I woke up the next morning feeling drained and empty. As I sat up in my covers, I fought the urge to reach for my phone, fearing the messages that might be staring back at me. In attempt to settle my nerves, I grabbed my bathrobe and towel off the hook and started towards the bathroom. In the shower, I thought that my mind would become clearer under the steam, but I was gravely mistaken. It was simply a reminder of an outlet that I'd use to cleanse my wounds.

I got out after five minutes, enough time to wash and rinse my hair. Then, I proceeded to get dressed and turn on my computer. As it started up, I glanced out the window in front of me. Although the weather wasn't considerably cold in comparison to other areas, the wind was harsh enough to lock away all the neighborhood kids indoors. The empty streets were a reflection of the cloudy sky above. Gray and depressing. The Christmas wreath hanging on the door of the house across the street looked lost and out of place. Yet, the holiday was officially less than two weeks away.

Aly had already left for Colorado. She'd taken a half-day on Friday to go home for last-minute packing. By Saturday, in other words, yesterday, she was snap-chatting me in the airport, making a dramatic goodbye just in case she didn't land in one piece. Apparently I'm first in line for the Volkswagen, but Rachel doesn't need to know that. Speaking of Rachel, I'd at least have her for the next week. Her family wouldn't be leaving until the coming weekend, right before the holiday. For the time being, I had to prepare myself for all of her stories leading up to the event. The holidays are always a special occurrence in the Madza household due to differing parental backgrounds. While Rachel's father was Jewish, her mother was Catholic, so they did their best to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. But, this year they were traveling to her father's hometown, and his mother isn't the most embracing when it comes to altering tradition. I'd been wishing her good luck since we got out of classes, but I don't think it will do much.

For a second I thought about calling a three-way to tell the both of them about my night, but then I remembered why I couldn't. They'd want to know my reasons, and I wouldn't be able formulate a story credible enough to break up a two year relationship. It would be a while before they found out anything. After break for sure.

I put in the password for my computer, and opened Safari. Scanning through my bookmarks, I clicked on the link to Common App. I'd managed to finish my two safe school applications, but the one for State was still showing me an unfinished progress bar. I looked at the question with the red asterisk. After a month, the answers were finally becoming clear. I re-read the prompt as I aligned my fingers on the keyboard.

Briefly recount an incident where you stood up for yourself in a difficult situation. How has this influenced your life? What lessons did you learn?

I still wasn't sure that I'd really stood up for myself. I didn't feel any braver. It wasn't like I'd taken a true courageous stand. I'd lacked confidence and couldn't correctly voice the words I desperately wanted to say. But, I'd done something. With this in mind, I started typing my first line.

Two months ago, my boyfriend hit me for the very first time.

My bedroom door suddenly came open, forcing me to minimize the window.

"Kaya, Mom wants you downstairs."

I glared at Aaron, over my shoulder. "Jeez, you scared the crap out of me. Didn't I tell you to knock first!"

A silly smirk climbed onto his face. "Were you looking at bad websites?" he asked in an accusatory tone.

"What? No, would you get out of here-"

"Oooh! I bet you were. I'm telling Mom."

"Oh my gosh Aaron, shut up!" Usually we got a long, but he could be a little demon when he wanted to be. I cut the computer off altogether.  "What does Mom want anyway?"

He was still amused with himself as he answered with a smile. "She needs your help wrapping gifts."

With a sigh, I slid on my moccasins, and squeezed past him in the doorway. "Fine." I said, flicking him on the head to start walking ahead of me. He turned around with a protruding  tongue, and I raised a threatening two fingers again. Running off, he scurried down the staircase back into the living room. I descended a good few seconds behind him. When I reached the bottom, I found my mother on her knees in the center of gift debris. Stacks of Macy's, Barney's, and Nordstrom boxes lined the wall by the fireplace. I took my position by her side, and helped her measure out a sheet of reindeer wrapping paper.

"Would you believe that, I'm still waiting on those boots to come in that your grandmother picked out," she said, beginning to cut. "They said three days shipping and processing, yet it's almost been a week."

"They're probably running behind schedule," I answered, gripping the edge on the other side. "Have you tried tracking it?"

"That's the first thing I did. But, I can't get an exact location until it's in the States. And, of course Mom wanted the UK brand."

I didn't comment that her expensive taste must be hereditary.

"There's only a few more left on this list. Do you have the slightest clue of what Linda might like?" she asked referring to Chase's mom. The two of them used to be friends when Chase moved to our neighborhood five years ago. But, when Mom got promoted to Chief Financial Officer , Mrs. McCaugh fell on the short end of the stick with many others, and their friendship was sacrificed for longer office hours. Now, they were civil with each other, but that's as far their relationship extended. It's just common decency for them to exchange gifts during the holidays.

