*pictured above is sebastian's gamma alexei

beta-second in command

gamma- third in command

thetas- warriors

hey guys! sorry, my uploads have been a little sporadic! i was wondering if you guys would be interested if i made a video reacting to comments and stuff? also if anyone is interested in possibly making a cover i would love that! also, i'm thinking of including more of how werewolves work in my world, by thea learning from like a pack elder? thoughts? thanks

-ej

*also be prepared for the feels, they're real in this chapter. this chapter makes me feel unbelievably single. *laughing while crying internally* lol

thea's pov

It's been about a week since my anxiety episode, and Sebastian's been restless.

I know it hurts him to see me in pain, especially when there's not anything he can do about it. I didn't know as much as I would like about my people, but what I did know was Alpha's struggled more than most males when it came to their mates. These men appear to the world as powerful, and unshakable, but everyone has a weakness. The only person an Alpha male will ever submit to, the only person they will ever bare their neck for, is their mate. All werewolves cherish their mates, but it was well known that Alpha males take it to another level. They know better than most the dangers of the world, and it was well known that an Alpha's mate was their biggest weakness. It's not an uncommon thing in our history for rogues or enemy packs to use the Luna as leverage with the Alphas. One of the quickest ways to start a war among wolves? Hurting an Alpha's mate.

Not all Alpha males hold the official title, some are even Beta's and Gamma's, but all hold some position of power in a pack.

I hate seeing Sebastian struggling, and the fact that I'm the cause of it is almost too much to bear. I know I need to talk to him about it, no relationship can survive without communication, mate bond or not. Us not communicating was only making us both miserable, and Sebastian was clearly struggling. Though he made an effort to hide it, his protective and caring nature never wavered. Sebastian was already finding it hard to cope with the condition he found me in, his protective instincts in overdrive, but after my anxiety episode, he was seemingly in a battle with his own mind.

He somehow worked things out with Jace so that we never crossed paths. I know he was only trying to protect me, but wrapping me in bubble wrap, and hiding me from my fears won't solve anything. I knew logically that neither Jace nor his mate Acacia held any resentment towards me, but logic and emotions tend to be at war in my brain. I really wanted to get to know Acacia, and I can't help but long for the hope that I might find a family here in this pack. I'll never be able to be the Luna he deserves, that this pack deserves if I don't face what scares me.

We've both been walking on eggshells with each other, neither having the guts to bring it up. He, scared to upset me, and I had no idea how to approach it, but enough was enough. If I want Sebastian to know I felt like he saw me as broken, that I worried he'd never see me as a woman, a mate if I never said it how can I expect anything to change? He can't read my mind. Well... not yet anyway. But that's semantics ;)

*

We sat at the kitchen counter, Sebastian, as he'd done since I'd got here, was holding me in his lap as we ate. He never failed to amaze me. Even though he was clearly worried for me, he never hesitated to show his feelings for me. Ever since I'd told him during my "episode" that his constant affection made me feel safe, he reminded me daily how much he cherished me. Not just through his words, but his actions. He always made sure I ate, and though I wasn't eating as much as a normal wolf he made sure I ate plenty of snacks. Paying close attention to what I liked the most. Even though he didn't want me to feel like I had to do anything for him, he let me have free reign of the kitchen to cook or bake whatever I thought up. He'd rave about anything I made, acting as if it was the best thing he'd ever eaten. Maybe, I would have believed him if he didn't react the same way every time, but it was sweet. He never gave me a chance to doubt his feelings, making sure I knew, through his adoring compliments, and his absolute attention and affection. I did my best to make sure he knew I appreciated him, asking him about his day, helping him with the paperwork he so hated, and making sure I showed him my feelings through affection as often as I could muster the courage to. Just because he's a big bad Alpha man, doesn't mean he doesn't crave affection like you or me. Everyone needs to be shown, love.

God made Sebastian for me. Just as I was made for him to love, he was made for me to love. I didn't want him to question my feelings. I would hate for him to think it was only the mate bond drawing me to him. The mate bond forges the bond, but it doesn't force emotions. I was falling for Sebastian, not the mate bond.

