Chapter Seventeen

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Charlotte

By the time I got into the bathroom, Luca was leaning back against the bathtub with his head between his legs. He hardly looked up when I came in, mumbling some nonsense I couldn't understand.

"Would you like some water?" I asked. He mumbled something more I didn't understand in response.

I walked over to the sink and wet a washcloth underneath the water. Luca looked awful and for a second, I thought about just leaving him and letting him suffer. I knew I couldn't do that, though.

I knelt down beside him and pressed the cool washcloth to the back of his neck. He flinched at first, but moaned at the relief it gave him. Cupping his chin in my hand, I turned his face toward me.

His lip was swollen and bloody, and both of his eyes and his jaw were already turning black. Somebody beat the shit out of him.

"What happened?" I asked as I wiped some of the dried blood off of his nose with the washcloth.

He winced at the touch. "Your brother." He reeked of alcohol, but he was surprisingly sober.

"Gabe?" I frowned, continuing to wash his wounds. I thought Lily wasn't going to get involved.

"Seth." He corrected, adjusting his weight on the floor.

I arched an eyebrow at him. "Why?"

"Because I'm an asshole and I deserved it." Luca's angst-filled eyes met mine for the first time since we'd been sitting here. The pain in them destroyed me.

"I won't argue with you on that point." I mustered up a smile.

I brought the washcloth to his lip, and he winced again, reaching out for my hand and pulling it away from his face. His wounds weren't completely clean, but it would do. He clenched my hand in his, but not painfully.

Luca chuckled to himself. "Why are you being so nice to me after what I've done to you?"

I sucked in a sharp breath. I didn't really know the answer to that question.

"Because I know I hurt you." I said. "And it doesn't excuse the way you've been treating me, but I know you're hurting and I'm sorry."

This was the first honest conversation we'd had since he came back into my life.

"I hurt you, too, Charlotte. In worse ways than I ever wanted to. And in worse ways than you hurt me." Luca shook his head. "And you didn't deserve it."

"You didn't deserve what I did to you, either." I offered. It may be pointless to be having this conversation while he was drunk on the bathroom floor, but with the way things were going, I didn't know when we would have it again.

"We both fucked up." Luca laid his head down on my shoulder. "You know I love you, don't you?"

I ran my thumb gently across his forehead and let out a heavy sigh. "You can't say things like that to me, Luca."

"Why not? It's true."

"It's not true. You're only saying that because you're drunk and I'm taking care of you. I might start to believe you, and you won't even remember this in the morning."

"You're wrong." He tried to protest, nearly asleep on my shoulder.

"Let's finish this conversation when you're not drunk and concussed." I let out a sharp laugh.

He straightened up and turned towards me. "I'm not that drunk, Charlotte. Concussed, possibly," he smirked. "But I know what I'm saying."

"Why don't you let me help you get into bed?" I suggested, moving away from him. He grabbed my arm, refusing to let me get up.

"Only if you're staying with me." His sleepy grin made me weak, almost making me forget everything that had happened in the last few weeks. Almost.

"I'm not getting into bed with you."

"Then we can stay right here. Please." He begged. "I just want to talk."

I shouldn't agree to this. I should put him to bed and get out of here before things got worse. But there was a part of me that missed him desperately. The Luca he was before all of this. The one I fell in love with. The problem was, sitting here on the bathroom floor, he was the old Luca—not the monster he'd been the last few weeks.

He took his shirt off and tossed it to the side. His ribs were just as beat up as the rest of him.

"Jesus." I leaned back, getting a better look at him. "Seth really did a number on you."

Luca nodded. "Like I said, I deserved worse. I'm so fucking sorry, Charlotte. I'll never be able to say it enough. Even though it'll never erase what I did, you need to know how sorry I am."

I bit my lip, unable to tear my eyes away from his perfectly sculpted chest. He looked even better than I remembered. I needed to get out of here before I do something I'll regret tomorrow.

"Thank you for saying that, but it's three o'clock in the morning, Luca. Can't we talk in the daytime like normal people?" I sighed, feeling overwhelmed with exhaustion. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my resolve up against him tonight.

Luca wrapped his arm around me and pulling me into his bare chest. Fighting was useless. "Just sit with me then. Please."

We sat in silence for a few minutes, both of us trying to figure out what to say. We had so much to talk about, but right now it felt good just sitting here.

"Why didn't you tell me you bought the gallery?" I finally asked.

"You went to the gallery?" His voice hitched.

"This afternoon." I nodded. "Lily and I were in town and I wanted to walk by the building. She told me you bought it and are running an after school art program in it."

