Part 19

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19. Arya

My phone rings relentlessly on my night stand. It has been doing so for the past hour. When I stir to move, Seth pulls me closer to his chest. We'rein my dorm, snuggled up to each other. My head is pressed to his chest and I'm trying to focus more on his heartbeat than my ringing phone. Seth has his arms tightly wrapped around me and it almost feels as though he's trying to hold onto me forever and never let go.

If only things were that easy.

Seth's breathing becomes rigid all of a sudden, making me look up at him. His eyes are squeezed shut, his lips in a straight line, jaw clenched. I feel my heart going crazy inside my chest as suppressed tears fill my eyes and spill over immediately.

"Baby..." I whisper, pulling myself up so I'm facing him.

"Don't." Seth begs, letting go of me to pinch the bridge of his nose.

I grasp onto his wrist,pulling the hand away from his face.

"Please look at me."

"I can't." A silent sob rips through him, making his chest shake violently. "I don't...want you to leave me."

"Seth..." Finally he opens his eyes. His usually bright green eyes are bloodshot and his pupils so dilated, there's barely any green left. "I'm not leaving you. We'll... We'll just have to find a way to make things... work."

Seth shakes his head at that and wraps his arms back around me. I welcome his embrace by snuggling even closer to him.

"I don't just want to make things work, Arya. I'm so sick of making things work. I just want to be with you, don't you understand that?" He takes a deep breath, raining in his emotions. "Just be! I-I can't even begin to explain to you, how important you are to me. At this point,I would give everything up just for you. Nothing really matters if I'm not sharing it with you. I-"

"I don't want you to give things up for me, Seth." I interrupt him.

"I know that but I still would..." A small smile creeps onto his otherwise solemn face.

"We have another three weeks to plan what's ahead. Let's not make irrational decisions now.We can plan ahead and work things through. No need to rush, right?" I mutter, my lips hover slightly over the base of his throat.

"You're right." He whispers back, his eyelids shutting ever so slowly.

Earlier that day.

Being called into the principal's office is definitely not something that I am used to,especially not if I've just practically been expelled by the vice principal. This is not something that I prepared for before coming here and I sure didn't expect this to happen now that I'm in college.Usually people go through their rough stages during high school, right? We're supposed to grow out of being rebellious once we enter college. Weirdly there is not an ounce of anxiety or fear inside me right now as I'm entering the principle's office.

I know what's going to happen. I know what I'll have to say and do and I know that I'm going to be kicked out no matter what happens.

"There she is." I am greeted by a stern looking man, who looks to be about fifty-five years old.

He doesn't stand up and he doesn't offer me his hand for a handshake. I see how it is.

"Here I am." I agree and take a seat across from him without being offered one.

"If I'm being honest, I did not expect you this morning." His bushy eyebrows pull together as he glowers at me.

What does that even mean?

As if reading my mind he continues. "I guess I shouldn't perpetuate stereotypes but when I hear of someone vandalizing my property and insolently admitting to doing so, I expect someone... else. I definitely don't expect someone like you. Well, no matter, we're here now and we clearly have a problem."

"We do?" I ask, trying not to sound too much like a child who's being lectured.

"Mrs Smoak has filled me in first thing this morning. She told me all about you, young lady.As far as I'm concerned you really shouldn't sass me right now.There's a lot you have to lose, don't you?"

"I do?"

His neck takes on a slight tinge of red that slowly creeps up to his jaw and cheeks.

"Who helped you put up that putrid image?" He finally spits out, a few specks of his saliva sprinkling his desk.

"I did it by myself."I say confidently, offering him a sugared smile. "All by myself. I've been planning this for quite some time."

"Do you realize, young lady-" condescending much?! "-that you keeping your mouth shut is not doing you any good? It is actually doing quite the opposite. The only reason you are here is because someone somewhere saw talent in you and decided you would be good enough... well I am sure you don't expect that to come without conditions!"

After getting out of his chair, to assume an authoritative stance, his breathing becomes quite laboured. His face has now fully taken on the bright red of what can only be compared to fire engine red.

