Charlotte

"So things seem to be going well with you and Luca..." My Mom said as we walked around Central Park. For December, it was a beautiful day, and the park was full of people enjoying the weather.

We found an empty park bench and sat down to enjoy our coffee. Even though my mom's visit caught me off guard, a huge weight was lifted off of my chest the second I saw her. You never grow out of needing your mother, and after all the changes in the last few weeks, I was craving this time together more than I even knew."Yeah, they are." I agreed. "We still have a lot to work on, but we're getting there."

She arched her eyebrow as if she could tell I wasn't telling her the whole story. I never could anything from my mother, she could read me like a book and today was no different. "The last time I saw you, you guys weren't exactly on the best of terms. What happened?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to figure out where to even begin. So much had happened since then. She didn't need to know all the details, but I was dying to talk to her about it. When we'd talked lately, we'd kept the conversation light, and more focused on how she was doing considering she was reeling from her own loss. My troubles with Luca would have only made it worse for her, so I'd kept it to myself.

"Why don't you start at the beginning?" She said, as if reading my mind. She didn't know the can of worms she was opening up, though.

The beginning. The day Luca came to my mothers, held a gun to my back and brought me and Layla to New York. It felt like just yesterday and a lifetime ago, all at the same time.

I took a deep breath before launching into the story. "When I found out I was pregnant, I tried to get in touch with Luca. Jenni and I were in Greece and he told me he'd come out so we could figure it out."

My mom frowned. I'd never told her about anything that happened with Antonio, or me trying to get in touch with Luca. All she knew was that I had decided to raise Layla on my own and didn't want Luca to know about that. She and Josh didn't agree with it, but they respected my decision and never mentioned her or I to Luca.

"Except when I went to meet him, it was Antonio, not Luca."

"What? You never told me that."

I pressed my lips together. "He intercepted my emails, and he brought me a check so that I could take care of the problem. He told me that having a child would only hold Luca back, and I was being selfish by telling him. He said it's what Luca would have wanted if he knew."

"Oh, Charlotte.." She reached for my hand.

"I know it was stupid, but I decided he was right, and that was why I decided not to keep trying to tell Luca." I wiped a tear from my cheek, the memory stinging more than I expected. "But when I got so sick and I was in labor, I broke down again, and I asked Grant to call Luca and get him there."

"But he didn't..." My mom already knew where this was going.

"I shook my head. "No, he didn't. Instead, he told me that he did and that Luca said he wanted nothing to do with us and to not contact him again. And I was just emotional and hurt enough to believe it. And I spent all these years keeping her from him, thinking that he hated me. That he was so furious with me for leaving that he let me and our daughter suffered."

"Does Luca know that?" My mom asked, treading carefully.

I let out a sharp laugh. "Oh yeah, he knows."

I left out the part about Luca killing Grant. She didn't need to know that, although she knew enough about how things worked in the Mafia to draw her own conclusions.

"Wow." She let out a heavy breath. "I can imagine that was difficult for both of you to find out.

"Yeah, it was." I nodded, moments of that night on the bathroom floor flashing through my mind. "But honestly, Luca and I have our issues that have nothing to do with Grant or Antonio. And we have to work on those before anything else."

"And this?" She said, picking up my hand and inspecting the ring on my finger.

"It's a Christmas present." I didn't even believe the words coming out of my mouth myself.

"Charlotte, you may be able to hide your feelings for him from everyone else in the world, including Luca himself, but you can't hide them from me. I know he's pretty extravagant, but no man would shell out that kind of money on a Christmas present. Do you want to try that answer again?" She wouldn't let me off the hook with this.

"Luca's mom is in town." I said finally. "We are loosely back together until we can work our issues out, but he asked me to pretend that we were married for her sake. He didn't want her to know that we had a baby out of wedlock."

My mom clicked her tongue, absorbing what I said. Suddenly, she burst out laughing.

Her reaction blindsided me. "I'm not seeing the humor in this."

"You're pretending to be married to the man you actually truly love, because you think his mother—who was raised in the Mafia and married to a hitman for forty years — is going to be upset that she has a beautiful, spunky granddaughter just because the two of you weren't married when you had her?." Her laughter had subsided, but she was still smiling. "Carmen is not going to hold that against either of you. He's thirty years old, and running one of the most powerful Mafias in the world. Believe me, having a baby before he was married is probably one of the milder things that he's done. And he knows that."