*
After we finished breakfast, Sebastian began grumbling to himself, rifling through his closet;

"S-seb-bastian?" He immediately whipped his head around at the stutter in my voice.

"What's wrong Little One? You don't stutter around me, are you OK? Are you feeling alright?" He put his hands on my arms, checking me for invisible injuries. I hid a chuckle at his protective instinct and hesitantly placed my hand on his cheek standing on my tiptoes. He of course immediately lifted me into his arms and waited patiently for me to collect my thoughts.

"I'm OK Sebastian. It's you I'm worried about." He opened his mouth most likely to try and reassure me I didn't need to worry, but I was determined to speak my mind, "No, Sebastian. Please don't tell me not to worry about you. How are we ever supposed to have a real relationship when you don't even trust me enough to tell me your worries? You never hesitate to assure me, yet you insult me by not giving me the same privilege. I'm your mate, not a broken doll. I-is that how you see m-me?" My voice cracked at the last sentence. I tried to hold back my tears, wanting to show Sebastian I wasn't weak. I'm not broken. I may be little, but that doesn't mean I'm weak.

"Angel... God, I'm so sorry beautiful. I didn't realize I was making you feel that way. I don't see you as broken. Never. I look at you in awe. Do you want to know how I see you? I see you as my warrior princess. My Angel with more strength than my best wolves. Yes, you are small. And, I hope you never hear my nickname for you as degrading or insulting. I mean it as a term of endearment. You are my beautiful, strong, resilient, little mate. You embody Shakespeare's quote; "though she is little, she is fierce" Thea. I thank God every day for the honor of being yours. This isn't a one-way relationship. You are mine, and I am yours. Never doubt that. No other woman in this world means anything to me as you do. No other woman will ever make me feel like you do. You own me. Heart and soul. I'm sorry Little One. If I ever make you feel that way, please tell me. Don't be afraid of letting me know how you're feeling. I will never stop worrying about you. I'm an Alpha it's in my DNA to protect you, but I never want you to feel suffocated, I never want you to feel afraid to tell me how you feel. You and only you will never need to fear me. I may hold a title, that many deem higher than yours, but the smartest wolves know the truth. Luna holds the true power. No one else can bring a man to his knees like his mate. You. Are. Everything to me." God, it's not fair the way this man has with words.

"I-I don't know what to say to that. I'm not as good with words as you are, I'm trying to work on that, I want to be able to put into words how you make me feel. I want to show you the same love and affection that you give me. I want you to know with no doubt, how much I feel for you. The mate bond drew me to you yes, but you. You are who I'm falling for. Not the mate bond. The man in front of me. And, the same sentiment goes to you. How am I supposed to feel comfortable telling you how I feel, when you won't even give me the same respect. Sebastian, I know you've been struggling. I know you've been making things work so that Jace won't upset me, but you can't wrap me in bubble wrap and hide me from the world. If I'm going to be your Luna, if I'm ever going to get better, I need to face things. I've loved spending this week with you, watching you grumble about paperwork, being held in your arms every night, talking with you til my eyes can't even open, but I need to face my fears someday. I want to build a family here. I lost my family years ago, and though I haven't met many I already feel close to your pack, so, please. Tell me what has you in fits this morning. Lean on me. Let me be your rock, as you are to me."

"You need clothes."

"That's it?" I tried but failed, to hide my laugh. Only Sebastian would work himself into a fit over my lack of clothing.

"Well other than the usual worry over you're happiness and health, yes Angel. That's it." I smiled at him, kissing him fiercely. I don't know how, but I was falling for this man, fast.

Don't let the rom-coms fool you, love-at-first-sight doesn't exist. And, I don't think I'd want it to. The beauty of falling in love was the little things. Falling for their smile, their voice, their words. Do I love Sebastian? I don't know. Not yet, but I'm falling for my Alpha mate more and more each day. He kissed me back fiercely, nipping on my bottom lip as I melted in his arms. I will never tire of this boy's lips. The way he kisses me so fiercely, but with love and tenderness.... It was intoxicating, to say the least.

"You. Are. My. Addiction. Those beautiful lips of yours will be the death of me." Kissing me with each word, he kissed my face with such reverence I was nearly brought to tears. This man owns my heart just as much as I own his.

