"Six weeks ago?" I echoed Clara, not believing my own ears. "Six fucking weeks ago?"

"That's what it says," Clara confirmed. She was staring at the screen, the edges of her lips pointing down. I knew what she was feeling, because it was the same thing I was feeling.

Complete betrayal.

I had always pictured betrayal to feel hot, like a burn but inside you; it didn't. It felt like my insides had been frozen into one giant icicle, jammed down my throat. It was ice cold, and it hurt. It fucking hurt.

"Let me see," I grabbed the laptop from her, needing to see it with my own eyes. The stitches in my hands burned in protest, but I didn't pay any attention to the pain. I needed to see this to believe it. I dragged my eyes down the walls of letters until I found the small addition at the bottom, and there it was in black and white.

Closed August 31, 2019.

Like all of the blood in my body instantly rushed towards my feet, the disgusting knowledge of what happened filtered through me. I tried to think of the end of August, the shock taking hold of me completely.

It didn't take long to pull back those memories. I remember the five of us meeting in Jesse's car. It was the last time Khalil met with us, before he started to drift away, ignoring us almost completely.

It's funny how we can see things so much clearer when we're looking backwards. The things that floated past our vision, not noticed even though they now seemed glaringly obvious. The small behaviour changes. The subtle gestures and glances. The smiles where there should be no smiles. The anger when there should be no anger. I could see them now, replaying it all in my head. Jesse and Brett were less scared after that day. They were less worried about themselves and more worried about Clara and I. They didn't center their own feelings any longer, they only focused on ours.

"Those mother fucking assholes," Clara seethed, seemingly regaining control of her emotions once more. "Those fucking idiots."

"Why would they do this?" I looked up at her, I knew what I should be feeling.

I should be feeling happy that I was no longer a part of this nightmare. I should be angry that Brett and Jesse had been lying to Clara and I. But I couldn't focus on those feelings, because I was only feeling hurt instead.

I've known for a long time that Jesse was a bad person. Of course, I've known. I've known that he doesn't love me and I've known that he can't control his temper.

But this... this was cruel. This, this was torture. They had been torturing us, playing with us. Blackmailing us. Making us believe that we killed someone. And for what? What was their motive?  What reason could they possible have for playing with our minds and our emotions this way?

"Call Khalil," I told Clara, noticing the way my voice had become monotone; emotionless.

"What? Why?" Clara asked me, obviously surprised. "He did this too! He could have told us."

"No, Clara, he tried to tell me. Jesse had something on him, but he tried. I need to hear it. I need to hear it because I can't believe they could be so cruel," I told her, gesturing for her to pick up her phone. "Please call him."

"Okay, okay," Clara muttered, tapping on her phone. "I don't think he's going to tell us anything, though."

"Put it on speaker," I told her.

I watched the phone as I heard the trilling through the speaker. I felt stuck, both physically and mentally. My mind wasn't letting me process what was happening, my body was stiff in disbelief. I didn't take my eyes off the phone as I watched it ring, and just when I thought he wasn't going to answer, he did.

"Clara?" Khalil said, obviously confused. "What's up? Is Lilly okay?"

"Khalil," I spoke out first, "are you with Jesse?"

"Lilly? Is that you?" Khalil asked me, the confusion in his voice growing.

"Yes, is Jesse with you?" I asked again.

"No, no... I'm at home now. What's going on? Are you okay?" Khalil's voice was changing from confusion to concern. I didn't know exactly where the concern was from. It could either be legit, or it could just be because he thinks I remembered what happened.

"I read the article, Khalil," I told him, my voice sounding as blank as a piece of printer paper.

"Oh fuck," Khalil muttered, instantly understanding. "Lilly..."

"Is it true?" I asked, though I don't exactly know why I did. It was obviously true, it was printed right there in front of me.

"I wanted to tell you so badly, Lilly, but you don't understand what Jesse would do if I did," Khalil told me in a rush, his words stringing together.

I closed my eyes at his confirmation, a silent gasp leaving my mouth. The pain.... this pain is sharp, like a freshly made blade crafted specifically to cut into me.

"Why?" I asked him, my eyes beginning to water. "Why would they do this?"

"Look, Lilly... I hated it. I hated it when they told me they wanted to keep it going. That's why I haven't been around now, it's why I haven't been eating or sleeping, I felt horrible about it," Khalil told me, not answering my question.

"Why did they do it?" I disregarded his words, repeating myself.

"Shit, Lilly, I don't know if you want to know," Khalil brushed me off again.

"Damn it, Khalil, tell us!" Clara said into the phone, obviously getting frustrated with his avoidance.

Khalil was silent for a minute, and Clara and I were too. We were both waiting in bated breath, desperate to understand their motivation.

"They... look, they said they wanted to keep it going because they knew they were losing you both. They thought it would keep you guys together, they thought the secret would make it so you didn't leave them," Khalil told us, his words were heavy, and I felt them as if they were a weight dropped on top of me.

"They... thought they would be able to control you with it," Khalil continued, and the waves of nausea crept through me. Khalil started to say something else, but I leaned over and pressed the end call button before he could get anything out.

I looked towards Clara, who looked like she was about to scream with anger. Like the cartoon characters with steam coming out of their ears, I could practically feel her fury. Though, even as I could feel her fury, it didn't replace any of my own emotions. I could only taste betrayal, it was bitter on my tongue, but it was attacking my organs inside me.

"I hate him," I told her, the floodgates of my eyes finally opening, the tears being released. I took a breath as I felt the sob stuck in my chest, letting it sound in the air. "I hate him! I hate him!"

I leaned into Clara, crying like I had never cried before. It's like I could finally see Jesse in his full. Like I've only seen him in parts before, his angry side, his nice side, his mean side, his regretful side. I could see him for who is now, evil.

"I know, Lilly, I know," Clara patted me on the back. Her voice wasn't gentle, it wasn't soft. She spoke as if she had knives behind her teeth, desperate to lash out on Brett and Jesse.

"Why would they do this to us?" I sobbed to her, "why would they do this?"

For months I haven't been able to sleep, to eat, to go a single fucking second of my day without thinking that I was a murderer. At night I questioned whether my soul was still pure, I worried about my morality. I worried about my karma, I worried about my best friend. I spent early morning hours trying to accept the fact that one day I would wake up in jail.

"They're bad people, Lilly. They're horrible," Clara told me, her voice was so strong. She sounded determined, and I wondered how. After all, Clara was in this just as much as I was. Even worse, Brett had convinced Clara to sleep with him again.

I felt Clara's hand move behind my back, and I wondered what she was doing until I saw her lift her phone to her ear. I pulled away from her, opening my mouth to question who she was calling, but she held a finger up in the air, effectively cutting me off.

"Samuel?" Clara spoke into the phone, causing my eyes to bulge. "We need help. Lilly and I... we need your help, you and Roman. And we need it now."