20 - Attempt To Break Free

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This chapter is dedicated to StacyLV who always manages to cheer me up with her story. Sometimes, a laughter goes a long way to keep one's sanity ;)

20 - Attempt To Break Free  

The weekend couldn't go by fast enough. I was jumpy almost the entire time, not so much because I felt guilty but more because I was really scared to let my intentions slip. I wasn't sure what would happen but imagined anything from a severe beating to possibly being locked up in the house for a long time. By Monday morning, I was a nervous wreck.

"Are you OK, honey," Brent asked concerned. "You don't look so good."

"I'm fine," I mumbled. "I just didn't sleep well. I have a couple of tests this week and it's stressing me out."

That wasn't even a lie. We were ten weeks into the school year out of which I missed almost four as a result of the various beatings. I wasn't sure how and if I would be able to catch up, especially with the uncertainty I was facing.

He kissed me on my forehead. "Keep your chin up, things will work out. I will see you tonight."

I grinned and nodded, fully intending for him to find an empty house when he got home from college. As soon as he was out the door, I sprang into action. I stuffed a bag full of clothing and toiletries, my heart pounding in my throat the entire time. Somehow, I felt guilty, scared and exhilarated all at the same time. This was it – I finally had enough.

I called Kade just before I left. "I'm coming over to the hospital now. Can you lend me some money for a cab?"

"Yes. I will meet you outside in fifteen minutes."

His voice was so comforting. One more look around with tears in my eyes – I remembered how happy I was the day I moved in, the future for the taking. How could things have changed so much in not even three months?

The ride over to the hospital was uneventful. I was still nervous, my fingers drumming on the seat of the cab, my eyes staring vacantly into the distance. All of a sudden, I wasn't sure anymore if this was really the right thing to do. What happened if the shelter wasn't right for me or even worse, Brent found me? Would I really be save?

I couldn't worry about it much longer when the cab pulled up to the hospital. As promised, Kade was waiting outside, jumping up and down to stay warm. He looked adorable though I didn't have feelings for him or anything. He was just the best friend I had at the moment – the only one I trusted. I just hoped I wasn't making a mistake.

He paid the driver and grabbed my bag. "I didn't call Laura yet," he informed, giving me a crocked smile. "I wasn't sure if you really wanted me to."

I appreciated his honesty. "No, I'm ready," I claimed. "I realized that I can't do this alone and I am really unhappy with Brent. I really want this."

He seemed relieved. "OK, let's do it then."

While we were walking to the examination room, he called Laura and she promised she would be over later this morning. She had some emergency she had to take care off first and I should wait. This didn't sit well with me. It never struck me that she may have women in immediate danger to their lives while I was safe for the moment.

Kade asked a female colleague to perform the physical and I was grateful. I never had a pelvic exam by a man and it would have been awkward since we were friends even if he was a physician and likely had seen naked women a hundred times before. Again, I was somewhat ignorant to the truth, not realizing that he examining me could have been against hospital policy since we had contact outside the doctor patient relationship.

After that, I waited. It was almost noon when Laura showed up and she looked totally stressed.

"Chantal Forrester showed up this morning," I overheard her whispering to Kade. "I can't get a hold of your mother but I think there might be trouble."

Kade frowned. "I'll let her know. She is out of town for a conference but will be back later tonight. I'll give Noel the heads up in case you need his help."

This sounded somewhat cryptic to me but apparently was something common for them. Laura turned to me next with an encouraging smile. "I'm really glad you changed your mind. Let's go."

I followed her outside to a small mini bus and we drove only for a few miles until we got to a three story brick building somewhere on Circular Road.

"This is our Family Rescue Center," Laura explained. "We have a total of thirty six beds, luckily not all occupied at the moment. It's not our busiest time of the year, that's usually after the holidays. Mothers practically flock here in January after giving it one last shot over Christmas."

The shelter was actually quite comfortable, not what I had expected at all. I had pictured it like a big homeless shelter with huge common spaces but this place had smaller bedrooms and each floor had a living and dining room adjacent to a kitchen.  There were also a large recreational and study area downstairs. Out back was a fenced in garden with modern play equipment and what looked like a nature explorer classroom.

