Charlotte

"Can I get you anything, babe?" Luca asked through the door of the bathroom. I groaned, appreciating his concern, but all I wanted was to be left alone so I could puke in peace. In the middle of the night, a wave of food poisoning hit me like a brick wall, and I'd been up ever since. The last thing I wanted to do was unlock that door and let him in here.

"I'm fine, Luca. Why don't you just take Layla out to do something fun? I'll be just fine here." It was Christmas Eve of all days, and I didn't want everyone else cooped up at the house just because I was sick.

My mother and Carmen were making Christmas Eve dinner and would be busy with that all afternoon, so if Luca and Layla were out of the house, I could finally have some peace and quiet and try to kick this thing so I could enjoy Christmas with my family.

"Can I bring you something to eat first? You need to keep your strength up." The word eat almost made me throw up again. Yeah, that was not happening.

"No, I don't think I can eat anything right now. I promise I will in a little while. I just want to take a hot shower and lay down for a bit." Luca wouldn't go away without at least the promise that I'd try to feed myself.

"At least let me help you in the shower. You're weak and dehydrated. What if you pass out and drowned?" I bit back my laughter. Was that another attempt at seeing me naked, disguised as concern?

"I'm pretty sure no one has ever drowned in a shower, Luca. The water doesn't build up enough." I laughed softly, mustering up as much strength as I could.

"But you could hit your head." He defended. "I can just sit in there with you and..."

"Would you get out of here, please?" I begged. Even talking was exhausting me right now.

Luca was quiet, but I could tell he was still standing at the door. At least, he was respecting my wishes not to come inside; that was major progress. Normally, he'd be banging the door down and threatening to kick it in so he could come in and help me. Was it so much to ask to puke in peace?

"Fine. But call me if you need anything. We can be back here at the drop of a..."

"Luca!" I shrieked exasperatedly. "Go entertain our daughter. I'm fine."

"Okay, okay." He chuckled, finally conceding. "I'll see you soon."

"See you soon."

"But just to be clear, just because I'm letting you win right now, doesn't mean you make the rules around here." I could hear the smug grin he was wearing through his tone. The man was impossible.

"Bye Luca."

"Bye, baby." I heard footsteps heading out of the room and the door shutting as he left. Finally.

Instead of a shower, I opted for a bath, filling the tub up with scalding hot water and bubbles and lowered myself into it. It felt like heaven. I hadn't taken a bubble bath in months, and I had forgotten how much I loved Luca's tub.

I soaked until my skin was wrinkling and then got out, wrapping a robe around myself. I was feeling a bit better and after a nap, I was sure I'd be good as new.

The sun was shining into the bedroom window, and it looked much nicer outside than I would have expected for December. Normally, New York was frigid and snowy this time of year, and I was a tiny bit disappointed. We'd spent the last few Christmases on a beach, and I was hoping for a little snow cover. I slid the door open and stepped out onto the balcony, wrapping my robe a little tighter around me. It may look nice, but the chill in the air was severe. I sucked in a sharp breath of the cool air, shivering as I tiptoed to the edge of the railing.

The estate sprawled out in front of me as I thought about how much everything had changed in the last few months. Not long ago, Layla and I were in a small two-bedroom apartment in Savannah, just barely surviving. When I ran into Luca at Josh's funeral, I never could have imagined the roller coaster the next few weeks would bring. At that point, I had no intentions of telling him the truth, and maybe never would have if he hadn't forced my hand.

Honestly, I wasn't sure if Luca and I would have ended up together if things didn't happen the way they did. It took a lot of time apart, and a lot of hurt, for us to finally acknowledge that our relationship wasn't all roses and rainbows. We overlooked a lot in the beginning because we were so caught up in the fairytale of it all, and this time around, we couldn't do that. We'd been forced to start completely from scratch and rebuild our connection from a place of rawness and vulnerability, and we couldn't hide our true selves even if we wanted to. Somehow it was much more real this time around, and while I regretted so much about the last few years, part of me felt like it had to happen.

I felt like I knew Luca on an even deeper and more intimate level now, and that he knew me that way as well. Our relationship had the foundation it had always needed this time, and it felt like we were stronger than ever.

Behind me, I heard the bedroom door open and groaned, thinking it was Luca.

I sighed, heading back into the room and shutting the balcony door behind me. "I thought you were..."

Instead of Luca, Carmen was standing in front of me, holding a tray with a kettle, cream and sugar. "I'm sorry to bother you, dear. I thought you would be sleeping. Luca said you weren't feeling well, and I brought you some ginger tea. I thought that might help."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out at first. I wasn't sure what exactly to say. She had known who I was for the last few days now, and we had both done our part of avoiding each other so we wouldn't have to have the discussion that we all knew was coming.

