50~ Fear

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Fear is a funny thing.

Sometimes you see it coming from a mile away, other times it sneaks up out of nowhere. Tonight I had both of those.

The drive to Jackson Memorial is silent, my mind focused on how similar this feels to the night my parents died as we speed down the interstate. Passing lights illuminate my skin, a brief break from the darkness.

I don't know when I started to shake, my anxiety getting the best of me, but Ashton unbuckles my seat belt, pulling me over to him. I don't try to fight him as an arm is thrown over my shoulder, rubbing soothing circles against my skin.

How could I not answer the phone? How could I not have been there?

By the time we get to the hospital, I'm a mess. I take in look in the rear-view mirror, my eyes already bloodshot from crying. Slowly, I wipe my face, I need to get my shit together before I go in there.

Once I feel confident in the fact I won't break down crying I get out of the car, running through the double doors. My footsteps echo as I sprint down the hallway. I slow down once I reach our friends, everyone minus my family sprawled out in the waiting room.

"Where are they?" I ask, not bothering to fully stop.

Instantly, they're on their feet, "Scarlett, I'm so sorry. I had no idea this-" Zev starts but I cut him off.

"This isn't anyone's fault." I assure him, trying my best to smile. This is no one's fault but my own.

Ashton joins us, my bag in hand. I didn't even think about needing my ID or insurance card. Everyone stares at me like I'm about to break, Gabe's eyes darting from me to Ashton.

Ella grabs for my hand but I pull back. "I've already called John, they're in Room 202."

I'm running again, not even bothering to be confused when Gabe's whispers "Oh, shit."

I throw the door open, startling the twins who are in uncomfortable green chairs. Sage looks up at me with apologetic eyes, I zero in on Saffron, clinging to his neck.

My heart hurts at the sight of so many monitors connected to her. The dull hospital gown making her seem even more fragile than she already is. She reaches for me, Sage getting up so I can take his place. "Scar?"

I lay down, welcoming the weight of her small body on top of mine. She's okay. "Yeah, Squirt?"

"I've never had so much fun in my life." She whispers, looking up at me with a toothy grin.

I laugh quietly, my hands rubbing her back. Leave it to Saffron to not even care that she's in the hospital. "I'm happy to hear that."

After a while, she falls asleep, her soft breath hitting my neck in a constant pattern. She's okay. I look over at Silver, who's fighting to stay awake, I'm surprised he's lasted this long. "Silv, take my place."

He gets up and I gently pry her arms from around my neck before placing them around his. I kiss both of their foreheads and Sterling's before turning to Sage. He gets up to follow me from the room, Sterling moving his chair closer to the bed to watch over them.

"I need to talk to a doctor. Figure out everything to make sure she's ok and to find out when she can get released." I begin to rattle off the list I formed in my head.

"I'm so sorry. The night was going perfect but the fire was smokey. At first I didn't think anything of it but then she started to cough. Then she had her asthma attack and we couldn't get the inhaler to her fast enough and then it wouldn't work." His voice breaks, tears streaming down his face. Finally breaking after a night of being strong for everyone else.

I grab my brother, pulling him in for a hug. He's never had to experience something like this on his own. It's terrifying. "None of this is your fault, Sage, accidents happen all the time. Besides, she hasn't had one in over a year, you wouldn't have seen it coming."

He wasn't as prepared as I was for a situation like that, all the more reason I should've been there.

A man clears his throat from down the hall, "Miss Rhodes?"

I release my brother, turning to face the doctor. "That's me."

"Ma'am, are you aware how badly tonight could've gone?" I nod my head, very bad very quickly. "I'm happy to inform you that Saffron is ok, I want to keep her until morning just because this was such a big attack so long after her last one."

I relax, she's okay. "Thank you."

This is good. We can go home tomorrow and from there we can retrain the boys on what to do in case of another asthma attack. I start walking towards the waiting room, they deserve to be updated.

A woman is waiting outside the door, dressed in a black suit, a briefcase in hand. I go to walk by her when she grabs my arm. "Miss Rhodes, do you mind if we have a chat?"

