15| Revisiting moments

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They say talking to someone or sharing our problems helps us to lessen the pain we are going through or so my dad says. He said I could talk to him about anything that's been going on in my life but I refused. I don't want to put more pressure on him than the one he is already going through. Even if he laughs, jokes, does some sort of kitchen massacre, all I know is he does those to divert his mind and to make me happy.

Through him, I understood one thing. However deep inside you are hurt or depressed, never show that to anyone. A smile can deceive a thousand. Dribble your heart feelings to the only one you feel safe with.

At this thought, the sole name that came into my mind in an instance was Bree and I agreed on talking to her. Not everything but the things I need to get out for a long time. She was quick to respond with a yes and hence we chose to meet at the park near her house.

Wandering roughly for 15 minutes, I saw Bree rushing faster towards me with two cups of coffee clasped in her hand. Upholding one coffee to me, we sat down on a bench silently.

"So, Are you ready to talk?" She asks, facing me. I bring my cup down and nod to her. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, I start.

"I- okay I- was fourteen when I realised that my mom was alcoholic but to me, she looked normal but when I entered high school, gradually I saw, I saw it all happening. She started coming home late and started saying some non-relevant stuff all the time.

Her behaviour totally changed. Day by day the situation got worse, she began drinking out of her limit and that's how the shit got worse. You know how the obsess alcoholics act...my mom's case wasn't any different and that affected me a lot. I needed someone. Someone to talk to but there was no one.

At that time, my relationship with dad wasn't that good so I agreed on talking to Meghan." I let out.

"Is that the same person, the red haired girl that day was talking about?" She frowns.

"Yeah, my best friend..well used to be. I told her everything and two days later, I saw it was circulated throughout the school. Not just of my mother turning into an alcoholic but with a rumor. Rumors I would say, there were several." I chuckle at the end.

"How did she? I mean it's really unbelievable...you said that she is- was your best friend..." She gasps.

"Sometimes, we can't see the real person 'cause of the fake mask they show. The same happened to me. I failed to recognise the real her. I was wrong, very wrong for trusting her. The rumors she spread..." I was trying to speak but my voice started cracking. Brushing the tear stained cheeks, I see Bree comforting me.

"You don't have to Chloe," she whispers.

"They were rumors like my mom sleeping with some rich old guy for money, pro-prostitu-ing herself with several men, dad beating her an-and.." Bree wraps me in a hug and lets me cry.

"It's hard, going to the same place every day and hearing people say things like these and laugh. The most of it I had was Meghan's backstabbing. I lost it...I started snapping at everyone, I beat Meghan one day out of anger. The next day, my dad was called in school and the principal spoke to him about my changed behaviour. He was already going through a lot and I made it worse. He didn't deserve it, deserve nothing like this." I confess.

"After two weeks, dad had it all. He fought with mom the time she arrived home with as usual alcoholic stench all over her. He demanded her to leave from home..from our lives and the worst part is that she did...she didn't even argue. Fight for us, for her marriage, for me. Nothing. She did nothing, just walked out of our lives like nothing.

They divorced and then all left was me and dad. The rumors were still on, still rising, my behaviour was changing, my health was deteriorating, I started fighting with people so...I was kicked out of school," I confess, recalling the incident.

"What?" She was shocked.

"Yeah, and the principal even told me to look for a psychiatrist," I chuckled. I saw Bree remaining quiet so taking a deep breath again I proceeded, "and I did."

That made her stare at me with a shocked face. "Dad was first against this thought but later agreed on. I talked to a psychiatrist, I didn't tell her everything 'cause I wasn't sure, she gave me some meds that only helped me reduce half a pain. They never helped me completely but I was glad, they helped a little." I say.

"Later dad decided that it was better to change the city, to change everything, new city, new school, new area, new people but the change didn't happen with me... my mind was stopped where my nightmares were. So, I made my mind strong. I decided to stay quiet...and I did until now.." I smile at her.

"How's your relationship with your dad now?" She asks.

"Better. I'm glad I have him. He is the best I could ever wish for." I smile at the mention of dad.

"That was a lot to take it..what about that girl..the red haired?" She asks, recalling her.

"Tracey. she was one of my bullies back in previous high school, allies Meghan joined later on after this..," I answer.

"Tracey...Chloe?" she mumbles in a low voice. I hum in response.

"I would never ever do anything to hurt you, you are my best friend and you will always be," she says holding my hand. I just nod, still not sure if this was the right thing to do? To confess even after knowing what happened earlier.

"Are you okay?" I grumble to her. She looks at me in confusion asking 'Why?'

"About Liam..," I answer and her mood changes into a miserable one.

"Not fine I would say," Bree mumbles sadly and I didn't question her further. The rest of our time goes by talking random stuff, trying to make our mood light and smile a little bit.

-

"Dad," I grumble in between our dinner. He hums stuffing food in his mouth.

"Today, we got two slips. One for the career like we have to fill three of our career options with your sign on it and submit to them..." I say and he hums again.

"That's great, it's good, you can choose three careers of your liking and it will be a lot more easier at the end and I'm sure they will hold a counselling session to help you," he says, approvingly.

"I'm sure they will," I nod, not knowing how to say the next announcement we heard about. I and Bree discussed this. She was allowed to go on the camp and was insisting for me to join. The thought of going on a trip after such a long time is exciting me a little. I want to be in that camp. Even if I have to be alone, it doesn't matter.

"You said there were two," he says, looking at me.

"Uh..yeah, the second was about a trip...camp basically for three days. We'll be going to the forest area and they need guardian's permission for that..so they have given the slip for you to sign on," I confess, looking down at the plate.

"Okay and?" He questioned and I could feel his gaze still on me.

"Will you sign on it?" I whisper in the lowest voice possible.

"NO" was his response.

---

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