Be prepared for flashbacks in this chapter - some of them are new and some of them were in previous chapters.

After this there is only one more chapter before epilogue 😭 this book is my baby I don't know what I'm going to do when I finish writing it.

Anyway, enjoy ✨ Don't forget to vote and comment ❤️

~ Daniela's POV ~

"Your dad?"

Nodding his head he let out a shaky breath as his continued to read over the papers he was holding. "He wrote to me...all these letters were from him."

But I thought he just left them without an explanation? But that wouldn't make sense if he was sending them letters.

"Your mom kept these from you?" My tone was tentative as I whispered those words to him, totally unsure of what his reaction would be. I guess he was still processing it though because he took a moment before he finally responded, nodding his head. "I've never seen them before."

"Why would she do that?"

It didn't make much sense to me. All this time Carson hated his father for leaving them without an explanation and never trying to contact them or help them when they desperately needed his help. If his life was anything like Carson's now as the leader of the mafia, he would have had enough money to take care of them.

"Because she lied." This time it seemed like he was whispering that to himself while he looked at the numerous unopened envelopes.

I could tell by his furrowed brow that he was extremely confused, which in a way probably only made the grief hit harder when he realised he couldn't just go and ask her what all of this was about. I guess it was moments like these that make you realise the rest of the world has moved on but you've still lost someone - someone so important to you.

"Don't think about that right now. Let's just put all of these aside and finish up here. Later you can read all the letters and we can figure it all out, together." For a moment he just continued to stare at the letters he was holding while my words lingered in the air before he finally put them down.

Once we got back to sorting through the last box, we came across a few more letters - but these had been opened and were addressed to Maya instead of the children. "Do I read them?"

"I can't tell you what to do, but I would if I was in your position. As much as she deserves her privacy, you also deserve some answers which might be in these letters."

At this he only nodded as he put them next to the other letters that we found, turning his attention back to the rest of the items which didn't seem so important now.

It didn't take long after that for us to finish off the last box of her things with Carson making it clear which boxes he wanted to keep so that his men could come and move them later since there was way too much for us to carry. There was only a handful of things he kept for right now, the letters included.

For most of the drive back to Long Island I could tell he was deep in thought and although that shouldn't have worried me, I would have preferred to know where his mind was taking him. There was no doubt that he was trying to think of why she would lie, but everyone knows you're imagination can get the best of you when you're spiralling for answers. Especially when the only people who can give them to you are dead.

I just hope he gets everything he needs from those letters.

Once we got home, the first thing he did was get himself a drink before he sat down in the living room staring at all the letters in front of him. "Are you sure I should open them? They're addressed to mama, they were hers."

"I'm not sure about any of this Carson, it's your choice." When I gave him my answer, he turned to look at me with a frown. "Don't do that, I need your help."

"But it is your choice, I can't make the decision for you."

"I'm not asking you to, I just...I need you to support my choice." When he gave me a frown, glancing back over at the letters I reached out to take his hand. "Carson I support every single decision you make, I always will. If I don't agree with something you know I'll always tell you, but in the end I'm always on your side. Do what's best for you baby, if you want the answers then you need to open them."

Letting out a sigh, he turned his attention away from me staring at the letters again as he held onto my hand for comfort. A while passed by before he finally picked up the first one that was addressed to his mother, taking the letter out of the opened envelope.

Although I was curious as hell, I just sat there and waited for him to read it without trying to look at it too or invade his privacy.

"He tried to contact us, to send us money but she refused it every time."

Although I had a billion questions, I chose to stay quiet as he continued to read the rest of the letter before he eventually turned to look at me. From his expression I could tell whatever he read was a shock to him, like he was still trying to process it. "He had cancer. She knew he was dying, but she didn't tell us."

"Maybe she had a good reason Carson." My words caused him to let out a scoff as he turned his head to look at me. "Like what?"

"I don't know, maybe just read the rest of the letters before you jump to conclusions." So maybe that was a little harsh, but thankfully he just turned his attention back to the letters instead of taking his inevitable growing anger out on me.

For the next ten minutes we sat there in silence while Carson read all the letters that were addressed to his mother, telling me the important points as he went along.

From what he could understand just from reading the one side of the conversation which was his dad's response, his father cheated on his mother and then she kicked him out. He spent the next sixteen years trying to see them and make it up to them but she never let him, and she refused to take any money from him too.

"Just because he cheated, she stopped him from seeing all of us."

"Maybe she was hurt?" When I tentatively asked him that question, he narrowed his eyes at me before he let out a scoff. "And that's a good enough reason?"

"Carson just-" Unfortunately before I could try to calm him down, he stood up from where he was sitting next to me. I watched as he picked up the rest of the letters, leaving the room as he muttered his words to me. "I just need some time alone."

So maybe I shouldn't have said anything.

As soon as I heard him go out into the backyard, I eventually let out a sigh as I stood up off the couch heading into the couch to make dinner while I gave him some time alone. At least I could get something done while he was busy processing all of that.

