Chapter 35
 

[Alex's POV]

"I'm sorry Josh but this isn't working out for me, okay? I mean you're sweet and all, and I really appreciate all that you did for me on our date but honestly I don't think we'll work out. You're a sweet guy, you'll get some sweet girl, just not me. So sorry, I don't think we should continue dating." I said looking straight into Josh William's (a guy in my history class) eyes.

Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.

My mind was chanting continuously. I am such a bitch.

Josh had been nothing but a total sweet heart last Saturday when I'd gone on a date with him. He'd taken me to the movies and brought me ice cream and a cute teddy bear. I'd been quite surprised that he wanted to go out with me. He'd just walked up to me during one of our history classes and asked me out. I was going to refuse. In fact, I ahdn't even heard what he had said the first time, my mind was occupied with Dylan. So Josh had to repeat and I didn't want to say yes, but Tia my best friend said yes on my behalf.

Like really?!

"You should try a couple of other fishes from the sea, alright? They're not dead! An oil-spill did not kill them. Forget about Dylan for awhile, okay? Go out with some guys, kiss some guys, just let go and maybe you'll realize that Dylan isn't as awesome as you think." Tia had said after I'd got mad at her for saying yes to him.

"Tia c'mon, really?!"

"Yes! Have you seen your face lately? You're in this I'm-so-depressed mode. Thats not you, Alex! Ever since Stacey and Dylan have got together, you're just so sad"

"What else do you expect Tia, I'm in love with him!"

Oh god. I can't believe I said that out loud.

"Aww...innocent, young Alex is in love! I know you love him, okay? I'm not telling you to not love him. I'm just saying it's better to focus on other 'things' while he's with that bitch, that's all"

"Really Tia, really?!" I said, exasperated.

"Yes! Trust me, it'll be good for you. Please?!"

And then I had to give up and agree to go on this date. Turned out, it was fun, really. I had fun and I did laugh a lot that night. But I didn't want to pointlessly date some guy I didn't feel anything for. I couldn't kiss some guy I didn't feel absolutely anything for. It would be like leading him on or something, because honestly I couldn't love anyone else. My heart already belongs to Dylan.

Dylan...

“Please Alex, give me one more chance, and I’ll prove you that I’m the kind of guy you’re looking for” he pleaded.

 You’re not Dylan.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I’m not the most beautiful or hottest girl out there, but I’ve got a couple of admirers. And what do I do? Instead of giving them a chance, trying to give love a shot, I turn them all down because of this one guy I want—Dylan.

But I don’t want a shot at love. I just want to be with Dylan.

Yeah, that’s it. I mean I have my whole life with me to fall in love with some amazing guy, I don’t want any complications now. But if it comes down to loving Dylan, I wouldn’t mind because…because I love him. Because I love being around him and he is so amazing…

“Alex??” He prompted.

“Uh…listen Josh, no. I don’t want to continue with this. I figured out I have other things to focus on. Trust me, you’re really sweet and cute but…please, just try to understand” I said, sounding desperate and lame at the same time. When it comes down to turning down guys, I hate to see the sad helpless expressions on their face. My heart kind of crumples up when I see anyone like that, and to think I’m the one causing it…

“Okay…” Josh said, looking crestfallen and walking away.

“Are you out of your mind?!” Tia exclaimed, bewildered.

“What?” I asked, pretending I didn’t know what she meant.

“Seriously? Other things to focus on? You might as well have said I think your ugly and not my type!” Tia said.

“What did you expect em to say, huh? I just didn’t want to hurt his feelings and no, he’s not ugly but…”

“Dylan, is it? You can’t forget about him and blah, blah, blah?”

“Um…yeah” I mumbled. “Whatever, forget it. Not that it matters” I said. Even thinking about Dylan hurt. He is so confusing. He says he likes me, and turns out he said it to cause a break-up between him and that bitch. But if that is so, then why did he say he likes her that night?

Boys—they are SO complicated.

"You either do something about Dylan. Tell him what he's missing. Tell him you want him badly, that you'll make him the happiest guy on this earth, that you're worth it, that you love him and its not a teeny-tiny teenage crush. You either do that, or go look for some other guy. Don't just sit here and pine for him! Okay?!"

Tia left me speechless with her little lecture there.

She was right. I had to do something.

But what?

Imagine my surprise when my eyes fell square on Dylan as he rounded the corner and started walking through our corridor. Our eyes met briefly and he looked away. He simply looked away, his expressions blank. Wait, no reaction at all?

And as if to answer my queries he instantly turned back to look at me, causing our eyes to meet again. The whole world froze for a fraction of a second. The moment was short, really short. But somehow it felt so much longer than that, like I could see all of it taking place in slow-motion. And I knew this would be one of the countless scenes I’d play in my mind before I go to sleep.

