we grew accustomed to the feeling
of faux happiness that it already feels so real even though at night your pillows are never dry

   from the tears that you shed
and the blood that you bled
the anxiety floating in your head
but when the sun came up

  you were up and going,
always ready and smiling,
you felt safe, and confident

but when the night comes
and knocks you out, and suddenly there it is again.