When I thought of the things Luca did on a daily basis, she was right. This seemed really trivial to be lying about.

"Char," she picked up my hand in hers. "This is more to Luca than a Christmas present or to please his mother, and if you think otherwise, then you're kidding yourself. When are you going to realize how much you mean to that man?"

I sucked in a sharp breath. "I know it's more to him, Mom. I know he wants more." He'd been very clear that he wanted to marry me for real, not just to pretend for his mother.

"Then if you don't have those same intentions, you need to tell him the truth. You two keep getting stuck in this cycle of trying to please other people when the only people you need to be concerned about it are each other and your daughter. Don't wear this ring to put on a show for Carmen when you know Luca sees it as something more, unless you do, too. It isn't fair to either of you."

Sooner of later, I was going to have to stop hiding behind the mistakes we'd made in our past. She was right — this was about Luca and Layla and me. Not anyone else.

"It is what I want, mom." I finally said, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I love him more than anything and I want a life with him."

I had never meant anything as much as I meant those words. I hated the life Luca led, but I hated my life without him more.

"But something is holding you back."

"I just want to be sure it's a healthy situation. I want that for Layla, and for Luca and I. And he's trying, we both are, but there's just a lot to work through."

"Like?" she pressed.

I swallowed the growing lump in my throat. There was no point in holding anything back from her at this point. "When we came back here... Luca was out of his mind with anger. I'd never seen that side of him before and it..." I pressed my lips together, trying to gather my thoughts. "It terrified me. He hit me—just once, but it happened. And he beat the shit out of Marco for helping me disappear, and he was just so vicious. I know deep down that's not who is, but... what if... what if he gets like that again? I don't want that for me or for Layla."

My mom shifted her weight, sucking in a sharp breath to compose herself. "Charlotte, a man should never, ever put his hands on you that way. And if you ever even think it's going to happen again, you need to pack up your daughter and get the hell out of there."

"I know that." I assured her. "And he's bending over backwards to prove that it won't ever be like that again. He even offered to go to therapy, if that's what I wanted. And I believe him."

"I do, too." My mom nodded. "I knew his father well, and I knew your father well. And I don't see the same person in Luca that I saw in either of them. He has a good heart, and what he did is inexcusable, but sometimes good people do bad things. And it's up to us whether or not we're going to forgive them. The fact that he's willing to change for you, and to put in the work it takes to repair the damage he did, I think that should go a long way. It certainly was never that way in the Mafia marriage I was in."

"I think so, too." I nodded. "Ever since we talked, everything has just been so perfect. Like I always dreamed it could be, you know? That's the life I want with him, and i know he's working hard to give that to me."

"No one says you have to make a decision right away, honey. My point was just that you need to make sure you both have the same end in sight if you're going to put the effort in, and it sounds like you do."

A smile pulled at my lips. "We do." It felt good to talk this out with her. Now that her marriage to Antonio was out in the open, she could give me a unique experience I never expected.

"Are you nervous to see Carmen after all this time?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Not at all. She was my very best friend, and I was devastated when we had to leave her. It will be really good to see her again." She smiled. "Does she know who you really are?"

I sighed. "She will by the time we get home."

"You seem nervous." My mother frowned.

"I guess I am a bit." I admitted, "I don't know what she'll think of me for what I did to Luca." I'd dreaded Carmen finding out the truth. She would hate me for keeping Layla from her son—I'd probably feel the same way— and I knew it would kill Luca for us not to get along.

"I think you and Carmen might have a little more in common than you think, Char." She squeezed my hand. "Luca's dad was..." she shook her head, trying to find the right words. "He was a despicable man. That's not my story to tell, but she wanted Luca as far away from this life as he could be, just like you wanted for Layla. I think if she would've had the option, she would've considered running herself."

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Luca never liked to talk about his dad, but I'd gathered that he wasn't a great person, and they didn't have the best relationship.

"I think you two need to have a conversation once she knows the truth. A mother's love is special. You would do anything to protect your child, to keep any harm from coming to her. Carmen understands that. Your heart was in the right place when you left with Layla. She'll know that."

My mom knew Luca's mother better than I did, but somehow I wasn't convinced. That was not a conversation I wasn't looking forward to having.