I wonder if there was a time I ever enjoyed carrots.

It sounds ridiculous to wonder, but I only ever ate them because Ella was obsessed. What if that's just another thing I'm following others on?

Glancing around the kitchen, I know I have less than two minutes before one of my siblings enters the room. Shoving the baby carrot in my mouth, I'm almost disappointed to learn I still like them.

Figures.

"What are you eating?" Scarlett asks, putting on her belt as she enters the kitchen.

"Nothing." I force myself to swallow, the carrot slicing at my insides. The pain doesn't have much of an effect on me anymore.

Eyeing me suspiciously, she freezes when she takes in the packed lunches. "Did you do this?"

"Yeah." If I can't sleep, I might as well be useful.

She hugs me, "Thank you, this makes my morning a little easier."

I'm glad someone can be happy.

*****

The halls are nothing more than a blur of people. Shoving my air pods in, their shouts and laughs fade into the background.

Sometimes I wish I could just teleport to class. Miss this aggravating part of the day all together.

Just when I think I'll be saved by the confines of Melissa's classroom, a hand taps my shoulder.

Pulling one air pod out, I turn to find no-one standing there. I get that I haven't had any sleep but if I'm hallucinating, I'll freak out.

"Look a little lower."

Cautiously, I glance down to find Graham Edwards staring up at me, pushing his glasses back up his nose. What could our student body president want with me? "Sorry."

"It's fine, I wanted to talk to you about something." He says, struggling to keep up with me as I walk because I don't feel like talking.

Apparently, he takes my silence as an open invitation to keep rambling.

"Every year, student council does Coming Home, which is like Homecoming but with a guy court." He explains. "The objective is to raise money to grant a Make-A-Wish. Last year Ashton was a part of it, and he raised tons of money."

"Yes, I'm aware of what it is." I state, itching to put my air pod back in. Ashton didn't just do it, he was Coming Home King.

This is the most I've talked to someone that isn't the twins at school in two weeks.

He blushes, uncomfortably taking a step back. "W... would you be willing to be a part of it this year?"

"No."

And with that I go to play my music again.

"Why?" he jumps in front of me, yanking my arm down.

Did I not say no? "Because I'm not interested. It's as simple as that."

"But–"

"Stop." I shake his arm off. "I'm not interested in any of your shit."

Graham jumps back, hitting a locker, and I storm into class. What is so hard with leaving someone alone?

"Are you okay?" Someone asks from the hall.

"I'm fine, Chlo, just got reminded why Rhodes has no friends."

Stopping, I turn around to give him a piece of my mind. I'm a nice person who just wants to be left alone. I get it, I'm unlovable but that doesn't make me a horrible person.

"He's just an ass." Chloe says to him, turning to walk into class.

She glares at me as she takes her seat and Melissa walks in before I can explode.

I'm the ass.

Class starts, a few students spilling into class as Melissa stands in front of us.

"Frankenstein, he's the creator." This is obvious but I'm sure a kid or two is still confused. "What does his character tell us about our actions and choices?"

Someone passing through the hall could hear crickets chirping.

Sighing, I raise my hand. "We are responsible for how we affect others. His choice to ignore the monster resulted in death and destruction. It could've been avoided if he made a better choice."

"So, what are you getting at?" A voice I'm learning to hate asks from the back of the class.

Cracking my knuckles, I don't bother to face Chloe. "Our actions have chain reactions. Life isn't about one person but about how we affect others."

"So, being rude to someone for no reason would be a poor choice?" She snips.

"Harassing someone who wants to be left alone would be another good example." Whipping around in my uncomfortably small desk, I glare. "Or even better, calling them an explicit name just because they've heard someone else say it."

"Maybe if a person didn't prowl around with a scowl and think they were better than everyone else it wouldn't be an issue." She fires back. "Again, it's their choice to act that way, resulting in the name."

My choice is to get out of here as soon as possible. None of these people will be relevant in my life after I walk across that stage.

"Ever figure you don't know shit?"

She gasps but a hand rests on my shoulder, and that's when I know I've gone too far. "Alright, Mister Fields, what's your take?"

Melissa sends me a knowing look and I try to shrink into my desk. Why did I choose today to talk?