"You will share your room with Patrice, she is sixteen like you." Laura pushed open the door to a small room which wasn't even a quarter of what I had at Brent's but held two beds, a desk and a small dresser. A pretty girl was stretched out comfortably on one of the mattresses, headphones stuck into her ears with her eyes closed, humming quietly to the music. Laura gently nudged her shoulder and her eyes opened lazily, blinking at the interruption with disapproval. Laura signalled her to remove the earplugs.

"Patrice, this is Rena. She will be your roommate."

The girl shrugged after giving me a suspicious glance and returned to her music.

"You have to excuse her," Laura muttered. "She isn't very sociable. Difficult family situation."

The girl didn't appear to have had a tough life. Her clothes were all designer, expensive converse parked in front of her bed and her fingernails had been carefully shaped, no doubt by a professional. Her dark shiny hair was straightened and cut in a modern style – overall, she looked like she just stepped out of a fashion magazine.

"Unpack and try to relax," Laura suggested. "We will go over the safety plan and the rules this afternoon."

"The safety plan?" I asked puzzled.

Laura gave me a patient smile. "I will explain later." 'Behave' she mouthed to Patrice but the girl was back in her own little world.

I started to fill an empty drawer with my belongings and even noticed a small walk-in closet which was already filled with a bunch of Patrice's stuff but had a few free hangers for my school uniform.

I was just about going to find the bathroom when I noticed that Patrice was watching me with cautious eyes. I tried to be polite and gave her my most approachable smile.

"What's your name again?" she asked. Her voice was soft, almost timid.

"Rena."

"Your mom's here too?" I realized she was making her best effort at a friendly icebreaker exercise.

"No. My mother died when I was little." I wasn't sure how much I really wanted to share with her.

"Did your dad hurt you?" There were tears in her eyes and she almost choked on her question.

"No," I frowned. "My boyfriend beat me a few times."

She seemed surprised. "Why are you at the shelter? You could just break up with him and that's it."

I wished it was that easy. "We were living together." My tone was sharper than intended but I felt she was judging me.

She immediately closed back down. "Oh." She pushed the button on her IPod to start her music and I felt awful for just brushing her off but didn't know how to get her attention again. With a sigh, I decided to explore the rest of the center.

My stomach was growling and I found some bread and pepperoni in the fridge to fix me a sandwich. The kitchen and dining room was clean and cozy and I started to relax. This wasn't as bad as I thought and I was sure I would get used to Patrice eventually though I couldn't picture us ever being friends. We seemed to be from totally different backgrounds.

I called Kade to thank him and he seemed relieved. "I'm glad you like it. Call me if you need anything."

He had a way of making me feel almost invincible. "Thanks for everything. I will never be able to repay you for what you've done for me."

There was a brief silence. "Staying away from your boyfriend will be already repayment enough." There was something in his voice that threw me off, like he didn't trust me enough to follow through. Back then, I was certain the worst was over. I had made the first step, the rest would fall into place. There was no doubt on my mind I had freed myself from Brent for good.

I decided to find Laura for our little chat but when I got to the main office, she was not there. "Laura had to go to court but Tisha can talk to you."

I was led into a small room that reminded me very much of my principal's office and I was immediately intimidated. Tisha was an older woman with a graying hair cut closely to her head, almost giving her the appearance of a man. She looked very stern when I sat down.

"Yes, Rena - it is nice to meet you," she started, her eyes penetrating and I wasn't sure if she truly meant a word she just uttered. "I guess we should go over the rules."

I nodded, a lump in my throat. This was really uncomfortable.

"I run this center and just so we are clear, you are only here as a personal favor to the Fallons who have been great supporters."

Well, that was very direct – she really didn't sugar coat that she didn't want me there.

"Normally, the beds are reserved for women who have nowhere to go and their immediate family members. This is a transition center and women are expected to use their time to find work and get themselves back on their feet so that they can rebuild their lives." She leaned back in her chair. "Why exactly do you feel that going home to your dad is not an option for you?"