"I don't know, but I can ask Chase."

"Would you, please."

I patted my pockets, only to remember that I'd left my phone still charging upstairs. I had yet to even glance at it today, but now I had to. I took my time ascending the stairs, and pinched my eyes closed as I unlocked the screen. It buzzed in my hand, alerting an unread message, as expected. When I opened my eyes, I was startled to find no messages from Mason, but three from Chase.

Hey, u busy? If not can u come over?

I scrolled down to the next one.

RU even awake?  Quit bein so lazzy

I chose to ignore this one.

Kay, I'm startin to think ur ignorin me. U mad? Txt back plz

I sent him a text back.

Yes, I'm awake. I'm helping my mom wrap gifts, didn't see your messages. No, I'm not ignoring you.

I pocketed the device, and went back downstairs. A few seconds after I sat down, my phone buzzed against my bottom.

All good. Nvm now.

"Did you ask him?" my mother asked as soon as I had a chance to look at my phone.

"Not yet."

"Could you do so, soon. I'm about to go out again, and I plan on finishing all of my shopping on this trip."

"Okay, Mom." I shot him another text.

You sure? Also what does your Mom want 4 Xmas? My Mom's about 2 get her gift.

I waited for a response, but it didn't come. By this point, my mom had gone to the closet to grab her coat. She entered back into the room, where I still sat on my knees, and glanced at me purposefully.

"He still hasn't responded yet," I answered her mental question.

"Have you tried calling him?"

"No," I stood up to stretch my feet out. "I think I'm gonna stop by. He asked me to come over earlier but I didn't see the message. I'll just text you when I get to his house."

"Do whatever, just let me know." With that said, she pulled her scarf over her head, and left me in the room to myself. I sent him another text after she'd gone.

I'm coming over.

I followed her out the door shortly afterwards, and made my way down the solemn street. As I approached his house with the red shutters, I noticed an unfamiliar car in the driveway. A silver Mercedes. Perhaps his mother was truly going through a total reinvention, and ridding her life of everything previously attached to her marriage. I passed by the car as I advanced to his front door.

"Chase," I called in addition to using the knocker. "I'm outside," I tried again if he couldn't hear. As I stood on the porch, it hit me that I'd temporarily forgotten about everything that had happened with Mason. But, now that I was about to come face to face with my best friend, I'd have to fight the urge to speak it up. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to read me. He's good for that. But, I really didn't want to have to lie to my best friend anymore. I lifted the knocker once more. If he didn't answer, then I'd have to call him. I reached for my phone just as the door opened.

"Hey," he said, stepping back to let me in.

"It's about time," I teased. "You trying to freeze me out or something?"

He chuckled, and let it close behind him. "I didn't think you were coming."

"It's okay," I shrugged off my hoodie and wrapped it under my arm. "I felt bad because I didn't see your texts. I really wasn't trying to ignore you."

"Kaya," he stepped in front of me, so I couldn't move down the hallway. "It's okay, really. Come here."

I was caught of guard to be enveloped into his arms, but I accepted the hug. Breathing him in, I smiled and leaned my face against his shoulder. It's funny that even though he was oblivious to my problems, he managed to alleviate them just by an embrace. As I opened my eyes, I glanced over his shoulder to see Leah standing at the edge of the living room. I let go of him upon recognition.

"Leah," I was in shock more than anything. "Hey, I didn't know that you were here." Suddenly the toyota in the driveway made more sense.

"Chase invited me to the movie," she explained. "We're about to watch the Nightmare Before Christmas, wanna join?"

"Oh." I didn't know what to say to that. "I mean if you guys don't mind. I just had a quick question to run past Chase."

For some reason, seeing her there so abruptly, had rattled my thinking. I felt somewhat disoriented, as though I wasn't communicating my thoughts properly.

"What do you mean if we don't mind?" Chase asked, nudging me slightly. "That's why I texted you in the first place. Today marks the first day of our Christmas movie countdown. I just assumed you were busy or maybe doing something with Mason and that's why you didn't answer. Then Leah stopped by to drop off some stuff for our English project, and I figured the more the merrier."

It felt like a bullet went through me when he said Mason's name. But, I shook it off so that I could at least attempt to keep our conversation going.  "Yeah yeah, that's fine. I'm okay with it, you don't have to explain anything." I said.

Leah smiled a little, looking much more relieved than she had a few seconds ago.

"So you staying?" he asked. I nodded with a smile of my own.

"As long as there's popcorn." I joked, and Chase finally let that guilty-look go.  "Um, but before I forget, can you give me a list of what your Mom wants for Christmas. It's for my Mom."

