Phillip

What the actual fuck happened yesterday? I squeeze the armrest and peer into the window of the plane. I should have jerked off yesterday before seeing her, but when I planned to arrive in time for her presentation, I didn't expect to get to sex right after. I had dinner reservations. I was going to take her to my club for a drink or two. I check my watch again. No message from Nata, but no Nata either. We still have fifteen minutes till takeoff, and the attendants will get her luggage on board in less than five, but she was supposed to be here already. I send another text to Nata.

Me: ETA?

No dancing dots. Nothing. Is this what being ghosted feels like? My knee bounces up and down faster than the pulse in my temples. I wash my hand over my face in an attempt to relax my features. I've had one-night stands before. What happened yesterday was above and beyond. She just left. No 'see you later'. No 'thank you'.

She stormed out of my hotel room like another minute in my proximity would result in a chemical burn. I'm not contagious. I've shown her my STI results, and after the contact we did have, however mechanical, she can't pretend she would've caught anything I have no matter how fast she ran. I lean forward, unable to find a comfortable position in the wide, luxurious leather seat that's more comfortable than US internal first-class. My phone buzzes.

Nata: 5 mins

Finally, a reply. I exhale and recline, assuming a relaxed pose even though on the inside I'm anything but. My palms are sweaty. My collar is too tight. I loosen my tie. The only texts she's replied to since she ran out of my room yesterday were the ones that dealt with her flying back with me. The questions about what happened and why she didn't stay got the "we'll talk in person later" canned response.

Now it's later and in person. Whatever the f happened last night was nowhere near what I imagined when I agreed to the deal. I knew we were not going to date, but the fuck and run situation was not it either.

Why was she so afraid to actually enjoy herself? What did her ex do to her to make her hate sex this much? Because don't understand what other reason she had for putting as little satisfaction as possible into the act. Do I need to revisit my college days and have a conversation with him that involves fists as well as words to make it clear he's off the table? He won't get to hurt her anymore.

The expression on Nata's face as she climbed off me was that of hurt, not pleasure. No way she got off yesterday. Not like I haven't given women vaginal orgasms before, but I don't have a magical dick that guarantees happy endings. My fingers and tongue are where the guaranteed orgasms reside. Without the use of those, she hasn't just given me a handicap; she ensured I can't satisfy her. And that's not going to work for me. Never did. I'm not planning on starting now. Sex is a team sport. Anger burns a hole in my throat as if I swallowed a cigarette butt. I take a calming breath and count to five.

My teeth squeak I'm grinding them so hard. I've waited the whole day to have a civilized conversation with her about the situation. Our ability to discuss things rationally and in a friendly way is one of the many reasons the deal is better than any relationship I had before. I tap my shoe on the wall of the plane, surprised it doesn't shake in response to my mood. I bite my lip and take several long breaths. We are reasonable adults. We will talk it out. I've been to therapy for enough years to steer our conversation. I slide the fancy coffee to the spot at the table across from me and look out of my plane's window. Technically VdH owns the plane, but it's at my disposal unless Dad has something.

"Welcome aboard," Chloe, the flight attendant working today, says with her usual cheer.

I move my head to face the plane's entrance.

"Where do we sit?" Nata's voice is closer to someone who just had a lungful of helium.

"Anywhere-"

"Here." I point to the seat in front of the coffee cup, even though there are nine more on the plane. "The coffee should still be warm."

"You were not kidding." Another woman gets in behind Nata and waves at me so enthusiastically, she could lose her wrist if she's not careful. "Thanks for the lift." She squeezes by Nata who's handing her backpack over to Chloe. "Nata doesn't drink coffee this late in the day." The woman plops in the seat across from me, pops the lid off the to-go cup I prepared for Nata, and takes a sip. "You do owe me a beverage."

"Kate." Nata sits across the aisle at the chair in the same row as the woman and diagonally from me. "You already had two today."

"Caffeine doesn't affect me. I can drink a bucket and still fall asleep. Plus, I hate waste. If you aren't drinking it, I might as well." She proceeds to take gulps of what must not be a hot coffee. "I'm Kate." She tilts her head in Nata's direction. "Her better half."

Nata rolls her eyes and buckles her seatbelt.

"You found the place okay?" I try for polite chitchat even though my irritation like acid disintegrates the lining of my stomach.

