Part 37

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37. Seth

I am in the dark.

Knowing what you have to do and being paralyzed, caught in your body, is extremely unsatisfying.

All light is gone. The previous scenarios are prominent in my mind but feel like they have happened days ago. They're nothing but a far away memory, dream-like but repeating over and over as I lie here.

I can't see anything now and I have absolutely no control. The only sense that I have left is my sense of hearing. Once I found myself here, wherever here is, I noticed the dull beeping sound, relentlessly repeating over and over and over again. It sounds far away but as it is the only thing that I can hear it is loud, so loud that I would curse it if it weren't my only grasp at reality.

I have to wake up.

Remembering the little girl, the baby Arya was holding, Mariana, I can suddenly feel my stomach clenching. The look of unadulterated love mixed with utter sadness lit a fire in me. All I wanted to do was break out of this weird parallel and tell her everything would be alright. Even now I can't stop thinking about anything else. That one look, that fire inside me, has given me the strength to form a plan.

The only problem with that plan being, that I have to actually be awake to set it into motion.

Just as I finish that thought, a new sound vibrates through me, wiping my mind clean. If I had control of my lungs, I'd probably be holding my breath.

A door shuts and then all of a sudden I can hear shoes walking across carpet, someone sitting down close by me, a stool creaking.

"My boy..."

All it takes is that hushed whisper. A flurry of emotion bursts through me, making my fingertips tingle and the hair on my arms stand up. My mother's voice sends shivers down my spine and I was never happier to hear it.

"I am so sorry," she sobs and I feel her taking my right hand into hers. "I should have listened to you. Jesus, how often do mothers have to say this to their sons? Seth, you don't know how sorry I am. Your father... There are a lot of things I regret in life but you... I never regret having you and your sister. I love you two. So much."

She sighs and pulls her hands away from mine.

"I regret not spending more time with you. Your sister. She has grown so much and I wasn't there to see it. I hate... I hate myself for it." I listen as she starts crying, my heart clenching.

"Why didn't I listen to you? I need you to wake up, Seth. I will make it up to you if it's the last thing I do. I will make this right."

I hear her inhale deeply and then the door opens again. My mother sighs and I can almost feel the tension in the air. It frustrates me that I can see but I can hear someone else sitting down close by. A certain smell fills my nose.

"Paulina is asleep now," the sound of Arya's voice is like an electric shock straight to my heart.

"Thank you, Arya. I don't know how to thank you for all of this."

"Stop worrying about me." She yawns and I feel the urge to reach out to her.

There's a pause where neither of them speak and I want to scream. I need to get out of this trap.

"It's been four days, Arya. I can't stop worrying. With every passing hour, the image of life without him becomes clearer and clearer. I don't know what I would do if this became reality. What if..." She is sobbing now and Arya gets out of her seat. As she walks, I get a whiff of her perfume again.

"Don't say that," she whispers. "He just needs his time. Have some faith, Mrs. Smith."

I love her. I love her so much.

Four days. I have been like this for four whole days. I missed Christmas. They all missed Christmas because of me. I don't only need to wake up for myself, to go through with my plan but now I also need to get up for them. My mother has obviously had some sort of change of heart and Arya... She is so strong. She plays strong well, she always has. But I know, without being arrogant, I know that she needs me just as much as I need her.

"Did my baby like her presents?"

Arya chuckles slightly.

"I'm sure she loved them... but she couldn't really show it. Once Seth wakes up, we'll have another Christmas." Arya assures my mother. "That's the thing about your daughter. She doesn't really care about presents or money or any of that stuff, you know? All she cares about is spending time with her brother and her parents."

"She's that great, huh?" My mother asks, her voice shaky from crying.

"She really is. I love her almost as much as I love your son," Arya chuckles and I hear her walking over to me. She caresses my cheek with the back of her hand and I don't think I've ever felt something this pleasant.

"Arya I should apologize to you again. I have behaved awfully towards you. You need to know that I am doing everything in my power to make this up to you as well. I'm ready for a change. I'm only waiting for my son to make an appearance." My mother's voice gets closer to the bed. "Whenever he's ready..."

"He will be... I have a good feeling."

Then my mother steps away and I hear her slowly walking away from my bed. The door opens and I am left alone with Arya. I can feel her right there next to me. She sits down on the bed and then I can feel her breath on her face, smell her perfume and the heat radiating through her fingertips as they move down my jaw very slowly. Before I know it, her lips press to mine but I can't react. Everything inside me screams to move and then her lips are gone.

"I miss you, Seth. Don't make me wait much longer. I can't take it any more."

Damn it!

Arya kisses my jaw and then my neck and I can feel the wetness of a tear against my skin.

"Your sister is a mess. Your mother is a mess and your father... He hasn't been here in two days. Which is good for me, of course. Sam is driving me insane. He thinks I'm spending too much time here and then when I'm not here, I'm making sure that Paulina is okay. Sam doesn't see that I'm not only doing this for you... I'm doing this just as much for me. To stay sane."

