Chapter 23: And Curiosity Killed the Cat (EDITED)

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Why would my dad say Will was in love with me? He couldn't be, right? He'd never said anything I could perceive as that...But he did kiss me. He was drunk when that happened, so was it intentional or not?

My pondering made the atmosphere in the car tense. Will kept looking at me, probably checking to see if I was upset. Finally his patience snapped.

"You're obviously thinking long and hard about something. Just tell me what it is already."

I rolled my eyes at him. It was none of his business what I was thinking. My silence spoke for itself, when he finally sighed in acceptance.

"Fine. Will you at least tell me how it went? I'm really curious." He asked, eyes wide.

I weighed my options. If I talked to him about that, he might stop asking about what I was thinking about...

"Alright. At first it was a little tense. I wasn't sure going into it what I was going to say. He apologized to me for everything that's happened. I eventually said I was willing to forgive him. After that we talked about school and life. It was nice actually."

"Wait, you said you'd forgive him?" He asked, surprise and anger evident in his tone.

"Yeah, so what?"

He glanced at me, frustrated and pained. "How is it you're able to forgive him but not me? He did the same thing I did!"

The thing was, I think I had forgiven him.  But he could never know that.  I knew I had to keep up my front of still being angry at him, but I hated it. "No he didn't! The circumstances were completely different. He abandoned me to keep me safe. He said he was wrong and he wished he could take it all back. You lied to me for all that time, pretending to be something you weren't. You betrayed me. He made a mistake, but at least it wasn't flat-out betrayal. Besides, I haven't forgiven him yet. It's a work in progress. Just like it is with you."

Will hmphed to himself unhappily. After a couple minutes of silence, he spoke again. "Our circumstances are a little different then. He said he was wrong and that he would take it back if he could. I would do it all again in a heartbeat to keep you safe. I won't apologize for that, no matter how much you hate me right now for it."

I let out a pent-up breath in frustration. He was so stubborn. Though I had to admit, it was touching he cared so much about me. After speaking to my father and hearing how much danger he believed I would have been in, I could see sending Will in undercover to protect me. Will was just doing his job. For some reason, that thought stung. Was I just a job? Was that why he wouldn't apologize for that?

No, that didn't make sense. He kept apologizing to me when I found out. He must care about me as a person, right? My dad said he was in love with me. Did I want that to be true? I wasn't sure. The thought scared me, but I still wanted to know if it was true. Maybe I would pay attention to how he answers certain questions, see if he shows any signs of being in love with me.

My heart was pounding with my nervousness. "Will? Was I ever just a job to you?"

He glanced at me with a frown. "No, never. Why are you asking?"

"I wanted to hear your side of things." I shrugged.

"I'll answer anything you want to know honestly. I already told you, you're my best friend. You have been since I met you. No amount of my lying could ever change that."

He had said that before. "I know you've said that. But what about the little things you did for me? Like when the time you went with me to my mom's grave? Or when you had those Pride and Prejudice movie nights with me. Do you even like Pride and Prejudice?"

He reached over and gently grabbed my hand, squeezing. "Those things were sometimes part of my job, but I would have done them anyway. No, the movie nights were never in the job description. I didn't like it at first, but after the millions of times you made me watch it, I have to admit I began to get into it." He smiled wide, showing off the dimple in his cheek.

I felt butterflies in my stomach as I thought of my next question. Maybe I shouldn't ask it. But I wanted to know the truth.

"So...why did you kiss me the night of the party? We've never talked about it. Well, besides when you used it to blackmail me." I glared at him for that.

"...I was drunk." After his short reply, I was waiting for the rest of it, but he didn't say anything else.

"You were drunk. So it didn't mean anything? It seemed like it meant something." I asked, confused.

"Yes...no...I don't know Annie. Look, I was just really drunk and upset. I don't know anything else." He snapped at me. I muttered an 'oh' before a long silence fell between us.

Didn't he just say he'd answer any questions I had happily? He didn't need to snap at me. I just wanted some answers. Though it was better this way.  The more angry he got with me, the less danger he was in.  I watched the scenery fly by through the window, contemplating everything he'd told me. He clearly did care about me. But I didn't think it was love. If he loved me, wouldn't he have answered that last question differently?

