"Have you talked to Hyunjin this weekend?" Inhyuk puts him forth, to my greatest relief, so I ignore my dumbass and answer him. "No. Why?" I already feel some remorse for lying to him but tell myself this is for a good reason. "Just like that," he shakes his head and does not reveal the meaning of this question asked out of the blue. "Should he have told me something or...?"

"No, I was just wondering," he cannot even hide his emotions well, his eyes and body language exposing all the anxiousness. "Hm. Alright," I pretend to not be aware but still act like I would usually do. "Is something wrong? You're weird tonight."

He smiles, nervously licks his lips, and negates my statement. "No. I'm fine. I was just curious," he slows down in front of an orange light to stop once it turns red, and I keep my eyes fixed on him. "Doesn't seem like it though."

Without looking at me, he holds the bottom of the steering wheel and puts his left elbow down on the door to rub his neck, making me feel like he is about to spill it out.

"Did he tell you anything that upset you or something like that?" I cannot hold it back anymore, seeing him struggle and wait for an opportunity to talk about it with me. "No, it's not— I mean," he clears his throat and goes back on the road when the green light illuminates our faces. "He didn't."

"Hm," I nibble on my inner cheek, and I still wait. I will wait until we are about to go to bed. This is the best time to do it. I cannot sleep without talking about it with him anyway.

•••

00:30 am.

The time passing by without seeing Inhyuk come up to my room to tell me goodnight, I decide to do it myself and knock on his door.

In short seconds, he opens it but seems surprised to see me. "What are you doing up at this hour? You have to work tomorrow."

"You didn't come and tell me goodnight, so I wondered if something was wrong," I gaze up into his eyes and slide my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie. "I'm sorry, I didn't...I was focused on my game," he heaves his hand up towards it then grips the door again, and I stare, not believing him at all.

"Listen...I know I shouldn't do this, I feel bad about it, but I lied to you earlier," I show some honesty. "I did talk with Hyunjin, so I know what happened."

He bites his inner cheek and breaks eye contact out of nervousness.

"Why haven't you told me about it? We always tell everything to each other. Are you upset about it?" I speak in a low voice to make sure our dad does not hear us, and he lowers his head to run his fingers through his hair. "I don't really want to talk about this, y/n. This is a different matter...I can't."

I stand on my spot and look for the right words, wondering if he is truly not going to tell me anything about it, even though Hyunjin is our best friend.

"Don't be worried, okay? I'll talk it out with him," he notices the concern on my face, but those words do not reassure me. "I just want to ask you something."

"What?" he does not rebuff me or send me packing. "Are you really sure that...you are...you know? Didn't you kiss him because you—"

"No," he does not even let me finish as if this was a sensitive topic. "I'm straight. I didn't kiss him, he did," his voice escapes his mouth in a deeper voice, sounding oddly angry. "You know you can tell me about everything, right?"

"Yes, I do. But I'm not...I'm not that," he avoids the word as if he did not like it, and I now do not understand. "You knew that he's bi, didn't you?"

"I did," he confirms, and I furrow my eyebrow, unconsciously. "Are you...maybe...against it...?"

"I'm not, y/n," he sighs, not exuding any dishonesty. "You know I'm not this type of person. We just happened to kiss each other, but I didn't feel anything. That's it."

"And did you leave because he made you uncomfortable? He's pretty worried since last night, he even cried on the phone while talking about it because he fears that you might hate him or something like that," I summarize it the best way I can. "And I know that you're like me when something serious happens and makes you worry, and this time, Hyunjin is not here to talk with you and give you advices, so I know you're going to stay awake all night long and think about this nonstop, so I want you to let it out. I don't want you to hurt yourself with it."

His eyes staring into mine, he understands that we both are similar, which means I know exactly how he is feeling right now and that I will not leave him alone with this.

"Y/n. We'll talk about it together, it's okay—"

"It's not," I do not believe this falsehood. "If it was, you wouldn't be acting so weird. Why exactly are you feeling like that? Hyunjin and I are both best friends, so we'll eventually talk about it because I know he'll need me."

