"How are you going to get to school today?"

I groan and flip over, snuggling under the covers.

"I'm not going."

He chuckles and ruffles my hair. "Yes you are sweetheart."

"I'm sick," I cough. This makes him laugh harder, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

He tugs at my toes which makes me giggle. His eyes are bright, his smile cheery as he tickles the balls of my feet.

"Haaaarrryyy," he sings. "I made pancakes."

My ears perk and I shoot out of bed, my feet landing on the cold hardwood floor. I shiver and he saunters over to his dresser, giving me an oversized hoodie. I tug it on, inhaling the scent that lingers on it. Sweet like warm vanilla sugar, with just a touch of musk. I take another whiff, getting a faint trail of cigarette smoke. My nose nuzzles into the soft fabric and he sighs contently before pressing a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

"The pancakes are going to get cold babe."

I pull on some joggers and trail behind him into the kitchen.

"They're chocolate chip," I skip around excitedly and he rolls his eyes.

"I'm starting to think you don't need sugar this early."

"Noooo," I whine. "Give me all the sugar."

I pour on a bunch of syrup and squirt a pile of whipped cream.

"How old are you, seven?"

"Yes," I reply as I take a bite. "But I'm not the one wearing Batman underwear."

His face flushes and he grabs the whipped cream can, spraying it on my nose. I sit stunned for a moment, my ass glued to the chair.

"I had a lot of sugar too. Bring it on."

I dip my fingers in the syrup, slipping them into his mouth. He moans around them, his tongue darting between the spaces.

It's too early for this but I don't care. My fingers pull out with a pop, our lips locking in place. His mouth tastes like hazelnut coffee.

I add chocolate and whipped cream to the mix as our tongues swirl.

When our lips disconnect I gasp for air, my hands clutching the corner of the kitchen table.

"Who's going to school?" He tilts his head, smirking.

"Me," I exhale.

"Good boy." He pats the top of my head and the rapid strumming of my heart starts to slow.

...

Giver

i gave you
bursts of
vivid color
but you
were
colorblind
i made
sweet music
to grace
your ears
but you
blocked
my sound

Punctuation

i became
quotation
marks
inverted
and
upside down
clinging
to words
that
were not
mine,
hanging
onto
ideas
that
were not
my own

you were
an exclamation
mark
bold and proud
i envied you
and tried
to please you
but we
were just
too different
sometimes
falling
on
a
d i f f e r e n t
page

Read Me

tell me
someone
cares enough
to pick
me up
off the shelf
pages torn
spine worn
and dusty

you found
me
called me
well loved
but i'm
just tattered

your gentle
fingers
flicked
through
every page
your tears
staining
the crinkled
paper,
your pen
marking
my passages
annotating
my margins
and bookmarking
the deepest
parts of me,
where i used to
collect dust

Words

if blades
can cut
through skin
the words
she spoke
to me
were surely
sharp enough
to kill

Sex

when
my body
hangs
lifelessly
from
a rope
maybe
she'll
understand
just how
much
i felt
when
our bodies
touched;
limp
and
exhausted
ready
for
r
  e
     l
       e
         a
            s
               e

Sprout

we planted
a seed
in our
garden
but
never
watered it

Mess

sleeping
with you
because
my bed
is cold
and i
like the warmth
your body
provides

Alcohol

i like
setting
fire
to my insides
and letting
scotch
trickle
into
my mouth
and I like
letting
vodka burn
the back
as it goes
down the back
of my throat

Drugs

i coughed
when i
took
my first
hit
it made
my eyes
water
but i
thought
i was cool

Boyhood

i
never
reached
for
the
s
  t
    a
  r
s
i just
strained
my thumbs
playing
mindless
video games
and pretended
to be
someone
i wasn't,
slipping
my hands
up
under skirts

I scribble away until the bell rings, my pen scratching across my paper. His knuckles rap lightly on my desk and I glance up.

"Are you going to stay in here all day?"

"No, I just-"

My brain falters, all logical explanations soaring out the window. How do I tell him I was pouring my heart onto pages of in spiral notebook?

I don't have to because he picks it up and I swallow the lump in my throat.

"Sex," his voice cracks. "I don't like that one. Do you still feel that way?"

I shake my head silently as his hand reaches for mine, pulling my sleeves back.

"Why did I never notice these scars Harry? I feel so damn stupid."

"It's nothing Zayn."

"Are you nothing? I don't think so."

His thumbs trace over the faded marks on my wrist. They're so faint I'm not surprised he just now discovered them.

"That was a long time ago."

my heart
has scars
that aren't
so easily
visible

"Talk to me babe."

I press the heels of my hands to my eyelids, groaning. He moves my hands, peppering kisses all over my face.

"I love you."

I smile back reassuringly, the words coming from the bottom of my heart, "I love you too."

...

"I've never seen you wear a  headband. You look really tired."

"Well thanks," he jokes.

I pull him closer to me, my hand slipping around his waist. He's so skinny I can't help but notice.

"Zayn," I say softly.

"Yeah?"

"Are you eating? You've lost weight."

"Of course love," he offers a little smile and I let myself relax. He pecks my lips and it's enough to bring me temporary comfort.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I turn the key in the lock and he waves goodbye.

My heart sinks, fear suddenly overcoming me. We won't even be apart long but it feels so wrong. I want to be near him. I'm afraid he'll suddenly disappear.

"Tomorrow," he confirms with a grin. "Read pages 86-93."

I laugh promising that I will and he gets in his car, peeling out of the driveway.

"Hey mum," I greet her with a kiss.

"Harry, where were you last night?"

"Niall's," I spurt out. "He ate way too much food as usual, played video games until my thumbs felt numb. I didn't mean to fall asleep but I was exhausted."

I might be a horrible person.

"That's okay baby, you just need to tell me these things. I worry. I thought you were at a pub or some wild party you kids throw."

"I'm almost nineteen."

"You're growing up too fast." I sigh as she kisses my forehead.

I fold some clean clothes while she pulls some food out of the oven.

"I'll do the dishes tonight to make it up to you."

She laughs telling me I should always do the dishes.

I should do a lot of things that I don't.

You just never know.