After class, she holds me back.

"I'm sorry." I offer, knowing I shouldn't have acted like that.

"I'm not mad." She waves me off. "I was just going to tell you we won't be able to work on your essay today. I have a meeting."

Which means I'll have to eat in the cafeteria. Just the place I want to be.

*****

"What should we film this weekend?" Sterling asks at lunch, a notebook out in front of him.

Picking at my sandwich, I shrug. "Do whatever is most likely to give Scarlett a heart attack and then hide."

Somehow, more than a million people have decided my brothers, and the rest of my family, are interesting enough to watch. Giving the twins plenty of opportunities to do dumb shit for a valid reason.

It's landed us in the emergency room twice and has given Scarlett three panic attacks. I'd feel guilty if it wasn't so damn funny. My favorite was convincing Saffron to walk across the tightrope blindfolded.

She hit her head, but she was fine.

"Can we get tattoos?" Silver asks.

"Absolutely not." I state firmly.

"But you have–"

Stomping on my brother's foot, a hand instinctively touches my chest. "My tattoo is different, and I was older."

My angel wings were a permanent seal on a deal that eased all of our worries. Just thinking back to the custody scare is enough to get my heart pounding. The thought of anyone besides Scarlett taking care of us is horrifying.

It still haunts me.

Losing my parents was devastating, but when I thought we would go into the system, nothing else could compare to that fear. 

"We could vlog getting ready for the game." Conner offers, running his fingers through his blonde hair.

"I can see the title now." Silver starts, staring into the distance with an arm thrown around Sterling. "Varsity football game through the eyes of the senior captain and freshman benchwarmers."

I snort, "Wouldn't be much to show on y'all's part."

An apple gets chucked at my face. Biting into it, I wink at my brothers.

Truth hurts.

But I shrug, "I could talk to coach, I'm sure he'd say yes."

My phone buzzes and my smiles falls off my face when I see who's calling.

"Hello." I offer as Ashton McClain's ugly face fills my screen.

"I'm going to pretend you haven't been ignoring my calls." He says as hello.

Rolling my eyes, I try to avoid the concerned look of my best friend. I can lie to pretty much everyone, but Ashton never fails to see through it. That's why I've only spoken to him twice since the breakup, and they've both been phone calls.

FaceTime lets him see the truth he can't hear.

"Awe, Ash, I still love you." I grin, blowing a kiss to the camera.

"And I love you but answer the damn phone. I'm lonely without you in my life." He pouts.

"God, I feel like I'm listening to a bad rom-com." Silver gags.

"Hey!" Ashton shouts and I hand the phone over. "You two were supposed to bake cookies for Ronnie."

They shrug, "And you were supposed to be in our last video."

"Life is just full of disappointments." Sterling reminds him.

"I'm gonna tell Scarlett you're using me for internet prostitution." Ashton threatens.

"You're hot." Sterling states.

"Blame the internet for liking videos with you in it." Silver says shamelessly.

Letting them take the conversation over, I relax. The less the focus is on me the better.

"Sage." Conner knocks me back to reality.

"What?"

"I was asking you how you were doing." Ashton says.

"I'm fine." I tell him.

"If I hear that word one more damn time." He threatens and I try to keep a blank face.

"I'm living a rather uneventful life at the moment." I remind him. "Football. Sleep. School. Family."

All I need.

He seems inclined to press on the subject and I hurry on. "Are you excited for my sister to visit?"

Just like that, any worry vanishes as he thinks about his girlfriend. "Beyond ready. My room is clean and I'm ready to snuggle."

"I'm sure that's all they'll be doing." Sterling mutters and I fight back laughter.

Please, let's just stick with snuggles. I'm miserable enough without those images in my head.

"Shit, I got to go." He says quickly. "Love you guys."

"Love you." We all offer before my screen goes blank.

"Aw, did you have to call McClain to get tips on how to run a team?" Wes asks.

"Why is it every time I need to take a shit, you magically appear?" I question, already done with his bullshit.

He ignores my comment, but it pisses him off. "Maybe the reason Ella broke up with you was because you're a fag."

Silver chokes on his water and a calm rage settles in my bones. "Wes, don't say shit you'll regret."

