him.

I steadied the fork in my hands as his careless words echoed in my mind.

I was all he wanted. All he needed. We had entangled ourselves in my kitchen. My mother couldn't have been happier, when she saw us make up. He wanted to take me somewhere special, he said. To make it up to me. He was so sorry. So sorry. And, I had told him I loved him so I said yes. I washed the dirt off my body, ridding evidence from the earlier hours of the day I'd spent with Chase. Then I put on my best. I tore through my closet for the dress. The black one with the laced sleeves. I searched for the match to the high pumps. The ones that gave me model legs, giving the illusion that I was even taller than my five feet and six four inches. It was enough time for him to go and return to me. I met him in the car, happy, so happy that last nights horrors were behind us.

But when we pulled up to the restaurant, it was clear that he wasn't happy, and he hadn't forgotten. He'd seen him with me, and if I really loved him.. I wasn't a slut I'd spend less time with him. So he said.

"You're not going to eat?"

I studied the red tie wrapped around his neck, afraid to life my gaze to answer the question. Afraid of the derogatory term I'd become next.

"I'm not hungry."

His metal utensil clashed against the China. It was the loudest sound in the restaurant, seeming to reverberate off the omnipresent modern windows. He pressed his middle finger and thumb to his temples as his nostrils flared.

"You do this on purpose don't you?"

He did the most unpredictable thing next and chuckled as a snarl in the form of a smile covered his face.

"Get up," he demanded before I had a chance to answer his previous question. I rose to my feet on command.

"But the check-" I tried to reason.

"I'm not paying for any shit you intend to waste. Let's go."

My feet followed him into the night's cool air, and I had to resist the urge to look back. By the time we reached the parking lot it was too late for anyone who intended on stopping us. I kept my head focused downward as pulled the door to my side open, forcing my eyes to look away from the web-like dent glaring back at me.

I wasn't shocked in the least that he didn't enter on his side but on mine as the door beside me was yanked open. The next thing I expected was a fist, but the blow didn't come.

"Tell me what to do with you."

His words jostled more of a reaction out of me than any hit could have. I made myself look up at him, into his glowing, powerful gaze. The same gaze that less than to hours ago was flooded with tears at the thought of me saying goodbye.

"I don't know," I admitted, preparing for his next action.

"Well then tell me this," he leaned over me, "What do you think I should with you? I tell you time and time again," the chuckle was back. "Yet still you insist on hurting me. I can never give enough without you craving more. No matter what I do. Nothing's ever good enough for you."

I answered with silence. His fingers lifted my chin.

"Tell me Kaya," his face was dangerously close. "What do you want?"

I couldn't think in clear sentences. With his hands on my skin, my mind journeyed back to the previous night, as scenes of the party re-entered my mind. I pushed the images away, lost and confused as to which version of him was present with me at the moment.

I never knew who he was.

"You don't know do you?"

He stated my thoughts aloud. My chin was released from his grip.

"You know I hate doing this, but you leave me no choice. You won't even answer my questions."

"Mason, please." I pleaded, seeking a quick resolution to this madness. It was the only time I didn't have to fear. The only way that he'd show me something other than pain. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face to mine, without once contemplating the possible consequences. "I want you," I placed a delicate kiss along his jawline. "Just you. Only you."

I pressed my eyes shut as his hands found their way around my waist. His light brown locks, stiff with gel scraped against my forehead as he angled his mouth above mine

"Show me."

He must've felt my body tense beneath him as the alarms began to sound. His forceful hands tightened around my waist filling my mind with horrific images because I knew what they held the ability to do.

I shifted in the seat, trying desperately to keep myself balanced with his weight pressed against me. My hands slid upwards to cradle his jaw. I began to beg, drawing patterns down his neck, pleading with trembling lips. He hovered over me, absorbing every inch of my desperate affection. I was trapped between my own sanity and his grasp. It was a twisted addiction. I felt the toxins fluid in my veins. Yet the poison was so implemented in my system that it could no longer kill me.

His eyelids flew open and caught my gaze. Before I could blink, my back was forced against the gears in the center. They pressed into my skin as the door slammed in my face.

I shivered in my seat, and wrapped my hands around my arms to hold myself together.

"You sicken me," he spat as he climbed back into his side. My lips pressed together in a hard line.

I couldn't tremble, I couldn't speak.

He whipped us out onto the highway, without a glance in the mirrors to switch lanes. We flew into the blur of motion. The darkness was interrupted with swarming colors around me. They darted to my left and my right, blues, reds, silvers. My vision struggled to keep up with every object. My mind was a kaleidoscope of images running together, morphing into a fatal placid mesh of grey.

The breaks lurched, heaving my face square inches from the dashboard.

"Get out."

My house was in front of us, in seconds it seemed, and the only trace of light illuminated from my parents' window.

I unlatched the seat belt and pulled the handle to the door. Mason was motionless. Without one word, he allowed me to part. I didn't look back as I stepped onto the concrete, and climbed the front stairs to my door. With a jiggle of the handle, I pulled it open and discarded my high heels to the side.

As I reached the top of the stairs, there was a click in the direction of my parents room. I looked up to meet the other side of their door. The light went out.

