Do you know that moment that happens in the movies? The one where the character thoughtfully pauses before hammering their fist down on the door infront of them, pensively asking themselves, bitch, are you sure you want to do this?

Yeah, I didn't have that moment.

My fist thumped down on the black door, my delicate knuckles banging against the smooth wood until I felt the sensation of my bare skin beginning to turn red. I didn't stop, though, even though Roman didn't answer immediately. I let that knowledge piss me off even further, knocking against the door with even more force.

"Son of a..." I began to mumble, starting to accept the fact that he wasn't going to answer his door.

I was interrupted, however, by the black door swinging open, revealing Roman. His face looked angry, his eyebrows narrows, and his mouth opened like he was prepared to tell me off. I only focused on his facial expression for a second, however, because my traitorous eyes betrayed me.

They flicked down towards his torso, which was bare. There was a towel wrapped around his waist, and the hard curves of his muscles were glistening with water that was still rolling down his body. Clearly, I had just interrupted his shower.

"Lilac?" Roman asked me, his voice evidence to his confusion.

My eyes still stayed on his displayed stomach, however, until I forcefully pulled them away. I had to give myself a small shake of my head, trying to find the anger that had just been flowing through me.

If there's anything to distract my anger, it's abs. Especially, glistening wet six-packs.

"No," I said, and I think I was talking to myself. "No, no, no. You're not tricking me today."

"Tricking you?" Roman echoed, and my eyes finally found his. They were rapidly scanning my face, lingering on my red eyes and my messy hair. He ran them down my body next, but not in the same way he did last night. Last night, his eyes were smug and alluring. Today, they were just filled with concern.

"Here, come in," Roman said, not waiting for me to further explain. He stepped aside, opening the door as if it was a written invitation for me to enter.

He didn't have to tell twice, as I began to remember the reason I was here in the first place. The remembrance that Roman was playing mind games with me, purposefully trying to pull me into something that I had no business being in, was enough to make me purposely strut into the lavish apartment.

I didn't turn back towards him until I heard him close the door behind me. I spun around on my heel, my finger raised in front of me as if I was a middle-aged woman about to release hell on the manager at a retail store.

"Who do you..." I began to ask him, but my words fell still in the air as I felt Roman grab hold of my arm, but his fingers weren't gripped around the one that was raised to him. He had taken the one that was still by my side.

Roman peered down intensely as if he was closely inspecting my skin.

"What the hell is this?" He asked in a low voice, and I turned my head to see what he was looking at.

Insanely, I knew what it was. Clear as day, Roman's fingers began tracing the small red marks that were perfectly spaced out in the pattern of a handprint,  no doubt from Jesse tugging me to the floor. I shrugged my arm out of his grasp, quickly taking a step back.

"None of your business," I told him, and for the first time, I was thankful that I had been keeping such a massive secret for so long. I was thankful because my voice sounded so calm and assured, I doubted Roman would see my panic.

"Lilac, are you okay?" Roman asked me, and even though I took a step backward, he took one with me, stopping my efforts to put distance between us. He put each of his hands on one of my shoulders, connecting us once more. "What's going on, do you need help?"

"What's going on is that you need to leave me alone." I spat out at him, causing him to drop his arms in an instant, his face taking on a look of shock.

"What... what are you talking about?" Roman tilted his head, his voice calm and steady.

"I'm talking about that stupid fucking mural!" I threw at him. Roman looked back at me like I was speaking in tongues, and he couldn't understand what I was saying.

"You didn't like it?" Roman asked me, and I almost felt guilty when I heard the undercurrent of hurt.

"It's not that I..." I started before I corrected myself. "I just need to know why."

Roman's face gathered even further into confusion. "Lilac, I'm not understanding. Why, what?"

"Why!" I yelled out at him in frustration. "Why everything! Why did you change the mural to a lilac branch! And a white one! Just because I told you I didn't like purple? And what, you thought that would let you get into my pants?"

"Into your pants? Lilac, that's not what the mural is about." Roman took another step towards me, his hand raised in front of him.

"Yeah, okay." I rolled my eyes at him. "What other reason do you have?"