"Ditto," I replied with a smirk. My big bad Alpha threw back his head in laughter. I would do anything in my power to keep that look on his face. "I don't really need clothes, but I hate having to borrow your packmates, and I'm sure you want your clothes back. I don't have any money though..."

"Oh, beautiful, you are an Angel. First, you absolutely need clothes, no deserve things of your own. Remind me we still need to look for furniture for your office, but back to my point. It's not a problem for you to borrow clothing from our packmates, and for the record, I love seeing you in my clothes. I don't know what it is about seeing your girl in your clothes, maybe it's that your scent is covering her, letting everyone know she's yours. You're absolutely adorable in my sweatshirts all comfy and cozy. Lastly, and most importantly, my money is your money. I would buy you the world if you simply asked. Our pack has more than enough money, probably too much, so don't worry you're gorgeous, smart little head of yours alright? I've got you." This man. I tell you.

"C-c-can we invite Jace and Acacia, and maybe go shopping if you want? If you're not busy, I know you have work to do, and I don't want you to feel like you have to watch me all the time. I don't want to be a bother. Maybe Acacia won't want to come, or Jace won't want to. He probably has work to do, and Acacia might not be feeling-" He cut me off with a kiss, washing away my fears with just a caress of his lips.

"That sounds like a great idea, I'll check with Jace, and we can go to a mall not too far from here. It's not usually busy, but if you feel uncomfortable at all we'll leave. I don't want you to push yourself too much. You're still recovering, so if you feel anxious just squeeze my hand, I won't let go unless you say so, OK? And, with my clever little mate doing my paperwork for me I'm free and clear to spend time with you. My Gamma is making sure things are running smoothly, so I can be with you. Would it be alright if he joined us? No pressure, Alexei is a good man I wouldn't let him anywhere near you if I thought for a second he'd do anything to hurt you, or make you uncomfortable."

"I'd like that. Meeting Alexei I mean." I was still a little shaken from my anxious rambling. I tried to calm myself down, not wanting Sebastian to cancel the day's plans over my anxiety. As hard as it will be to be around a bunch of people, Sebastian said he wouldn't let go, so maybe I can handle it. With Sebastian's arm's around me I always felt stronger. I felt brave like I really could beat my anxiety like I really could go through awful trauma and walk out the other side to live a normal, happy life.

*

After Sebastian ran around planning everything, checking with Jace and his Gamma, we got dressed getting ready to leave. I'm not gonna pretend I'm not nervous, I am, but I was determined to have a normal life. Be a normal girl.

We were waiting for Jace and Acacia, Alexei planning on meeting us in the car.

Eventually, Jace's door opened, Acacia gripping her mate's hands like she was afraid he'd disappear. There was an awkward tension in the air, as neither Acacia nor I knew what to say, our mates not wanting to upset either of us. Sebastian kissed me on the head, whispering encouragement in my ear, then turned towards Acacia;

"Nice to see you looking better sprite, I hope you're feeling more comfortable. I'm sure Jace is taking good care of you." He spoke slowly, making sure his tone was kind.

"Yes. Thank you very much for your hospitality. Jace is... He is wonderful." She blushed as she looked at the ground. Jace wrapping his arms around her from behind, kissing her on the cheek. Hearing Acacia speak I couldn't help but notice that her words were stilted, almost broken.

"It's no problem sprite," Acacia let out a giggle at Sebastian's nickname for her, "Well gang, Alexei's waiting in the car if Y'all are ready. Jace, Acacia got something to eat, right? We can stop somewhere for lunch later." After Sebastian had been assured everyone was ready we walked downstairs, heading for the garage. I couldn't help but gawk at everything around me. I had been here a few weeks, but I'd been mostly in Seb's suite. There were a few pack members straggling, but they made sure to hide their curious stares. Probably Sebastian's doing my guess. We walked into the garage meeting Seb's Gamma, Alexei, he had jet-black hair with amber eyes. He had a goofy smile on my face, and his cheery disposition eased my nerves a little.

