chapter 24 | Hold me tight

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Some loud gasps and sounds of shock escape the crowd like they left my mouth, and I cover it as my heart stopped beating but feel Mister Jeon pass behind me to run towards him.

The fear overwhelming me, I stay frozen on my spot but see Joonha move, and I breathe out. The medical staff still go to him like Mister Jeon did, but he stands up, still holding his back. I do not stay still but rush towards him, knowing for sure he is in pain after such a brutal fall. "Joonha," I try to grasp his attention and reach his level, but he picks up his skateboard and reveals the reason why his amazing performance ended that way.

One of the wheels is completely broken.

"Hey," Mister Jeon approaches him, but he walks away without looking at me as I did not dare talk to him. "Wait here, I need to talk to him," he reassures me after Joonha left, and I nod but walk towards my brother, Hyunjin and Seunggil.

"Is he okay?" Seunggil asks, but I cannot answer. "I don't know...he didn't say anything."

"I'll go and check up on him once his dad is back," he tries to look for him, the crowd seeming oddly loud but silent at the same time. This is heartbreaking. The moment keeps replaying in my head and worries me a lot more. I am so hurt.

Without knowing why exactly, my eyes water and shed tears, and I move forward to hug my brother and ask him for some comfort. He takes me in his arms right away and rubs my back. "Don't worry, I'm pretty sure he's okay."

I know he is not, otherwise, he would not have avoided or ignored me.

'JOONHA'S P.O.V'

"Joonha," my dad follows me as the only thing I am heading back to his car. "Hey," he catches my arm to stop me, but I do not look at him, feeling too much shame and embarrassment. "I don't wanna stay here, I just wanna go home."

"Stop. Calm down and talk to me, it's alright, okay? You've done amazing, you—"

"No, I didn't," I cut him off and look into his eyes, my breathing not slowing down, the pain of the tightness of my throat feeling even stronger than the one in my back, hip, and arm. "I fucking humiliated myself and disappointed the ones who wasted their time to come here just to watch me do this shit. Stop lying to me just to make me feel better, I was trash."

"You were not," he stares into my eyes, contradicting me no matter what I say. "I do not want to hear you see or talk about yourself like that again. Understood? What happened was caused by your skateboard, you were doing amazing until it broke, and that's not your fault. Your skills have nothing to do with this. Any professional would have fallen too, so you stop putting the blame on whether you're good enough or not and doubting yourself because you are good at skating. Your performance was impressive, you did some risky tricks that others didn't, and you never made a mistake. I'm proud of you, and I know we all are."

"That's not fucking true," some tears roll down my eyes before I could even clear my throat to not cry, and I glance away to wipe them. "I practiced so hard for this...I wanted to do great for you and y/n, but now...all those people are just gonna remember me as the one who failed and humiliated himself..." I throw my broken skateboard on the floor to release some of the wrath I feel against myself. "I knew I shouldn't have been here. I'm so fucking ridiculous. If I didn't land like shit, it wouldn't have broken."

"This is not your fault, Joonha. You landed in a perfect manner, I paid attention to it, so stop," he attempts to convince me, but I cannot believe anything other than myself and what is in my head. "Whatever. I wanna go home," I sniffle and walk up to his car. "What about y/n? She's worried," he mentions the one I am afraid to see while picking up my skateboard. "I can't face her...I'm too fucking ashamed..."

"There's nothing to be ashamed of, why would you feel that way in front of her?" he follows me to stop in front of his car, and I soak my tears with the sleeves of my white top. "You know it...she expected better from me. I look so stupid now..."

"She likes you, and you know she's not like that. I'm pretty sure she just wants to be with you and tell you how proud she is of you," he unlocks the door and gets my broken skateboard in the trunk, so I get inside, not believing what he says. "I'm coming back in a few minutes. Wait here," he closes the door, and I stay with myself, alone. I hate myself so much for not working hard enough, not being good enough to make my dad, my friends, and the one I love proud of me. Y/n and my dad were both so excited about seeing me do this, but I ruined everything.