She moves away from me and I want to do everything to keep her close.

"It's early. The doctor's coming to check on you in a couple of minutes. I'm going to go get coffee and... remember Mariana? I told you about her yesterday. I might go check on her. I'll be back in a bit, I promise. I love you."

And then she is walking away. With each step my frustration gets worse. I picture her walking towards the door and before she opens it to leave, she looks back at me. I try to picture her in my mind. Try to imagine what she would be wearing, if her hair is up or down. I need to keep her image alive in my head.

The door opens but it never closes.

Arya gasps and then there is noise. So much noise.

People are screaming at each other, voices mixing to the point where I can't make out who is who let alone who is in the room. If I felt frustrated before, I have no words to describe what I'm feeling now. There's nothing I can do!

Then one voice rises above them all.

"I will be the one who decides who comes in here and who does not, is that clear?" My father's voice booms. "Have I not given you clear instructions to keep her out of here?"

"Mr. Smith, I'm sure we can talk about this. Ms. O'Brien has been very respectful and-" A voice I don't recognize tries to explain but my father interrupts him without hesitation.

"There is no need to talk about this any longer. If you are incapable of respecting my orders, I will make sure to have you replaced. Am I making myself clear now?!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Smith." The stranger now sounds intimidated and I'm not surprised. My father has that effect on people.

"Do not apologize to him. Richard this is enough. You don't show up for days and now you think you can just walk back in here and undermine my decisions? I for one think that Arya has been the one carrying all of our troubles on her shoulder. She is the only reason I-" My mother tries, her voice rising, but once again my father interrupts her.

"That's enough!"

"That's right, Richard." She shouts and the tension in the air changes. "You have done more than enough. I think it's time for you to leave."

"I think it's best for you to shut up," my father snaps. "Maybe I need to remind you who you are talking to as well."

"Don't you talk to her like that," the other man in the room snaps.

Then I feel Arya by my side again and I'm glad that she hasn't left. She is right here by my side when I can't see what's going on at all. And then I remember Maria and Adam and how they might just be here as well.

"What the hell is going on here!?" My father shouts and Arya jumps slightly at the sound of his voice.

"Richard," my mother warns.

"Are you fucking my son's doctor? You miserable slut!"

And then there's noise again. People crashing into things and crying out, my mother shouting. Arya goes rigid beside me and then she whispers to herself. I don't understand what she's saying over the noise but I know it's serious as she inches away from my side.

"Enough already!" Arya shouts and everything goes silent except for heavy breathing from both my father and the other guy, the doctor I'm guessing. "I have had enough."

"Arya, let me settle this. I'll take care of this," my mother speaks up.

"I know. I know you're really trying but, correct me if I'm wrong, I was told that Seth needs rest and as little stress as possible. This right here is the exact opposite of that. I actually care about what happens to him and I don't know if everyone here can say that about themselves. I don't care enough about what's going on here to pick sides but I know damn well that all of you are either getting the hell out of here or I am calling security."

"All you'll be doing is leaving," my father growls angrily.

"You know what, I've wasted enough time listening to you," Arya snaps back at him. "I'm done listening to your threats because guess what, you may have money and you may even have way too much power but you're losing your son with every word you're saying and that just says something about you."

"Security!" My father shouts, his voice echoing menacingly.

Arya scoffs and within seconds she's back by my side.

"You're leaving if you like it or not," my father threatens.

"Someone called for security?"

"That would be me," my mother says before my father can. "I would like to have him escorted out of my son's room."

"I am not leaving."

"Yes, you are. Please remove him. He is causing distress to my son and it is maiming is recovery."

"Sir, we'll ask once. Please vacate this room."

"I am not leaving!"

"Guys, just get him out of here," the doctor speaks up.

"Are you deaf?! This is my son and I am not leaving his room!"

Suddenly white noise makes it impossible for me to hear and an explosive pain spreading from my temples to the center of my skull makes me want to scream out in agony. I can't hear anything any more and don't know what's happening around me. The pain is taking over, seemingly spreading through my veins like venom. I want to scream out or fight against it but I am powerless. An image of Maria and Adam flashes in front of my eyes, then Arya, my father and mother and then Paulina at last.

Louder than anything I hear myself gasp and light explodes in front of my eyes.

*********

Happy New Year everyone! Any resolutions for 2016?

This is a bit late, a bit short and a bit messy. I've been meaning to write this a couple days ago and drove myself absolutely insane. Writer's block is the worst! I might rewrite this at some point. I wanted it to be better than this but I also wanted to get this out so I don't have it at the back of my mind every second of every day.

Over the holidays, I wrote a Christmas one shot and nobody really seemed interested. So if you're still somewhat caught up on the holidays, make sure to check the external link for that. You can also find it in my story called "Misc." (that's where I publish random one shots and shorts) under "2. The Mistletoe Massacre". Maybe tell me what you think ;)





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