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26 | melancholy

a l i x

We did what any normal person would've done when an argument occurred. We kept silent. Surprisingly he didn't turn the car around. He kept on driving and driving until the destination was reached. If various emotions were stirring within Nick, he sure had a wonderful poker face. His expression was calm. There was nothingness. It was like looking at Nate. He had to pop up, didn't he?

Anyway, when I had thought he'd open the door for me as expected, he didn't. That meant he was furious yet he kept that expression plastered on his face like a leech. Instead of saying anything I kept quiet and walked beside him. When I found the courage my lips moved but no words came out. Why, I wondered.

I, in depths with my thoughts I haven't realized we were halfway done with the shopping.

"My, my," I heard a voice say behind me. "Why isn't it Alix, the stone cold bitch with straight A's."

So much for being halfway done.

"Stone cold bitch?" Nick repeated, looking at me for the first. When he looked at me saying those words, my heart sank. I wondered how I looked? Hurt? Angry? Happy? Does it really matter anymore?

I turned and looked at the person I knew. Ah, the stereotypical girl who bullied just everyone and had one special person she'd make life a living hell. Me. Even though she tried, I didn't really care.

Anything she said didn't bring me down because I knew it wasn't true. As long as you know deep down it isn't true, it can't affect you. And if you're upset and get let down because of harsh words, you allowed those words to penetrate your emotions. I never allowed her words to do so.

Even though in third grade she was caught with poop on her pants, she somehow pulled it off as something else with those stupid kids. Now she's what you call 'the one who runs it' around school. And I really hated it how she had to be the one I encountered.

"Just what are you doing here," she glanced at Nick, batting her eyelashes I swear Nick felt wind, "shopping with a cute boy when you're supposed to be at school?"

"It's really none of your business," I replied, hoping she'd shut that mouth with lips full of red muck.

"Of course it's my business," she said with a short laugh. "I'm the class representative and I'm responsible for reporting such things to the school."

"Go ahead," I retorted.

"You've missed approximately two weeks of school Alix. What the hell are you doing when you're not at school and why?" She folded her arms, approaching closer.

"I have my reasons, now, can you leave me alone?" I said not trying to hide the annoyance I felt.

"Wait.. you're a delinquent now, right?" She said as if she was happy about it. I knew all too well she was. "You're doing drugs, I knew it! And you're with a boy! Huh, figures! Maybe I can be the top of the grade now!"

"I doubt you can with your brain capacity," I scoffed.

"Well, I should be saying that to you because after all, isn't that what drugs do?" She said with a smug look.

"Hm, I wonder. Since that's what drugs do, maybe I can.. give you some and it'd do a reverse effect since you're already like that," I folded my arms and looked at her lowly.

"Sweetheart, listen," she sweetly but it wasn't honey-sweet. It was bitter. "If you wanted someone to spend the night with all you had to do was go to the boys at school. Especially Mason. Remember him? He really wanted to make a move with you. He's really disappointed since you haven't been at school for two weeks. We thought you transferred!"

What I was truly worried about is that I didn't know about this Mason. Was it that he wasn't important or is it just my brain? I decided to play it off.

"No surprise coming from you. After all, isn't that what you do? With that grope fest in the boy's locker room, I guess it's nothing to you."

"How did you know about that!" She demanded more than asked. She looked like she was ready to pounce on me with her perfectly manicured, red claws.

"I have sources," I shrugged.

"Sources?" She looked at me in shock then she had that smug look on her face again. "What sources? You're a lonely, depressing, witch! You look like a damn mafia roaming in the halls!Sources! Who the hell would approach you? And even if you asked, wouldn't they run before you could finish?"

I continued to look at her without a word. She stopped in her rants and stared at me. "Wow, it really is true. Your eyes could kill! Just look at them! I wondered if that rumour is true with your eyes glowing with— wait, your eyes, are they.. OH MY GOD!"

Huh? I wondered what happened to her? Was she taken care of what? And what about me? What got her so shaken up?

"I'm an idiot," Nick said furiously while kicking at the wall. "I am such an idiot. Why didn't I stop you from talking to her? Why didn't I drag you away?"

I looked at him in shock. My heart rate sped up as the cool wind gave me shivers. "What happened Nick?" I demanded but he didn't look at me. He kept his back facing me. "Answer me! What did I do?"