"Sir, I understand the conditions of my stay here quite well. I also understand how fortunate I am to receive such an opportunity but I must also react to such atrocious behavior displayed by your students. Especially if I do not receive any help from your staff, namely Mrs Smoak, after having brought what has happened to her attention."

The principal sits back down in his seat and I am sure he would have rolled his eyes if it weren't for the stern image he is still trying to uphold. As he lowers himself back into his seat, I take a couple of deep breaths in order to calm myself down.

A few silent seconds pass before the man across from me starts speaking again.

"I will make you an offer because I am not one to ruin a young woman's life." He clears his throat. "There will be no charges pressed but you are going to pay for the removal of your 'art piece'. The invoice will be sent to your cousin's home for now as I assume that's where you'll be staying." I stir uncomfortably at the mention of Sam. "You will leave campus once the semester is over."

"So in three weeks then?" I question, sounding a little more unnerved than intended.

"Indeed."

"Is that all?" I ask breathlessly as I push myself out of the leather seat.

The principal simply nods at me so I turn on my heel and walk out of his office as fast as I can.

As soon as the door shuts behind me, my whole body seems to go limp. My eyes briefly land on Seth's, who just now jumps out of his seat and comes jogging towards me but I walk past him. I feel like strong fingers have wrapped around my lungs, squeezing relentlessly, choking me. My body moves automatically through the administration building, down the stairs and finally outside. Seth shouting my name sounds as though I am under water.

I manage to walk a few more steps before falling to my knees, my hands slapping against the concrete to break my fall.

My lungs desperately try to suck in oxygen but for some reason it's not working.

Why am I panicking?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew from the beginning that this project would get me kicked out so why am I panicking now? Why does it feel like I made a huge mistake?

"Arya!" Seth catches up to me, wraps his arms around me and pulls me off the ground.

"Come on, baby. Sit down with me." He coos as he walks us towards a bench nearby.

"I-I don't know why I'm r-reacting like th-this." I stutter, hyperventilating.

"Shh, Arya." The worrying Seth's eyes makes things even worse. I'm going to hurt him so much. I already have and now I'm making things even worse. I don't know how I got to this point. How could I go through with this without warning Seth?

I have been telling myself that this was what he wanted. He decided that he didn't want to talk about any of this beforehand but I should have told him. I should have...

"It's alright..." He whispers into my ear, rocking me back and forth as I am wrapped in his arms. "Take a few more deep breaths. You'll feel better."

So I did.

"Tell me what happened in there?" Seth asks carefully, caressing the side of my face with his index finger.

"I took the blame...and, and he told Sam about... and I'm... I'm leaving in three weeks.The end of the semester... that's when I'll have to leave." Each string of words comes out between rigid breaths. My throat burns and my head throbs as I try to make sense of my jumbled thoughts.

Seth suddenly lets go of me and my body immediately goes ice cold.

He gets off the bench and starts pacing back and forth. Watching him, his back so tense, jaw clenched and hands in fists, I feel like someone is slowly piercing my heart. Still my eyes follow his every move. I deserve the torture.This is my fault. I caused this.

"I don't understand you sometimes." Seth finally admits, standing still and putting his face in his hands. "I don't understand why you had to do this. I don't want to be angry with you but I am. I am so angry." A frustrated breath leaves his lips as he squats down in front of me,putting his hands on top of my thighs. He stares up at me, a mixture of frustration, anger and defeat paints his features.

"All I want is for you and me to be together. I know I've fucked up in the past. Fucked up real bad. I take full responsibility for making your life miserable for months and months. Trust me, I haven't forgotten and I never will. I hate myself for it."

I reach out to touch his face but he shows no reaction.

"I'm sorry." I whisper. Seth smiles sadly in response.

"Have I done something to push you away these past couple of weeks? I thought things were going really well. For once I felt like things could actually workout and then... then this."

"Seth, I've been planning this for... for a lot longer than you think and..." He interrupts me before I can continue.