I registered his deep bluish-green eyes, how they seemed to sparkle. His blond-brown hair was messy as usual and was falling over his eyes.

One boy.

A thousand feelings.

Why?

And why does he act as if he can’t see how I feel for him? Can’t he see it in my eyes? Is he that blind? Or does he not care?

Of course he doesn’t.

He cares about that bitch.

But if he cares about Stacey, why did he try to break-up with her?

Only one person can answer that.

So without wasting any time, I headed straight over to Mr. Player. This is the right thing to do. The thing any sane person would do--talk. So that's what I decided I must do. Enough wondering and over-analyzing and making up different scenarios. It was time to face the music. I'll just have to ask him what the hell is happening. he can't just mess up with my feelings like that--kiss me whenever he wants, and then tell me he was just putting up an act.

"Dylan...wait. Hey! Wait up!!" I shouted after him. I wonder why I hadn't confronted him before when I had the chance to, in his bedroom. But now I knew I needed to talk. I couldn't take this anymore. I'd probably kill myself thanks to all the thinking I was doing. This was really stressful.

He froze on the spot. He stood there. He didn't turn, just simply stood where he was. I did a little jog until I was standing right behind him. I tapped onto his shoulder. He turned to face me.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice all cool and calm.

"Dylan Player Kennedy, what did you think? That you'll mess up with me and get away with it? That you wouldn't have to answer any of my questions? That I won't confront you? You were wrong. You cant just dramatically kiss me and say you like me and then say it was all an act. You can't just use me like that!"

He stared at me blankly, his mouth hung open. He looked slightly surprised at my sudden outburst.

I reduced the space between us as I took a step forward.

Tia's words filtered through my mind.

Do something about Dylan. Tell him what he's missing. Tell him you want him badly, that you'll make him the happiest guy on this earth, that you're worth it, that you love him and it’s not a teeny-tiny teenage crush. 

Suddenly the corridor felt quieter, emptier. Suddenly it was just me and him. He was the only one I could see. His presence was the only one being registered by my mind. No one else mattered. It was almost as if I could hear our hearts beating in unison and our soft, rapid breathes.

"Dylan..." my voice came out soft, and low. “That kiss we shared this morning. Was it really all an act? Or did it really mean something to you? Those words you said, that you like me. Was it all a show for you? Was it only because of Stacey you said that, or did you really mean it?"

I stared straight into his lovely greenish-blue eyes, waiting for his reply.

[Dylan's POV]

Alex stared at me, her deep brown eyes looking straight into mine. She was waiting for a reply. And I needed to give her one.

“Of course, of course it was an act. I don’t like you.”

My heart constricted inside my chest as I said those words. I felt a thousand things as I saw the expression on Alex’s face as my words registered into her mind.

Damn! I’m hurting her. She’ll hate me. She won’t ever forgive me for this.

“Oh” she simply said, and turned around. I noticed her wiping a couple of tears.

She’s crying? Because of me? How can I hurt her?

I saw her walking away. Her steps were surprisingly short and slow. She didn’t rush away or anything. It seemed like an eternity.

Dylan, just go over to her and stop her. Tell her what you said a couple of seconds ago was a white lie, that you’re in love with her. That you want her more than anything in this world.

Love?

Did I really love her or sit i just attraction? I can’t love her? I don’t love anyone. Heck! I don’t even like anyone. I don’t have affection for any girl. Girls are just…

But you like her. You’re a player and you generally don’t fall for girls, but for her you did. Then why not love? You love her Dylan, face it!

I saw her walking away. She was just going to turn away into the next corridor.

The corridor in which I stood now was filled with students. So many of them. And just a few seconds ago, it had felt like just the two of us were here. If she can make me feel this way. If she can make me feel as if I’m the only guy and she’s the only girl and we’re the only people in this world, then how can it not be love?

It has to be something, right?

Okay, maybe not love, but something at least? Whatever these feelings are, they’re pretty strong. They have to be something.

Run, you moron! Run! Go and stop her before it gets too late.

I’d let her walk away once, not again

The very next moment I was shouting like a maniac, calling her out. I didn’t care about my stupid player reputation, or what will happen after I confess my feelings for her. I didn’t think about me and my commitment phobia and if I’ll be a good boyfriend. I just wanted to hold her, kiss her like there was no tomorrow and finally tell her how I feel.

“Alex!! Alex, stop! Alex wait!!!”

I didn’t see her anyway. She had already gone.

“Crap!” I muttered.

I rushed through the hordes of people, enquiring them about Alex’s whereabouts. I learned she had gone towards the roof.

Wait, she isn’t going to kill herself, right?

Holy shit.

She won’t. She won’t. She won’t.

I kept chanting that as I ran the race of my life to the rooftop.

I jogged up the stairs which led there, panting heavily. Finally, I reached my destination.

