31 | burn the memories

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I still look back on those evenings we spent together as the happiest part of my life, and I wanted it to go on forever.

— Henry McAlpine
The Portrait

31 | burn the memories

"Could you be anymore ignorant right now?" Nate's tongue printed on his cheek and looked at me with slit eyes.

"H-how am I being ignorant? You brought me to the place–"

"If you aren't deaf you would've heard what I just said," he continued to look at me coldly. "I said this was our hell. Do you know what that means? This is my hell as well Alix. This is the last place I would've come to. Even if I had no where else to go, I'd rather rot elsewhere.

Knowing that, I came here disregarding just for you. I came to the place where I put effort to keep the memories dormant in a part of my brain. And I still came, because of you. Frankly, you're being a dumbass and didn't begin to think about what I sacrificed."

I knew I shouldn't say anything so I didn't. I nodded in understanding but continued to shake. Nate seeing that I was still scared, he closed the distance between us and locked his fingers with mine. "God, you're still shaking even though I'm here with you. I'm with you Alix, just remember that."

He didn't need to tell me that. I knew he was and I was glad that he was the one. There couldn't be anyone else who I wanted to be with.

I walked through the courtyard hand in hand, playing the thought 'I'm okay' in my mind like a broken record. We made it through the courtyard and walked through the door. I became frozen when I recognized the hallway.

"Shit," Nate cursed. It felt like my heart jumped out of my chest when I was being picked up and thrown over Nate's shoulder. My body bounced up and down when he ran with me through the halls. He placed me down on the floor gingerly and held me until I settled.

"Why did you bring me here if you were going to avoid there?" I asked quietly.

"That's a story to tell later," Nate said. I tightened my jaw and anyone could see how I felt with my body language. He clenched his jaw and looked at me through the corner of his eyes. "Don't look at me like that. There's a time and place for everything for fuck's sake. Now please, just follow."

My heart sank at his tone, words, everything. We were no longer holding hands. I was just following him.

"Do you remember this room?" Nate broke the silence. I looked into the room and realized it was the tea room.

"Wait.. was this where I forced you to eavesdrop with me so I wouldn't be the only one in trouble?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Not only that but you found out the last thing you'd want to know about yourself," Nate said. "Sometimes I wonder about you."

"Well I'm glad you think about me," I rolled my eyes. Nate's response was just an eye roll. We continued to explore the house, stopping at a hallway with large canvases of beautiful people.

"Is that.. mother?" I asked, looking at the beautiful woman in awe. She was absolutely gorgeous – a person who was definitely carved intricately by God.

"The one beside her is your father," Nate pointed. My father was handsome, a man of royalty – wearing a suit and everything – absolutely unbelievable. He had slick-back raven hair, deep-set smoldering emerald eyes, high cheek bones, sharp jawline and red full lips. Every single one of his features were of that of a painting – how any artist would paint a handsome man. The shape of his face, his ears, everything. I could imagine the girls chasing behind him but another part of me saw him turning them down. Because.. he was deeply in love with my mother.

"I wonder why the hell I haven't torn down this picture." The burning hatred Nate had in his voice had me bewildered, would have anyone bewildered as a matter of fact. I walked in front of him. I could see it in his eyes as he glanced at the portrait of his father with his jaw clenched and his arms folded.

Nate was the splitting image of his father. But his fathers eyes were rather different. Was it that his fathers eyes conveyed more emotion than his son?

"I'm surprised as well son." My heart nearly fell on the floor when I heard someone say that. Not just someone but as I heard him say 'son' we both knew who it was. My eyes widened when I looked at the portrait and back at him. It was him.

Nate reacted quickly as he realized I was hyperventilating and shaking — he grabbed me by the waist and pushed me behind him. I grabbed onto his arm and intertwined it with mine and used the other one to hold onto his jacket. He looked at me sideways and I looked up to him. "No matter what he says, stay behind me, don't make an outburst, don't do anything, don't say anything. Just hold onto me and don't let go, got it? Trust me."

"Okay," I said softly before he turned around. I peeked around his arm and watched as his father sauntered towards us, his boots clacking against the floor with each step.

"How are you Nathaniel?" His father asked casually. Everything about his tone and body language said a lot about him.

Nate didn't respond. His father then said, "I thought I taught you manners?"

"I don't speak to people who deserve to rot six feet under," Nate said, utterly disgusted.

"Do you now?" He responded, not surprised at his words nor offended. "Well no matter, I just happened to be here and thought I should greet you."

"We've exchanged enough words, so you can take your leave," Nate insisted.

"Why? Are you in a rush?" His father raised his eyebrows. My heart skipped a beat when our eyes locked. The atmosphere suddenly became intense when Nate realized he looked at me.

"You're with Bastian's daughter," the man said. "Why is she hiding behind you? Are you hiding her away from me or is she scared of me?"

Honestly, was it both? The man that haunted me, the man who ruined my life was right infront of me, and he asked if I was scared?

