𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞

Chapter has been updated.

Xoxo

Love, KS♡

𝓚𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓮

"Kristine."

The doorknob of my en-suite twisted and I saw Sophia's head peek into the candle-lit bathroom through the window's reflection. I kept my gaze averted from hers as I stared at the darkness outside, all while she made her way to sit on the edge of my Château bathtub. For a second, there was only silence between us, and the soft sound of water swaying around my bare shoulders.

"Papa told me to call you down for dinner", she quietly spoke. 

I perched an elbow on the opposite edge and rested my temple on a curled hand. To be fair, my appetite was not there but to excuse myself from a family dinner would be immature, especially only because I wasn't in the mood. It was also rare for everyone to be home at the same time. There's always someone missing. 

"I'll be down in a few", I returned, softer. 

Goosebumps started to set on my skin, so I sunk myself lower until the water covered my chest. Slowly, I turned to my sister who lingered.  My eyes met her worried ones and deep down I wanted her to ask me, but then I'd just hurt her by not answering at all. All she can do, and all she ever did, was let me be. 

"Are you ok?", she asked softly. 

I nearly pitied her for having to worry about me. It was no use. I wasn't one to give away anything. Everything, I kept to me and me alone. And like anyone, I had reasons. I forced a small smile and nodded. Leaning over, she pecked my forehead before standing up to leave. She had already pulled  the door open when she gracefully looked at me over her shoulder, "The stars don't disappear", she reminded. 

My lips curved into a faint smile. "I know", I whispered.

She smiled back. 

The door fell shut with a click and I turned to look out at the stars just to remind myself once more. The stars don't disappear. For somebody whose always lost in her thoughts, the stars were my comfort. Sometimes I'd just stare at them and forget absolutely everything. I'd lose track of time. I'd lose sense of reality. Sophia always had to remind me that it's alright to look away, because the stars will still be there when I look back. 

Sometimes I wonder what goes beyond the stars. The world which sees them, do we all see the same stars? All the places out there, are the stars more beautiful? 

One day, I'll know. 

I soaked in the lukewarm water a little longer while hopelessly looking up at the night sky, in hopes the stars would bring back all I've lost. With a final sigh, I mumbled, "I miss it all", before rising out of the tub. 

By the time I began blow drying my hair, I had dressed myself in a cream, belted cardigan and threw on a comfy set of matching pants. I was looking awfully pale, but sadly, that was normal. After thoroughly brushing my hair, I rubbed some strawberry balm onto my lips before finally deciding to head down for dinner. I had just reach the final three steps of the staircase when our house maid, Elma, came rushing for me.

"Kristi . .", she breathed, almost in relief, but then frowned and cupped my chin in her hand. "Oh dear, why do you look so lost?"

I blinked, "Uh . . .just tired." Really, I was both physically and mentally drained.

Her eyes softened. She then shook her head and ushered me down the rest of the steps. "You eat your dinner and straight off to bed young lady."

I nodded. That sounded like a good plan. 

"Someone's bossy tonight", out of the blue, Antoine showed up. My head of security who wasn't many years older than me. 

"Get her to the dining room, Antoine. Can't trust this one not to pass out on the way there", Elma spared me an incredulous look and I scowled. 

Without a word, I allowed Antoine to escort me. We graced down the hall, with him shortening his strides to match my moderate pace. It didn't take long until we reached the dining room arch and I turned to excuse my bodyguard. "That will be all for tonight. Have dinner with the others and make sure to rest."

Antoine straightened himself and momentarily looked me in the eyes before bowing his head."If you need anything mademoiselle -"

"Good night, Antoine", I ceased with a smile to assure him I''d be fine for the remainders of the evening.

With a hesitant nod, he bid me good night and offered a vague smile. "You rest too, mademoiselle." My reply was a promise that I will before heading into the dining room to dine with my family. 

"I was just about to call Antoine after you", my mother said the moment she saw me walk in.

"He found me", I returned and briefly embraced her before dropping a kiss on papa's cheek. 

