25 | bros over hoes

"We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Overthinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. Just let it naturally evolve."

How long has it been since I've been in my room instead of his? Who knows. I haven't been in contact with the outside for who knows how long. My mental calendar isn't even sure of what day it is today. Friday? Monday? Doesn't matter. Everyday is the same to me.

How long it has been since my aunt died? Don't know about that either. How long it has been since her funeral? Who knows about that either? I try to forget but my mind just doesn't let me. The funeral where there were so much crying. Probably out of sincerity since there were those who had genuine tears. Guess they didn't want to look like heartless bitches so they simply cried.

I met a lot of people there. People who knew her and people who didn't. There are always going to be people like that at a funeral. It can't be helped. Also receiving condolences was the worst thing that happened to me. I haven't received that kind of thing before since there was anyone I knew who died. It made me feel worse. The kind of worse where you want to slam someone's head into the wall until the wall and their skull cracks. Sounds violent but true.

I guess this is where therapy comes in now. I never needed therapy but I can guess why I had it in the first place. Someone very important to me had probably planned it all. Dr. Reynolds who had known me for being a werewolf and being my therapist couldn't be a coincidence. Whoever got her probably wanted to keep an eye on me since Jane had known nothing about werewolves.

Things that were not related to what I had intended to be helped with would always pop up such as my temperature, appetite, aggressiveness, nightmares, but when I think about it, it does seem related to therapy. I guess that was where the illusion came from.

It made no sense to go back to Cara. Going to therapies about Jane? That would be too cruel, wouldn't it?

I had not even noticed that I was fed, changed and tucked into bed during this period of time, and I had just noticed that Nick entered my bedroom. Our eyes met and he was astonished. It took him a moment to catch himself and to proceed to do whatever he was doing. He was giving me space since he sat at the foot of the bed instead of beside me.

"You noticed me," he blinked a whole lot. "I came here a couple of times and you were awake but you were out of it. I'm surprised.. really.. and I'm glad.." He was smiling and he had stopped when he realized what he was doing. Why am I so disappointed? Funny.

I asked why he was all the way down there and patted the space beside me. It took him a moment again to realize what I did and to get him up beside me. I had scooted over and held up the covers.

"Alix?" He tilted his head like an innocent puppy begging for food.

I sighed. "I don't want any of that Nick, I just-" He realized what I was saying and stopped me from explaining my self. Smart. He took the covers, placed it over himself and laid down beside me. I laid down beside him before he took my arm and slung it above his waist. I went lower so that I could lay my head against his chest and snuggle against it.

It must've been hours while I was talking with Nick. I haven't even realized that hours have passed. I guess when you are enjoying yourself time goes by faster. It has been a while since I laughed or actually smiled genuinely. I felt glad that it was Nick was the one who caused all that to happen.

I don't know whether I fell asleep smiling or talking, but who cares? I'm happy falling asleep beside him.

***

I woke up to the voices of two persons who were arguing. I could tell one of them was Nick and the other was Aron. Should I say something to let them know I'm awake or stay still so they won't?

"Are you an idiot, Nick?" Aron said. "You're stupid enough to go into the same bed as Alix and-"

"Aron, we didn't do anything, I didn't touch her-"

"That isn't what I'm worried about dumbass," Aron said and I could see him roll his eyes. "What if it was Nate who walked in right now? Hm? What would've happen then?"

"Aron, does it matter-"

"You bet your ass it does," Aron said incredulously. "Did something happen to your brain while you were sleeping beside her? Maybe you should lay down beside her again so you can go back to normal. Go on-"

And suddenly silence swirled throughout the room that I swore that I got deaf. Out of no where, Nick's voice surprised me so much with the annoyance laced in his voice. "Are you angry with the fact you couldn't get in bed with her? I know that you are a guy and you have your needs but you need some self control."

"I don't think of her that way and you know that already," Aron shot back furiously. "I don't want any of that sort of thing from her. I wanted to make sure she was fine and you happened to be in the same friggin' bed as her."

"What the hell did you think I was doing?" Nick said furiously but softly as I realized he didn't want to wake me up. "I was helping her. I was being there for her. I did something productive but what about you? Did you do anything? You didn't do shit yet you're coming to me with an inadequate argument. I happened to be in the same bed as her and you jumped to conclusions. That's how you really think of me, isn't it? That I'd take advantage of the 'damsel in distress'. That I'd sleep with someone as if I had no morals."

There was sudden silence again and I got utterly sick of two best friends who knew each other for years would fight over something this petty. "Yes, hi, I appreciate the consideration of defending me and protecting but I happened to be having a wonderful nap until I heard the both of you fighting over something utterly stupid."

They both looked at me as if they've seen a ghost and Aron's look sort of surprised me since he never made expressions like those. "You heard all of it.. didn't you?"