I didn't have an answer to that and just stared at here.

She gave me a curt smile. "I thought so. Well, I'm afraid that you can only stay for a few days to get your head cleared but we are not in a position to offer you long term shelter to get you through school. It is my understanding you are emancipated?"

"Yes, ma'am." The words just automatically flowed out of my mouth and she watched me with narrow eyes, probably trying to figure out if I was trying to be smart.

Surprisingly, her face got milder. "Please call me Tisha. We are all on a first name basis here."

I nodded.

"I didn't mean to downplay what you may have experienced - I am sure it was terrible," she continued. "But you also have to understand that we cannot cater to teenagers to get them through high school. Take a few days and figure out what you want to do but I urge you to reach out to your dad."

"I don't think my father wants me."

She gazed at me thoughtfully. "If that is the case, things might be different but you will never know unless you try. I am more than happy to facilitate if this would be easier for you than taking the first step."

At that moment, I neither wanted her help nor was intending to call my dad. I was torn, not sure if I didn't make a mistake coming to the shelter in the first place.

"I'll think about it," I assured.

"Good." She studied me intensely and I was certain she knew I was lying. "Now, let's go over the rules of the center. You are expected to help out, participate in preparing meals and tidy up after yourself. We are one of only two domestic violence shelters in the greater Chicago area who accept teen males so that families do not have to separate when they leave abusive relationships. It goes without saying that you are not to spend any time alone with the opposite sex in your room. Curfew for residents under eighteen is at nine."

That sounded worse than my dad's rules.

"Now, are you pregnant?" she asked.

"No." Tears pooled in my eyes when I thought of my miscarriage and I quickly wiped them away.

She must have noticed my distress. "You can participate in the counselling groups. They are very helpful."

"Sure." If everyone at the center was as annoying as her, I would rather pass.

"Do you have a safety plan?"

I shook my head. "I actually don't know what that is."

Those penetrating eyes were rattling. "He will try to contact you, first by phone and then likely in person. You should prepare yourself for that - map out in your mind what you want to tell him. Try not to be alone with him and if you have to meet him, only do so in public. I highly recommend that you also inform the school of the situation so that they will alarm the police if he is trying to confront you."

There was no way I would talk to my teachers. That was too embarrassing.

"Did Pam talk to you about a protection order?" she asked.

I had no idea who she was talking about. "Who is Pam?"

She seemed surprised. "Pam Fallon. She does a lot of legal work for the center. I thought you were a friend of the family."

"I'm friends with her son but never met her," I explained.

"I see. Well, welcome and let me know if you have any further questions."

She returned to her paperwork and my audience was finished. I felt awful, she didn't make me feel welcome at all. I was like an intruder to her who didn't belong in her little domain.

I was just walking down the corridor back to my room when Brent called me.

"Where the hell are you?" He was in a foul mood and the situation at the center became more bearable.

Yet I wasn't ready to fill him in on my plan to leave him. "I am still at school." I fibbed. "I have a meeting with my guidance counsellor because I missed so many classes."

"Ok," he muttered. "Hurry up, I'm starving."

He would probably have to get used to fixing dinners for himself. "I will be home as soon as I can, I promise."

After I hung up, I glared at the phone, pondering if I should just call my dad and fess up. It would be the easiest and maybe even the best.

Today, I know that this would have been the way to go. He would have taken me back with open arms and helped me work things out but in my mind, he was a man who had never really shown a lot of compassion, let alone understanding my feelings. I actually feared he would punish me for moving out in the first place.

If it had been my mom, I possibly would have confided in her. I couldn't get a hold of Kade and was agitated when I got back to my assigned room. Patrice hadn't moved and totally ignored me. I fell on the bed, sulking like a brat because I felt lonely and all I could think of was that I wanted to go home to Brent.

Thanks for reading. We are now about half way through the story and I am glad you are still holding on for the ride. So far, I think we have been on quite some rollercoaster but the ride isn't over yet. 

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