"You told me your name is Lilac, not Lilly. I just changed the mural to reflect that. I made it a white lilac because I already knew you didn't like purple, I changed it before the fight yesterday." Roman defended himself.

"No, you don't know that I don't like purple, Roman, because you don't know me!" I raised my hands in front of me like I was punctuating my sentence with them. "You don't know me, so it didn't matter whether it was a lily or not. That mural has been there for three years, we met last week!"

Roman's reaction was not what I expected. Instead of shame or annoyance at my words, he brought his hands to his head, running them through his hair. He let out a frustrated groan, closing his eyes for just a second.

"Lilac, when I keep saying that I do know you, why do you think I'm saying it?" Roman asked me, looking dead into my eye. "Do you think it's because I think I'm such a cringy, wanna-be alpha male that I assume I know you after only becoming officially acquainted with you for a couple of days?"

I was stunned into silence, I hadn't anticipated those words to leave his lips. Roman looked at me, his eyes so serious that they made me nervous to try and break the silence.

"If you think I'm that much of an egotistical asshole, I'm going about this all wrong," Roman muttered, shaking his head as if he were disappointed in himself.

"What are you saying?" I asked him, not understanding at all.

"I pictured telling you this in... a less intense situation. Or maybe, you know... never at all." Roman started, turning around and walking towards his couch. He gestured with his eyes for me to take the seat beside him, but I shook my head, choosing to stand my ground instead.

Roman sighed, almost in defeat, before continuing. "My family moved to this city the first year of middle school. It sucked. I walked into that school with no friends, skinny as a beanpole, knew nobody, was a complete loner. And I don't know if you remember, but kids at that age are assholes."

I found myself completely captivated by Roman's words, struggling to picture himself as the kid he was describing. In the short time since I've met him, he's never been anything except confident.

"So, at lunch I go into the crowded cafeteria, feeling sick to my stomach because I knew I was going to have to sit alone. I walk to the empty table feeling so embarrassed, and I ate my lunch with my head down, just praying that no one was going to make fun of me." Roman told me.

"Until... this girl with brown hair and braids sat down beside me, telling me that she was new too, and she had been in public school before that," Roman told me, and I felt my stomach do a loop because I was able to picture his words even clearer now.

I could picture his words clearer now because I had lived it too.

"And she just started talking to me a mile a minute. She told me that her mom was a nurse. She told me she hated purple but loved pink and white, especially together. She said that her house was really small but she loved it anyway because it was just big enough for her and her mom and that's all she needed."

Roman stopped talking, and he silently stared at me for a second, as if he was begging for me to say something.

"And you didn't stop talking the entire hour, Lilac. You didn't even tell me your name until the bell rang, and you stood up, you were about to leave before you said, my name is Lilly, by the way." Roman said gently.

"And I never asked your name," I said finally, allowing my arms to drop to my sides from the way they were crossed together on my chest.

"So, I know you, Lilac. At least I did." Roman finished, and I felt the embarrassment creep into me.

"What about the mural?" I muttered, wiping my hand across my face as if in an attempt to hide it from him.

Roman took a loud breath before he answered. "I painted it three years ago. About a month after you... started fade."

"Started to fade?" I questioned, feeling offended. I thought back to three years ago in my mind, feeling my chest sink when I realized it was the same time I started dating Jesse.

"Yeah. I don't know. You just, well you weren't that girl from the lunch table anymore. You weren't as free, as if you were thinking carefully about everything you did, and everything you said." Roman told me, and each of his words made me panic a little bit more.

What he was describing was everything I was doing. I was thinking carefully about everything I did and said, because of Jesse. I was trying to act the way that Jesse wanted me to act. Which means it wasn't just me that's known for a while that I wasn't bright and sparkling anymore. I was dull.

"And, for why I painted that mural? Maybe it was in the grieving of that girl from the lunch table. I couldn't see that bouncy personality anymore. So, you became the faceless girl, with a pink lily in her hands." Roman explained, "and maybe I haven't been paying attention for longer than I thought, because it kind of feels like you're still faceless Lilac."

I rolled my lips together at his words, looking up at the ceiling to try and prevent tears from spilling down my cheeks.

It hurt because it was the truth. I was faceless, most of the time. The other times, I'm only wearing a mask, one that's hand-painted with lies.