16. Arya

When I wake the next morning, feeling Seth's strong arm draped over my body, a surge of dread rushes through me. Once more doubt fills me and I question last night's euphoria. Am I really making the right decision or am I succumbing to my own weaknesses.

"Your heart is racing." Seth mutters into my pillow. He turns onto his side, pulling me into his chest. As he slides his hands up and down my back, I notice the bandages sloppily wrapped around his palms.

"What happened to your hands?" I question, trying to distract myself from my doubts and concentrate on exactly what I have in front of me.

"Fell..."

He grunts. His knotted brow shows that he is now relieving the incident and maybe even the pain in his hands. I snuggle closer to him, the heat of his skin embracing me. I place a single feathered skin on his chest. Seth shudders and grunts once more. His hands stop caressing my back. Instead one hand carefully holds onto the back of my neck and the other rests on my butt.

"Do you need pain meds?" My voice is barely a whisper.

"I need you to stay in bed with me." Seth answers bluntly, his right thumb starting to draw tiny little circles on my hip. A pleasure induced shiver runs through me and the corners of my mouth pull up into a smile.

My own hands start wandering now. His body, grown so familiar to me over the years, felt all new and exciting as my fingertips gently caress it. Starting from his chest, down to his slender waist and stomach, his hips and finally his strong legs. I occupy my mouth by kissing his neck, sucking on the most sensitive parts, making him moan quietly.

"What are you doing to me?" He breathes, grabbing my hands and stopping them from moving any further. Instead of answering, I tease his skin with my tongue, gently nibbling and sucking. Enjoying the slightly salty taste of his skin and enjoying just being here with him, forgetting my doubts and troubles, I start moving my hips against him softly.

At once, I dig my teeth into his skin just enough to cause slight pain and thrust my hips against his with a bit more pressure. He sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth and suddenly I'm an arm length away from him as he pushes me back, his eyes pleading.

"Don't."

He whispers, lacking the commitment to really mean it.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to r-rush things!" He stumbles over his own words as I manage to thrust my hips against his once more and giggle.

"You're not. I am. And I really want to rush things." I push his hands away and kiss him with all the passion I can muster. For a second he is taken a back as I hold his face in my hands, moving my lips against his but he somehow manages to regain his damn self-control.

"Arya, I'm serious." He admits, unable to make eye contact.

"Right."

I push away from him and climb out of bed.

Mood officially ruined, I check the alarm clock by my bed. Still another hour until I'm supposed to be meeting with Erich and the others. Ignoring Seth's frustrated sighs, I grab a change of clothes and make my way towards the shower. Seth gives me time to shower and clean myself up without interruption but when I come out, seeing him still in nothing but his boxers, sitting on my bed, I know he's ready for confrontation.

"I need to go meet with my arts group. We haven't really been able to focus much... so, uhm, feel free to take a shower here but I'm leaving." As the words leave my mouth, Seth slowly turns his head, a glare fixed on his face. "What?"

"I clearly upset you. You can't even talk to me about it instead you just run off?" He runs a bandaged palm over his face and winces.

"Fine! You want to talk? Talk!" I shout, the hysteria in my voice catching me off guard.

"Calm down, Arya! What the hell has gotten into to you?" Seth gets up, taking only a few steps towards me but not coming too close.

"Oh fuck off, Seth!" He turns his face away from me, crossing his arms in front of his chest, taking a deep breath in.

"Do you realize that you can hurt me?" He finally says, his eyes pained when they look back up at me. "Sometimes it seems as though you think of me as being incapable of getting hurt so you say these awful things to me without thinking about them twice."

"I don't do that." I protest weakly, realizing that I've just told him to 'fuck off' a couple seconds ago...

"Look, I don't want to start another fight with you. That's the exact opposite of what I want but I do think we have a few things to talk about before getting intimate with each other again. Please, if you can, come sit back down with me and let's just talk this out...

Please?" Seth practically begs.

I hesitate so he steps forward, taking my hand in his and sliding my purse off my shoulder. It drops to the floor with a dull thud. Seth pulls me back towards the bed and sits me down. He keeps my hand in his and starts massaging my knuckles tenderly.

"We won't talk about the initiation anymore." Seth says through tight lips. "Do what you have to do. Stand your ground... just... let's not involve each other unless it directly affects each other. Agree?"

I simply nod in agreement.

"That shit has caused too much pain and frankly, I'm over it." Of course he is. He wasn't really affected by it in the first place. Maybe we should be talking to the students who had to go through the hazing rituals instead...

As the frustration boils up inside me, I start seeing his point. If we want to be civil with each other, if we want to be with each other, this is something that we need to keep to ourselves.

"I want you to get Jackson off your back." I demand seriously. 