"Thank you." I said, sheepishly, taking a cup from her. Some hot tea actually sounded soothing.

She smiled, setting the rest of the tray down on the table by the window.

When she turned back around, we stood just staring at each other for a few seconds, both trying to find the courage to speak.

"Charlotte, I think I owe you an apology." Carmen finally said, wringing a napkin out in her hands.

Her words caught me off guard. She thought she needed to apologize? I was the one who had messed up, the one who should be begging for her forgiveness.

"Carmen, you have nothing to apologize for. I... Gosh, I don't even know what to say." I sat down on the couch, pressing my lips together. "I can only imagine what you must think of me. I just... I thought I was doing what was best for Layla, and I never meant to hurt Luca the way I did. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified and..."

"Shhh." She rushed to the couch next to me, taking both of my hands in hers and leading me over to the bed. "Don't you ever apologize for protecting your daughter. I may not agree with what you did, but I understand it. I admire your strength in trying to keep Layla safe, and honestly, I wish I had been that brave as a young mother. And I love Luca, but I am not naïve to the person he is, or to the world he is involved in."

I took a deep breath, and Carmen continued.

"I should have never let so many days go by without us talking and for that, I am sorry. I didn't mean to give you the impression that I was upset with you. This is all just so much for me to take in." She shook her head. "Your mother was my very best friend and you...I loved you as my own daughter. Seeing the two of you again after so much time is amazing, but it also comes with its share of hurt. I was a different person back then, when I was with Luca's father, and that's a part of my life I don't really like to relive."

Tears pooled in her eyes as she squeezed my hand.

"What has Luca shared with you about his father?" She asked, her voice shaky.

I bit my lip. "Not much. Just that he was hard on him. Luca's always talked about how much he doesn't want to be like him, or like my... father."

Carmen smiled. "He's a good boy. Much different from his father. Luca idolized him no matter how awful Victor was to him, and would probably never say a bad thing about him to this day." Her eyes clouded and I could tell memories were playing in her mind. "The things Luca witnessed, that his father subjected him to both in our home and as part of the Mafia... I see how much that wears on him. He struggles with who is supposed to be and who he wants to be, but he feels that generational pressure, and so the first usually wins out. Despite the terrible man his father was, he still wants to make him proud." She wiped t her cheek. "But I see something in him when he's with you that I have never seen before. You bring out a different side of him—a better side — and I can't tell you how happy that makes me. I wanted more for him than this world, and you and the beautiful little girl you share... you're the answer to my every prayer."

Fighting back my own tears, a smile pulled at my lips. I'd been dreading this conversation, but it was turning out to be exactly what I needed to hear.

"I was your age when I found out I was pregnant with Luca. I knew nothing about the Mafia back then—just that Victor was a part of a gang, that they protected us, that what he did was dangerous." She paused. "If I had known as much as you did, I would have run, too."

"I wish I had given Luca the chance to be this person a long time ago." I swallowed, my chest tightening a little. "If I could go back and change that, I would."

"Of course you would, Charlotte. Hindsight is always 20/20. But you were doing the best you could with the information you had at the time, and let's be honest, Luca had a lot of growing up to do. Maybe you both did. Luca can't be upset with you for that, and if he is, you send him to me."

I couldn't help but laugh. Carmen was a tough woman, and maybe it would be good to have her on my side when it came to handling Luca.

"He's not perfect, Charlotte, and I hope to God you will hold him accountable for his actions. He needs that. But he also needs to be cut a little slack." She squeezed my hand. "All he has ever known is violence. That's how he knows how to communicate and it's going to take some time to unwind that. He didn't have the opportunity you did. Your mother took you away from this world and protected and gave you a normal life, and I would have given anything to have done that for him. You could have easily had the same fate if you and your mom stayed."

She was right. Luca and I were dealt the same hand at birth, but my cards were played differently. I couldn't fault him for that. He loved us better than I ever thought imaginable, and with each passing second, I only got more sure that we were exactly where we needed to be. That I couldn't imagine spending another second apart, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

Carmen stood up slowly and brought my hand to her lips, kissing it gently. "I like who my son is with you, Charlotte, and I hope you two works things out."

Carmen disappeared, leaving me alone in our bedroom to think. I didn't need anymore time, though. I'd already made up my mind.

Now, i just needed to figure out a way to show him I was entirely committed to him. That I loved him with every fiber of my being and couldn't stand the thought of being away from him. That I was with him to the end.

And I think I had just the thing.