"No, I heard enough." I shrugged and swung my legs over the bed to stand up next to them. "I heard enough to be convinced that I should just pretend you both don't exist and not talk to you ever again. Sounds good, right?"

"Wait, crap-"

"Nope, you can't convince me at all." I outstretched my hand. "But please, go ahead if you think you can with your stupidity. I'm not stopping you. I'll just keep nodding my head and forgive you all by hugging you because I'm just that easy, right?"

"I like you a lot, Alix," Aron said bluntly and I looked back at him nonchalantly. "I care about you so fucking much that you don't even know. I'm worried about you. Seeing you like that made me hurt, alright? I don't want to see you like that again. I want to see you smiling, happy. I wanted to make it that way but then I saw Nick and I just.. got angry."

"Got angry?" I raised my eyebrows. "Like Nick said, you saw us in the same bed and you jumped to conclusions. That is how you think of me. That's why you acted that way."

"Are you telling me why I got angry?" He furrowed his eyebrows. "I didn't get angry because I thought you slept with him. You heard when I said that I didn't think of you that way, didn't you? I can't explain why but I just got angry, Alix. I'm afraid I can't do anything about it and that's it."

I scoffed. "I don't believe you."

Without a word, Nick exited the room I looked at him and looked back at Aron before he slammed the door shut. He asked me, "why don't you believe me? It is as I said."

"Like I said, you can't convince me," I said slowly and moved my mouth with emphasis. He was silent for a moment and I realized he was examining me. I averted my gaze when I realized he was staring at me. What? That's sort of..

"You're insecure," he said which interrupted my chain of thoughts.

"What?" I looked at him incredulously. "I do not have self esteem issues!"

"That's why you don't believe me, isn't it?" His gaze was so focused that I just kept on changing my focus. The floor looks pretty shiny, doesn't it? While I was looking down, an image of two shoes came up.

I was afraid of looking up. Don't look up, don't look up, don't look up. I looked up. So much for not looking up.

"You're insecure and that's why you don't believe me," he said. "I can't change the way you think about yourself but I hope I can by telling how beautiful you look everyday. Even if you look like shit. When you just woke up, when you go to bed. If I have to do that, I will and you can't stop me."

I was lost for words. Not a word could come out of my mouth because this is the first someone had told me something like this. I felt like.. I couldn't even describe how I felt. I felt.. pretty. I felt happy that someone thought of me this way. It was like I was cloud nine but this... this wasn't the time for that.

"I.. Aron.. I.." I shook my head. "This isn't about me! This is about you and Nick! Right about now we should be talking about that and not me, you-" I plopped down on the bed when he got closer as his hands were gripping on the bed and bending over to be the same level as me.

I looked away as I felt him trying to catch my eye. "Yeah.. Nick and you have been friends for a long time and then you started fighting over some girl without even noticing. Bros over hoes, right?" I laughed nervously.

"Some girl?" Aron said calmly. "I don't think she's some girl. Why would we be fighting over 'some girl'. And I wonder why she thinks of herself as some girl?"

"I don't think- ugh! Stop changing the topic! Be serious, would you? This is about you and Nick!" I looked at him and hopefully my eyes were blazing with anger.

"We're not girls Alix," he rolled his eyes. "That hasn't happened before. Give it a day and it'll all blow over."

I inhaled deeply and rubbed my temples. I slapped my thighs and said, "okay! Whatever you say. You're his friend, right? You would know. I shouldn't worry. If you guys don't talk to each other it's my fault and I'll get guilty. I shouldn't be worried at all! Nope!"

"Alix, really, it's fine, it isn't a big deal," he tried to convince me but that didn't do much help.

"I'm just gonna go freshen up, no worries." I laughed but it probably pulled off as a hyena having hiccups.

***

This was probably the most awkward I have ever felt in my entire life. Bumping into Austin? This would be forever etched into my mind. Should I ignore him? Turn around? Acknowledge him? I didn't know what to do as I never been in a situation such as this.

"Oh, Alix," I froze when he said my name. I clenched my fists and chewed on my jaw.

I looked up at him and greeted him. "Oh, hi, Austin." I wondered how I sounded. Did I sound annoyed? Happy to see him?

"Are you okay?" He asked, not making any sort of eye contact but just rubbing my hair as a form of affection. I sort of cringed but hoped he didn't notice.

"I don't know, you?" I looked at him. He looked back at me and before we knew it there was a staring contest.

"I guess I don't know either," he smiled, and it was the same I saw when I was a child. The same one that showed he wasn't fine, that he wasn't okay. It was that forceful smile. I couldn't tell that it was one when I was younger but I'm well aware of it now.

"Have you eaten yet?" He asked and I shake my head. "Do you want to go somewhere to buy food? Maybe that place-" Immediately I think of this place where I would always go with Austin and Jane.

"Ah, not now," I try to say in the most subtle way. "I'm looking for Nick. Did you see.. him?"