My vision getting blurry again, I push the end of my sleeves against my eyes to soak the tears, but some voices catch my attention. I peek out of the window and notice y/n and my dad coming closer.

My dad opens a door in the back for y/n then joins us. None of us saying anything, we put our seatbelts on, and my dad turns the ignition on.

•••

11:20 am.

After a silent ride, I wait for my dad to unlock the front door of the house, unable to look at y/n after the humiliation I went through. I enter the house as soon as I can and take my shoes off, but Choco, who is always here to greet me, brightens up my mood by barking and showing me how happy he is to see me. I pick him up in my arms and move upstairs.

Y/n does not follow me, so I close the door behind me and put Choco down on the floor. I take my top off, throw it on my bed, and I sit down on it. I could have enjoyed this day with y/n here, both cuddling or playing, but instead, I decided to be too full of myself and believe I was good enough for this competition.

The anger not drifting away, I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands.

I need to take a shower. This will help me to clear my head from all those thoughts.

'YOUR P.O.V'

"Should I stay here a little bit?" I ask Mister Jeon, feeling like Joonha does not want to see me. "Just a little so that he calms down," he brings me a cold bottle of flavored water. "Here, stay hydrated."

"Thank you," I grab it and take a sip to clear my throat, and he takes his suit jacket off. "He's not ignoring you, alright?" he reassures me, making sure I do not feel like he is doing this against me. "He's just very disappointed in himself. I know he wanted to impress you and do a perfect performance, so he's mad at himself, but not you," he looks at me with a comforting expression, and I smile. "I know. It's alright. I understand him. He did amazing to me though, it's not his fault if he fell."

"That's what I told him, but he doesn't want to hear it," he smiles and glances away. "I wish he wasn't so perfectionist. It isn't good for him..." I sit down to be patient, and he grips the back of a chair. "He got this from me, unfortunately. I was the same when I was his age."

"Oh, I see now," I chuckle and brush my fingers over my cheekbone, not knowing what to do. "He'll change while growing up, eventually," he hopes for it, and I do so. I do not like to see him hurt himself that way because of a small failure, which did not even happen because of him.

20 minutes later...

After getting Mister Jeon's permission, I walk up the stairs and head towards Joonha's room. I knock on the door to not burst inside, and he answers. He opens the door himself.

"Hey," I show a smile. "Can I come in?"

He steps back and lets me join him then closes the door behind me. I turn around to look up into his eyes, and I silently go forth to wrap my arms around him. I squeeze him in a tender way, and he hugs me back. "I'm sorry for disappointing you..."

"You didn't disappoint me at all," I raise my head up to make eye contact. "I'm really proud of you, and you were the best to me."

"It's not true, stop lying to make me feel better," he does not want to believe my honest words, so I pout at him. "I'm not lying. I mean it. I love you, so the others don't matter."

He deeply stares into my eyes while holding me close to his body, looking gloomy. I stand on my tiptoes and press a kiss on his lips. "Stop blaming yourself. What you did was incredible, your skateboard is the only problem. If it didn't break, you would have kept going and been first because my man is the best," I peck his lips again. "You didn't even have your skateboard next to you all the time, what if someone unscrewed the wheel because they knew it was yours?"

"Stop, it's not possible," he refuses to hear what could be true. "What? You don't know what some people are capable of in competitions. Some of them are really messed up and would do anything to win."

"Whatever, I lost, so I don't wanna think about it anymore," he moves away to get on his bed, and he lies down. "You didn't lose. The competition lost you," I correct his sentence with cheesy words, and I manage to make him laugh. "Keep quiet," he grabs my hand and pulls me toward him, so I let myself get drawn closer to him and go on top of him.

"Are you hurt? Do you have any injuries?" I bring up what is still very important to me, more than the results, but he shakes his head. "I don't. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" I do not trust this answer. After seeing him trip so brutally, this is hard to believe he did not injure himself at all. "Yeah. Don't worry," he takes my hands in his bigger ones, but since I am not convinced, I sit up on his lower abdomen and turn his arms to check his skin.

