Part 15

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15. Arya


Sitting cross legged on my bed, I furiously dig a metal spoon into a small tub of ice cream. My hair sticks to my neck and my cheeks are red hot. The mascara I had applied in a rush earlier is probably smudged underneath my eyes. The sickly sweet chocolate flavor momentarily distracts me from my mumbled thoughts.


I'm too tired to go to sleep. That is an odd emotion. So much happened today. It shouldn't be possible to fit so many events into twenty-four hours. Being alone is exactly what I need and although it is almost morning, I don't intend on sleeping any time soon.


As I stare out of the window, I remember Kevin chasing after me after that kiss.


"Hey. Come on, just stay to talk for a second. I shouldn't have done that. That was wrong." He yelled as I walked away from him. I remember the fresh air feeling so great against my skin. The alcohol in my system had me in a delirium. I felt amazing and like shit at the same time. And then I turn to face Kevin, tell him that it's fine but instead I meet eyes with Seth.


If that was possible, he looked worse than me. Miserable. Sitting on the ground, his shirt balled up and pressed against his bloody face. Kevin then turned to look at Seth.


"You think he's here for you?" He asked without hesitation, leaning in close to me. He was so close that I could smell alcohol mixed with a slight hint of mint on his breath. I just shook my head, turned again and started walking. My heart felt like it would burst out of my chest then. I wanted to tell Kevin to just leave so I could make sure that Seth was alright but when I turned to check on him once more, he was already getting up to leave, not looking back once.


"Can I at least take you back to your room?" Kevin asked, reaching out to touch my arm.


I offered him a small smile. How do you get someone to stop worrying about you?


"No." I said bluntly, still smiling. "I just need to clear my head but we can talk again soon. I'll text."


He didn't look convinced but I didn't give him another chance to say anything else.


Now that I am back in my room, still dressed, sitting on my bed and devouring week-old ice cream I realize something: I hadn't been kissed by anyone except Seth in a long time until tonight. A small smile creeps onto my face. Of course the circumstances weren't the best. I had only really just met Kevin after all. I don't know him at all but for some reason...


I put the ice cream aside and finally take my phone off my night stand, turning it on. It comes to life with a short buzz. Then, after a few seconds, three notifications pop up.


First, "You have 13 missed calls."

Second, "You have 13 voice messages."

Third, "42 missed messages in 3 different chats."


I swipe my finger across the screen, deleting the first notification. Then I move on to the third. Amber, a group called "Banksy" and Seth (of course) had messaged me. Quickly scanning Amber's and the group's messages, I finally move on to Seth's messages. There weren't any recent messages. Mostly from one or two weeks ago. He must have given up after noticing that he wasn't getting any replies. My heart ached slightly as I read his "I love you"'s and "I miss you"'s.


I breathe in a rattling breath and finally click on the second notification. A list of Seth's voice messages pops up on the small screen. My finger hovers over the oldest message but after another deep breath and hesitation, I push down on it. Quickly, I push the phone to my ear.


It takes him a couple seconds before he starts talking.


"Fuck, okay." He sighs and I imagine him rubbing his free hand over his face before continuing. "I know, I'm probably the last person you want to talk to but I really need to talk and... umm... fuck, you know I suck at this. Please pick up. I love you and-"


He gets cut off. I click the next message.


"Arya. I got cut off there. Sorry. Um, anyway, what I'm trying to say is that... I'm really sorry about what happened. I got sucked into something that I didn't really want to do and... you know I'm not that person any more. I'm trying really hard not to be that person... Can we talk please? Please call me back."


There's a twenty hour gap between this message and the next.


"Come on, please." His voice breaks and I lie back on my bed. "Don't ignore me. I'm trying really, really hard..."


The next message starts off with him sniffling and I know he's crying. The message was recorded at 3am. "I can't sleep. I miss you so much. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to say to get you to believe me. I don't know how to do this!" He sobs and takes a few seconds to calm himself down. My own tears form in my eyes now. "I talked to my mom today. You wanna know what she said to me?--"


He gets cut off again. At the mention of his mother, my tears spill but I click on the next message.


"Sorry. She told me to give you space, let you work things out... Said that you would come back to me in your own time but you what? I don't think you will. God, if I were you, I wouldn't come back to me either. I'm a fuck-up. Listen to me! I don't blame you at all... but I can't help it... I do love you."


I skip the next few messages and click the most recent one. This one was sent two days ago.


