hey guys, i am so incredibly sorry that i've been so mia. if you guys wanna know all the details of that i might make a video on it, but right now i know where the storys gonna go it's just a matter of the in-between. i love you all and i appreciate each every one of you for sticking around! as always please comment i love your thoughts! and tell me what kind of videos you think i should make? also i know my grammar sucks. please don't attack me lol ;)

thea's pov

Today is the day.

Ainsley's back from the conference and my mind won't stop spinning.

Since the day that Sebastian brought me back from what felt like hell, I have pushed back my memories of that place. Forced it into the back of my mind in a box, locked up, never wanting to touch it.

But now I had to.

The thought of their being others forced to endure what I and Acacia had to makes me physically ill. How can I in good conscience do nothing when others might be suffering?

Today we put everything on the table, and just pray to God we find something to go off of. Because at the moment we're fighting faceless creatures hiding in the dark, waiting for us to let down our guard.

Sebastian hadn't been able to sit still since the subject of my past had been brought up. I think part of him had just pushed it to the back of his mind because facing the reality of what I had endured was not an easy feat. No matter what anyone tells him he feels a sense of guilt that he had not found me sooner. No matter how illogical his thinking is, it is just how he is wired. He is an Alpha. A good Alpha at that. He wears the world on his shoulders, and the pressure he puts on himself is astronomical. He is a man that defies every definition of toxic masculinity, all while kicking the asses of anyone who tells him how he should act. Because a true man has feelings.
A true man feels.

He feels sadness.

He feels anger.

He feels jealousy.

He feels happiness.

He feels love.

A real man feels.

Simple as that.

Men are not emotionless robots. They are just hardwired to take on the world's problems and keep silent the heartbreak that comes with it. So knowing all that, and knowing my mate and his nuances I tried my best to be a silent anchor for him. I wanted to be his shoulder to lean on. When the storm rages on around us, we will be each other's light.

*

I had never seen Sebastian as anxious as he'd been acting today. He couldn't seem to still for even a second, he barely touched his food, and he was even more touchy than usual. We ate breakfast with Acacia and Jace, but no one spoke. We just clung to one another, basking in our own thoughts. The food left virtually untouched.

Everyone jumped, anxiously, as we heard a knock at the door. Sebastian shook his head, seemingly gathering himself, and walked to the door. Ainsley walked in with a cautious smile, her calming presence washing over the room. It was obvious she was nervous, but she kept her cool a lot better than the rest of us.

"Hi, guys. I apologize for not being able to be here yesterday. I was at a conference a territory away." She looked apologetic, her eyes shifting from Sebastian and Jace. Knowing full well the instability of the two Alpha males sitting before her.

Everyone just mumbled their understanding and Ainsley settled into a chair sat between the two couches we were sitting on. Sebastian and I on one, and Acacia and Jace just across from us.

The tension in the room was palpable. You could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

No one knew what to say.

No one wanted to be the one to start this heavy conversation, a conversation loaded with time bombs, triggers, things that no one can see coming. The mind is similar to a battlefield, hidden traps, enemies lurking about, ready to jump out at you when you least expect it. The mind is simply unpredictable. You cannot predict what you do not know, and no matter how long we study the human brain there will always be something new around the corner we have yet to see.

I was afraid.

I was afraid that if I said it out loud, if I gave every sordid detail of the hell that I had endured, that Sebastian would run. I was petrified that he would take one look at the entirety of my broken pieces and run like hell. Why wouldn't he?

I am broken.

Now I am just left trying to put the pieces back together again.

A task that some days feels utterly impossible.

The reality of it all is I have been shattered. I have been broken to the point that even Sebastian will never be able to put me back together again. As much as he would like to; I knew that he couldn't. I had to be the one to piece myself together. I had to make that decision to fight back, I had to decide for myself to put the pieces of the puzzle back where they belong, but some days that decision feels impossible. Some days the weight of it all feels stifling. Some days I don't know how to even begin.

But now I have him.

Sebastian.

My love.

I wanted to get better so that I could be whole for him.

I needed to be whole for him.

But even more so, I needed to be whole for me.

I need to get better not only for Sebastian but for myself.

*

"Before we start, I just want to know where you all are at. I want to make sure that you all know what to expect, and what you would like to get out today." Ainsley's calm and steady voice helped my nerves. I was nowhere near calm. I could not be farther from it, but I was at least further away from a total mental breakdown. In a surprising turn of events, I was the calm and steady one in this situation. Sebastian was struggling which was painfully obvious, but that is what a healthy relationship is. Where one of us is weak the other is strong. That is what God intended real, healthy relationships to be. I grasped his hand in mine tightly, hoping to give him the same silent strength he gives me.

"I-I, W-w-we believe that t-these are not i-isolate incidents." I waited for Ainsley to react, but her face remained neutral. Jace was fidgeting, his knee bouncing up and down, Sebastian was softly growling, and Acacia was sitting silently.

"The rogue camps, you mean?" Her words were spoken carefully; her eyes always trained on the visibly agitated Alpha males sitting in front of her. It wasn't uncommon for a male to lose control when it comes to their mates being hurt.

"Y-yes." She simply nodded her head, making notes on a notepad in front of her.