"Since you won't leave, then I guess we'll take ours," Nate stated firmly, taking my wrist into his hand.

"I didn't come here to scare you away son," the man said assuringly. "But after all, I heard you lost a member of your pack the other day? Is that why you're so scared?"

"You..." It was obvious how Nate felt as he tightened his grip around my wrist. If I was being dramatic, I'd say my wrist was about to be crushed. "You were behind it weren't you?"

"Me?" This man pointed at himself as if he was innocent. "I did no such thing. That was done by someone else. I wasn't involved one bit."

Electricity trickled in the air. This tension was absolutely overwhelming. Nate looked at him for a while and it was agonizing .

"You sick son-of-a-bitch," Nate laughed.

Let me remind you of something. Nate and conveying emotions? Not a combination you'd ever hear. Yet he laughed. I've never seen him smile or laugh. But this laugh obviously wasn't a happy laugh. It was more like a 'Oh wow, really?'

"How's your brother doing?" He said bluntly as if nothing was said.

"I'm sorry, who?" Nate placed his hand behind his ear.

"Nathaniel, I have no time for-"

"I have no time for your bullshit," Nate stated. "Til next time. Ah, scratch that. That won't happen nor will I let it happen."

Nate turned around and dragged me along with him. As he did that, words came out of his father's mouth.

"I beg to differ," his father said. "We'll see each other sooner than you think."

Nate didn't bother to respond, he continued to drag me until we were going through the courtyard, to the wall which we jumped over.

"Do I go over by myself now or-" I asked Nate while anticipating his answer.

His arms were folded and piercing daggers through me. He rubbed his temples momentarily and sighed. When Nate approached me, I yelped as he picked me up bridal style.

"Wait, wait, what are you doing?" I looked at him confusingly. "You're not going to–"

"As I said before Lowell, time is of the essence," Nate responded. Without hesitation he walked backwards and ran towards the wall with a jump. Before I knew it, we were on the other side of the wall and he had already placed me on the ground.

***

As Nate pulled up at the house, he pulled the keys out of the car aggressively and slammed the door. I thought he wouldn't bother to open the car door for me but I thought wrong. I didn't have to get out myself because he already grabbed onto my arm.

"Get out," he said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the car. He continued to drag me towards the house until we were inside.

"Nate, stop this, I can walk myself!" My voice echoed throughout the house hence everyone could hear me.

"Don't tell me bullshit Alix," he looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. "You're shaking like a cat in water."

Before you know it Tay, Jase and Nick came rushing downstairs.

"What's going on? Where the hell did you both go without telling us?" Nick demanded.

"Where is he?" Nate shouted angrily. "I said. Where. The fuck. Is. He?"

"Alix, what's going on?" Tay asked me worriedly, looking down at my arm. "Are you planning on breaking her arm today Nate?"

"He's been in the reading room for a while now," Jase stated.

Without hesitation Nate walked towards the room, dragging me along while everyone followed. When we arrived at the reading room, Nate slammed the door open and walked towards Nolan who was leaning against the wall.

"Hey little brother," he said while smiling. "What's wrong with-"

Nate pushed me towards him and Nolan looked at me confusingly. "Al, what's wrong? Why are you shaking?"

"We-"

"Why is she shaking?" Nate asked. "Don't act oblivious you twat. You already know why."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nolan said as he shrugged.

"Wow," Nate scoffed. "You might as well say it now because everyone knows what kind of person you are and who you've been conniving with."

Sensing the hostility, I backed away slowly so I could get unnoticed.

"What, our father?" 

"Our?" Nate repeated. "I know you're stupid but that could never be the word to describe you. You still consider him as family? Your father?"

"Listen here Nathaniel," Nolan said firmly. "Whether you like it or not, he's one of the reasons why we exist. He's my father, do you understand? He was there to praise me, he was there to comfort me, he did everything I couldn't ask for."

"You really are beyond stupid," Nate pinched the bridge of his nose. "You've always been his pet rat, lab rat, any frigging rat, manipulating you. And what, he was there to comfort you? Open your fucking eyes Nolan, will you?"

"Just look at Alix," Nate pointed at me without laying his eyes on me. "You know what's he's done. Look what's he's done to her and her damned family. You've see what he can do, yet you still think of him as some role model."

"Wow...." Nolan laughed quietly. "Jase really should've killed Alix when he had the chance."

Bewildered, I looked at Nolan in shock from those words that uttered from his mouth. Jase who had been in the room the whole time was already across the room, wrapped one of his hands around Nolan's neck, choking him.

"What shit are you spewing out of your mouth now, huh?" Jase said calmly, tightening his grip as the seconds went by. "You're waiting for a death wish, right?"

"Wow," Tay exaggerated. "Looks like everyone in this damned house needs to go to a shrink."

"I think you need to work on your grip strength Jasinda," Nolan laughed, his face resembling the colour of a rosette. Nolan grabbed onto the arm Jase was using to choke him to pry it off. As he used his strength to do so, Jase dominated him and slammed his body into the wall several times.