Nick faced me and looked at me solemnly. He held one side of my shoulder and squeezed it gently. "Alix... you.. you nearly killed a dog."

I squinted my eyes at him then looked down at his feet. I aimed to kicked his feet but it jerked up as he backed away. "That's not funny!"

"It sorta is," he chuckled. "I hoped it was a cat instead."

"Ugh, you're such an arsehole!" I yelled at him as I received another laugh from him. He thought this was all a joke. A joke? I walked forwardly to him and aimed for another kick at his leg. He grabbed my wrist and twisted me around so my back was against his chest. I kept on trying to kick him but I ended up looking like a bull about to attack. "That's not fair! Let me go!"

"When was the last time you went to Austin?" He laughed.

"Never!" I responded, twisting and turning in his grasp until he finally released me. I realized one of the reasons why he released me was because we were starting a scene. We'd probably be in combat if he didn't let go or if neither of us noticed.

I turned a blind eye to the persons walking by us and said to Nick, "now let's go and don't forget the groceries."

***

It was a silent drive once again. I wish it was like that. Nick's mood change immediately back to its original state. Nick was Nick. On the other hand, I couldn't say I was.

"You're mad," Nick said with his innocent smile. Why is he smiling? What humor did he find in this?

"I'm not mad," I said insistingly. It was approximately the fifth time he has said that and I had put in the effort to not raise my voice or anything to make me seem I was mad or annoyed. He was clearly going past the limit and he didn't realize it.

"You're ma-"

"Yes, Nick! I am mad!" I finally made an outburst and his smile slowly faded away into darkness. "There, I said it. Is that what you wanted? Are you satisfied the least bit?"

He answered without hesitation. His voice was steady. "Yes, I am. I'm more than satisfied if you must know. That's what I wanted, you know. It took a while, didn't it?"

"What?" I narrowed my eyes into thin slits. What was he talking about?

"I've realized something about you over the past months," he said and I was concerned immediately. "You keep your emotions bottled up inside in someway. If you do that, you'll be stressed. You'll suffer. Do you want that? Is that what you want? At the end of the day, you wish you did. You wish you would tell someone because sooner or later it'll become a problem. Suppose they don't notice? They are suppose to notice since you trust them and they know you, right?"

I denied his words. I denied them all. "That isn't true! I laugh when I want to laugh, I smile when I'm happy, get angry when I get ticked off and I cry when I suffer!"

"It's nice to lie to someone's face, isn't it?" He looked at me with a smile. It was the feeling when you're about to fall but you manage to find your balance. But I wonder, did I find my balance?

"I said that if you wanted a shoulder, it's right here, didn't I?" Nick said and he didn't turn his head to look at me. I immediately sit up and push myself forward so I could see his face that was facing the road.

"I already have someone to lean on, Nick!" I said without even thinking. I realized why you should think before you speak.

"Nate?" He said as if he expected it. He didn't seem surprised at all. "I guess that'll suffice."

We exchanged no other harsh words to each other that would both send our hearts pangs. If I start to think about any of this, I'll drown in my thoughts and won't be able to swim. I was a space cadet for the time being until we arrived back at the pack house.

It was an odd feeling to open the door for myself and then I realized that that it was conceited to say such a thing. When I started to walk, seeing Nick in front me, walking away in a distance made something familiar sprout inside of me. The feeling of losing someone. It was like he was distancing himself from me. I didn't like it. I demanded for it to go away because it was starting to make me spin.

"Nick!" I gave out a bloodcurdling cry. In my vision of blur, I managed to see the image of Nick whipping around. I started to stagger towards him. "I don't want any of this between us! Don't distance yourself from me, please. Don't.. turn yourself away from me or act cold t-towards me please."

I was crying a river. Hiccups emitted uncontrollably out of my mouth and I couldn't stop it. My breathing got caught in my throat like a trap and I couldn't do anything about it. It wouldn't stop. In the midst of it all, I haven't even realized that Nick was holding my arms so I wouldn't fall to the ground.

"Alix, you're not stable," he said nonchalantly.

I immediately took a hold of his shirt and held it between my fingers strongly. "Why do you have to sound like him? Why can't you sound like Nick? Can't you sound happy so I could feel happier?"

"How can I sound happy when I see you like this?" He said. He looked angry, yet he had a complete stillness to his expression. "Do you know how foolish that sounds? Think about it. If I did, I would sound like a monster."