"The rideshare guy was eyeing us through the back mirror probably trying to figure out if we are celebrities, when we gave him this private airport as the address," Kate mimics what the driver must've looked like. "If I could, I'd be only flying private: no line to check in, no line for security - it took us fifteen minutes from stepping inside the airport to stepping inside the plane. The rich have it all figured out."

"Would you like something to drink? A snack?" Chloe approaches us with her smile.

What I imagined as a chance for a one-on-one conversation with Nata about what the hell happened in my bed yesterday, is turning into a group thing I have no interest in participating in. For once, instead of being surrounded by women and liking it, I'd love nothing more than just Nata. We were supposed to be honest with each other, and her hasty retreat yesterday looked more like an escape than a healthy partnership. If she brought a buffer to avoid speaking to me, she could've at least answered one of my fifteen texts.

"Can I have a tomato juice and one of those pretzel snacks?" Kate handles Chloe the empty coffee cup.

My blood pressure rises. That coffee was not for her. The plane is still on the ground. I can ask her to leave Nata and me alone. Pay for first-class tickets.

Chloe smiles. I can't force my face into anything that is not a scowl. Chloe doubles her smiling efforts for the both of us. "We don't actually have pretzels, but I have an array of organic snacks, fruit-"

"Can I see?" Kate rises and pushes by Nata.

Chloe, without losing a beat, leads the way.

Nata catches my eye for the first time. "Hey."

"Hey," I say.

The questions I was preparing all night halt when her dark pupils become all I can see. I wish I knew what she's hiding. I wish she didn't hide anything. The familiar flush on top of her chest tells me she's not as comfortable as her composed face tries to persuade me.

"We'll have to do round two right after we get home," she says with a formality of a fitness instructor scheduling the next workout session. "I need to go to bed early."

I grasp the armrest. Is she fucking kidding me? My eyebrows almost merge with my hairline. The decision to have a civilized conversation remains in the past. The anger I've been trying to get rid of sprints back into my chest at takes its place at the wheel. "Didn't sleep well?" I make the simple question sound like an insult.

"No." She ignores my venom. The dark circles under her eyes make her tired eyes look sad. I push the breaks on my attack. Civilized, I remind myself. I try to calm my hammering heart. Another long exhale escapes me as Nata pulls on her long ponytail. "Plus, I have to be at work at 6 am tomorrow."

Fuck civilized. I get out of the seat and crouch next to her in the aisle. "Why did you run away yesterday?"

Nata looks over her shoulder at Kate and Chloe. "There was no running. You'd know when I'm running."

The way her gaze shifts away, we both know she's lying.

"You left the bedroom and when I found my boxer-briefs and came out a minute later, you were no longer there," my voice shakes with hurt and betrayal.

Nata shoves a strand of hair behind her ear with a trembling finger. "We did everything we were supposed to do. Don't tell me you were expecting something else."

I scoff. I was. I was expecting something that resembled how sex usually goes for me. Fun. Mutual fun. Neither happened. I lean closer and lower my voice. "So that met your expectations?"

"Yes." Her eyes glisten but her chin juts in defiance. "An opportunity for your sperm to meet my eggs."

What she says is true, but the truth is covering something she doesn't want me to see. I'm not asking her to love me, but she doesn't need to punish herself or me. I want to heal whatever hurt made her think this is acceptable. I catch her fingers between my palms. "Why are you-"

"Am I interrupting something?" Kate stands next to Nata's seat with a handful of snacks in her arms. "You guys want sit where I was?"

"Yes," I say while Nata says, "No." Another show of us not being on the same page.

"This is the beginning of our relationship. If we can't agree on this simple thing, how do you imagine we'll agree when we have to take care of a crying baby," I whisper.

"Me agreeing to everything you want is not how we 'agree'. I've been agreeing to stuff people told me to do before and look where it got me."

"I'm not telling you to do thing."

"But you are. I'm perfectly comfortable sitting here," she hisses.

Chloe's voice over the speakerphone reminds us to buckle our seatbelts as the plane begins to move. Kate turns, opens one of the chip bags, and installs herself in the farthest spot from us. She offers me a brief smile and plugs her earbuds into her ears. Maybe she's not as annoying as I thought she was.