Seth snorts. "You think I haven't tried?" 

"Maybe not hard enough."

He sighs, shifting uncomfortably.

"I'll try talking to him again, ok?" He offers. "In return will you please start telling people that we're together? It's driving me insane, knowing that you're denying being with me to your friends. I feel like your dirty little secret."

"I guess I could do that..."

"Great!" Seth exclaims, suddenly turning my face towards his with his hand. He presses a quick kiss to my lips before jumping off the bed and haphazardly pulling a shirt over his head. I can't help but smile at this as for a few seconds, I see the Seth that I fell in love with.

It looks as though everything he does, he does with ease like there's not a worry in the world. I remember a time when he would only let his younger sister Paulina – and then eventually me – experience him like this.

"What exactly are you doing?" I ask, giggling slightly as Seth fixes his hair in a mirror.

"Getting ready to meet your friends!" He disappears in the bathroom only to poke out his head once more. "Officially, I mean!"

"What... Now?!" I squeal, my heartbeat picking up pace. It's silly to get nervous about something like this. I should be proud to be with him. I should be able to show him off...

"Yes. Now." He answers with a mouth full of toothpaste.

"Don't you want to shower first?"

"Nope."

He spits into the sink and rinses out his mouth. "Look, I just want to say 'hi' real quick. Just introduce myself and that's it. Nothing more. Promise. I'll be out of your hair before you know it, ok?"

Somehow Seth manages to convince me to let him come. No matter how fast my heart races and no matter how much my hands shake, he stays by my side, keeping me wrapped in casual conversation as though the last weeks hadn't happened. I'm not quite sure why I didn't want to tell my new friends about Seth. Maybe I just didn't want them to think badly of me because of what Seth did during initiation or maybe I didn't want them to think I'm dating some dumb soccer jock.

Or maybe... maybe...

"Hey, that's them, right?" Seth calls cheerily, spotting Erich, Emma and Collin.

"Yeah..." I mutter, slightly surprised that they're early as well.

Once again we agreed to meet at the picnic tables on campus.

Erich is the first one to spot us. He waves me over excitedly but then his arm drops to his side and his usual bright smile fades and turns into a frown. Emma and Collin then turn around as we reach the table. Emma looks confused, facing Collin then Erich and then me at last. She signs "who?" before anybody else can say something. She then seems to recognize Seth and turns to Collin, lifting her hands to sign. Collins eyes follow her hands and his own face twists into a frown before nodding.

"Hey guys." I say almost shyly.

"What's he doing here?" Erich demands, not hiding his usual blunt self.

"Erm, well..." I shift uncomfortably, feeling Seth step closer to me and then drape his arm across my shoulders. I automatically cuddle into his side, keeping my eyes on my friends.

"I'm her boyfriend. Hi. Seth." It bursts out of Seth as though he'd been keeping it back for the longest time. He holds his hand out for Erich to shake but the trio stays absolutely still. Erich eyes Seth's hand for a few moments before turning away from us to sit down at the table. Emma and Collin follow his notion, sitting down across from him, leaving only one space to sit.

"Guys. Please, let me explain." I hadn't expected their reaction to be this... harsh.

"What's there to explain, Arya? You've been pretty much lying to us this whole time without flinching. Can't really blame you though, if I think about it. You are with this douchebag after all." Erich spits before turning his attention back to his notebook. "Now, if you don't mind, we need to get this project done and can't deal with any more distractions."

"Right..." I whisper, offering Seth an apologetic smile but he doesn't seem to be faced by this at all.

"I'll see you later then, babe?" He says cheerfully, pulling me into a kiss. "It was really nice meeting you guys. Good luck with that project of yours."

And with that he's gone.

Totally perplexed, I sit down next to Erich, folding my hands in my lap, face down. Collin is the next one to speak up.

"I don't really care who you date. Neither does Emma. You can do whatever and whomever you want. That's your business but we need to get this project done and we need to know that you've got your head in the game. We still don't really have a sturdy concept and that puts all of us on a slippery slope." I don't think I've ever heard him speak this much.

"He just wanted to introduce himself. Nothing more. I never meant to lie to you... not intentionally anyways. Things are just a bit complicated but we're working on it. So that's that." I blow out a breath I had been holding in. "Now about the project – I might have an idea. It'll be something... something this school hasn't seen before. It'll be dangerous and we might get in trouble for it but I think it's brilliant. Even if you don't want to do it, if you think it's too risky, I will do it on my own."

"Arya..." Erich says softly.

"No, I'll do my best to complete our group project but this is something that I will do... even if I'll have to do it on my own." I say determined. 

Emma smiles and Erich takes my hand in his.

"Tell us your plan."