"I guess your room is a little far from here", papa chuckled, "Sorry chéri (dear)"

"No worries", I brushed a hand over Tamara's shoulder before occupying the seat next to her. 

The rest of us ate our dinner in silence while mother talked to Soph about an upcoming fashion show in Milan that she had to attend next week. I had just eaten a bite of green beans when papa cleared his throat, grabbing all of our attention. He shared a particular look with maman (mum) that had my sisters and I looking at them in anticipation. 

"You're getting sent off to Antartica", Tamara murmured beside me. 

"You're so weird", I mumbled back. 

"More like London actually", maman pointed with a lopsided smile. 

My mouth parted, left that way as I was unsure how to react. Tamara blew a low whistle. "Well . . . better than Antartica", she quipped and I restrained from chuckling. 

"You're sending us to London?", Sophia asked, her eyebrows furrowed. 

I cooly reached for my glass of water and took a long sip when Papa clasped his hands together and explained, "Your mother and I have come to the conclusion that you girls . . . need a proper teenage experience."

"Come again?", Sophia leaned in to look at papa more clearly.  

Papa's mouth twitched and only after sharing one more look with maman, he said, "You three . . have just gotten an offer to attend Winxsor."

From across the table, I locked eyes with Sophia. "The prestige academy?", my sister asked with incredulity. "With . . horses and tiaras?"

I raised a brow, not seeing the normal side of this. "Really?"

"It is . . believed to be the most prestigious academy in Europe", maman put forward. 

"And you'd like us to attend . . because?", Tamara asked what us three were thinking. 

"We just think it's the experience you girls need. Vous êtes des adolescents. C'est une erreur de notre part de vous priver de cette liberté ( You're teenagers. It's wrong for us take away this freedom from you)", papa concluded, avoiding my stare as he set down his glass of vin rouge (red wine).

Maman reached for her husband's arm and smiled, "We want you to have a break."

"How is school a break?", Tamara mumbled from my right and I knocked her leg with mine in return.  

 "You'll start next week", papa announced, leaving us with pretty much little of a choice. My sisters exchanged glances with me, who nodded first. 

"Can't wait", I smiled before turning towards my father, who looked at me with relief in his faded sapphire eyes. He reached out to squeeze my hand in thanks before looking to my sisters.

"Anyone against this?", he asked them.

Sophia shook her head. "No."  Only when our eyes met again did we smile, knowing what we have always hoped for will come soon. I turned to Tamara, who looked at me with a grin, and locked our fingers together under the table. 

"I'm so in for this", she said and nudged my shoulder with hers. 

"What do we do about work?", Sophia asked our parents, worried. 

"You'll manage it however you want to", maman answered, "Just know that education comes first and . . fun. Go be teenagers for once", from where I sat I could see her reach for Sophia's hand and the two shared a warm smile. 

Tamara's hand tightened around mine. "Well, this will be interesting", she whispered while glancing at me.  

I met my own eyes through the mirror above Soph's head. The excitement I saw, brighter than ever. "Very", I whispered back.

❇❇❇

I didn't return to my room, instead, I went for a little detour outside. The breeze past, brushing my hair past my shoulders and flowing behind me as I cascaded down the garden stairs. I mildly laughed when the wind sent my hair blowing around my face and chuckled at how clumsy I was after stumbling on my own feet. I loved being out here. It was the closest I've ever felt to being free. To being out there. 

I plopped myself down on the barrier stairway, making sure to be a couple steps above from where the water touches the surface. A part of me itched to dip my toes in the cool water, but I knew the chill after would make me regret doing so. It has been years and I still couldn't accept that we lived on this water, far from everything else and yet on the heart to everywhere else in the world.

I cradled my knees to my chest and rested my chin over my arms, just staring at the clear waters and taking in the fresh air. A shadow hovered over me and I knew exactly who it was. 

"What are you doing out here, mother?"

Maman occupied the empty space next to me, tugging on the ends of her shall to keep her warm. Only after another brush of wind did she ask, "Do you really want to go to Winxsor?"