We pretty much kept our silence the rest of the way back to the shed—sorry, I mean safe house. Once we pulled up, Will sighed and handed something over to me. It was my phone!

"It looks like Jaime probably isn't involved in all this stuff going on. I figured you'd probably better let him know you're gone. Just don't tell him where you are."

I smiled, grabbing my phone out of his hand.

"Wait, you didn't tell him I was leaving? You confiscated my phone, so I thought you'd at least tell him."

Will gave me a deadpan look. "No Annie, I did not tell your boyfriend that I, the guy he hates, kidnapped you out of state last second."

I blushed. He probably had good reason not to say anything then. I hopped out of the SUV and dialed Jaime's number. It only rang once before he was answering it, sounding frantic.

"Annalee? Is that you? I've been so worried! Where are you? I went by your apartment and you weren't there." He shot out quickly.

"Calm down. I'm okay. There was an update in the case and Will—I mean the FBI—had to take me to a safehouse for a couple days. They confiscated my phone and just now gave it back once they came to reason and realized you don't have anything to do with this."

"...So you're with Will? At a safehouse? I don't like it."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't like it either. But while my attackers are on the loose I have to stay here. Will only let me contact you because he has a pretty solid lead on the suspect.It's okay. It hasn't been all bad. I got to see my father today for the first time in over a year, and this time I knew the truth."

"So they've settled on Mills as the prime suspect?  That's good.  How are you doing with all that?"

"I'm alright, actually. It was difficult at first, but I'm doing better now."

"Good. Well, how long are you going to be there? Can I come see you?"

I sighed, knowing how that argument would go with Will. "No, I'm sorry. I could be here for a while. They need to get Mills in custody before it's safe for me to be home. They won't let me tell anyone where I am, so I'm sure they wouldn't let you visit."

"And by 'they' you mean Will, right? That douchebag. Whatever. He's FBI, so I won't win that argument. Just text me and call me when you can, alright? Let me know you're alright."

"I will. I'd better go. My prison guard is probably getting impatient."

He said goodbye to me and we hung up. I took a deep breath before turning right into Will's hard chest.

"So I'm a prison guard now, am I?" He smirked.

I smacked his arm. "You're not supposed to be eavesdropping. Anyway, here you go."

He raised his eyebrows at me. "I never said to give it back when you were done. You can keep it. Though I like this new cooperative side of you."

I ignored his comment and put my phone back in my pocket. I brushed past him and into the house. I could feel him following closely behind me. Finally when we were in the living room, he called my name. I turned to face him.

His eyes were strangely intense and he cocked his head to the side. "About your question earlier...do you really want to know?"

"What question?"

"About why I kissed you. Do you really want to know?" He stepped closer.

I thought I did. Now, with his intense stare, I wasn't sure. "...Yes?"

He took another step in my direction, so he was so close my nose could almost touch his chest. I felt extremely nervous over what was coming next.

"I love you."

I was so shocked that it took a long pause for me to process. "W-what?"

"I love you." Will said again.

"So my dad was right..." I mumbled to myself.

Will examined my expression carefully. "I know he told you. He called me when we stopped at that gas station. He said some crap about how I wasn't ever going to, so he got the ball rolling for me. He was right, I wasn't going to tell you. But now I kind of have to, so..."

I still didn't know what to do with that information, so I stared at him. He grabbed my hand and dragged me to a stool, making me sit down. My voice finally came back to me.

"How long? When did it start?" I asked, flustered.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I guess I'd have to say it started when I met you, though I didn't know it until Becca told me you had sex with your boyfriend. I was very protective over you, which I thought was normal given my job. But it went further than that. I was keeping guys your age from asking you out, saying I was your boyfriend. I wanted to be your boyfriend. Of course, when I started freaking out about it, your dad already knew. He'd seen it in me before I did! I thought he was going to send me away and request a new protection detail for you, but he surprised me. He was glad I was in love with you. He said it made protecting you personal for me. He also told me he approved of me and that he hoped we got together."

"If you were in love with me, why didn't you say something?"

"At first, I kept putting it off because it was still my job to protect you and I thought it would be unethical. Then I realized that if you were happy, I didn't want to stand in the way of that...even though it was killing me." He looked away and slumped slightly.