It was already pretty late in the evening, but neither of us had eaten all day so I thought it would be responsible to make something before I went to bed. If I was living alone though, I probably wouldn't have bothered because sometimes sleep is more important than food.

It actually took him the whole hour that I spent cooking to finally come back inside, but he didn't say much while he waited in the kitchen for me to put our food into plates.

"Are you okay?" I asked him the question as I passed his plate over to him, watching carefully for any kind of reaction. "I don't know Dani."

"Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say? All my life I've hated a man who did everything he could to see me and now both my parents are dead and..." His sentence trailed off, he let out a frustrated sigh putting the plate back down on the counter. "I don't know what to do Dani, what do I do?"

"There's nothing you can do baby. You just have to process it and move on." Of course when I said that he gave me an incredulous look which soon morphed into a glare.

Why is it that my words always seem to hit a nerve with him? I'm starting to think that telling someone to move on, no matter how valid and important that advice is, always seems to just anger them.

"Move on? How the hell do you expect me to-"

"Carson don't get mad at me, I gave you the space and time that you asked for and now you're asking me for my advice. There's nothing you can do now apart from read the letters and take it in. One day you'll forgive your mom for what she did, but for now there's nothing you can do."

The entire time I spoke, he kept his eyes on me as I picked up my plate and a fork, sliding his plate closer to him again. "You're welcome by the way."

For a moment he seemed confused until he glanced down at the plate again while I was busy leaving the kitchen, coughing as I went. This cold was really ruining my exit.

Of course I chose to ignore his attempts at calling me back, only because I was that stubborn. Yes I understood he was upset, but it didn't mean he could take it out on me, especially after I spent the entire day helping him.

I didn't see him again around the house for the next hour while I was busy eating and then tidying away in the kitchen. The next time I actually saw him was when I was getting ready for bed and he came into our bedroom.

"Where were you?"

"My office." I could feel his eyes on me as I absentmindedly nodded my head, pulling back the covers on our bed. The one thing I hated about having such a nice bedroom was that it meant the bed was covered in an unnecessary number of decorative cushions which always ended up on my floor during the night.

That meant getting up to pee during the night was much harder when you're trying not to fall over.

"Don't be mad at me Dani."

Once I'd finally taken all the cushions off, I shook my head at him as I got into the bed. "I'm not."

I am.

"You are, I can tell." As he spoke he came closer to me, sitting down at the edge of the bed while I turned my attention to my phone. "Oh well done, how observant of you."

Of course my sarcasm didn't go down well with him, it never did.

"Daniela." When I heard his warning tone, I shifted my eyes away from my phone and towards him, holding his stare for a moment before I let out a sigh. "I don't like it when you snap at me."

"I'm sorry, I was just-"

"Upset, yeah I know." When I cut him off, this time instead of a warning tone he gave me a glare. "Dani stop. I know I messed up with earlier and I'm sorry, but you don't have to be so..."

As soon as I realised he was struggling to find a word to describe my behaviour, I rose an eyebrow at him just daring him to speak. Of course this only caused his eyes to light up in amusement.

"I don't have to be so what?" Giving me a small smirk, he leaned in closer to me pressing a kiss to my cheek before he nuzzled his face into my neck. "Bitchy."

"You-" Before I could even get my words out, he suddenly crashed his lips to mine to cut me off, moving even closer to me on the bed. Instinctively my hands went to his chest as he came in closer to me, placing his hands on my waist to pull me in closer to him.

"I'm sick, stop." I tried to say those words against his lips, and I'm sure he heard them but he chose to ignore it. The kiss went on for a few moments longer since I didn't actually have the willpower to push him away, before he finally pulled away resting his forehead against mine.

"You're cute." When he cracked a smile, my mind instantly went back to what he just said causing me to finally push him away. "I'm not a bitch, I have every right to be upset with you."

"I know, baby you know I didn't mean that, right? It was a joke." Of course I knew he only said it to annoy me, but it still irritated me. "I know but-"

"I really am sorry Dani. This whole thing is just something I have to work through, I didn't expect or ever see it coming at all and...I just...I need time."

"Then let me help you, don't push me away." When I spoke in a soft tone, I reached out to take his hand. "I want to be here for you for things like this and you should let me - you've been there for me through all my issues and we both know I have a lot."

Thankfully my joke had the desired effect when he cracked a smile, leaning in to kiss my cheek. "I love you Dani."

"I know now let me go to sleep please." Of course he didn't, instead he just lay pushed me down before he lay on top of me resting his head on my chest causing me to let out a huff. "This isn't fun for me."

"You'll get used to it." I could hear the amusement in his voice while I lay there secretly liking the position we were in more than I wanted to admit.

"Do you think I'll be a good father?" When he suddenly broke the silence, I lifted my hand to run it through his hair as I spoke. "Of course baby."

"Don't just say that." When I heard the irritation seeping into his voice, I couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, I think you're going to be the best father to our children."

"You don't know that, I could turn out like them." As soon as I said that, I shook my head. "No way. There's no way you'll ever cheat on me or leave us or keep secrets from us. I know you."

"I thought I knew my mom, but it turns out I didn't - maybe you're making the same mistake. There must be something wrong with me if both my parents were screwed up."