"Fine," I buckle in opposite Nata, even though that's not my favorite place on the plane. "I'll sit here. Stay where you are."

"You see, it's not that hard to let me take control." She rests the back of her head on her seat.

"If something actually happened when you take control, I'd be fine." I cross my arms.

"Good to know what you actually think about me," Nata says through her teeth.

"I think you're an amazing woman, but you want me to treat you as a one-night stand."

"Or is it me treating you as a one-night stand that pisses you off?"

"I'm not a one-night stand. The whole point of this is that we communicate with each other." My voice leaves the whisper territory and barges into full volume. "That we are honest." I hear a chuckle from Kate and catch her watching her phone, shoving handfuls of chips into her mouth. I have a sneaking suspicion those headphones aren't connected, and she's using our conversation as her personal in-flight entertainment. I return to my original opinion of not liking Nata's friend and lower my voice back down. "Wasn't that what you told me?"

"Fine." She throws her hands in the air. "I'll make sure to talk to you after we have sex today."

"Fine." The whisper-fight isn't what I had in mind for this discussion either. This was supposed to be easy. A relationship that won't involve any of the ups and downs that come with dating. Why does every interaction feels like a lot more work than dating or my marriage have ever been? I rub my eyes, because I got no sleep as well, tossing and turning, as my mind served me images of naked Nata riding me like she's trying to break my dick in half and the sensation of hollowness I felt when I realized she didn't stay. I was worried about her. Still am.

I set my elbows on the armrests and lean forward. "Are you okay? How are feeling. After yesterday?"

"Good." She tugs her lips to the side and looks down.

Good as in she's not hurt, or good as in a polite person's version of it-was-not the-best. I crave her honesty, so I go for honesty from my side. "Was it as weird for you as it was for me?"

"It was weird for you?" Her gaze catches mine.

"I usually use more than my dick in the process."

Her eyes widen, and she glances at Kate, who's now reading a magazine, but I'm certain is listening carefully to our every word.

Nata leans toward me and lowers her whisper to barely audible levels with the plane's turbines creating lots of noise now that we're in the air. "You did well using your di-" She looks back at Kate and moves her head closer to mine. "Using what you could. The mission was accomplished."

I reach for her hand, and she doesn't jerk it away this time. "We won't know that for a while. We have today and tomorrow to keep trying." My dick twitches at the thought. This is not for his benefit. Well, mostly not for his benefit. "The doctor advised once a day for the three days of ovulation."

"I know."

"Wanna come over after we get back home tonight?"

"That might be our only option." She chews on her lips. The lips I am yet to taste. The no kissing rule is ridiculous. She can't be seriously expecting me not to ever kiss her. Maybe it isn't necessary for procreation, but it's hella awkward. She runs her thumb over the base of my thumb, her expression serious. "Kate won't mind."

"Is Kate joining us as well?"

Nata's eyes widen then narrow. "This better be a joke."

"You're starting to understand my senses of humor." I smirk. "I gather that's a no. On Kate."

"She drove to the airport." Nata scrunches her nose. "I took a rideshare. We can be separated from each other on occasion."

The tension from earlier slowly releases space to a bubbly feeling of anticipation. "Good to know you don't come as a packaged deal."

"Good?" Nata glances at Kate, who's shoving a handful of chips from a third open bag of snacks into her mouth and dancing with her whole body in the plane's seat, headphones back on. "She's gorgeous."

"Not the kind of gorgeous I'm looking for. I know what I want at this stage of my life, and it's what we've agreed to, Nata." I make sure our knees touch underneath the table. First sex rarely goes swimmingly. Her reaction was to run away. Not the best. But I'm sure there were worse. We'll try again tonight. We are adults. We'll figure this thing out. We better. I need for this deal to work. I take her chin in my hand and pierce her gaze with mine. "Thank you for coming up with the deal idea."

"You're not regretting it yet?"

Is that why she ran? Is that what she's afraid of?

"We'll get better with practice." I try to coax a smile out of her.

Her mouth hooks up but settles back into a straight line. "You should've used my idea and ran with it."

"No more running. Okay?"

The smile I was after ghosts her face. "Okay."

I recline, finally able to relax. "You see. We do work well together, partner."

She grins, and the anger that was hanging on to me gives way to hope.