Alex was there alright. But it didn’t seem as if she was going to commit suicide.

Stupid Dylan, you and your crazy imagination.

“Alex! Alex, listen.” I said, breathless.

Alex froze. She had been leaning against the railing, standing there quietly. She had clearly not been expecting anyone, especially not me.

“Alex, listen to me. Just this once”

“What do you want now?” her voice cracked as she said this. “Why are you here. Why are you not with her?”

“Because I don’t want to be there. I want to be here, with you. Let me explain Alex, please.” I walked over towards her.

“Go away Dylan”

“No, I won’t. I need to say it now, because I’m sure I want to say this. I’ve never been more sure. I may not ever be this sure of myself. So today, no one can stop me. Not even myself.”

Silence. She waited for me to go on.

“Alex, look at me” I said.

She looked away, wiping her tears.

“Alex please, look at me goddammit!”

And then she did, and I wished I hadn’t asked her to. Her eyes were red, welling with unshed tears. She still looked pretty, but looked hurt too—so hurt.

I wonder how many times I have hurt her like that.

Then I got ready to say what I had to.

[Alex’s POV]

“I’m a jerk, I’m a total asshole. In fact I hate myself for what I’ve put you through these past weeks. I’ve been a stupid, moronic, full-of-himself, selfish player who played with your feelings, and I’m sorry for that—really sorry. And I know a sorry isn’t gonna cut it, and I’m not here to apologize. I’m here for something else”

My breath stopped as he said this words. Tears started falling down my cheeks. Him admitting to his asshole-ish behavior somewhat made me want to cry. I felt so stupid right now—so vulnerable. And I hated feeling like this. Hated this feeling of being so easily affected by someone. I hated having a weakness, especially when that weakness was a boy like Dylan.

I stayed silent, waiting for him to go on.

He extended his hands, planting them on each of my shoulder. He stepped closer, and my heart skipped a beat. A million butterflies fluttered inside my stomach. Even when I am in my emotionally-wreck state, he can have this effect on me.

“I should have said this before. I don’t know what it is, I’m really confused and I’ve never felt this way before. I was kind of scared, mostly of what people would say and if what I felt was worth it. But something this…this amazing, ahs to be worth it, right? It has to!”

I was confused. What the hell is he going on about?

“What are you saying? What do you mean?” I said—perplexed.

“I’m saying that I, Dylan Kennedy, am falling in love with you Alex Rogers” he said.

I forgot to breathe—literally. My heart stopped beating too. I felt dizzy.

Was I dreaming? Had he really said what I thought he had?

“I love you Alex, I really do. Okay, maybe it’s not love. I can’t be sure. But whatever it is, it’s really strong and passionate. I haven’t felt like this for anyone, which makes it damn special. I don’t know how much I love you, how long I have been in love with you, since when or what it actually is, I just know it’s there. I can feel it now. And I can feel it every time we’re together, every time we touch, every time I feel your lisp on mien and every time I think of you. And these feelings are amazing. It feels awesome to feel like this, and I want to feel it again and again and again! And you’re the only one who can make me feel this way. You’re the only one who affects me like that. Know why? Because you’re special—for me you are! And I can’t lose you.”

All the breath I had been holding for this long, tumbled out of my lungs, causing my chest to pain. My vision blurred. I blinked away the tears.

“Dylan, I—“

“No Alex, there’s no denying it. Please, don’t torture me anymore, just kiss me, please!” he sounded so desperate. His voice pierced through me. We were so close. I could feel the warmth of his body radiating against mine. The distance between us declined as I leaned closer to him and he did the same.

I felt his lips press gently against mine. Electricity passed through me. It was of such a large magnitude, it shook me. It surprised me so much.

And I know I can never feel like this around anyone, never ever.

Because I love Dylan. I love Dylan so much.

And he says he loves me too.

But does he really? What fi he’s just confused? What if he’s lying again? What if he plays with my feeling again?

Stop thinking Alex. STOP. Just enjoy this moment, it may never happen again. Just kiss him and forget all your worries, all you tears. Just relish the taste of his lips. He may not love you in the future, no one can guarantee you that. But he loves you now. And that’s all that matters.

So I pushed away all the thoughts which nagged me and kissed him back with as much passion ad fierceness.

I love him.

He loves me.

We love each other.

At least for now we do.

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A/N- Yay! FINALLY!!! Wohoo!!!! I loved writing this chapter, this is honestly one of my favorites! I loved it. Dylan confessing to her was a spur-of-the-moment thing. I just got this idea and I just randomly decided I wanted him to confess to her. Besides, I knew you all were getting impatient. So I just decided that he should confess, and he did. Yay!!!! Now you better vote and comment and fan me! (Haha! :P) as a thank-you gift?

xoxox