𝓚𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓮

"𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧. 𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟."

𝐀𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐰 𝐮𝐩, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞. 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐬. 𝐀 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐞𝐥, 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧.

"𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐈'𝐦 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡, 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐞? 𝐈'𝐦 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥, 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝."

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝. 𝐀 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥, 𝐟𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬.

"𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐬𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡. 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭, 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐭."

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥-𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝. 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐚 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧.

"𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞. 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐈 𝐚𝐦, 𝐚 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥." 

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤.

𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤.

𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭.

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 . . .

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐝.

Dead.

"What are you reading sweetie?"

Sophia took a seat next to me on the window bench and glanced at the book I held in my hands.

"Nothing", I said and closed the book. 

I turned to look at Sophia and attempted a smile to convince her. However, she returned a look of worry and placed her hand on top of mine. 

"You're going through your journal. . . that's not a good sign ."

I chuckled.

When Sophia gave me a serious look, I sighed and leaned against her. Instantly, she wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on mine. 

We stayed like this in silence for a little while. I stayed in my sister's arms, one of the rare places where I felt safe.

"15 years old", I mumbled.

. . . . .

"I was 15 when I wrote this one." I gestured to the book in my hand, "Carrying the journals with me, helps relive the memories."

Sophia squeezed my hand. 

"Memories . . .. . , I whispered.

. . . . . 

"It was the age of 15 when I went through that phase", I paused, "The time where not only was I just awake . . . I was wide awake."

. . . . .

"Regret. I ask myself do I regret?. . I didn't want to wake up . . . Then, in mind and heart, I've only lived for 5 years - I wished I was asleep because that was when I found peace." At this point, I was unaware of what I'm saying. It wasn't my mouth, it was my heart. My heart was starting to speak out. 

Sophia tightened her arms around me and at that second Tamara walked into my room. She paused when she saw us before closing the door behind her and walking toward us. She took a seat beside me and wrapped her arms around my torso before laying her head on my shoulder. 

There comes a time when you felt loved and you just want to cry your heart out. 

I must be strong. 

I have to be strong. 

I am strong. 

Intertwining my hands with my sisters, I smiled. 

"Thank you."

❇❇❇

It was Monday and my classes were already over for the day. After Chemistry class, Ashton asked me out. He asked me out on a date. On a date. A date.

I said yes. 

I actually said yes.

So now, I was getting ready for our outing. Or should I say date?

Kristine's Outfit & Jewellery

Before I started to apply my makeup, I tied my hair back in a low bun. 

"You say that I'm messing with your head. All 'cause I was making out with your friend." I was in the middle of applying my foundation while singing What The Hell by Avril Lavigne.

"Love hurts whether it's right or wrong. I can't stop 'cause I'm having too much fun."  I applied concealer. "You're on your knees. Begging, "Please, stay with me."

"But, honestly I just need to be a little crazy."

 I took my 3CE Beach Muse eyeshadow palette and picked a skin colour glitter shade. I started to apply it to my eyelids.

"All my life I've been good. But now I'm thinking, "What the hell". All I want is to mess around. And I don't really care about." I applied a bit of the eyeshadow beneath my eyes. "If you love me, if you hate me. You can't save me, baby, baby."

"All my life I've been good. But, now what the hell."

After curling my lashes, I applied mascara. 

"So, what if I go out on a million dates. You never call or listen to me anyway."

"I'd rather rage than sit around and wait all day. Don't get me wrong, I just need some time to play." I applied a coral shade blush since it complements my skin well. "You're on your knees. Begging, "Please, stay with me". But, honestly I just need to be a little crazy."

I used my 3CE Deep Red lip tint to create the gradient effect on my lips. I applied the tint on the inner of my lips and used my finger to blend it. 

When it came to the chorus I lost it, I jumped onto the couch.