I looked at her as if she'd ask the most bizarre question I've ever heard. "I think I can speak for all three of us by saying I do." Maman hesitantly looked up from her feet to my eyes that burned with a million emotions. "We've waited for this, maman." Her lips parted but I continued,  "You and papa did right by keeping us homeschooled, we know why you did", I said and her eyes flickered away from mine, "It's just a little exciting to . . .  be given this chance." I placed my head on her shoulder and smiled. "Every child grows."

Her head rested on mine. "You three have grown beautifully. And I know you'll love it at Winxsor."

"And why's that?"

She settled a hand on my knee. "I went there." I looked at her, surprised, and she carried on, "That's where I met . . aunt Evelyn. We did everything together", maman smiled, remembering, "There was one time . . after classes were over, we had a picnic by the lake . . it's behind the academy", she patted my leg, "And it was beautiful, Kristine. All of it. I can't wait for you to see."

Neither can I.  

"Also . . ", she added while tucking my hair behind my ear, "That's where all the princesses go."

I started smiling like a little girl again, but then frowned after seeing the sadden look in maman's eyes. Was she upset we're leaving? Or was it something else? "It's been a while since we last saw aunt Evelyn", I said instead. She was a the most frequent visitor of ours, not just as my mother's best friend, but a god-mother to my sisters and me. "I miss her apple tarte."

Maman hummed. "She'll be hurt to know it's her baking you miss, not her", she pointed a stern finger at me and I grinned.

"I miss her too."

"Well . . I'll be sure to give her a call tonight", maman caressed a hand down the back of my head, "Don't stay out too long", she said and left a kiss on my forehead before getting up. 

"Bonne nuit maman."

"Bonne nuit, chéri", she said, her voice afar behind me. 

I only stayed out for a couple minutes longer before finally calling it a night and heading inside. I was just passing by the staircase to the lower floor, when I decided to head down for no reason whatsoever. I strolled down the hall to papa's office and caught sight of him behind his desk since, unusually, the door was left open. 

"It's almost as if you expected me papa."

He peered at me over his glasses. "You were quiet at dinner."

I casually shrugged a shoulder, as if it's something that shouldn't surprise him. Papa beckoned me in and I made sure to shut the office door before lowering myself onto the leather couch. I waited until he was done reading through a document and leaving a signature at the bottom. 

"Winxsor is a very traditional, elite school", he started to fold the paper into thirds, "They expect a proper, hard-copy of the admission form", papa tucked the letter into a slick black envelope with a gold crest in the bottom corner, "Ta mère  . . déjà signé avant le dîner (your mum . . already signed it before dinner). Mais moi (but me) . . . ", he then looked up. I stared back expectantly, but then someone knocked on the door. "Entrez."

"Monsieur, vous avez appelé (sir, you called)", papa's right-hand appeared. 

Like the business man he was, papa nonchalantly handed over three perfectly glossed and sealed envelopes. "Assurez-vous qu'il arrive à Winxsor", papa ordered. 

A nod. "Oui monsieur."

"Merci", I smiled lightly as Gabriel walked off with the admission letters. 

"De rien, mademoiselle (no worries, miss)", he bowed his head and excused himself until I was once again left alone with father. 

"Vous l'avez signé (you signed it)", I said, amused. 

"A compromised decision made by your mère and I."

"Vous pensez tous les deux que Winxsor est bon pour nous? (you both think Winxsor is good for us?)", I tilted my head. 

"She thinks that. I personally think . . it's good if you get out of here", he said and I clicked my fingers. 

"That's suspicious." 

Papa's eyes narrowed, a crease forming between his brows.  "You think I have other intentions, chéri?"

"I wouldn't be your daughter to think otherwise."

For a second, he looked amused. But then he studied me more closely, his head tilting, "What do you think then?"

I shook my head and leaned to the chess board on his desk. I simply made my first move of gliding a pawn two spaces forward. Papa's eyebrow lifted, but he indulged in joining me. He too moved his pawn, left of mine 

"I think . . I'll never be free of your callings, considering this has been the past three years of my life . . . not counting the four years of endless training", I attacked papa's pawn on the diagonal at f5. He masked his surprise with an impassive look. 