Luca took a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair. "It was my only connection to you when you left. I couldn't let it go. I thought about keeping it and renting it out to something else, but it just didn't feel right. I thought maybe someday you'd come back and..." His sentence trailed off and I desperately wondered how he was going to finish it. "I don't know. It's not important."

"Luca," I sat up, determined to get this off of my chest. Even if I'd have to repeat it tomorrow, I needed him to know. "I'm sorry I kept Layla from you."

He stiffened up a bit at the mention of her.

"I never should have left like I did, and I am so very sorry. I know it will never be enough, but I want you to know I never did it to hurt you." Tears threatened to fall, but I pushed them back as hard as I could. It wasn't fair for me to cry right now.

Luca was quiet for a minute. "It did hurt." He nodded. "Even before I knew about Layla, the way you left fucking hurt. But I never should have treated you the way I have been. I'm not that person and I don't want to be. I am so fucking sorry. I have been so pissed at myself all day for what I did to you last night. I don't know why you're even talking to me right now, but if you can forgive me, I swear to God it will never happen again. I'll never lay my hands on you like that. There is no excuse for it, and I'm fucking disgusted by myself."

"I know it's not an excuse, but I want you to understand why." I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "Everything I ever knew was suddenly a lie, and I just... when I told Antonio, he convinced me to...."

"You don't need to defend yourself, Charlotte. You did what you thought was best for her. I just wish I had some say in it." Luca said. "I didn't even get the opportunity to be a father. You took that from me without even giving me a chance."

"It was never about you, Luca. I loved you more than I could ever explain. It was the Mafia, and the fact that you wouldn't leave. It killed me you didn't choose me, and I was worried you'd be upset that I got pregnant." A small tear trickled down my cheek thinking of all the thoughts that had gone through my head that day.

"Charlotte," Luca let out a heavy sigh. "I would never have been mad at you. I would have been there for you every step of the way. Every appointment, every single thing."

"It was stupid. I know. And I thought about calling you so many times over the last three years, but I couldn't get over what happened when I called the first time. I was scared, and I was having a baby and we both almost died and I needed you. I needed you and you wouldn't come."

Luca's face turned white as a sheet and I was worried he was going to be sick again. "What... what did you say?" He stuttered, staring back at me as if I was speaking another language.

"When I was in labor." I repeated. "And Grant called you. I needed you and you wouldn't come. You said..."

"Grant?" Luca hissed. "Charlotte, I haven't heard a word from Grant since the day he interviewed you in the hospital, aside from when he was here arresting Antonio. What do you mean, he called?"

"You're drunk, Luca. You're probably just confused or not remembering." My chest tightened. What if he wasn't? What if Grant never called?

"Damn it, Charlotte." He said louder this time, rubbing his head. "I'm not drunk. What do you mean, Grant called me?"

I bit my lip, praying what he was saying wasn't true. Did Grant lie to me?

It certainly wouldn't be the first time. But lying to me while I was laying in a hospital bed bleeding out was a new low even for him.

"Charlotte..." He warned, waiting for an explanation.

"When we were in Switzerland, I went into labor two months early. Grant was there visiting, and he helped me get to the hospital. I was scared, and I asked him to call you. He went out to and then came back and said... he said you wanted nothing to do with me."

Luca sucked in a sharp breath. "Charlotte, he never called me."

No, that couldn't be. He wouldn't, would he? I felt sick. Had I really gone all this time thinking Luca rejected us when Grant really didn't call?

Luca took my face in his hands. "Charlotte, I never would have fucking left you like that. You know that. I know in your heart you know that. I would have been there in a heartbeat if I knew you needed me. Always." His voice was hoarse with emotion. "He never fucking called me."

I couldn't even think straight. Grant had lied to me and I spent the last three years keeping Layla from Luca because I thought he wanted nothing to do with us.

"Charlotte, you have to believe me." Luca begged. I was too blindsided to respond. "I would have come. I would have fucking been there."

Tears trickled down his cheeks. "You thought I just left you there, no wonder..." He was starting to put all the pieces together, too.

"Fuck!" Luca shrieked, running his hand through his hair roughly.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I said frantically. "I thought he called. I never even... I should have known. When he said that, I was just so hurt that I never even questioned it. But I should have known."

"It's not your fault, Charlotte." He wrapped his arms around me again and I nearly collapsed into them. "Come here."

I cried into his chest as he comforted me. I was played, and I had no idea what to think. How was I so stupid? I should have known Grant would do anything he could to keep Luca out of our lives. He was a selfish bastard, and he knew as long as Luca was around, he wouldn't be.

This wasn't entirely on Grant, but his deception crippled us. Things could have been so different for us. If I called Luca myself, if I just... If I had just reached out.

My head was pounding, and I laid on his lap. Where did we even go from here?


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