There is nothing on the inner part of them, nothing on the elbow, so I bring my hands to the bottom of his t-shirt and pull it up, but he hurries to push it back and hide what is underneath. "Baby. I said I'm fine."

I gaze in his eyes, not liking the fact he is not telling me the truth. "Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying, don't say that," he denies it and touches my hands again to hold them, but I move them away and cross my arms. "Joonha."

"It's just some damn bruises," he sighs, getting annoyed. "Did you apply something on them?"

"No, I don't give a shit about it," he takes hold of his phone as if my presence was not the only thing that matters anymore. "Your dad must have some cream for—"

"Y/n," he cuts me off, holding his phone aside. "If you're just here to talk about this, I don't want to talk."

"So you're mad because I care about you?" I stare at him, not feeling so great about how upset he suddenly is. He sharply breathes out and rolls his eyes. "I'm not mad. I just don't wanna have to think or talk about that, and you're making it a big deal when it's just some bruises I'm used to getting."

"Fine, I'm sorry to be worried," I move away from his body to leave him alone, but he catches me by the waist to pull me in and hold me against him. "Stop..." he puts his arms around my neck, my head resting on his chest. "I'm sorry for being an asshole. I just want to forget what happened today."

"It's okay," I hug him back, and he drops a soft kiss on my nose bridge. This feels much better like this.


— Three weeks later —


Friday, September 17th, 2022.

12:10 pm.

'JOONHA'S P.O.V'

"Bro, the sun is burning my skin," Seunggil moves back to hide in the shadow, his pale skin giving him a hard time. I chuckle at him but check who is walking out of the coffee shop to take a break too. "Hey," Iseul smiles at me, so I return it, but she walks towards my best friend to hand him his lighter. "Thanks," he takes it and finally lights his cigarette up.

"Are you not eating?" she asks us, and I shake my head. "Not yet," I run my fingers through my hair and set my eyes on Seunggil at the sight of him heaving his hand up. "Your girl's here."

I turn around as soon as I hear this sentence, and once I notice y/n, I smile and walk up to her to be away from my friends for a bit. "Hey," she wraps her arms around my waist and brightens up my day by being here. "Hey, how was your day?" I cup her face with both of my hands to press a kiss on her lips. "It was good, what about yours? How is it going?"

"It's going well. I couldn't wait to see you," I chuckle, not hiding how clingy I am with her. "Really? You missed me since Wednesday?" she asks to hear what will please her ego, and I nod. "Yeah, I always miss you," I smile and brush her hair away from her face, the wind blowing and covering her pretty features. "Wow. I'm so lucky."

"Thanks for making me feel loved too," I say, with sarcasm, and she giggles but tightens her clasp around me, her beautiful eyes staring into mine. "I missed you too, baby boy."

I try to conceal the shyness she caused me to feel with this nickname, and I lean in to kiss her lips again. "Let's go eat something, I'm hungry," I take her hand in mine and walk back to the coffee shop where I work. "I'm hungry too. My stomach has been growling since this morning."

"You told me you ate breakfast," I slide my other hand in my pocket, and she nods. "I did. I ate, but not enough."

"Hm, you'll eat better now," I peek at Seunggil once we reach my friends, and I open the door, but y/n says hi to him and follows me inside. "What do you want to eat?"

She glances up at the menu to pick what she wants, so I wait and keep my eyes on her features. I smile at her facial expression, and I stare at her eyes. "I want a croissant, and a chocolate doughnut," she makes eye contact. "You don't want some coffee?"

"Iced latte," she knows without checking the list. "Alright, you can sit at a table," I take my credit card out and head to my colleague to pay for the order, and he prepares it, so I wait and take a look at y/n to know where she went.

She gets comfortable on a chair, looking adorable, and when she looks at her phone, I turn my head back towards my colleague, who places two coffees in front of me. "Is that your y/n?" he asks, all of them knowing her name now, and I affirm. "Yes."

He scoffs and gets two croissants out of the food display. "You're obvious."

"Shut up," I tongue my inner cheek and grin, and he glances up at me. "Here's your food, enjoy your date," he teases me about it, but I ignore him and take everything to move to my girl.

