PEYTON'S POV

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I woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window, army planes flying overhead, and the slow and steady breaths of Zara as she lay sleeping next to me, her bare back pressed to my front as she was curled up securely under my arm that was across her chest. I didn't move, not wanting to wake her, but instead played connect the dot with the light freckles that were splattered across her back, admired the soft curls of her baby hairs at the nape of her neck, and watched her shoulders rise and fall with each breath she took as she peacefully slept.

We were both still completely naked, wrapped up in the cotton bed sheets with our limbs tangled together messily. As I lay there next to her, my thoughts drifted to the night before as I recalled in detail what had happened. I hadn't expected it to, nor had I planned for it, but I knew it just felt right. I had never let anyone see me the way Zara had, touch me the way Zara had, feel me the way Zara had, and the scary part was that I didn't regret it — I didn't regret a single thing.

In two short months Zara had worked her way into my heart and completely captured it. I felt things for her that I had never felt before. She had broken down my walls made herself at home in my heart, and I couldn't bring myself to kick her out. I didn't want to. Zara had penetrated me both emotionally and physically, and I was absolutely terrified. I had never let someone come close to what happened between Zara and I last night. I had never let anyone see me bare, let alone touch me the way she did.

And she was amazing. Every touch left goosebumps on my skin and sent shivers down my spine. Each kiss gave me butterflies, and every time she moaned my name it was like music to my ears. She knew exactly how to work my body and she did it well, hitting my sweet spots and sensitive points with just enough tenderness to send me over the edge. For a fleeting moment I was embarrassed at how I had begged for her touch and screamed her name, but when she kissed me afterwards everything felt right once more.

When we had sex it was different. In the past with other girls, I was always just doing it for my own personal gain - my reputation. I wanted to be the girl who was good at sex. I was known at school for doing the 'smash and dash' — I was known to not do attachment or relationships. I enjoyed watching women fall at my feet and scream my name, but I never necessarily enjoyed the sex, but God, seeing Zara moan my name as she reached her climax was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I loved making her feel good, and I had never felt that before.

The fact that I was feeling all of these emotions was enough to make me run, but I couldn't. We were in the middle of a pandemic and running would get me killed. The fear I felt from the fact that I didn't regret what happened between Zara and I was more intense than any fear I had ever felt about this pandemic.

The last time I had feelings for a girl was when I was fifteen. She told me she liked me back, and I had created an elaborate plan on how I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. Silly me, because next thing I knew she was making out with Jason Coleman behind the school gym. It was just a schoolgirl crush, not even close to what I was feeling for Zara right now, but it was enough to turn me off ever getting feelings for anyone ever again, until now.

These feelings I had for Zara were completely accidental and unexpected. Never in a million years did I think I would ever get feelings for Zara McMann. Zara McMann, for God's sake. We hated each other, but here we were lying naked next to each other the morning after the most passionate sex I have ever had.

I pressed a feather light kiss to her bare shoulder, not wanting to wake her up, before slipping carefully from the bed and pulling on my clothes that had been discarded onto the floor the day before. I crept down the stairs quietly and lay with Dennis on the couch. Sitting with him after snapping at Zara felt like a lifetime ago, even though it was only yesterday. I felt like a completely different person now. The concept of virginity was ridiculous to me, but I truly felt like my experience with Zara had changed me as a person, as crazy as that sounds. For better or worse, I didn't know...

My phone chimed from the coffee table in front of me and I reached forward to look at it, expecting another annoying text from Laine about how her acrylic nails needed to be filled in or how her sugar daddy was refusing to send her more money, or perhaps a message from one of the boys checking in to see how I was going, but I was wrong. My mum's contact name flashed across the screen, sending my heart down to my stomach. I hadn't heard from either of my parents since the pandemic had started and I had received that short text from her saying 'We're fine.'. It was obvious that they didn't care about my well-being, so I wondered why on earth she would be texting me now. I opened the text and read the short sentence quickly.

'Are you coming home?'

I felt the anxiety bubbling in my stomach and my skin became hot. Why now? Why did she care? The fear that my parents elicited in me was abnormal and downright wrong. Although I'd grown up with it, I knew it wasn't the way parents should be treating their child. I saw the way my friends interacted with their parents, and that's not what I had. I resented my parents with my entire being for the emotional pain they had put me through. If they hadn't had such high expectations of me, then I wouldn't have felt the need to win that race all those years ago. Maybe, if they hadn't pushed me so hard, I never would've felt the way I did about Zara for so long.

I threw my phone back onto the table, refusing to reply. I was already experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions about my situation with Zara, I didn't need to add any family drama to my plate. I was so overwhelmed with everything I was feeling. Every time I thought of the girl sleeping peacefully upstairs my heart skipped a beat. Every time I saw her I wanted to take her into my arms and never let her go.

The last time I cried was almost four years ago on that fateful day when I met Zara for the first time at the athletics carnival. I told myself I would never cry again, but it seems that Zara was changing my entire life. I could feel my nose sniffling and eyes stinging as they filled with tears, threatening to spill over and onto my cheeks. I willed them back, but it was no use. For the first time in four years, I cried.

I let the tears fall freely as I sobbed into the couch cushion, with Dennis' heavy head resting on my shaking shoulder. Zara had told me once that he could sense people's emotions, and I knew he was comforting me. I cried and I cried for what felt like hours, letting the fear of my emotions wash over me. I dreaded Zara appearing from the staircase, walking in on me crying like an idiot because I'm scared of my own feelings. And yet, I continued to cry. Years worth of emotions came out as if I'd opened the floodgates entirely. I barely recognised the person I was in this moment. This was not the person I had built myself to be. The tough exterior, the fierce reputation, it had all come crashing down. I told myself that it was healthy to feel these emotions, but it felt so foreign. Everything I was feeling right now was so foreign. The tears, the anxiety, the love.

Love.

The word came to mind before I could stop it, and I choked out another strangled sob as a result. Love — something I told myself I would never let myself feel, something that made you vulnerable and open to getting your heart shattered. I always told myself that love was for the weak, that love was something I didn't want, let alone need.

But here I was, crying pathetically on my own, trying to come to terms with the fact that I had fallen hopelessly in love with Zara McMann.

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AUTHORS NOTE
I don't really like this chapter and may go back and edit it eventually. It's short and it feels really messy and all over the place, but I don't really know how else to write it at the moment. I hope you like it anyway! Please vote & comment! Only three more chapters to go!