chapter nineteen

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it's finally time for alexei to shine :) I've had this planned out since I created Alexei, let me know what you guys think? did you expect it?

alexei's pov

"Alexei you can't keep doing this. Either try to find your mate on your own accord, or I will order you to."

*

After Sebastian's ultimatum, I went on a hunt. Shifting into my wolf, I could feel the pull of the darkness getting stronger. It was becoming harder to fight. With every hit of emotion, my resolve weakened.

I couldn't go on like this.

I couldn't let my mate go on feeling like this.

I had let my selfish fear of rejection get in the way for far too long. I have no doubt my precious mate will have been feeling the pull as I have. What kind of mate am I for letting her suffer like this? No longer will I sit back and do nothing while my mate hurts without me.

*

I was fuming as I stomped through along the storefront. I was mad at Sebastian for taking the decision out of my hands. Mad at myself for letting it go on so long. I grumbled to myself as I walked, and then I felt it. I felt it deep in my bones, and I fell to my knees. The emotion came through clear as day. My head was splitting, and I felt so helpless. All I could think about was her. I needed to get to her. My mate.

After a few minutes, finally getting ahold of myself, I took in my surroundings. I was solely focused on finding my mate and doing everything in my power to take that fear away. I took a deep breath, and focused on the emotion, trying to feel her surroundings. I couldn't help the sigh of contentment that came out of me when I felt her presence in my mind. I could feel that fear again, and I bit back a growl, and instead kept my focus.

The pain eventually let up, and I opened my eyes. I was standing in front of a little shop I hadn't really noticed before;

The Secret Garden

I was like a man possessed, and before I knew it I was standing in the pretty little shop, walls, and walls of books surrounding me. The pains felt stronger the farther I walked into the cozy bookstore, and as I reached the back I felt it.

I smelled the most lovely scent I'd ever smelled before. Lilacs and roses. My joy over finally being close to my mate was short-lived as I heard the sounds of harsh breathing and a girl crying. My wolf cried, already feeling the connection to my mate.

As if I was a man possessed I hopped the counter blocking off the back of the store, focused solely on finding mate, and comforting mate. The primal side of me had taken over, and all I wanted was to help her. I walked through the doorway, and following the noise, I ambled up steps seemingly leading to a little apartment. When I reached the top of the stairs I saw her.

My mate.

*

Her pure innocent beauty took my breath away. Her big brown eyes, reminding me of a porcelain doll. Her willowy frame, paired with her wavy brown hair reminded me of a pixie. She was all things innocent and sweet of the world. Words seemed inadequate at describing the emotions running through me as I looked at my beauty.

I snapped out of my trance as I noticed the tears tracks on her face, and her small frame shaking just slightly. She still hadn't noticed my presence, or if she had she wasn't acknowledging it. I frantically rushed over to her, pulling her into my arms, holding her like you would a child.

"I've got you, milaya, I've got you," I whispered to her, as I blew my breath into the crook of her neck, desperately trying to soothe her. Instead of my scent soothing her as a mate's scent should, it had the opposite effect on her. Her breathing became quicker if it was even possible, and her body was shaking like a leaf.

"H-H-How? W-why? I-I I thought..." Tears were falling down her face, and that fear I'd come to hate so much, in her eyes. "I thought you didn't want me." Her tears quickly turned to sobs, and I held my heartbroken mate as she wept. My heart was breaking as I realized my mistake. She had been feeling the bond the same as I this whole time, and thinking I didn't want her. I caused her pain. I was the cause of her hurt. Unforgivable.

"Milaya, no, please don't ever think that. I'm so sorry princess, words can not express how very sorry I am. I was cowardly. Afraid, and I let my cowardice cause you pain. I am so sorry my milaya. So sorry." Never again will I let my mate doubt a second my feelings for her. I will never let her think that I don't want her. I will spend the rest of our lives together making sure she knows just how wanted she really is. That is... if she'll forgive me.

"W-what do you mean?" Though her breathing was still erratic, she was beginning to calm down.