"No, what happened sweetheart?" He said as concerned as a mother about her child. At least he didn't mean sweetheart in that sense as he did use it to others.

"There was only a fight," I explained, "and I need to see him. I thought maybe this amount of time would cool him off so I'm looking for him now.."

"What did you two fight about?" Austin crossed his arms and looked at me with scrunched eyebrows.

"It's not a big deal!" I said louder than expected. That might've been too loud and defensive. "Just the usual melodrama."

"About?" And I sighed. There was no escaping this because this has happened before and I remembered it distinctively.

Austin brought his hand over and ruffled his hair. He looked stressed. He had a two days worth of stubble and I could just tell he's been drinking. "I guess your at the age where you have these sort of problems. Seems sort of surreal since I just see you in your pink dresses and trying on Lucetta's makeup."

"Well, it's too bad I'm older now, isn't it?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Not as bad as when you brought your mother's tampon to kindergarten because you thought it was a new toy she bought you?" He was laughing a whole lot and hugging his sides. He was in tears. I swear he would roll onto the floor in a laughing fit.

"That's not funny!" I slapped him playfully. I liked this atmosphere because it had less tension than before. I was laughing like usual just like my week has been nothing. Has it even been a week?

"Well, you go find Nick and find me since you have much training to do, young lady," he said in a scolding manner. "Come late and you what'll happen to your legs."

I stared at him as he walked away with his finger pointing at me. It took me a while to start walking as I found that statement a bit... weird. After I started walking I went to the dining room. There I found everyone including Nick. It seemed he sensed my presence first as he made eye contact with me.

"Alix," Tay's eyes widened with surprise.

"Ali Ali!" Rena cheered. They didn't hesitate to suffocate me with their hugs.

I acknowledged them and gave them a friendly smile and hugged them back. I must've been ignoring them while I was focusing on Nick. Not that I was trying to catch his eye or anything but I hoped he'd atleast do something. He did. He shot right out of his seat.

"I'm going to go buy the groceries," Nick said glumly.

"Oh, don't forget the money!" Tay took out a bundle of dollars out her pocket to hand it over to Nick before she walked over him. I snatched it out of her hand and walked over to Nick awkwardly.

He held out his hand and looked down at my hand instead of my eyes. "I'll help."

"Just give me the money, Alix," he said with an obvious annoying way.

"I said that I'll help," I said with much emphasis. Even though I did, he ignored that and just did what he wanted to.

"Nick just let her help you," Tay rolled her eyes and quirked her lips up just as how Nick was annoyed.

"Shut up Tay," Nick's eyes darted to Tay who was at the other side of the room. "I'm not talking to you."

Tay's eyebrows shot up and she blinked. Oh dear. "Excuse me? You better say no more unless you want me to come over there to castrate you with my friggin' claws."

Nick said nothing but took up a pair of keys and walked out. I waved goodbye to them quickly and rushed out to the garage where he was going. I followed behind him and kept quiet until I figured out what to say. He looked away when I looked up at him when he opened the car door for me.

I thanked him briefly and sat down in the car seat. My ears sort of sting when he slammed the door shut harder than intended. We drove out in silence, except the sound of the radio that was playing music.

"Nick, look, we nee-" As I tried to start the conversation we needed to be engaged in he turned the knob of the volume. My mouth is opened when he did this. It took me a moment to process what just happened . He didn't. He didn't just try to shut me up.

I turned down the volume and before I knew it, it turned into a battle of who will leave the volume alone. I allowed him to turn it up and left it at that. Even though he "won", I proceeded.

"Nick, please, I don't know what happened, alright? There, I said it." I turned to him and kept my vision of sight there. "So please, enlighten me because we need to talk about this."

"As much as I want to talk about this, you're really starting to annoy me," he said so easily. Is this how he is when he's mad? If he is, that's the polar opposite of himself.

"I know you're annoyed and angry but-"

"Angry?" He looked at me through the corner of his eye for the first. It made me jump. "That's an understatement Alix."

"Oh my god!" I laughed and pressed my palm against my cheek. "You are such a damn drama queen. You're worse than girls!"

"I'm not a drama queen," he sighed and looking through the window he had pulled over. "It's just that I got pissed at how you wouldn't look at me while I was in there with Aron. As much as it sounds stupid, I really couldn't stand it when you only payed attention to Aron when I wanted to speak."

"You sound really stupid right now," I said flat out. "Do you expect me to look at you when I'm talking to Aron? Does that make any sense to you? Huh, I think I have the right to say you're the stupid one here."

"And what about you, Alix?" His turn all of a sudden turned cold. "How do you feel? About all this? About everything?"

I for one, started to feel cold. It was like he blasted the AC in here by his questions. Goosebumps prickled me all over. I didn't answer him. I didn't want to. I wondered why. I realized why I was. Hurting him or anyone wasn't an option for me. I've never dealt something like this before and I didn't want to. I was running away without even noticing