"So this whole time...your only reason for hating Jaime was that you loved me? Did you ever suspect him at all?" I asked, a hard edge creeping into my voice. He really put me through all that because he didn't like him?

His eyes shot up to mine again, shining in their earnestness. "No, I promise. That wasn't why I said I suspected him. Everything I told you about that was true. No, I didn't like him, but I wouldn't have made you suffer for it."

"Oh."

A moment of silence passed between us. I had the feeling he was giving me a second to catch my breath after all that. Finally he slid a little closer, grasping both my hands in his. My hands felt so small in his large ones.

"Annie...over the past few months we've had moments. Like when we kissed after that party, and all those times I almost kissed you. I know those weren't all in my head," his eyes were lit with hope and sincerity, and he leaned in closer when he continued, "I'm trying to say...I want to be with you. I know you care for me too."

My eyes kept traveling from his brown eyes down to his lips as he leaned closer to me. My heart was pounding and butterflies were erupting in my stomach. I didn't know what I wanted. In that moment I couldn't see past his closeness and his warm hands encircling my own. He must have taken my silence for acceptance because in less than a second his lips were lightly brushing against my own.

Without being aware of my actions, I leaned into him as he kissed me. He started off sweet and slow, relishing the feeling of his mouth on mine. His lips were so warm and soft and before I knew it he was fully embracing me and kissing me with fervor. After a moment I finally came to my senses and pushed him away. Tears started streaming down my face and Will looked at me with confusion.

"I can't." I whispered. Understanding dawned on his face, quickly followed by hurt.

"Why?" He whispered back, reaching to caress my face with his palm.

I turned away from his touch. "I don't...I-I don't know." I stuttered through tears.  I had to come up with something fast.  He was getting too close.  Panic was bubbling in my chest at the memory of him bleeding on the floor after being shot.  I would never allow that to happen to him again, even if it meant breaking his heart.

His eyes hardened and he stepped away. "Yes you do. Come on, just say it."

I took a deep breath and told my lie. "I-I don't trust you."

"That's it. That's the reason you can't be with me?" He laughed. "We don't have a problem then. Didn't you say you were working on trusting me again? Annie, you know that was the only time I ever lied to you. I want to be with you. I promise I won't ever lie to you again." He gripped my hands in his.

"Maybe it was the only time you lied, but it was huge. You have no idea how betrayed I felt when I knew the truth. And I feel like I just got to know the real you. I can't go there with you Will." I said softly, hoping he'd believe my lie.

"Come on! You can get to know me more along the way—"

I didn't let him finish. The panic for his safety was getting too intense to bear.  He wasn't listening!  He would die if I couldn't make him listen. I ripped my hands from his and hugged myself. "No. I said I couldn't go there with you. I mean it. Besides the trust issue, I'm with Jaime now Will. You're too late."

He stared at me for a moment, jaw dropped. "You don't love him. He doesn't love you. Not like I do. He can't possibly care for you the way I do. He barely knows you. If you were so sure of him, we wouldn't have had all those moments together." He was pleading now, brows drawn tight.

My head was shaking.  I had to go all the way.  He wouldn't walk away unless I hurt him beyond repair. "That's not true. Those moments were mistakes made in my moments of weakness. Half the time they were all you."

He stepped back, hurt shining in his eyes. "You're telling me I was a mistake?"

My heart hurt. It felt like it was ripping in two. I felt tears start slipping down my cheeks.

"Yes." I whispered.

His eyes bore into my soul, sadness and anger entwined deep in them. "I understand," he stepped toward me, making me back into the wall. My breath caught in my throat as he leaned over me, "but don't ever say you don't feel this too. Don't lie to yourself about this," He took a breath and stepped back again. "I won't ever apologize for being in love with you, but I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I'll leave you alone from now on."

The tears wouldn't quit flowing down my cheeks.  Now the sobs were breaking through my throat.  I didn't want to lose him altogether.  After this was over I still wanted to be friends.  "We can't even be friends anymore?"

He wouldn't even look at me as he responded. "You can't have it both ways Annie. Now you know how I feel and you don't want me, I can't be with you. It's too painful. I'll get another agent assigned to you."

And with that, he walked out the door, leaving me alone. He was never coming back.  He was safe.

Will was gone.

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