"You'll never understand. None of you. It's simple, I'm not into guys, that's all," he becomes upset and expresses some annoyance, but I am used to seeing him lose his composure, so that will not make me stop. I know something is wrong, even more than I thought it was now that I heard this. "You're lying to me, Inhyuk. You're hiding something. You get mad and disappointed when I do it to you, so why do you—"

"This is not the same. Now, I want you to stop talking about this. I won't tell you anything more," he moves back and takes one hand off of the door frame. "Go to bed and sleep. It's late."

I block the door with my foot once he tries to close it. "Did something happen with a guy in the past—"

"I told you to stop, y/n. I'm not joking," he indirectly answers my question, and I stay still, feeling an abrupt wave of fright overwhelm me. "Just listen and go back to your bedroom."

I shake my head and refuse to do as told. "I'm worried. I won't be able to sleep if you don't tell me what is wrong."

The anger growing inside of him, he clenches his jaw and lets go of the door to step forth and grab my arm. Without hurting me or meaning to do so, he drags me back to my bedroom. He slams the door open and forces me to go inside. "You stop asking me questions about this. Okay? I'm not going back on this, I don't wanna hear you say anything—"

"Why are you angry like that? I'm just worrying about you as much as you worry about me all the time," I make a point that he never likes to hear since I am right. "But I don't want or need anyone to worry about me. As I said, I'll take care of this problem, but I do not want you to mention it again. Never."

"I can't," I cross my arms, not capable of complying. "With all those things you said, I'm sorry, but I can't."

"Y/n!" he raises his voice at me, not making me jump or get startled since we are used to yelling at each other when we get mad. "It's not fucking serious. This is none of your business anyways. I will only talk about it with you if I want to, but until then, you'll pretend to not have heard anything."

"Why? Why the hell are you reacting like that over a kiss? If I was the one keeping something to myself, you'd lose your damn mind and not leave my room until I told you what—"

"I don't want you to know!" he cuts me off, harshly, and shuts the door. "Is it that hard to understand?"

"But I'm your sister! I cannot ever keep anything to myself or have any secrets because you'll always force me to speak! Just like when I came back home alone from the skatepark! You went crazy—"

"I was assaulted!" he hurls out in a voice full of pain, and my body freezes. Nothing leaves my mouth again, I stand in front of him, speechless. "Are you happy now? You're gonna be able to sleep now that you know that? Uh?" his eyes glisten, and without even realizing it right away, mine do as well. "I can't fucking stand the touch of a guy on my body. It makes me feel disgusting, scared, and it brings me back to that fucking night. So, no, I will never be with a guy, I'll never be able to do anything intimate with one. If I acted the way I did last night, that's because I thought I could overcome it, but...all I could think of was that asshole...I panicked...but I don't know how to talk to him about it...I don't want anyone to know..."

The tears rolling down my face as all his words have deeply afflicted me like never anything did in the past, I step forward and wrap my arms around him. I hug him a much as I can and sob to noir attempt to keep my emotions inside. "I'm so sorry..." I apologize, for different reasons, and he hugs me back. "I don't want you to be. I don't ever want you to feel any pity or sadness for me."

I hide my face in his chest, mine feeling tight and painful. I cry in his arms and regret pushing and causing him to dive back in those horrible memories.

"I'm fine," he presses his lips on my forehead and pats the back of my head, and I tighten my hold around him. I know this is not true, but I do not even know what to say. I would never have expected this. It hurts me so much to know that he went through that.

"Now you know why I'm sometimes so overprotective of you. I can't help it. I'm scared that you could go through this type of thing," he combs my hair, his voice now sounding low and so sorrowful. This almost feels like he is the one comforting me. "Even if this only happens once. Once is enough to completely destroy you, and I'll do anything to protect you from that and keep you away from guys like them."

"I'm sorry if I sometimes got mad at you for it, I didn't know," I wipe my tears away with the help of one sleeve, and he bends his head forth to have it against mine and puts his arms back around my neck. "It's okay. I'd rather have heard you complain again than understand because at least you wouldn't know."

