My knuckles rapped against the door twice.

Nothing.

Then I whispered, "we need to talk. Let me in."

Several seconds passed, but finally there was the sound of footsteps approaching.

I took a deep breath to clear my mind and prayed the two shots of tequila for courage would kick in faster.

The door opened and Ian stood there, watching me. He sniffed the air and a brow rose questioningly at me.

I guess brushing my teeth hadn't erased the evidence as much as I'd thought. Oh well, my pinky fingers had started to tingle so it would just take a bit longer. "Evening, mind if we have a chat?"

"I'm a little busy right now."

"This won't take long. I promise." I looked up at him and hoped he wouldn't push me away because I probably would pansy out later. Clutching one of my arms, I held it at my side while I spoke. "It's really important to me."

Without another word, he stepped back and let me in.

"Thank you." I said and walked in a few feet before turning to him and the closed door. "I just wanted to thank you for all the help over the last few months. You didn't need to do what you did and while you say it was for your benefit, it was also for mine. I don't think I can properly express my gratitude for everything."

"You came up here just to tell me that?" He cocked his head to the side and leaned against the wall.

"I just wanted to clear the air with you. Make sure we're both on the same page."

His blue eyes were still watching me as he cautiously answered. "Right. Well, considering what you did for me last night I'd say we're about even."

"Are we even enough to call it?" I asked, meeting his gaze and searching for any hint of anger.

He stood there in silence for several minutes while I continued to hold his curious eyes. Neither one of us was willing to break the heavy atmosphere that had settled after my question apparently. My pounding heart felt like it echoed through the room but it was probably only in my head.

"Any reason for this sudden change in attitude?" Ian stood up off of the wall and walked past me to the couch, but he didn't sit down. Instead he picked one of the carved, little, wooden animals.

I tilted my head to watch him admire the trinket like he'd lost interest in our conversation. "I just don't want to still feel indebted to you after we stop hanging out."

His hand stilled for a second, then continued to turn over the creature.

"If you want, I can give you a few pints of blood now and you can keep them as backup in case of emergency, but I just... I need out." I turned to face the meadow painting and piano, thinking about Phil made it easier to excuse myself. He wouldn't want me involved with someone so dangerous.

"So you finally decided to be smart. About damn time. It's a wonder you're still alive with how little you seem to care about your well-being." He didn't look at me, which irritated me. If this was our last conversation, I at least expected him to give me a minute of his attention.

My lips started tingling as I bit my lower lip, anger boiling up in me, but I held it in. "Sure, you can call it that."

"I mean, do you realize how many times I could've killed you? Even now, walking into my apartment inebriated? Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"I barely feel a thing." I snapped, wrapping my arms protectively around my waist. "I just needed a little extra courage."

He put the creature back down on the coffee table. From the length of the ears, it must've been a rabbit. His attention flicked to the other animals gathered there before him. "Courage to do what?"

Considering how irritated I was getting, he was remaining incredibly distracted. "Ian, could you at least look at me while we talk?"

"What for? Aren't you leaving now?"

"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" My hands formed fists that tightened at my thighs, but I shook my head. "No, I'm not like her. This is stupid. You're right, I'm leaving."

Now that made Ian look up at me with narrowed eyes. "Like who?"

I turned away from him and started walking towards the door. "Forget it. I said it was stupid. Have a nice life, or afterlife, unlife, whatever."

His cold hand clasped my shoulder and froze me dead in my tracks. "I thought you wanted to talk."

"Yeah, I did. But seeing as you can't give me the time of day, this is pointless. I've said my piece now I'm going."

His hand tightened before his thumb brushed against my back, finding and working on one of the many knots. "You don't feel particularly peaceful."

I was not going to admit that it felt good, but my shoulders were so tight. This week, this month, had been so stressful mostly because of him. "I'm not sure anyone would feel peaceful around you."

His cologne wafted around me as his hand moved on to another knot, this one closer to my neck. My head instinctively bent away from where he was working me.

"You were last night and the time I stayed over. Actually, there have been quite a few times where you've been, we'll call it, 'relaxed' around me." He said, then I felt his breath brush lightly across my neck. "Including right now."

"Son of a!" I bit down on my lip. I was supposed to be curbing my cursing. Then I threw my hands up and stalked the few paces over to the piano to try to clear my head. My rehearsed goodbye was a failure, but at least he'd let go of me.

"Who?"

"Joan, all right? The woman from the Punisher. I get it. You're not Batman because he doesn't kill people. You're the Punisher, Dan Castle, and I'm Joan." I closed my eyes and took a slow breath in. My head was feeling lopsided after my little tirade and escape from him.

