"So I said do me like a math problem, messy with a lot of hand." The douche and all his friends laugh, their eyes skirting over women's bodies. I swallow down bile and turn towards my girlfriend.

"Sam let's go."

"Harry, we haven't even played any fun games yet."

"You're already wasted," I frown. "We're going home."

She stomps her foot defensively, her hands glued to her hips. "No. I'm not going." Her tongue pokes of the side of her mouth like a child.

"Fine. Have it your way."

I stand up and brush off my jeans. My shirt is drenched because some fucker spilled his cheap beer all over me. Now I wreak and I feel nauseated.

"Where are you going?" She grapples for my hand but I knock it away.

"Anywhere but here."

"Don't blame me when I screw around with someone else."

My jaw clenches and my fists tighten as I whirl back around to face her. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me," she hiccups. "Come on Harry, you can't really think I'm serious about y-you," she slurs. "I just wanted a good fuck but you aren't even good in bed anymore."

"Tell me you're lying."

"Nope," she giggles, tottering on her heels. She tugs down her skirt and it suddenly hits me.

I don't even care. Sam is a toxic person anyway.

I'm such an idiot for letting her use me. I thought I was the dominant one and now I'm reeling with the fact that I had never in control.

the puppet moves
on its strings
and dances
with the flick
of a wrist

...

"Did he ask where I was?"

"Nah, he probably just assumed you were hungover."

Great. That's what I want him to think of me.

"Shit. I've gotta go."

I leave my untouched food on the table and shove in my chair. It rams into the table and Liam gives me a look but doesn't press it.

My feet travel down the familiar hallway, stopping in front of his door. I rap lightly with my knuckles and he calls for me to come in. When I do he looks up at me, surprised, his glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose.

"What can I do for you Harry? Extra credit opportunities or something?"

Warm tears prick at my eyes and my throat feels tight. The words I try to say get trapped and feel constricted inside of me. I simply shake my head, my curls grazing against my neck.

"a sharp blade of
emerald green grass
wet with morning dew"

"I'll make up the assignment from class, I swear. I can get notes from Liam or-"

He waves me off. "I don't care about that Harry."

I suck in a breath and slump into the nearest chair. "I'm not in trouble?"

"I don't care if you come to class or not, it's your grade and your life. That doesn't concern me."

That stings like salt licking at a wound. He doesn't care if I show up or not.

"Oh," I reply stunned.

"That being said, I do care about my students' well-being. I'm by no means a counselor but you can always talk to me about stuff. I'm pretty chill about these kind of things."

"What kind of things?"

"Heartbreak," he says nonchalantly. It slips from his mouth like it's nothing. "Young love is a funny thing, isn't it?"

"I don't even think I could call it love."

"I see. Most relationships are temporary like the changing of leaves. I don't let that bring me down too much. The variety of hues when they fall from trees is just so beautiful. If leaves were always green or always brown fall wouldn't be nearly as rich in color and fall happens to be my favorite season."

"That's ironic," I posit.

"And why is that?"

"Because you're afraid of falling."

He's silent for a moment, his fingers tapping against his desk.

"I guess I hadn't thought of that."

"It's the fall that's thrilling, the feeling of weightlessness and lifting off the ground. It's just when gravity tugs at you and yanks you back down when you realize you were never really free at all."

"I get the feeling that you're talking about someone in particular. Could it be your ex girlfriend?" He smirks and I chuckle, suddenly feeling at ease.

"Wrong. Guess again."

"Oh damn," he plays along. "It was a total shot in the dark."

"Do you always spend lunch alone?"

"No, I usually go to the teacher's lounge but I had some grading to catch up on."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did," his eyes glimmer with amusement.

"Okay, smart-ass. I have something to ask."

"I might have an answer."

God, I think sinking deeper. There's no denying it now, I'm developing feelings for my English Literature teacher.

"How do you know when it's real?"

"How should I know? I'm still single myself."

"Well haven't you been in love?"

"Sure. I've loved so deeply I lost touch with myself. Just a second," he flips through his notebook, his eyes landing on a particular page.

"nothing can
keep you away
not even those
eleven shots
of Vodka
on a Wednesday night
or even
the thought of
someone else
holding my heart
since you
already shattered it
with gentle hands"

"Why?"

His gaze meets mine and I get up from my chair, my hands gripping the edge of his desk so tightly my knuckles turn white.

"Why would someone make you feel that way?

"I asked myself that same question. I was restless, thinking about things I could have possibly done wrong, tearing myself apart."

"But they're the one that ripped your heart to shreds. They shattered it into a million pieces. You didn't need to cause more damage. What you needed was glue to piece everything back together."

"Or tape," he grins.

"Do you think she's happy now or does she know she fucked up?"

"He," he corrects softly.

"Huh?"

"He broke my heart."

Everything clicks into place and my heart pounds in my chest, the thud strumming through my eardrums.

"Sorry," I feel myself blush. "I didn't know-"

"Don't be. It rained for days after he cheated and I pretended the sky was grieving with me, mourning the loss of my hope."

"Do you mind reading more?"

"he convinced me to jump
promising he'd catch me
but as soon as i started to fall
he was turning his back
on that promise"

"I'm still afraid of swimming you know."

"Why?"

"Because he swam but I drowned."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It knocks the air right out of me and I desperately want to touch him.

"I'll share one with you."

"I'd like that a lot."

"she told me
she was afraid
of losing me
but faced her fears
when she walked away"

"Harry."

"Yes?"

"I'm not supposed to have a favorite student but obviously it's Liam."

I laugh and run my fingers through my messy curls.

"That's a good choice," I confirm. "Solid student."

"Yeah he is but do you know what I need on some days?"

"What?"

"Just a little bit of trouble," he sends a quick wink. It happens in an instant, so fast that I believe my eyesight is failing.

"Hmm," I tease. "I wonder who that could be."

"Please do me a favor and don't come to my class ever again." He tries to keep a straight face but fails and our laughter mingles in the air.

"Sorry I used to be so disrespectful."

"It's nothing," he assures. "You were only a slight pain in the ass."

"I still am," I beam proudly.

"Yes, you still are," he sighs.

"What are your plans this weekend?"

"That's none of your business."

"Sorry."

Stupid stupid stupid, my brain scolds.

"Harry, come to class tomorrow and I'll drop a hint."

"Really?"

"No."

"Fuck you too."

He chuckles as I leave, a smile spreading across my face.