"You shouldn't keep such things to yourself, I want to be aware, no matter how hurtful it is. You shouldn't deal with it all alone," I do not agree with him. "Dad knew. I wasn't alone, but now that it is said, I need to talk about something else with you. Something important."

I move my head back to look up at him, with some apprehension. I hope this is not even worse than it anyway is. This cannot be. "About what?"

"Our mother," he scares me, and I remain silent. "Dad and I both agreed on the fact that you shouldn't know about this. It was better for you, but now that you know about what happened to me, I think it's useless to keep hiding this," his sentences do not help at all, my heart pounding. "What is it...?"

He tenderly passes his fingers through my hair and brushes it back, and just from this gesture, from how delicate and loving he is, I can tell this is going to deepen the wound.

"That thing happened to me when I was sixteen, but some months before that, dad and I had a conversation. He felt like I was hiding something from them about my sexuality because he found something on my computer, and, well, our relationship wasn't different from what it is now, so I was honest with him, I told him I wasn't really sure about my sexuality and that I'd sometimes feel attracted to guys too. He wasn't really surprised after what he saw, but I'll never forget the way he smiled at me. He was so supportive, he made sure that I would feel comfortable enough to talk about this stuff with him in case I needed to, and it helped me a lot because before that, I wasn't sure how they would react to it. So, for a few months, it went well, and I met this guy at a restaurant, we both started to hang out and more, and...one night, he invited me for his birthday."

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to or can't," I stop him in order to make sure he is not feeling forced. "Don't worry. I need to tell you about it now. If I don't do it. I'll never be able to do it," he brings me some relief, and I listen, without letting go of him. "So, at first, I was happy, and I was a bit impatient about going because I knew what would happen, but...once I got there, I realized he was not alone, so I dealt with it, but...the thing is that he didn't invite me to party...He only did it because he spent all those weeks making me believe he was attracted to me too, he knew that I was very vulnerable back then, and...he took advantage of that with his friends on that night, but this is not about that," he swallows and controls himself as much as he can to not tear up in front of me, but his eyes still shine under a thick layer of water. "So, the first thing I did when I came back home was to tell dad about it because he had been waiting for me for three hours and didn't get any answers...but our mother was there too...and...when I told them about what happened...nothing went like I expected it to..."

/ flashback \

'INHYUK'S P.O.V'

The pain still weakening my entire body, I push the front door of the house to walk in. My legs and hands still shaking, my stinging eyes still letting more tears go down my face, I raise my head up at the sight of some light and my parents in the living room, and I break down.

"Inhyuk," my dad rushes towards me and takes me in his arms, but I cannot hug him back, I cannot respond to this physical contact. I feel disgusting. "Where were you? What happened to you?" he combs my hair away to hold my face, on which my emotions are evident. "I'm so sorry, dad..." I apologize for not staying close to them, for causing this to us and bringing shame to our family. "What are you talking about? Why would you be sorry? What did you do?"

I look up at him but cannot maintain eye contact, the shame running through me and obliging me to turn away. "He never liked me..." I choke up, my vision getting entirely blurred by my tears. "I thought he liked me, but he never did..."

"Is he the one who hurt you?" he lowers his voice so that my mother does not hear him, the bruises on my face already telling half of the answer. I nod to never hide the truth, and I watch him lose himself in some anger. "What did he do? You can tell me everything, okay? I don't want you to keep anything to yourself or feel ashamed because none of it happened because of you. Alright?"

"That wouldn't have happened if I wasn't like that—"

"Do not dare say that," he holds my head up to make me look into his eyes, those that are exuding his rage. "These types of motherfuckers are at fault. Not you. You didn't do anything wrong."

"You told me to be careful and not trust so easily, but I didn't listen..." I blame myself, not seeing any other way to explain this aftermath. "You did not do anything wrong. If those assholes weren't who they are, nothing would have happened. Do you understand?"