"Well hello, ladies. It's an honor to meet such beautiful women" Giving us both a silly bow he continued, "Jace? Sebastian? You're lucky men" He gave us a wink, and I saw Jace roll his eyes. Sebastian let out a low growl, and I just turned to put my hand on his chest. I made sure to touch his skin, knowing that touch was vital for mates. If an Alpha male was angry, only his mate's touch could calm him. I smiled at him assuring him I was OK, and he just huffed rolling his eyes. I laughed at his annoyance. For Pete's sake, he was practically pouting. I heard Alexei laugh at how easily he could rile up Sebastian, and I couldn't help but give him a little smirk.

After I shyly waved to Alexei we all hopped into the car, not surprisingly Sebastian placed me on his lap, Jace doing the same. I didn't put up a fight, wanting the comfort of his arms. I knew that Sebastian was also worried, not wanting anything to happen to me, so if having me close would soothe his fears then who am I to deny that? He needs comfort just as much as I do. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, brushing a kiss across it. Sebastian never fails to shiver in contentment every time. He laid his head against mine, taking in a deep breath.

*

Alexei kept us entertained the whole ride, making Acacia and I laugh with his dumb jokes. The boys just rolling their eyes, bantering back with him. I still hadn't built up the courage to talk to Acacia. I was never good at talking to people, especially girls. Cassie and Al were amazing, and if they disliked me it'd be horrible of course. But, if my Beta's mate disliked me, it would be unbearable. The two have to work closely. Most Alpha, Beta, and Gamma pairings were usually quite close, as they have to spend so much time together. A pack can't work if its leaders didn't get along. All of the boys made sure to include us in here conversations, asking us mundane questions, clearly avoiding anything too deep. Even with my fear of screwing something up, I was happy. Being with Sebastian and his friends felt fun. It felt like something a normal girl would do with her mate, hanging out with friends, joking with each other.

*

Once we reached the mall, I could tell Sebastian was tense. His eyes watching everyone around us, all while keeping his hand firmly in mine. I rubbed my thumb across his hand, and he visibly settled a little letting out a sigh. He was in no way calm though, and I just wish I could take away his worries. I guess that's probably how he feels about my anxiety. Is that what being in love is like? Wanting to take away the other's pain? Wanting to do anything you possibly can to make the other happy?

I gripped Sebastian's hand tightly as I looked around the mall, it wasn't huge by any means, but for a girl who for almost a decade saw nothing more than concrete walls it was a little overwhelming. Sebastian kissed me on the top of my head, and put his mouth near my ear;

"How're you doing there Angel?" I just squeezed his hand and gave him a stiff smile in response. He nodded, but I could tell he wasn't convinced I was OK. Jace and Acacia walked close by and Alexei walked a little ahead of us. I couldn't help but look over at Acacia, wanting to say something, but not knowing how. I didn't know what I said that upset her, and I didn't want to repeat it. It's too much of a risk. I have a knack for saying the wrong thing, and I don't want to ever see a look of disappointment on Sebastian's face. Eventually, he'll probably realize I'm not worth it. But, I can't help but pray he never does. I want to believe him. He doesn't deserve my distrust, it's not fair to him.

We continued walking in somewhat awkward silence until we came across a department store. Sebastian said that would be the best place to find everything we'd need. Alexei promptly appointed himself our "personal stylist", and set out finding the silliest clothes he could. I had no idea where to start, Sebastian had told me not to worry about money, but I didn't want to take advantage of his kindness. When he saw me gravitating towards the clearance section he swiftly reminded me he wanted me to pick what I liked, not what was cheapest. Even though I hated spending his money, it warmed my heart how adamant Sebastian was about me choosing things for myself.

"You had your choices taken away from you for far too long, so let me give that back to you. I want you to make choices, because you want it, not because of anyone or anything else Angel."

I can't help but smile every time I remember those words. I noticed Acacia out of the corner of my eye, looking just as flustered as I was. As I fought with myself over what to do I felt Sebastian's hand on my back. He wasn't trying to pull me anywhere. He wasn't trying to tell me what to do, he was simply reminding me he was there. So I took a deep breath and walked over to Jace and Acacia.

"H-h-hi." I gave a small smile and tried