"Yeah sure, lemme see if I can find it," he scratched his head, and turned  away to retrieve it. I walked to into the living room, and took a seat on the edge of the couch, leaving space for Chase. The McCaugh's humble Christmas tree sat in the corner of the room, altering the light with it's flickering bulbs. On the other side, Leah bobbed her knee, with her fingers crossed gracefully over her leg. She was tense, and I couldn't figure out why. It seemed to be the case whenever I was around. I sure hoped she didn't think I harbored any ill-feelings towards her due to Rachel's passive aggression.

"So, you got anything planned for the holidays?" I asked, to provoke conversation. She sat forward an inch, raising her dark eyes to me for a second.

"Nothing too special, really. Just something small, since we're still settling in," she admitted. "But, my family was never really big on Christmas in the first place. I kind of want to try something new this year though. I've never been sledding or even seen snow for that matter."

"You and me both. I remember this one winter, I think it was two years ago. There was a warning that there we'd be getting six inches of snow for the first time in twenty years, so basically the whole town freaked out and closed everything down. We got this announcement that school was gonna be cancelled, everyone was so excited! There were kids in the neighborhood making sleds out of cardboard boxes," I chuckled at the memory. "But then, turns out all we got was endless rain and heavy winds. It was the most disappointing thing."

Leah laughed out loud, placing a hand over her mouth. Her eyes crinkled, and I was satisfied that I'd gotten a real smile out of her. Finally the air began to thin.

"God, that's awful," she said, "Back in California we used to make snow of our own. When I was eight, me and my older brother would cut up paper into tiny pieces, make a huge pile, then throw them up in the air, letting it rain down on us. Our mom hated it so much, but we were desperate."

It sounded like something Aaron and I would do.

"Those northern kids don't know how lucky they are." As I thought of fun winter traditions, an idea came across me.

"Hey, you ever been ice skating by any chance?"

She shook her head.

"Well, there's something. Me, Chase, Aly, and Rache go every year. There's a center not too far from our school. You should come with us. We'll go this weekend."

"I don't know. I suck at roller skating, I can only imagine the disaster I'd be on ice."

"Trust me, you can't be be worse than I was when I first started. But, Chase is a good teacher. He won't let you fall."

She thought about this for a moment. I was tempted to reassure her that I'd also keep Rachel on a collar the whole time so she wouldn't bite. I'm sure she wouldn't be too thrilled about Leah's presence. But, then she said something that I wasn't expecting.

"Will your boyfriend be there?"

"I'm sorry?"

It was the strangest thing to ask. I didn't bother correcting her because I didn't want to get into that topic at all. She scoffed at herself, looking away from me and shaking her head.

"Gosh. Wow, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean anything by it, just..." she paused to take a breath. It looked like she was fighting herself for the right words. "Kaya, there's something that I think you should know."

I frowned, scanning my mind for the possible scenarios of what this could mean.

"Go on."

"You remember about two weeks ago when I tried to talk to you at your locker."

And then Rachel clawed onto me like a hawk, and dragged me away...Yes, that day was still vivid in my memory. I nodded for her to continue.

"Well, that was the Monday after the party. That night, on Saturday...your boyfriend um, he was acting strange. He approached me."

Oh god.

"Please go on."

"I don't know if he thought I was you or something. He smelled like beer. But, he put his arms around me, and tried to dance. I tried to push him off, but he kept telling me to relax. I told him no, and kept on fighting him, but his grip was really tight, and his eyes had this wild look in them. And then, when I stopped fighting he leaned in. I don't know what would've happened if Chase hadn't come by. Mason noticed him first because, suddenly he let go. He looked at me as though he didn't even recognize me and walked away. That's when I told Chase I wanted to leave. I felt bad cause we hadn't even been there long. Maybe like ten minutes, and I knew he wasn't ready to go yet."

I must have stopped breathing as this information processed. Leah kept calling my name.

"Kaya," she said. "Kaya, please don't be mad at me for waiting this long to say something. I tried before, but I didn't know how to tell you this. Kaya, please believe me."

I did believe her. I had no reason not to.

"Thank you for letting me know," I finally gathered the power to look her in the eye. "He won't be there."

She breathed in, relieved. Chase returned a few minutes later, hanging a red-marked crinkled piece of paper in my face but my mind still wasn't in the right place.

"There isn't much on there, but I guess it qualifies as a list."

I took it from him with a nod. Everything was beginning to make sense. The way Leah would avoid my eyes whenever I got near her, and her taut, rigid demeanor. I couldn't stomach the thoughts entering my mind. It was one thing for him to put his hands on me, but to touch someone else...

My eyes watched Chase link the television set to his Netflix account on the laptop screen, yet it felt like I wasn't there. I could sense Leah watching me, but as I rose from my seat I couldn't even mouth a goodbye. Chase looked up as I walked through the hallway and out the door. He called after me, but I didn't respond. I could barely even breathe.