"I don't know how much you know of the mate bond, but even without a couple being fully mated, strong enough emotions can be felt by the other. When I felt your presence the first time, I was elated. But, with your presence in my mind, came your emotions. I wasn't able to quite place them at first. The most I could decipher of the emotions were that of fear. Pure unadulterated fear. I'm ashamed to admit I let my fear and cowardice get in the way of searching you out. As much as I wanted to demand the Alpha to call every she-wolf for me to find you, I knew, somehow I knew, that would be the worse thing I could do to you. The other part of me was afraid, that that fear, was because of me... That, maybe you had somehow seen me without me noticing and had been disappointed in what you saw. Or I had somehow scared you, and I selfishly didn't want to give you a chance to reject me. I'm so sorry princess, you have no idea how sorry I am. I was cowardly and foolish." I could barely manage to look her in the eyes I was so ashamed of myself, her look of sadness quickly turned to that of confusion;

"W-why would you think I would reject you?" She didn't react like I expected her to, my soft-spoken mate simply asked for an explanation. Her big brown eyes wide with concern, if the situation hadn't been so inappropriate I would have kissed those sweet little lips of hers. I was finding it hard to concentrate on anything when it came to her.

"Did you know that there are only three known instances of rejection in all of history?" She cocked her head at my question;

"Yes, I did actually." I smiled at her sweet lilt, never having heard anything quite like it.

"I'm sure it's obvious that I am not from this pack or America in general. I was born in Ukraine. When I was eleven my Alpha found his mate. And in a moment no one saw coming, she rejected him. She gave no reason, not that anyone had ever heard. I got to witness firsthand the aftermath of an Alpha male losing his mate. Fighting with the darkness all those years, only to have your light reject you, and then eventually just giving up the fight. It was terrifying to see. It was, in the end, my pack's downfall. He stopped caring about his duties, he treated his warriors horribly and lashed out at everyone in his sight. He just simply stopped caring. Ten years later, the pack now in shambles, I felt like I had no choice but to leave. My parents had long since passed, I had no family to speak of. I had no reason to stay. After having an itching feeling that I should move to America I began looking into packs who would take me. Alpha Sebastian offered me a Gamma position, and I didn't even hesitate I left. So, when I felt that fear..."

"You became afraid that I would do what your Alpha's mate had done to him."

"Milaya, I can not express to you how very sorry I am. It was cowardly and inexcusable. I failed you. I failed to protect the one who means the most to me. Can you forgive me, my princess?" I let the tears brimming in my eyes fall, letting the side of me only my mate could ever see.

"I have to confess something myself. You say your actions were cowardly, while mine was just as so. I did see you." She wouldn't meet my eye as she spoke, "You were meeting Sebastian for an update on something or other. It was a few days before he found Thea. I wasn't having a good day, I was feeling quite anxious, and then I saw you. My heart stopped, and at that moment I panicked. I knew you were Sebastian's third, and I was afraid I wouldn't live up to the standards of a strong Alpha man like you. I have Alpha blood, but I am no Alpha. I am weak. I am-"

"I'm going to stop you right there. I will not allow anyone to disparage my mate, let alone herself. We both fell victim to our own fears. It is human nature to fear, every living being on this earth has fallen victim to their emotions at one time or another. What matters now, is what we decide. Will you forgive me for not protecting you? Will you forgive me for not being the "strong Alpha male" you so deserve. I can promise you I won't allow my fears to ever get in the way of you, of loving you, ever again. I can't promise to never mess up, or upset you, I'm only human, but I can promise you I will spend the rest of my days making you feel happy, safe, and content. You will never find a more devoted mate than I. Will-"

Surprising me once again, my Milaya kissed me swiftly and settled herself against my chest. I was quickly learning, she was a woman of few words. I knew I'd forever spend my time falling over my feet, hanging on to every sweet word she spoke.

There was still a lot of things my princess and I needed to talk about, most importantly, her name. It seems silly now, but in all of the madness, I forgot to ask her, her name. I was more intent on finding my mate and calming her that I simply forgot.

So many things to say, so little time. For now, I would just simply sit enjoying the feel of her in my arms. As I heard her breathing even out, I let myself relax only a fraction, finally able to rest knowing my mate was safe and content with me.

*

OK my dear readers i'm sure you're all smart enough to have figured out who his mate is, but i've got to leave you all some element of suspense. i promise i haven't forgotten about thea and sebastian, they're still the main characters, but i really love having all these twisting storylines. let me know what you think in the comments, and what you think will happen next.

thanks,

-ej

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