I drop my look to the floor, and he drifts his hands to my arms. "Come here and sit down," he helps me to walk up to the living room, where, Boyoung, my mother is, and I slowly sit down on the sofa to not feel the pain turn too acute. He comes right next to me, and he directs his body towards mine. "Give him some flavored water and make him his favorite sandwich, please," he tells Boyoung, and she walks to the kitchen, leaving us a bit alone.

"I know it must be difficult for you right now, but I need you to tell me what happened," he holds one of my hands, never letting me down, never disregarding my feelings. "He lied to me..." I do not raise my eyes up but stare at my shaky hand and pants. "He invited three other friends, and at first we were having fun...then all of a sudden, he...he told me that he actually loathes and hates guys like me, that I do not deserve to be alive or happy because I'm just disgusting and deserve to be hurt..." I repeat the words I can still not process, and he silently tells me to keep going at my own pace. "Then...they started to hit me...touch me...and force me to take my clothes off...a—and...they never stopped..." I hide my face with my hand to soak my tears with my sleeve, my convulsive breathing not stopping but hurting my ribs and chest. "I can't say more—" I struggle to breathe and speak, and he brings his hand up to my shoulder. "It's okay. You've said enough. I'm proud of you for being able to say all those things. You do not deserve any of this, you're not disgusting, you do not believe anything of what they said, right?"

"I don't know," I cannot think straight, but he takes my hand down to see my face, and he wipes my tears away from my puffy face. "You do know. You're an amazing and strong boy. You deserve to be happy, to be alive, live a very long life, and be loved. You absolutely do not deserve any sort of pain, and I know that you know all that. Hm?"

I try to calm down, feeling better with him next to me, feeling better away from those guys.

I do not say anything since I know that not everyone thinks the same as he does, and Boyoung puts the food and drink down on the coffee table before us. My dad takes the bottle to open it and gives it to me, and I notice my mother just standing there, with her arms crossed.

"We need some time alone," he does not let her stay as if he knew what she thinks of me. "Why? Can't I have my word to say about this?"

"No," he does not look at her just once, and I drink, I hope for her to not harm me more than those guys did. "I have the right to. I told him about how wrong this is to love the same gender, how disappointed I was in him. I warned you, Inhyuk. You should feel ashamed. I told you that turning your back to god would—"

"Shut up, Boyoung. I won't repeat myself, you keep your beliefs to yourself. There isn't anything wrong with being a man and loving one, so you stop," he defends me, not allowing her to hold me responsible for what happened. "If he listened to god, none of that would have happened to him. This is an abomination, a sin, and he should have—"

"Shut up," he stands up. "We don't give a shit about your fucking god. If that's the only thing you want to say, you get out of this house right now."

"How dare you say that?" she takes offense to something that is not even real when she does not ever show a single hint of sadness for her son. "You think you can insult our creator—"

"Get out of this house," he asserts himself, and I cry again, feeling the damage my mother causes by showing no care at all. "I want him to realize he is sick and needs some help. He can ask for forgiveness and go back on the right path—" she ends her sentence right when I stand up, and I leave. I walk up to the stairs behind us but hear her say my name after my dad told her to stop.

"Do not ever talk to me again. Just care about your fucking nonexistent god and stupid religion more than my feelings like you always did, but don't ever talk to me again. I fucking hate you, you're a horrible person," the anger I feel towards her controls me and gets those words out of my mouth. It has been weeks. She never understood me, never supported me. She stopped loving me and considering me as her son as soon as she got to know about my sexuality, so she is not my mom anymore.

Without looking at her again or listening, I hurry towards my bedroom and lock myself in, drop my aching body on my bed, and bury my face in my pillow to cry my heart out.

/ end of flashback \

"After all this, I heard the fight that happened outside. She said so much horrible stuff about me that at some point, I wore my headphones to not hear anything anymore, but dad came up to me a bit afterwards," he tells me everything that I was not aware of, and what I wish I knew this whole time. "She never came back after that."

"She was a bad person..." I rest my head on his chest, realizing only now how much hardship he went through. "But dad was there, so that's the most important, and we should only remember that."

"I'm happy that I was born in this family, otherwise, I wouldn't