I sighed, half thankful that I didn't have to wear a smile as she pried for details of my night. Because if she had merely parted her lips to raise a question, I would have buckled to my knees and sobbed his very touch out of my body.

***

The signs were so obvious, and I mean daringly obvious. It was close to impossible to digest my food as I cringingly studied Rachel's expression to every word Chse uttered. Now, her dark eyes began to widen, becoming luminous as he recounted the details of how he got out of a math assignment first period. I didn't realize his ridiculous pranks could be so interesting.

Aly shot an amused smirk in my direction after reading into my thoughts. I glared at her not to utter a word.

Chase leaned towards me.

"Yes?" I questioned without raising an eye.

"What are you still doing with us? Shouldn't Mason be coming over to claim you by now?" He joked, resulting in cued laughter from Rachel. I didn't crack a smile.

"No," I sighed and tugged open a bag of potato chips. "He's in a lunch meeting right now about the winter training."

I shooed Chase's hand away as he reached for the bag.

"Football season's over," Chase commented obviously and grudgingly placed his hands under his arms.

"Hence the word training. He's working towards a scholarship."

"For where?"

I shrugged and pushed the bag in Chase's direction, no longer interested in the stale conversation nor my equally stale snack. He grabbed up the chips and began to gobble them down.

"So, what's the plan for break?" Aly roused a new subject. Rachel took her eyes off Chase for a second to respond.

"Break? We don't have off till when? The nineteenth?"

"Twenty-first," I corrected.

"Lame," Chase murmured.

"Well, I don't know about you guys," Aly continued, "But, I'm on my way to Colorado for some yoga retreat. Mom wants to be one with nature something. Whatever her hippie books are telling her nowadays. I told her I didn't care, as long as there's a spa."

"Lucky you," Rachel fawned.

"If you consider being away from wifi and cell service to be a fun time," Aly rolled her eyes.

"Well I'll be taking a three hour drive to Houston with my four brothers. Don't know about you but, compared to that Colorado doesn't seem so bad, ya think?"

We all had to agree.

"How bout you two?" Aly looked to me and Chase.

"Looks like a lot of sleep in my future, oh and don't forget the Twenty-Five days marathon. Wouldn't be Christmas without it." Chase leaned back in his chair with a smile hinted at me.

I smiled, knowing from experience exactly how spot on he was. I couldn't even count on both hands how many Christmases we've wasted on his couch with nothing filtering the room but the light of his laptop screen as we flew through episodes on Netflix. Unfortunately, something told me that we wouldn't be watching Santa this winter. My smile waned on my face as the thoughts processed. Indefinitely Mason would find a way to steal the joy of Christmas too. At least I could prepare ahead of time.

"Kay?" Rachel's wide eyes were waiting for a response. "What about you? Mason taking you somewhere special?"

I heaved a sigh over the weight in my chest.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully and shrugged. "He'll probably surprise me."

Aly lifted a corner of her mouth.

"Wouldn't be much of a surprise would it?" she said.

"I'll try to pretend."

It was the one thing I was already an expert at.

I couldn't help but notice how much shorter lunch was when the bell alerted its end. But, maybe it was because I'd spend it with company I enjoy rather than listen to Mason and his mindless friends ramble over pointless strategies and statistics.

As I twisted the combination into my locker, a feminine voice met my ear.

"Kaya?"

It was Leah.

"Hey," I said, gathering books for my next four periods, "Whats's up?"

"Not much," her hazel eyes traveled around the hall. I couldn't help, but notice that the girl always seemed to be on edge. Maybe it was just her introverted personality. I nodded for her to continue as I swung my locker closed.

"Sorry," her attention was fixated on something over my shoulder. "There's something you should-"

"Kay!"

I jumped. Rachel was suddenly at my side. I curved my attention on her, mentally apologizing to Leah for her sudden interruption.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Do you mind coming to the bathroom." She cut her eye at Leah. "It's, kinda important."

"One second Rache."

"Nevermind," Leah shook her head and hugged her bag to her shoulder. "Just go. I'll catch up with you later, alright?"

I sighed, frustrated that she hadn't gotten out what she'd come to tell me. Yet, it all became clear the moment she began to walk away. Rachel's glare followed her down the hallway as Chase headed towards us. He shot Leah a smile before continuing forward.

I narrowed my eyes at Rachel.

"Don't give me that look," she held up a hand.

"I'm sorry but Rachel, really?"

"I don't like her."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I understood that she was crushing on Chase, and how all-consuming those jealousy could be when there was someone else potentially entering the picture. But, this was middle school drama.

"Would you chill, he barely even knows her."

"No," she pressed on. "It's not about that. It's-"

"There you are babe."

I froze as a hand snaked around my waist. He pressed his lips to my ear. And in that moment, I wished that I was dealing with middle school drama. It would be a nice momentary distraction away from my unfortunate circumstances. As Mason took his place beside me all previous worries were put to the back of my mind.

"Ready for class?" he whispered, sending a spiral of nerves down my back. I nodded, wordless. I was a part of him again. With him situated against me, all I could do was follow and obey. So, I followed him down the emptying corridor. I let him parade me around because we were in love and that was expected. His friends knew. The school knew. I knew.

And I knew more than anyone else.