I lay the food and drinks on the table, and I sit down in front of her. "Wasn't it my time to pay?" she grabs her iced coffee to already take a sip, and I shake my head, certain of my answer. "No, you paid on our last date. Don't try."

"Oh, I forgot," she pretends, sucking the liquid in through the straw while staring into my eyes. I lick my lips and smirk. "Sure, you forgot."

"Hm," she smiles and grabs the chocolate doughnut. "Are you gonna skate this weekend?"

"No," I take a bite of one of the croissants, and we both look at each other. "When are you going to?"

I shrug, having no answer to this question. "I don't know. I don't wanna skate that much anymore."

"And if I want to skate with you?" she attempts to make me go back to it after the incident, knowing what will work. "I will if we're just together."

She stares into my eyes, silently telling me words I can hear without them leaving her mouth. My lips curve up, and I take another bite. "What?"

"Nothing, I'm just looking. You have a problem?" she chews on the pastry, not showing any nervousness but enjoying her food and time here. "Yeah. Stop looking at me like that, or I'm gonna stare too."

A smile grows on her face, but she hides it behind her snack. "You can. I love when your pretty eyes look into mine."

"Sure," I do not believe those lies, recalling all the times she had to glance away and break eye contact because she could not stand how steady my stare was. "We'll see tonight," I mumble and drink, and she laughs, shyly.

•••

5:30 pm.

'YOUR P.O.V'

I sit down on his gaming chair after getting into his bedroom, and he drops his bag next to his desk. "I'm gonna take a quick shower," he takes his t-shirt off in front of me again, and I nod but peek down at his bare torso.

Without saying a single word, he comes closer and brushes his thumb over the corner of my lips. "You're drooling," he smirks and walks towards the bathroom, and I cannot help smiling like a dumbass.

Since he is now gone, I turn towards his computer and turn it on, hoping for him to not have a password but doubting it.

A few seconds are enough to get an answer. He does have a password, so I stand up and head up to his bathroom door to knock on it. "Hey!"

"What?!" he yells from inside, the water not hitting the floor yet. "What's your password?! I wanna play!"

He does not answer me, and the door opens, but he only shows his face and hides his body behind it. "Couldn't you tell me that before I got here?"

"No," I smile at him and tease him by pretending to try to take a peek at what he is concealing with that door, but he shrinks the gap even more. "It's Chocochip two-thousand, and don't try to do this again."

"Or else what?" I walk back to his computer to enter the password, which I feel pretty lucky to have gotten. "Or else we do the baby making in that shower," he slams the door right away, not facing the aftermath of this response after I instinctively whirled around on the chair.

I chuckle but cannot ignore the beat my heart skipped because of this. I deny it instead and get on discord but notice he is still logged in. Without looking much into it, I take a look at his friends but do not see as many girls as I thought there would be. Only a few ones, but I will not read the messages, I would rather not, and most of the time, if he is online, he plays or chats with me, so seeing me in the first three conversations even though we have not talked here for around three weeks reassures me a lot.

Now, not knowing what game to play, I check what he has here, but he receives a text on Discord. This is from Seunggil, and without opening it, I already read that he asks Joonha to play.

Since I do not want him to believe he is being ignored, I answer him.

[ hey, it's y/n. Joonha's taking a shower >

< oh ok. Do you wanna play dbd with me and another friend? ]

[ sure, you can invite me >

I accept and launch the game while waiting for him to send me an invite.

10 minutes later...

"No, don't try to save me, just leave," I tell Seunggil so that he can win the game, but he does not listen to me. "Shut up. I'm not leaving my friends behind," he speaks like a hero and gets me off the hook, even though the killer is right behind him. "He's here!" I run but check if he is still alive, and I laugh at the way he just managed to trick him, and we both leave together.

"Fuck yeah! I am a hero," he sings the old song with the wrong lyrics, and his friend joins in, but right while I was giggling, Joonha startles. He stands next to me, so I move one ear of my headphones back to hear him, and he tells me to stand up. I do it, and he sits down, so I get comfortable on his lap.


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