"You can't even deny it." He laughs, "You ride his dick more than your own sister does. I can't blame poor Ella for feeling neglected."

"Enough." I hit the table. "Diarrhea just spews from your mouth."

"So touchy." He shakes his head. "But Ella's off with better options so I guess everyone wins in the end."

"Hey, Wes, what school just offered you a scholarship?" I ask, trying to ignore my ex-girlfriends face as it floats through my mind.

"Austin Pea." He puffs his chest out. "I'd be starting QB my freshman year."

"Good, now go piss off." I order before completely dismissing him.

The twins go wild, Silver running a lap around the table to calm himself out of hysterics.

Wes goes to say something, but I just eat, causing him to walk back to his table with his tail tucked between his legs in shame.

*****

For some reason, I've always loved Science.

I've never understood why, because no one else has enjoyed it in my family. Sterling likes chemistry but that's about it. But AP Bio might be my favorite class, behind Literature, of course.

Taking my spot in the back corner of the classroom, I play with a string as I wait for class to begin.

Wrapping it around my middle finger, I watch the tip turn purple before unraveling it. The color slowly fades back into my skin and it reminds me of how easy it is for things to heal.

I wonder when that'll happen to me.

"Afternoon, class." Mr. Withers greats us, a rubber duck tie around his neck.

"Afternoon." Everyone echoes back because no matter how rude you are, you love Mr. Withers. He's ancient, at least 70 years old and smells faintly like baby powder, but he lets us do wild experiments.

"Since picking partners for labs is such a difficult task." He starts, a few kids laughing as they remember the pig's eye that was thrown across the room since Kate Waller wasn't able to work with her boyfriend.

It was epic.

"That lab will be tossed and from now on, you will have one partner to do them all with along with other projects." Some protest but it doesn't matter to me. The fewer people I have to talk to, the better. "You're final will be a typed analysis of all labs."

Another reason I love him is because he makes work easy.

People get paired off and I go back to fixating on the string.

"Sage."

"Yes, sir?" I look up, noticing half the class is staring at me.

Whoops.

"Thank you for waking up." He smiles, clearly amused. "Your partner is Miss Hale, please don't hog the entire table."

As he goes back to preparing for notes, my eyes find her storming back to my table.

Moving to the outside corner of the table to make room for her, I focus on the board.

"I want this half." She slams her stuff down in front of me.

"Tough shit." I offer, pulling my notebook out.

"You're such an-"

"Call me an ass and I'll kick your chair out from underneath you." I threaten. "I'm sorry you can't get your way, but I don't fit. I need to be able to stretch my legs out."

Glaring at me, she sits.

All of class I fight the urge to take the pencil she's insistent on tapping and chuck it across the room. I throw good enough she might not be able to find it.

Throwing my shit into my bag, I'm ready to leave as soon as the bell rings but she cuts me off.

"I'll do the work and you can just sign your name." She explains slowly.

"Thanks, but I'd prefer to get a good grade."

"So do I, that's why I'm doing it." She grits out.

"I'm not some fucking idiot." I snap, my temper slipping by the second.

"You Sage. You throw baseball very fast." She states in a caveman voice. "Obviously excelling in AP Bio is a stretch."

My jaw drops. I'm not some stupid oaf with a hole between his ears.

She storms off and I focus on getting to my next class. I'm not stupid, even if I got played.

*****

My temper stays for the rest of the day, ensuring no one else tries talking to me.

"Coach." I call, knocking on his office door.

"Come in, son." He grins, age showing on his face.

"The twins were wondering if they could video Friday night's game. Sorta like a day in the life of a football player." I explain, hoping he gets what I'm insinuating.

"Why?"

"They want to compare a benchwarmer to the starting team captain." I add. "Scarlett won't be in town so they won't film a dangerous video."

They aren't stupid enough to do that.

"I suppose that's fine as long as I get my close up." He flashes me a rare grin and I chuckle, heading to go get changed.

Some people just make moods disappear.

After a long practice where we get our ass chewed because two sophomores are suspended for cheating, I drag my ass into the locker room once I'm done talking to them.

Cheating isn't acceptable, especially since they won't be able to play Friday.