"All my life I've been good. But now I'm thinking, "What the hell". All I want is to mess around. And I don't really care about." All of the girls entered my room. "If you love me, if you hate me. You can't save me, baby, baby. All my life I've been good. But now, what the hell."

"Join in girls! Last chorus coming!", I yelled while jumping on the couch. 

Teressa and Ashley immediately smiled and I noticed the others just glance at each other. 

"Yeah, I am messing with your head. When I'm messing with you in bed", Tamara sang.

Then, it happened. 

"All my life I've been good. But now I'm thinking, "What the hell" ", we all sang together while dancing around. Tamara and Ashley joined me on top of the couch, "All I want is to mess around. And I don't really care about."

"All my life I've been good. But now I'm thinking, "What the hell" ." We all were having the time of our lives singing to this song. "All I want is to mess around. And I don't really care about."

I saw Ester and Sophia dancing together and I smiled. Tamara had her arm around Isabella's shoulders while dancing. "If you love me, if you hate me. You can't save me, baby, baby."

The three of us on the couch held each other's hands and jumped down the couch. 

"All my life I've been good. But, now what the hell."

When the song ended, we all glanced at each other and laughed. 

"I didn't know you were an Avril Lavigne fan!" Ashley smiled. 

I scoffed. "Are you kidding? I love Avril Lavigne!"

"Me too!" Ashley gave me a side hug.

"Oh my gosh! Shouldn't you be ready by now? What time did Ashton say to meet him?", Sophia questioned. 

"He said to meet him by the main doors at 5 pm."

"Oh, sweet Chanel no. 5! We need to do your hair!" She pulled me towards the vanity and I sat down.

"Sweet . .  . Chanel no. 5?" Ashley gave Sophia a 'seriously' look. 

Tamara chuckled. "That's Sophia's way of saying, Oh fuck."

I chuckled. "That's Sophia." I looked through the mirror and Sophia just rolled her eyes. 

"Ooooooo so where is Ashton taking you?", Ashley smirked and wriggled her eyebrows.

They know about the deal. It's like dating multiple guys at one time is the most normal thing ever. Which it's not. It's far from normal and very questionable.

Isabella was happy to know I'm dating Xavier, Teressa was happy to know I'm dating Ashton. Ashley reacted like Tamara, I think they both share the same minds sometimes. Ester was shocked at first but then was happy for me in the end. She encouraged me to just have fun and not think much about it. This was beyond crazy, but it really is a boring life without a little crazy. Furthermore, we are just teenagers, crazy is our way of telling the world "We don't care, not anymore."

"I don't know."

We all looked at her, unbelieving. 

"What? I don't know anything. I swear. Not a single thing. Nada", she blurted out with widened eyes. 

Silence.

"Well it's clear you're a bad liar", Tamara said.

Teressa sighed."I had to ask where he's taking her, you know . . . just in case. Plus, I'm a girl and Kristine's friend. He needed my opinion whether he liked it or not." She shrugged.

"I doubt Ashton would just tell you -" Isabella furrowed her brows.

"I'm his little sister, I can make him tell me anything", Teressa interjected.

"That . . . makes sense", I mumbled.

"Don't worry about anything, my brother loves - I mean likes you a lot. He's going to take great care of you." Teressa clapped a hand on my shoulder and gave me a reassuring smile through the mirror. 

I returned it and placed my hand on hers.

"He better or I'll chop off his private part", Sophia said calmly.

Teressa just laughed and I just glanced at Sophia who gave me a look that I know so very well.

She's not kidding.

Sophia re-tied my hair into a neater low bun and spun my chair around to face her. She pinned two gold bobby pins, with diamonds on them, on the right side of my hair. She took out a strand on each side to cup my face and used her index fingers to twirl them. When she was satisfied with the now wavier strands, she spun my chair back around and sprayed my Jo Malone English Pear and Freesia hair mist.

"Parfaite (Perfect.)" Sophia did a chef's kiss and spun my chair to face the girls. 

They all smiled. 