"Sebastian and I have both expressed concerns about the coincidences in the instances we found the girls, but we weren't quite sure how to bring it up, until yesterday when the girls expressed similar concerns. As selfish as this may sound I am more concerned about Acacia and how all of this will affect her recovery. I am more than a little concerned that having them rehash everything and relive all those memories might set them back. They have suffered enough." Jace's grip on Acacia's hand tightened slightly as he spoke. His voice wavering ever so slightly.

"PTSD is a tricky thing. The brain is complex in its normal state, but a person whose brain has been affected by PTSD... Their brain is completely altered from its original state. There is no way of predicting the triggers and effects that PTSD will affect an individual because it varies case by case. Like all mental health conditions, no two individuals' symptoms are the same. In this case, you have brought up a very valid concern. This is a very sensitive situation that we need to tread carefully with."

We all sat silently, taking in Ainsley's words. My growing concern for Sebastian only grew, he hadn't spoken a word since we sat down with Ainsley. We have brought up the risks of the effects this could have on both Acacia and me, but no one seems to have thought of our mates.

Sebastian already struggles to know that I had endured so much, but before he knew I was safe. But now we have brought the unknown into the equation. Now we have brought up the possibility that this might not be over. We might still be in danger. I am worried that Sebastian isn't going to handle it well. I think both Jace and Sebastian will need help coming to terms with what we have endured in the past, and what we might have to face in the future. Their focus right now is entirely on us, and they aren't taking care of themselves.

"Well this will most likely cause setbacks for the girls, setbacks are often part of the healing process. Putting the possibility of the rogues representing a bigger problem aside, you need to face the reality of your situation." At Ainsley's words, Sebastian's growl grew louder. His face remained composed, but it was obvious he was growing more agitated, "You have experienced trauma, and if you do not face that, and confront the reality you will never fully heal. While this is a chance to solve this rogue problem, this is also important for you in your recovery."

My mind was spinning as I thought of everything, everyone seemed to want to say something, but no one seemed to know what to say.

"Where do we start?" Acacia suddenly piped up,

"I want to start with a simple question. What is the first memory you have of the rogues? What is the first memory you can pick out?" Such a simple question Ainsley posed, but it was difficult for me to separate the memories, and figure out a timeline. All the memories I have of them all seem to blur together.

"Yelling. There was a lot of yelling." Acacia's eyes were vacant as she spoke, her gaze trained on the coffee table in front of her.

"Ok. Can you remember what was being said? Who was yelling Acacia?" Ainsley's soft tones meant to guide Acacia through the memory of so long ago.

"I- None of the words translate in my head. I- No- that does not make sense. I am not saying it correctly. I do not know- I- " Her frustration grew and her eyes shifted as she tried to get the words out. Seeing that his mate was struggling to keep her focus Jace picked her up, settling her on his lap so that she was facing him.

"Look at me sweets, only me. Block everyone else out and focus on me, love. You're alright, you're safe here." He soothed her, rubbing her back as tears streamed down her face, "I've got you, sweet, I've got you."

After a moment, Acacia was able to gather herself, and still keeping her eyes trained on Jace, she spoke, " I do not know how to say it. I hear the shouting, but I do not hear the words. I mean- I can hear the words, but I can not seem to hear the- I am not saying it right. I am sorry." She continued to cry, the tears streaming down her face silently when the words didn't come to her.

"Acacia?" Ainsley spoke up, waiting for Acacia to settle and focus on her, "Acacia what you are saying is quite common for trauma survivors. I understand what you're saying."

"I-I th-hink I understand as-s well Acacia. You can hear the shouting in your mind, but you can't place what is being s-said." The reassurance and understanding seemed to appease Acacia.

"I can remember men yelling. Big men. Much bigger than me. I was six years old. I remember..." Her words drifted off as she struggled to remember, "I remember that I was in the house. I lived with distant relatives of my Mother from Greece. They did not speak much English, so I grew up speaking primarily Greek. I think... I think the men yelling were yelling in English. I-I am not quite sure though."

Ainsley seemed to notice Acacia drifting away, her eyes shifting, and her hands were shaking. Jace noticed as well as he cooed to her sweetly, soothing her fears as best as he could.

"Thea?" Ainsley shifted the focus to me, allowing Acacia time to gather herself, "What sticks out in your memory?"

"I- I -I rem-member one of the man's eyes. They w-w-were d-dark and hollow. It was l-like he h-had no e-emotion." I shivered as I remembered those eyes. Those haunting eyes, soulless and void of life.

"Who is the man Thea?" Ainsley said.

"I d-don't kn-now him." I tried to sift through my memories, frantically trying to place the eyes. Looking for any connections.

"Little One, you need to breathe." I stopped suddenly at Sebastian's words, not even realizing I had stopped breathing. "What else about those eyes stood out to you? Why does that memory stick out?" I blocked everyone's stares out, focusing on Sebastian's soothing tone.

Suddenly it hit me.

Acacia.

The man in my nightmares. Those soulless, lifeless eyes that I could not get out of my head...

His eyes were almost a mirror image of Acacias.

Only where Acacia's eyes were sweet and full of wonder, his were cold and dead.

"Acacia's eyes. Th-the m-mans eyes looked like Acacia's eyes."