"This is just how life is for Sophia . . Tamara", I eyed the spot right to my pawn and papa moved his, "And you."

"We know that papa. We accepted it actually. And you know I'm grateful for having taken me in -", a vein showed on his neck, "You can't expect me to think you're just sending me off to school now."

"I expect . . ", he sighed, the tension visibly released from his shoulders, "For you to be suspicious my choices . . trop spirituelle pour son propre bien (too witty for her own good)", I almost felt proud with myself after hearing that, but being quick-minded has never really gotten me anywhere, "But I really do want . . . to see you a little less focused on business and more on the things an average teenager would worry about these days, like homework."

"Yeah . . I look forward to that", I couldn't help but chuckle because honestly, I think I'd prefer meeting a homework deadline rather than stressing over fulfilling one of papa's task. It'd also be a relief to stray back a bit from the business I started a little too early for my age. "So you're pulling the reins then? No Antoine."

"I'll have a think about it", he said and just like that, I was again frustrated. There was a time  I questioned why I was assigned bodyguards, specifically four. Papa's reply was I needed protection and that he doesn't want anyone to take me away. I asked why anyone would and he easily said it had to do with me being a Verdoux. I've never questioned him again because my twelve-year-old self bought that crap. "And also . . ", I looked at him, blankly, "Expect calls from me chéri, because when I do . . . it's because I need you", he said with finality. 

"And nobody out of your hundred man could do the job any better?"

"Now . .", he grinned, "We both know the answer to that." My shoulders drooped after knowing that it wasn't over. It never will be. If anything, this was just the beginning. "And we both know that you're going to have to take my orders until -", he opened a desk drawer. 

"Until?"

"Until you take over. Be proud of the Verdoux name, chéri", he smiled brazenly, "And wear it well", papa gestured his chin to the board, "Your move princess."

I tapped a finger on the armchair and reached for the Queen. "The only thing I wear well is couture", I moved to h5, and called it checkmate. "And I'll take the king", I smiled boldly as I swiped my father's king off the board. 

"What a cruel move, chéri", my father mused, chuckling and then pulling out a wooden box from his secret compartment. "Chocolat?"

"I don't like chocolate papa", I said and got up, "Also, tu es nul aux échecs (you suck at chess)", when I touched the doorknob, I bid him goodnight, before leaving him behind. 

I had purposefully taken a longer route back, and it wasn't until I made it back to my bedroom that I realised just how bored I was. So I decided to read a book in hopes it'd make me fall asleep.

"It was in the eye of a caged bird did she truly know the freedom she seek. The seas to swim, the skies to sore with all she adored, she'd be alive once more", I cited and sighed, "Or was she ever alive at all?". My eyes drifted to the view outside my window again. The moon was high and it made me smile. "At least I'm not alone."

There was a sudden knock on my room door and I looked to it, confused. I left my seat to unlock it while wondering who'd be awake in this hour. My sisters would definitely not disturb me at this time, my parents even more so. It turned out to be Elma and before I could even ask, she had casually waltzed into my room with tea. She settled the tray down on my bedside table while I just returned to lie on my pristine sofa.

"I had a feeling you weren't asleep yet", she said and helped pour me a hot cup of tea. 

I gestured to the stars. "The sky's awake", my aunt Elma only sighed at me, all while I smiled like an innocent child. 

"Drink your chamomile and sleep", she ordered, "At some point, the sky will too."

I shook my head, stubborn as ever. "The stars don't disappear."

Elma's mouth twitched, giving me the smallest yet amused smile. "No", she lifted my chin in her hand, "But they appear in your dreams."

Her smile grew into one of a mother telling her child to believe in magic and the thing was, I did. If I didn't believe, I would've given up on the stars a long time ago. They don't disappear. Even if I looked away, they'd still be there. In the sky and in my mind. 

I should sleep. 

So I drank my cup of chamomile tea.