"I think you mean Frank Castle and good movie, by the way."

"Whatever, yeah, him. But I'm not her. I'm not Joan." I opened my eyes and spun to face him. "I have some self-respect. I don't just throw myself at anybody who gives me attention and my ability to judge a person's character is light-years ahead of hers. So you need to stop relying on me because I'm done. I've had enough. Call it cowardly or selfish, but I've dealt with enough mental pain and torture in my life that I don't need or want a very real threat of it physically to be hanging over my head."

I took a breath, but he only stood there looking at the floor now while I vented. "Keeping this a secret from Emily is killing me. She's so worried about me that she's losing sleep and practically begging me to stay at her place. Sorry if my acting and lying isn't up to par with yours, but I don't want to continue on like this. Don't worry. I won't tell her about the stuff that's happened before, but we have to stop seeing each other completely. This way I can get back to normal and stop pretending we dated. It's getting obnoxious having to make up more lies to explain why we broke up or why I can't sleep at night. Every time I'm distracted she thinks it's because of you. I need you to get out of my head and to stay out of my head. Okay?"

Speaking of my head, I had a light buzz now so I shook it again to clear the haze. Maybe one shot would've been better since I had to eyeball them. People who aren't supposed to drink shouldn't have shot glasses. I merely improvised with a regular glass.

"Is that all?" Ian's eye drew up to mine and waited.

"No, whatever happened to my shirt from yesterday?" I took a few steps away from the wall and the floor evened out.

"Trashed, I didn't think you'd want it back with all those bloodstains."

"Right, well, bye then." My eyes turned from his and watched the floor as I walked towards the door. I wanted dignity when I left, not falling flat on my face.

"My bowl. I want it back and my shirt."

I paused, turning back to him. "What? What bowl?"

He approached me slowly, probably noticing how every so often I leaned a little too far one way. "Since this is the end for us, I want my shirt and my serving bowl back."

I shot a glance to his bare kitchen counters. "I figured that bowl was yours when nobody came back to claim it. But you don't even cook, you know what? Fine. I don't care. I'll leave both things at your door before I head to work tomorrow."

"So that's it? You watch a movie that you draw one too many parallels to and you run away from whatever the situation is?"

"Look, I know it's stupid. I told you that already, but I don't want all of my piercings ripped out for some mysterious stranger that's just going to disappear anyway. Thanks, but I'll be a coward and just leave you to do your own thing like you've been asking because you're definitely involved in some scary shit if last night had anything to do with it." I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders, and continued my journey to the door and out of his life. "Goodbye."

"So you're saying you have more piercings underneath? Mind if I check?"

Scrunching my eyes shut and huffing aloud, I wanted nothing more than to punch him right in that stupidly egotistical mouth, except that would delay my departure. I was not falling for his last few jabs so my feet didn't stop to give me that pleasure. Although, I was surprised I didn't stumble. "Yes, I mind, Ian. For the last time, goodbye."

I thought my heart was pounding before, but the moment he appeared in front of me, blocking the door with his body, I couldn't help swallowing audibly.

His eyes practically glowed in the light, that beautiful bright blue you'd see in the sky on a clear day. He had a hand held out in front of me. "Wait."

And my feet stopped as that one word echoed in my head. No, he was not using that, not now. My arm twitched, but I stood perfectly still otherwise. "Don't you dare use that on me now. I thought we were friends. Let me walk out of here like we still could've been."

His lips were turned into a slight frown and his head was cocked to the side a bit. Those eyes were watching me, reading the anger on my face, and wanting something. What was that look about? Was he feeling guilty about holding me here against my will? Good, because he should.

After a few focusing breaths and more effort than it should've taken, I turned my face away from him to stare at something else. I guess he was finally going to put me down. A couple of tears slipped down my cheeks, but I couldn't even raise my arms to wipe them. No, he wasn't a jerk. He was an asshole.

"Nicole, please. Just give me a minute. I wasn't ready." He placed one hand on my shoulder and used the other to wipe my tears.

His cool fingers stung my cheek, but I didn't bother turning to look at him. He didn't deserve it.

"Hey, come on. I didn't mean to do it, honestly. You were just so determined to leave and never come back. It," He paused and scratched the back of his head. "It surprised me."

"If that's the case, then why won't you release me?" I continued staring at the wall over my shoulder. For as long as I could hold out, I was going to glare at it with hopes of eventually burning a hole through it.

He chuckled softly, hesitantly. "Because the way you look right now, you're probably going to gut me worse than the guy last night."

"I'd gladly make that a reality if only you'd kindly provide the knife and let me move."