Sage stops walking, sending me a questioning glance. I motion for him to go inside, I can handle this. "Who are you?"

She gives me an unimpressed once over, "Mrs. Wainwright, Child Protective Services. Were you aware of how dangerous tonight could have potentially been?"

My palms begin to sweat, a faint ringing in my ears. This is bad. "Yes, but it wasn't."

I try to remain calm but the longer she stares at me the quicker my confidence begins to waver. The door opens, Dave stepping out dressed in his pajama pants. "Miss Rhodes is my client. Any further questioning will go through me."

The women gives him a flat look, handing him her card. "I'm the new social worker on the Rhodes family case, after tonight they will be re-evaluated to more thoroughly ensure entrusting custody to Miss Rhodes won't be a poor choice."

And with that she walks away, her heels clicking against the cold tile like she didn't just rip my heart out of my chest.

"She... she can't do that?" I protest, my voice cracking.

Dave pinches his nose, "Unfortunately she can, tonight qualified for negligence of a child."

"It was an asthma attack, it could've happened to anyone!" He shrugs, I begin to pace. "We just went through the entire process. We have a court date."

Years of suffering. Months of planning. Weeks of preparation. All of it for nothing.

Everything I've ever wanted is right in front of me and now I'm going to lose it all after a taste of freedom. My vision gets clouded as tears pool in my eyes. Mom and Dad would be so disappointed, they believed in me.

The victory line was so close. I fall to the ground, a sob escaping at the realization nothing matters when you were never really set to win.

I should've gone with them. I would've been ready in an instant but I wasn't there. Instead I was with Ashton, an hour and a half away, doing God knows what while my baby sister was rushed to the hospital.

I was selfish. I'm the one to blame for everything.

Dave goes back into the room, leaving me alone in the hall. I continue to sob, weeks of stress finally escaping. I was so close to freedom.

So close, I punch the door, yet so far.

After getting a few curious looks from passing nurses I pull myself up, not even bothering to dry my eyes before walking through the door. I'm engulfed in a hug. Uncle John, he can tell me everything's okay.

"Bean, I'm so sorry." He whispers in my ear.

I press my face into his chest like I did as a child. "I did everything right." And it still wasn't enough.

He smooths my hair, "I know, everything's going to work out."

If I wanted to stay and cry he would let me but I have more important things to do. I allow myself five deep breaths before looking at my brother, who's a wreck. He needs me more than I need to cry.

"What do we do now?" I ask weakly.

Dave types away on his phone.  "We will talk tomorrow. Joe and I need to make a few calls and relook over paperwork. Your focus needs to be on Saffron right now."

I can do that, my eyes scan over my friends.

Ella stares at Sage, who's standing against the wall on the other side of the room not looking at her. Stella holds Sam's hand, the poor kid looking as upset as I am. Saffron's like his little sister. Ronnie is asleep in chairs with Elliot. Zev and Gabe keep glancing at the door like a monster is about to burst through at any second.

My eyes freeze on Ashton, who watches me intently. Part of me wants to let him hold me, waiting out the storm that has become my life. It's not until I take a step towards him do I realize how selfish that is.

My family need me right now.

I turn on my heel, heading for the door with Sage's hand in mine. I spare one last glance at Ashton, James holding onto his arm. Someone bumps into me, coffee spilling onto my shirt. Well, technically Ashton's shirt. I hiss in pain, that's going to burn.

"Scarlett, I'm so sorry."

My eyes go wide, I know that voice.

Ms. Miller tries to hand me a napkin, repeating how sorry she is. John walks over, gently moving her out of the way.

"Oh my God." Sage whispers, rubbing his eyes to make sure he's not dreaming.

I guess Gabe and Zev were waiting for a monster. John avoids my eyes, a guilty look in his face. We met her together. He knew I knew who she was and he didn't think to mention he was dating my teacher.

He lied to me.

"You've got to be kidding me." I spit out, anger flooding through my veins.

"Bean, please-" John tries to reach for my hand but I jerk away.

Shaking my head, I run from the room, Sage right behind me.

The last thing I need is to be around people right.

*****

Hi... updating early like I promised! I'll see you Wednesday.

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