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A life that was once filled with full of happiness, laughter, love, and colorful memories, is now drenched and soaked in my salty tears. My life without him is like a fish trying to breathe without water.

It's been three months of never-ending pain, loneliness, and nights filled with nightmares, I suffer every day without him.

Drowning deeper and deeper into this misery with every passing minute and it's hilarious how that a small part of me still expects that my old Liam will come back and pull me out, freeing me from this torment, when the truth is, he is the one who put me through this.

His memories haunt me mercilessly. So many nights I was on the verge of calling him to come and cradle me into his arms, to rock me back to sleep. But I stopped myself as the images of him slipping the engagement ring into her finger flashed through.

Sometimes, I wish I could lose these feelings for him, I wish I could forget about all those beautiful moments, I wish I could lose the mind that reminds me of him, just like I lost him.

Life can never be the same without him, and the most difficult part of this dreadful journey is seeing him with another woman. His heart where he treasured and cherished me once, now belongs to someone else, it belongs to Eloise. She replaced me, and it feels like someone is squeezing my heart painfully without listening to my plea.

What he claims as his love for me now is merely physical attraction, I've become a challenge that he wants to win at any cost.

The only time I ever gave love a chance, I ended up broken and shattered, he gave me all the happiness in the world only to snatch it away from me.

And it's sad how he was the reason I used to wake up with a smile on my face, and now he is the reason I cry my heart out before going back to sleep, feeling helpless and all alone.

Though I still couldn't accept the fact that we have no future together, that he can never be mine, a part of me is still happy that he walked into my life and showed me how happy, colorful and bright my life can be. And that part will always love him forever.

I pity myself that I couldn't do anything about it, I could neither encourage it nor put a full stop to it. I feel absolutely powerless in front of my love for him.

I hug myself, caging my legs with my hands, rocking back and forth as I let my tears cascade freely. Even my eyes betrayed me as it flashed his images when I tried to close my eyes to escape this reality.

I was overwhelmed by this sudden urge to be with him, and the only way I can be close to him right now is by reliving those moments.

I walked towards my closet and picked up my most prized possession, my diary. It was given to me by my nana, I still remember what she said while giving me this.

'Fill these empty pages with your beautiful memories and the pages that are now plain and empty will give you a reason to smile and relive those moments when you're of my age, sweetheart.'

The pages of this book have witnessed everything, right from my happiness, to my weird unfulfilled wishes, to my sadness to date.

I flipped pages after pages, a smile crept on my face as read and remembered about that day.

We were on our way back home after our dinner date to celebrate our sixth month anniversary, when it starts to pour.

'Liam, stop the car.'

He looked puzzled. 'what wrong baby, do you even know what time it is?' He questions me. 'Moreover, it's pouring outside, a storm is on its way and you want me to stop the car.'

'Just stop the car, will you?' His protectiveness irritates me sometimes.

He contemplated for a few seconds before halting the car.

As soon as he stopped, I clicked the door open and walked out allowing the droplets of rainwater that were cold as ice to hit me.

'Baby, where are you going ?' He yelled. 'Get in right now.' His voice was firm leaving no room for an argument, but me being me, I didn't listen to him but instead waved my hand gesturing him to come out.

'Nah! not a chance. I'm not coming out. You better get in before you catch a cold and be happy that I'm allowing you inside my babydoll, even after your soaked to death.'

He named his car as babydoll and believe me when I say, I feel jealous every time he calls his car with that name.

'Oh come on, it's raining and you wanna sit inside. Don't you think it's romantic and please I want to enjoy this moment with you and not alone.' I pout giving him my puppy dog eyes. 'And if you not coming out, I'll sit right here and never get in.'

He sighed and walked out, when he neared me, he pulled me by my waist leaving absolutely no gap between us, and tucked a lock of hair that was sticking on my face.

'So you find this situation romantic, huh?' He questioned me and like every other time my heart beats erratically. Unable to answer, I nod in response.

'How do you find this.' He whispered in a low husky voice and kissed both of my eyes, my cheeks, forehead, nose, and finally my lips. I moaned when I felt his warm lips against my cold one, sending a delicious shiver down my spine. He is the warmth in my cold.

'I love you so damn much, buttercup and happy anniversary.'

'I love you more, Lee.' I say to him as adoration spreads through my body, I kissed him with everything I had.

We were lost into each other with the rain pouring down, just like we were pouring our love for each other, with our hair clinging on our faces, our clothes clinging on our bodies, and we were clinging on each other.

I was a sobbing mess by the time I finished reading. I couldn't take it anymore, wiping away my tears fiercely, I picked up my diary and walked out towards my destination.

I knelt in front of my nana's headstone and lay my head on the cold marble. I felt like she's caressing my head with her tender hands like she used to do every time I lay on her lap. I let my tears fall freely, didn't make any effort to wipe them away.

"Why am I the only one who has to suffer every time? Don't I deserve to be happy? First, my own parents left me and now Liam." I sobbed continuously for what felt like hours.

When all of my tears dried, I lift my head up and picked the diary that was beside me.

"You gave me this diary to record all of my happy moments, but now there's no happiness, I have nothing. This book is mostly filled with his memories and it will remind me of him every time I read or see this. So I'm giving this back to your nana."

I picked up the pen that I always keep inside and wrote on it for one last time

Dear Pearl,

Thank you for being my best friend. You were there during my happy as well as my sad days, but unfortunately, it's time for us to part away.
Goodbye best friend.

Love,
Your Bri.

I dug a hole in front of her, kissed my beloved diary for one last time, placed it inside the hole, and covered it with soil.

I stood up dusting off all the dirt "Bye for now nana, see you soon. I love you."

Somewhere, something inside me was telling me that I'm being watched. I surveyed my surrounding but couldn't find anyone.

'I'm being delusional.'

The sky was dark and gloomy, so I walked faster, I groan when it starts drizzling.

I sought shelter under a tree, with my teeth clattering and my body shivering due to the cold wind that was hitting my half drenched body with droplets of rainwater. I pleaded the heavens to stop the rain.

Then out of nowhere, a black SUV stops right in front of me. My eyes widen, oh my god. What if the person inside kidnaps me, I didn't even bring my phone.

'Damn me for that!!'

I decided to get out of this place as soon as possible, so I start walking as fast as I can, but the car followed me. I stopped on my track to see if they are still following me. But to my luck, the car stopped at well.

The black tinted window from the driver's seat slides down, and then I heard a familiar voice that I thought I would never hear.

"Want a ride back home?"

"Ian?"

........................................................................

This chapter was challenging as I have to bring out the feeling of a broken heart and I hope I did justice to the same.

Please excuse me if there are any mistakes. I'll edit them soon.

And, kindly vote and comment. Do let me know what you people think about this chapter.

Until next update

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