"That's exactly why I'm willing to delay complying to that request."

My heart pounded so loud it practically rang through my ears. More tears leaked out. "Look, just kill me if you're going to do it. I thought you said you were busy."

His fingers gripped my chin and tugged it towards his face, locking eyes with mine. "Why do you always think I'm going to kill you?"

"Because you threaten to do it all the time. You also have admitted to killing a ton of other people. Why would I be any different? I'm just an annoying mosquito that you haven't bothered to squish yet."

Those eyes and lips both curled up into his delicious smirk. "I'll never look at mosquitoes the same way again."

"Me neither. They're just mini-unsexy versions of you." My eyes widened and my breathing quickened. "Shit. I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

"Freudian slip?"

"You wish." I snapped, then bit my bottom lip to shut me up before I said something else embarrassing. Yeah, one shot would've been better.

"See? This is why you're so infuriating. I can make you stand there. I could probably make you hop around on one foot, flapping your arms like a chicken, but I ask you questions and you sass me half of the time."

"I swear to God I will peck your eyes out if make me do that." I crossed my arms and glared at him. After a second, I blinked several times to process what I just did, then I glanced down at my fisted hands. "I just crossed my arms!"

Ian sighed audibly and smacked his forehead with his hand. "There are no knives in the drawers."

"Do it again." I grinned at him, giggling slightly. "I think I'm getting better at this. Do it again!"

He just stared at me, gaping with his hand now tugging at his chin somewhat.

"Do it. Do it." I rushed forward, drawing my arm back to punch him. "I'm gonna punch you."

He easily caught my fist and held it there. "Weren't you pissed at me for accidentally using it on you earlier? Now you want it?"

My lips puckered and I pouted as I tried to pull back my hand. It didn't work, but even that couldn't suppress my giggling for long. "Yeah, but now it's a game. How long does it take for me to shake off your control?"

"Did you actually eat something for dinner today or did you just drink your dinner?" He asked, but his eyes lit up in thought.

"Of course, I did. Em and I had tacos, but she didn't wear her shirt." My smile faded into a frown as I glanced down at my tank-top. Then I picked at it with my free hand.

Ian stifled a laugh, but couldn't hide his grin. "Did she tell you that you're beautiful?"

"No, she didn't. I don't understand. We only wear these when we get together for tacos. It's our thing and she said her sister borrowed it. I can't believe she'd do that. I wouldn't have cared if it had a stain on it, but she looked so upset when I brought it up." I let the purple material fall back against my chest and nodded to myself. "That's why we have to stop seeing each other. This has ruined my girls' night. She was so worried about me that she wasn't prepared and Emily is always prepared."

"I don't think I can do that."

I looked up at him. "What? Why not?"

"Because you're beautiful and crazy and fun." He grasped my arms and pulled me closer. "My life would get boring if I had to stop seeing you."

"Oh no, hold on. You don't get to call me beautiful until you've given me tacos. Didn't you read the shirt?" I leaned back in his arms, making the lettering visible again.

Ian's brow shot up and his grin stretched across his cheeks as his eyes traveled down from my face to my waist and back up. "My bad, I must not have looked close enough last time. I won't make the same mistake again."

"Damn it, you totally just checked out my boobs." I shook my head and tucked myself against his chest, most likely failing completely to hide my erratic, embarrassing heartbeat from him. "Why am I still here? Why am I still talking?"

"Apparently tequila makes you a Chatty Cathy. Are you sure you never want to see me again?" His arms gently wrapped around my back.

"No," I pouted and sighed, smothering my face with his shoulder and his scent. "The last few months have been the most exhilarating of my life. Terrifying at times, like whenever you're choking me out or harassing me, but I haven't felt this alive since before Phillip passed away. Hell, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven for a minute when I woke up next to you on, next to you the second time. Not the first one though, no, that about killed me. And look I'm saying something super embarrassing again. Shut up, Nicole."

"If you don't relax, I'm afraid you're going to have a heart attack. The poor thing is going a mile a minute and it just needs a break." He spoke into my neck, nudging it a bit with his nose.

Chills swept down my back, but I just shook my head and stood there with my forehead on his shoulder and my mouth clamped shut.

"Hey now, you can't just take up permanent residence there." He shrugged, trying to shake me off. It didn't work. "If you really want it, I'll concede."

I lifted my head up and looked him dead in the eye. "Honestly? We'll stop seeing each other?"

"As friends, yes. We'll stop."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sorry for the delay. It's been a rough couple of weeks so I'm a bit behind now. Hopefully I can catch up and continue this weekly update trend. We'll see.