"You're.. you're not a monster, I know that," I stammered. "When I came here, you all talked to me and treated me so normally. I gave up on friends ever since. They all left me once they agreed with everyone else I was the devil. Even though I did nothing, they just did. But you guys.. you guys were different. I-I never had a friend like you before and I don't want to lose you. I don't, so please—"

"Let's get inside," he said, cutting me off. He didn't want me to say anymore because he didn't want me to suffer anymore. That was his way of saying that he wasn't mad at me and that he won't leave me. I felt at ease.

"What the hell?" I looked up to meet with a concerned Tay. It looked more like a pissed off Tay rather than a concerned Tay. "I heard shouting out there and I was contemplating whether or not to go out there. What happened to the two of you?"

"Something," Nick responded and it was the first I looked at him since we arrived.

"Something?" Tay furrowed her eyebrows. Did she see right through us? "A quickie in the car?"

I nearly fell to the ground when Nick let go of me briefly. He caught me and supported me back up. My feet felt like mush as they weren't adjusted as yet.

"Oh wow," Tay said with a smirk. "Guess I was right. After all, you do get sore, right Ali?"

"Be quiet Tay," Nick rolled his eyes. "I know you heard everything that happened out there."

"Nick, clairvoyant as ever," she clasped her hands together and held it at her chin, batting her eyes. "Ever so dreamy." After that, she stuck her finger in her mouth and gagged.

"You're a beauty as well, Tay," he gave her a smile without teeth and blinked several times.

"Anyway, I'll take Alix back to her room," Tay said, stepping beside me. She furrowed her eyebrows when Nick stepped to the side, moving me along with him. "What, I can't carry her to her room?"

"I have something to talk about with her," Nick answered. I looked at him dumbfounded.

"I have things to say as well, so let me—" When she reached out to slip her arm around mine, Nick brought me closer. There wasn't anywhere for her to grasp.

Then, there was someone else that interrupted my journey to my sweet bed. When my eyes met with Aron's icy blue shards, I froze while my cheeks were tempted to turn into a pink tint.

"Alix," he said and I kept my head held down. I felt him approaching closer and closer. "I need to–"

"Where do you think you're going?" Nick said while being overprotective. "She's sick and I'm trying to bring her to her room and you're all interrupting."

I thanked him in my mind but Aron insisted. "Are you still mad? Is that why you won't let me talk to her? I need to talk to her Nick."

"You need to talk to her?" Nick raised his eyebrows. "Go ahead if you need to talk to her so much. You can say it right in front of all of us because if it has to do with Alix, it concerns all of us."

"And why does it concern you?" Aron said, his jaw clenching. "It only matters between Alix and I. Just let me talk to her."

I didn't want to hear any fighting today. No more. I tugged on Nick's shirt and held it tightly. "Bring me to my room, please," I whispered.

"But-"

"Please," I insisted and he nodded. As we walked, I said to Aron that we would talk later. He didn't say anything but nod without eye contact.

There, walking through the halls was Barbara herself. She smirked when she saw me. I wasn't in it for today so God so help me she would move along. Barbara stood at the my bedroom door and she looked up and down. "What happened Alix? I heard you're—"

"I didn't have a quickie with Nick!" I said without even realizing. I swear I felt him tense up underneath me.

"Good to know...." She said with her eyes searching in confusion. "I was going to give you my condolences shout your aunt since I didn't have the chance to at the funeral."

"Oh?" I said nonchalantly. "Did you have to bring her up? You could've just kept it to yourself instead."

"I'm sorry about your aunt, Alix," she said and I realized that it was genuine. I looked past that though.

"You're sorry? What's the whole point of saying sorry when it won't even do any good? You didn't even-" I realized she over to her left, meaning she was looking at Nick. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked up at Nick. He snapped his head towards me and gave me a smile. When I looked in front of me to talk back to Barbara, she was gone.

"You can let go of me now Nick," I said while waiting for him to. "I'm fine now. I can go in my room."

He looked at me for a while before I said 'privacy' and he folded his lips immediately. "Alright, just make sure nothing happens in there for me to come in there, okay?"

"I'll be fine, I promise," I assured him before he walked off.

"What was that about a quickie?" No one could miss that dull voice. I couldn't do anything about the goosebumps Nate set off. Lock myself in my room or run?