"You, are you planning to break his bones?" Nate asked.

"What, is there a problem if I do?" Jase shot back.

"No, there really isn't but if you wish to do such things you can do it in the basement," Nate stated. "If you're gonna do it in here and get blood everywhere you're going to be the one to clean it up."

"Wooow," Nolan said. "Nate always having his priorities. Alix and that slut you call your mom clearly wasn't one of them since one died and the other had to be sent away, right?"

Like the speed of light, Nate's hand was in a fist and made contact with Nolan's jaw — several times as a matter of fact. Nate's hand was around his neck already, lifting him up against the wall as he choked him. "I dare you to repeat those words."

"I said-" Nolan gargled blood as he spoke. He stopped to spit then blood that was flooding his mouth. "Alix and that slut-"

Nate grabbed his face to prevent Nolan from saying anymore. "I thought I made myself clear you wouldn't get any blood on the carpet."

"Shouldn't we do something?" I said while worried to Nick. "Someone's going to get killed and we need to stop them."

"Alix I don't think we should interfere. I don't want you getting hurt," Nick stated.

"Then stay infront of me, I won't do anything stupid," I reassured him. He looked at me momentarily and walked infront of me with his arm stretched across, protecting me.

"Nate?" I said softly. My heart was pounding from anxiety because I didn't know what would happen next. "Can we do this properly? I know you're angry right now but something might happen that we know you don't want to."

"Is that so?" Nate responded. "I thought you'd know me better. Everything that's happening right now I want it to happen. If I kill him I want it to happen."

"Wow, it makes me so happy that me breathing makes you so angry," Nolan showcased his bloodstained teeth.

Nate brought Nolan's head forward and slammed it against the wall. I jumped at the sound of the impact.

"Alix is right Nate, you don't want to do anything irrational. Even if he's your brother and you don't think of him like that," Tay said.

"Simply lock him up in the torture room," Aron said. "That way you won't get any blood on the carpet right? You can also get the answers you want down there, am I right?"

Nick went outside the door and asked if the guards had handcuffs on them. He took it from them and held them up, showing Nate. Nate's tongue pressed on his cheek and placed Nolan down on the ground, still having a grip on his neck.

"My fantasies are actually coming true. My little brother is going to torture me to take out his anger on me," Nolan laughed.

"You're truly a disgusting man," Aron shook his head as Nick cuffed Nolan's arm.

"That's a nice thing to know Aron," Nolan grinned. I wanted to smack that smirk off his face. He really had no shame. "It's too bad your clown sister wasn't able to see this, right?"

That struck Aron's chord that he lunged at him. Tay and the other guards grabbed him back to take him out of the room before he did anymore damage.

"I'll go with them to bring him to the torture room," Jase stated.

"How stupid can you get?" Nate asked. "The first time I allowed you to keep an eye on Alix was to show your true colours. You think I didn't do it on purpose? Why would I do that again? So you could get Nolan out and run back with him to his father?"

Jase stood there in silence, facing his head down. "That's enough done and said for today Nate. It's enough."

All he did was blink, not responding to me. He ordered Nick to follow them to the basement and that was it. He walked outside of the room. I know I would be annoying if I demanded more of him today but I had to follow him to make sure he was okay. He was walking speedily that I had to jog a little to catch up to him. Nate abruptly came to a stop and I stopped immediately as well when I realized that this was the door to his room. When he opened the door, I followed him into it and closed the door.

"If you're wondering how I am, I'm fine," Nate answered my worries. I didn't believe him though. "You can go now."

"I know you want me to leave you alone," I spoke his thoughts. I knew he did. "I know you do but I won't leave you by yourself."

Nate turned around and ruffled his hair stressfully. I haven't seen that in a while. "Even if you stay with me, I don't know what I'll do with this lingering anger. I might take it out on you."

"It's fine if I stay," I said surely. "I know you won't hurt me."

Slowly, I started to close the distance. "You're human too whether you like it or not. You feel emotions like everyone else."

"I'm simply not accustomed to it," Nate stated firmly.

"Even if you're the notorious Alpha Nate you can feel sad, angry, happy, stressed like everyone else. I'm not judging you for it and everyone else wouldn't."

"I think you should leave," Nate said, with that usual nonchalant look on his face.

I was getting closer and closer. Closing the distance inch by inch. "Why should I? Do I annoy you this much? I just want you to speak your mind Nate. I never know what's going on in that mind of yours."

Before you know it the distance was only a mere centimeter. I was fondling with my shirt shyly after I realized we were this close and not being use to it at all. "You should share your worries, y'know? You shouldn't suffer alone."

"I've been alone my whole life," he said. "I'm used to it."

"B-but you're not alone..." I said tugging on his shirt, finally looking at him.

Without notice, Nate had picked me up, placed my legs around his waist and slammed me against the wall Immediately I wrapped my arms around his neck before he did any of that so I wouldn't fall.

"I told you that you should leave but you didn't listen."

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