The locker room is going crazy and, naturally, Wes is the center of attention.

"Look at this beauty." He calls out, flashing his phone.

Ignoring him, I take my cleats off.

"How does it make you feel to know your sister's newest hobby is posing like a stripper?" He asks, slapping my back.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I demand before his phone is shoved in my face.

Taking in the picture of my sister in a bralette, I shrug. "She posted a picture, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

She's worn bathing suits that are more revealing, doesn't mean I have to look or freak out. She's a big girl.

He snorts, "Maybe you should hook up with McClain, that way I can get with her."

"Shut up." I snap.

"I'm just saying. She starts posting more pictures dressed in nothing and I'd be more than happy to keep her company while her boyfriend is away."

"Enough." I hit the locker, spotting Silver as he tries to quietly restrain Sterling.

"Desperate sluts are the perfect hook ups, and I've always wanted to hook up with a mom."

In one swift motion I punch the grin off his face.

He tries to fight back, getting in a solid hook but I continue to thoroughly beat the shit out of him.

Amongst the chaos of shouts and chants urging us on, one voice rings clear.

"Enough, before I kick you both off the team!"

Panting, I lean down to his ear. "Talk about my sister again and I'll kill you."

Like magic the locker room clears out, leaving just Coach frowning at us.

Well shit.

*****

Once Wes is scolded and sent on his way, Coach appears in the hallway.

"How much longer till Scarlett gets here?"

"Maybe 10 minutes." Sterling offers for me.

"Alright, come in and make yourselves comfortable."

The twins stand against the wall while I fill in one of the two empty seats across from his desk. I'm dreading the moment the other one gets filled. She's going to kill me.

"Does this mean we can't film the video anymore?" Silver asks and Sterling punches him.

This is not the question to ask but Coach nods, "You can film the damn video."

They relax as Sterling opens his mouth. "He deserved it, Coach."

"Rhodes Two" Coach says, using his nickname to identify us. I'm Rhodes One, Sterling's Rhodes Two and Silver's Rhodes Three.

"Yes, sir?"

"Shut up."

"Yes, sir." He mumbles, the twins sliding to sit on the floor.

Waiting in silence, the door flies open.

"I'm sorry it took so long." My sister apologizes and I take the time to see how tired she is.

Exhausted.

"It's perfectly fine, Scarlett, I know you have school too. Just take a seat." Coach assures her, using a gentle tone I didn't even think he possessed.

"What happened?" She asks, clearly expecting the worst.

"Sage did quite a number on Mister Michaels with his fist in the locker room." Coach starts, not bothering to beat around the bush.

"I'm so sorry." My sister says, somehow able to blame herself for my actions.

"It's not your fault." No, it's mine. "It's not Sage's either."

I'm sorry, what? I'm the one who just tried to beat Wes into the locker room ground and would've succeeded if I wasn't stopped.

"What's his punishment?" She asks and I freeze.

My life is about to be over.

"Nothing." He shrugs and we both stare in shock. Maybe he's getting dementia. "Things happen. Lord knows I kept your boyfriend from trouble once or twice."

Did he ever. I'll never forget Ashton punching the shit of Jake Bowman's face two years ago.

"Thank you." She sags in relief and knowing she's not as stressed makes me feel better.

"Think of it as a favor to your folks."

Sometimes I forget he was dad's baseball coach. Somehow, no matter what I do, I can never distance myself from my parents.

"Thank you." I finally speak, struggling to look him in the eyes. "I'm sorry for disrespecting your practice like that. It won't happen ever again, Coach."

He didn't deserve my outburst.

"I know, now you kids get home, it's supper time." He says, ushering us out the door.

Great, I can't wait for dinner.

*****

Dinner is silent. The sound of silverware scraping on plates filling our ears.

Saffron keeps glancing at my bruised knuckles as she picks at her casserole and I send her a wink. Scarlett stands up, giving my sibling orders before dragging me upstairs.

Sitting on the edge of her bed, I try to think of the best way to get out of this. I could pass out. Or open up about my broken heart, maybe even throw in some tears.

That conversation would be worse.

"What the hell happened?" She seems to have calmed down a