"That doesn't make it any better, babe. It just means that you've been planning to leave me for a much longer time than I knew. Doesn't exactly make me feel better." His voice cracks and he gets up to start pacing again.

I don't know what to say to that so Seth keeps talking.

"Do you want to getaway from me so badly?" The question hits me like a ton of bricks and the next thing I do, I do because I need him to know how badly I actually want to stay with him.

I push myself off the bench and stop his pacing by standing in front of him. I take his face between my palms and stand up on my toes.

"Seth, listen to me.None of this has anything to do with me not wanting to be with you,okay?! I. Love. You. More than anything in this world. Maybe I loved you even when you weren't ready to be loved and maybe I wanted to be with you even when you treated me like I was dust on the bottom of your shoe. I don't really know. All I know is that I need you to stop blaming yourself for any of this. None of this is your fault.You are absolutely wonderful and I don't know what I would do without you." I take a deep breath before continuing. "Of course you make mistakes but I've forgiven you for each one before you could even apologize for them and now I need you to forgive me. I don't think I've made a mistake because I do believe I am making a change for the positive but I need you to forgive me for not thinking about your well-being enough. For being selfish. I need you to forgive me because if you don't..."

Seth uses his thumbs to wipe away a few stray tears of mine.

"If you don't, I don't think I can live with myself."

"What if I'm not ready to forgive you yet?" Seth whispers, his lips inching closer to mine.

"Then I'll wait for as long as it may take."

Back in my dorm my phone has finally gone silent. Now the only sound I am taking in is Seth's heartbeat. It is a soothing rhythm that is taking me to sleep.Earlier events have sucked all the energy from my body and I now feel the repercussions as my body relaxes against Seth's.

"Hello!!" Someone suddenly calls through the door, knocking three times.

I sit up straight,startled. Seth wakes from his light sleep with a grunt when he notices my distress.

"Anybody in there!?"The person outside my room shouts again and I begin climbing over Seth and out of the bed.

I carefully pull open the door. In front of me stands a tall girl who looks to be in her mid-twenties. Impressively long blonde hair cascades down her shoulders and a large camera hangs around her neck, the black strap attached to it cutting into her sun-tanned skin. The confusion on my face must have been enough of a prompt for her to start talking.

"I'm Tessa." She grins. "I heard about what you did and I think you are so brave."

"Thank you?" I feel Seth walking up behind me and Tessa's eyes widen slightly.

"Anyway, I write an art blog and I would really, really love to write about you. What you've done is so amazing! It would be a waste to just to let this go unnoticed by the world. Would you mind answering some questions? I promise it won't take long!" She rambles on, fiddling with her camera.

"Now?" Seth barks rudely, voicing my thoughts.

"Yeah, I guess so."Tessa grins brightly, not letting Seth intimidate her. "It would be best to get this message out as fast as possible and I promise I won't take long. Thirty minutes tops! I've already taken some pictures of your work and I just need your permission to use them and--"

"Fine." I say finally,knowing that she's the kind of person who doesn't give up easily."Just come in and please hurry."

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Writing filler chapters is kind of painful but this was needed, I think. 
There are a few things I wanted to tell you about, so keep reading, if you're interested ;)

1. I'm currently editing "Loving the fat girl", so if it shows up as 'updated' in your libraries or anything, don't get confused. 

2. Originally I planned for this story to be over in about... 5 - 10 chapters but I've actually had another idea for this story so I'm going to make it longer than originally planned. Hope you don't mind. Where I'm at right now - there will be three more major story-lines within this story and then we'll be done. That might sound like quite a bit right now but it is what it is ;) 

3. I've actually had an idea of posting short-stories next to updating "Living for the fat girl" regularly. I keep coming up with new story ideas but don't actually want to write another story when "Living for the fat girl" is not nearly finished. SO I think I'm going to start writing short stories and publish them all within one book. Once Living will be finished, I might be able to take one of the short stories and turn them into a full on story. Tell me if that sounds even mildly interesting to you or if you think that's a bad idea :'D

And as always, don't forget to vote and comment! <3 <3 <3 xxxx





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