"This is going to be the last one, I promise. I'm going to speak fast so I can fit all this in. I realized something last night. I can't pin-point the moment that I feel in love with you, Arya. It just happened gradually. I remember it feeling as though you were taking my freedom from me but in fact you weren't actually doing anything to me. You were just trying to get through the days as best as you knew how. And then when you were gone for so long, I realized that I couldn't be without you. I wished every single day for you to come back. I promised that if you were to come back to me, I would never let you go. I would change for your sake and I would never ever lose you again--"


He got cut off then but obviously decided that what he said was enough. Tears were now freely streaming down my face. With every word he said, I felt worse and worse. How can I not? Here he is, pouring his heart out to me and I just... reject him. Cold-heartedly.


My head spins and the image of him from earlier pops into my mind. God, he looked so miserable.


Before I know what I'm doing, I'm sitting upright and pressing the call-button next to Seth's name on my phone. I push the device to my ear and wait. Doubt fills me after a couple of seconds. It's way too late. He's probably asleep. I've missed my chance. He doesn't want to talk to me anymore.


"Arya?" His voice sends chills down my spine and every single part of my body feels like it's been set on fire. I don't know what to say. How to speak to him. A lump in my throat is preventing me from speaking. Seth sighs on the other line.


"Long day, huh?" He mutters and winces.


"Are you hurt?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.


"Not really. Fell into a broken bottle. Stupid, really." He admits and winces again. I imagine him sitting at his desk, pulling pieces of broken glass from his palms, holding his phone to his ear with his shoulder.


"You were there tonight?"


"You did see me, didn't you?" I think, I hear a bit of bitterness in his voice.


"Hmm."


"Are you okay?" It bursts out of him like he's been holding this question back for a long time.


"Better now." I admit despite my pride being hurt a little.


"Me too." He breathes, making me blush.


Suddenly emotions rush over me, filling me from head to toe. "I don't hate you." I sob desperately, wishing he were here. Wishing the past few weeks hadn't happened. Wishing I could turn back time.


"That's really good news, babe." He laughs, probably slightly perplexed but this just makes me cry harder. I've lost all control now, spiralling.


"I don't want you to hate me either." I confess, trying to control my breathing.


"Arya! You know I don't hate you." Seth protests.


"I-I..."


"Don't cry, babe. Please." He pauses for a moment, giving me the opportunity to catch my breath. "Let's talk about something else, yes?"


I nod, knowing full well that he can't see me.


"Poppy asked about you." I can hear the smile in his voice. "She's doing so well. There's a kid that's bothering her, though. He keeps teasing her. Smashes her sandcastles, mocks her paintings, makes fun of her clothes and hair all the time. Some time last week he took it too far. She was talking to one of her friends about me and he made some stupid joke. Guess what she did! She punched him!"


He bursts into laughter and I can't help but laugh along with him.


"Did she get in trouble?"


"Of course she did! She is a Smith after all. After getting a stern talking to from one of the teachers, my mom grounded her for a week. Of course she feels completely unfairly treated. I'm on her side. She didn't really do anything wrong... only defended herself."


"Violence is never the answer." I mutter, still feeling a little proud of Seth's little sister.


"That's what I told her. The little smart ass told me that she knows that but 'asshole-Martin needed to learn his lesson'!" Once again he bursts into laughter and I gasp.


"She didn't say that!" I exclaim, covering my mouth to stop myself from laughing.


"Is it really that hard to believe?" He asks, chuckling.


"I guess not, no."


A moment of silence falls over us. I listen to his breathing on the other line and finally relax enough, to lie back in my bed. I am now exhausted and welcome the darkness of my room. Today's events finally weigh down on me. My eyelids are getting heavier with every passing second.


"Can you open your door?" Seth asks suddenly.


"What?" Confused, I sit up again.


Just then there's a knock on my door. I slide out of my bed and end the call, putting my phone aside. Seeing Seth's face as I pull the door open, feels like coming home after a long journey. Although I had seen him earlier, this is different. Wordlessly, he comes into the room, closing the door behind me. He takes my hand and guides me towards the bed.


Together we lie down, face to face. I cuddle into him, my face pressed firmly against his chest. He sighs and places a kiss on top of my head, stroking his fingers through my hair.


When I look up at him, a smile is edged onto his face. His eyes look black in the darkness. One of his hands holds onto the back of my neck and he tilts his own face down to mine. His lips hover carefully above mine, slowly inching their way closer. Finally our lips touch ever so slightly. His arms wrap around me, pulling me even closer than I thought possible. Our bodies fit together so perfectly.


"Kiss me." I mutter against his parted lips. "Please, Seth."


Seth smirks, the hand on my neck pulling me upwards. His lips crush down against mine and any doubt in him vanishes. If there is a way to save this relationship, we will find it. If there is any way to keep us alive, we will fight for it!


***************

Jesus, I am tired. I feel like this has a very tired vibe. Hopefully it's not too boring.


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