His words hung in the air for a moment while we lay there before
I eventually pushed up him a little so that he would sit up, allowing me to sit up too. "Carson look at me."

It took him a second but eventually he finally turned to face me, no longer smiling like he was earlier - even if it was just a little bit. He was sad and dejected all over again, like he had been for most of the day.

"I love you just the way you are. I don't know every side of you yet because I've only known you for seven months, so I'm still learning but I just know you'd never do anything to hurt me, or our babies."

I still couldn't believe it had only been seven months since we woke up in that van together. Honestly, it felt like years had passed, but they hadn't. For a moment we just sat there while he thought about what I said, a soft frown on his face the entire time.

"Are we still waiting?"

It definitely took me a moment to process what he just said before I gave him a frown. "Carson nothing has changed, not yet. I've thought about doing it sooner but I want to at least be married to you first. Our relationship has been so crazy and I just want to do this one thing right."

So maybe mentioning marriage to him like that was stupid considering he was the one who would make the decision to propose to me.

"Okay." Letting out a sigh as he moved, looking as if he was going to get off the bed when I quickly grabbed his hand. "Wait, That's all you have to say to that? 'Okay'?"

"Yeah?" He gave me a weird look as he stood up, keeping his gaze on me. I just told this man I wanted to marry him and that's all he had to say.

Okay.

For a moment I held his stare before I eventually nodded my head letting go of his hand. "Okay."

After telling me he was going to brush his teeth, he leaned down to press a kiss to my cheek before he went into the bathroom leaving me to go to sleep in our room. The entire time I lay there just staring at the ceiling, my mind was suddenly reeling with thoughts from the conversation we just had.

Did he not want to marry me? Maybe he didn't want all the fuss, or maybe he didn't see the point in marriage? It's not like either of us had much family to enjoy the day with us, maybe he just didn't care anymore.

Or maybe he didn't want the commitment? If he married me it meant he was stuck with me? But if he didn't, he was free to leave whenever he wanted.

Who would want to stay with me anyway?

"What's the matter beautiful?" When I felt him touch my hand, I suddenly flinched turning my head to see him sitting on the bed next to me. "What?"

"I called your name twice."

"You did? I guess I didn't hear you over the..." When my sentence trailed off, he gave me an amused smile as he got in the bed, dressed in only his boxers and a T-shirt. "You didn't hear me over the silence?"

"Don't make fun of-" Of course he just started laughing when I sneezed, clearly finding some joy in my misery. "Whenever you get sick I'll be over here laughing, just watch."

As I spoke, finally having recovered from my sneeze, I curled up into him resting my head in the crook of his neck. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't get sick? And don't try to change the subject, answer my question."

"Which question?" Of course I knew exactly what question he was referring to, but I just didn't want to answer it, so I was stalling. "You know which question."

Bitch.

"I was just thinking about our conversation." Just from his silence I could tell he was annoyed about the way I tried to skirt around the actual problem, which only made me carry on talking. We can judge how stupid I was after.

"I know I mentioned marriage, but I didn't mean to force you into the idea. It was only a suggestion Carson, you don't have to do it if you don't want to."

"What would make you think that I don't want to?" When I heard the confusion in his tone I pulled my head back from the crook of his neck to look at his face properly. "You didn't say anything about it to me. You went quiet after I said it."

It took him a moment or two to understand what I was saying until realisation dawned on him. "Dani that's not why."

It wasn't? So if marriage wasn't the problem then...

"You don't want to have kids with me?" Of course since it was me, I couldn't manage to stop the hurt seeping into my tone as I pulled away from him in the bed completely. "What? No."

Oh.

When he instantly shook his head, it once again took him a moment to realise what he just said before he reached out to grab my hand. "No wait Dani, I mean yes. I do want to have children with you, of course I do. I was the one who brought it up, remember?"

"Then why-"

"How about you just stop asking questions and let me tell you?" When he cut me off giving me a look, I clamped my mouth shut waiting for him to speak. "I was just distracted thinking about having children with you, and how much I suddenly want to do it now."

"Now?" So I definitely didn't expect him to say that.

"I don't know why, but I just don't want to wait anymore - I guess I learned the hard way that life is too short to put things off. But then you said you wanted to wait."

"I didn't mean to upset you Carson." When I gave him a frown, he instantly shook his head, pulling me into his arms. "Baby you didn't, of course you didn't."

"Can we just think about this? There's no rush, we can still take our time and talk more." When I gave him my suggestion, Carson nodded his head in agreement.

"Of course we can babe."

<<<<<<< >>>>>>> <<<<<<<

The Next Day

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop coughing in my car?" When I heard Carson groan next to me, I turned to look at him as I continued to cough uncontrollably. Of course I couldn't respond to him so I just about managed to glare at him while he drove, glancing for a second in my direction.

"It's been less than a week since I came out of hospital, you could be a little nicer." Once I'd finally finished coughing, I forced those words out through my hoarse voice. Honestly, I was starting to think I'd never get better.

"I am being nice." Instead