"You look beautiful Kristine." Isabella smiled. "As always, of course."

"Thank you." I smiled and stood up. 

"Woah, let's hope my brother doesn't faint." Teressa chuckled. 

"Oh he might, our sister is stunning", Sophia grinned.

"You're all so sweet", I mumbled. 

Isabella smiled. "You're sweeter."

"Well, you're the sweetest." I smiled. 

"Oh stop, you're making me blush." She turned to face the window and we all giggled. 

I wore my Louis Vuitton Frontrow sneakers and Sophia passed me my white gold chain Saint Laurent sling bag with everything I need in it. 

"Necessaries, check. Including your phone. I added your favourite lip gloss, mints and perfume vile."

"Thank you."

"Have a great time." Teressa hugged me and I hugged her back. 

When I pulled away from the hug, Sophia grabbed my wrist. "Excuse me, why are you not wearing earrings?", she asked and immediately walked into my closet, well ran, in the most graceful way ever.

"Excuse me, rings?!? You can't leave with naked hands." Tamara literally dashed into the closet to join Sophia. 

"I wonder how they'll be when the ball comes." Ashley chuckled. 

"Preparations will take the whole day, trust me", I said. 

Sophia came back and helped put on the chosen gold earrings. She put the gold rings on both ears and an extra diamond stud for my right ear. I never regretted my choice of getting double ear pierces. Tamara gave me her choice of a simple gold ring set. I wore them on both hands, on my pinky, fourth and index finger. While I was in Paris, I got my nails done. They were now French tips, and the rings match perfectly. 

I smiled. "You guys are the best."

"Gooooooo, have fun, enjoy and do crazy shit together." Tamara started pushing me towards the door and I chuckled. 

"I'll see you, girls, later." I smiled and left the room. 

"Have fun!!", I heard them scream from inside and my smile broadened. 

I started walking down the stairs and down the hallway until I heard Sophia call for me. I turned around to find her walking toward me.

"What is it?"

She pulled me into a tight hug.

"I know I'm overreacting, but you're my sister and I love you."  I chuckled and hugged her back, "Have the best time, Kristi."

I smiled and hugged her tighter. "Thank you. I will."

❇❇❇

𝓢𝓸𝓹𝓱𝓲𝓪

There I stood by the ceiling-high window and watched as Kristine escalated down the entrance stairs at a fast pace.

I've never seen her so excited.

Tamara suddenly showed up and stood next to me. We watched the natural smile grow on Kristine's face once she saw Ashton, who leaned against his orange Lamborghini while looking up at our sister with admiration in his eyes. 

He's already falling for you, Kristi . . . 

"You're not going to tell her you're the one who called dad? To stop giving her tasks?", Tamara asked while keeping her eyes on Kristine as she walked up towards her date.

"No", I said, "Let's leave it the way it is . . ." I smiled when I saw Kristine giggle at something Ashton said. "We let her go for these dates and I already feel like I've let her go."

Tamara smiled. 

"When you love someone, you let them go", I whispered. 

"She looks happy", Tamara said.

We watch Kristine step into the car.

"All the hardships she's been through, why her? -  Of all people, she's the one who least deserved it", I said. 

"It is said - the nicest souls suffer the most." Tamara took my hand in hers. 

Kristine does bad things and that's how we were raised to be. We're weapons. Kristine was the most powerful and deadly weapon, but I've known her long enough to see the kind, humble and fragile heart inside of her. I've seen her do the nicest and kindest deeds that nobody else has ever done. I've seen her put others before her. I've seen how she hides her pain in order to avoid causing others that feeling. She smiles through the pain, that's how she always was and that's how she is. I worry for her all the time because she can be too nice and that's why she's called weak. She's not weak, to me she never was, she's the strongest person I know. 

This world doesn't deserve the kindness she gives.

This world doesn't deserve her beautiful smile. 

This world doesn't deserve her.