⚠️ Warning - this chapter contains descriptions of rape and abuse.⚠️

This is my favourite chapter ❤️🥺 (I'll be saying that about 95% of the chapters in this book but still, I love it 😍)

I hope you love it, don't forget to vote and comment ❤️

~ Daniela's POV ~

The rest of our walk to Matlock was silent. Carson walked ahead of me, refusing to even acknowledge me once for the entire journey.

It was like I wasn't even there.

The whole time I was just wishing I could take it all back, hating myself for losing control and telling him when, in the end, there was no need to tell him. I just needed some kind of comfort from him but he didn't seem likely to give me anything. So all I could do was hold my broken necklace in my hand as we walked in silence.

I wasn't going to New York with him, I already knew that. There was no way I could go back there, not after everything that had happened with Ayden and now with Carson. It would be stupid for me to do that.

But, I had no where to go and after I'd gotten over the regret of telling him about Ayden, I couldn't stop thinking about where I was going to go.

I couldn't just stay with Carson now. As soon as we got to Matlock I knew things would start moving much faster and I would eventually have to go my own way before he went back to New York.

Maybe I could back to Ohio? I still owned my parents house, I could stay there and then get a job and settle down. Even if it was a painful option because of all the memories, it was also the best one for me. It was the only place I could be independent, where I didn't need to rely on anyone.

Where I could finally live for myself and make decisions for myself.

I was still in my own mind, busy debating and thinking about what I should do when we finally came across what seemed to be like the small town Diane and her husband had told us about. It was definitely nothing like I'd expected.

It was hardly a town, there were just a few small clusters of buildings here and there. It had a rustic feel to it, like something out of a Wild West movie out in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

I guess that's where we were though, so it made sense.

I stayed close behind Carson as we walked down the roads for what seemed like another fifteen minutes before we finally started seeing more and more signs of civilisation. Everything from the laundrette to the garage and shops all seemed to be closed which made sense it was probably early evening already.

We really needed to find a damn phone to keep track of the time.

Carson still didn't say a word to me as we walked, only stopping sometimes to read something taped to a door or a lamppost or to look around at where we were.

"Can I help you?" At the sound of a voice behind us, both Carson and I turned around to see a man coming out of what seemed to be a poker place. "Are you lost?"

"Yeah, kind of. It's kind of a long story but we need a car."

"A car?" Carson nodded his head as he stepped closer to the man. "We're trying to get to Shelton."

"Ah. Well, everything's closed around here now but there's a garage a couple of streets away from here that could help you tomorrow morning."

"But we don't have any where to stay tonight." When I spoke up for the first time, Carson glanced in my direction before turning back towards the man who seemed to be thinking.

"We don't really get many visitors around here."

I wonder why.

Letting out a sigh, he scratched his beard as he thought for a moment.

"I know once place you could stay tonight. A friend of mine owns a bar, he's got a spare room above the bar which is available to rent. You could talk to him about renting it for the night."

"That sounds great thank you."

After that he gave us directions to the bar nearby where we could stay. It didn't take us long until we finally reached that place, once again in silence until Carson had to introduce us and explain our situation to the owner of the bar.

"Well I only have the one room." Even he could tell there was some kind of tension between Carson and I when he awkwardly looked between us. "It's okay, we'll take it."

Surprisingly it was me who still accepted the offer of the room for the night since Carson was just frowning at me. Taking note of the awkwardness, the man just showed us to our room, taking the payment for the night from Carson before he quickly went back downstairs to run his bar again.

There weren't that many people in the bar when we walked through a few minutes ago, so the only reason he could be rushing to leave was because of us and the air of tension we carried with us.

The moment the door closed to the room, it was just Carson and I again. But before I could even try to speak to him, he mumbled something about going to get us some dinner before he quickly left the room again.

I watched as he slammed the door behind himself and the second I was just as alone as I felt, a quiet sob escaped my lips.

<<<<<<< >>>>>>> <<<<<<<

A couple of hours had passed since Carson had come back from getting 'dinner'. The moment he came though the door an hour and a half after he left, I knew he'd been drinking too. He handed me my food before he went into the bathroom without even looking at me properly.

It was probably a good thing since I'd spent all that time alone crying my eyes out.

That evening, the only time we spoke was when we finally got into bed together. All afternoon I was so sure that the first thing I would say to him would be along angry lines, but instead it was just the sadness that came out instead.

"Why aren't you talking to me?"

My soft, dejected tone cut through the silence around us as we lay there. It took him a while to finally respond to me and since I couldn't see him, I couldn't see his expression to gauge how he was feeling.

"Because...I'm worried I might snap at you."

"Snap at me? Why would you snap at me?" When I said this Carson let out a sigh next to me. "I'm not very good at dealing with my anger Dani...I just...I don't want to hurt you even more if I say something by accident and-"

"That's it? Carson you just walked away from me! That was the worst thing you could have done."

This time he let out a frustrated sound, sitting up in the bed to turn the lamp on next to his side of the bed prompting me to sit up too.

"What did you want me to do? The moment you said all that I just wanted to kill him. Every time I think I about it I just..." He shook his head as he leaned back against the headboard of the bed, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry if you upset you Daniela. I just don't know how to process shit without anger and violence."

"Does that mean you care? I thought you didn't." When he heard the vulnerability in my voice, he opened us eyes turned his head to look at me.

"Of course I care Dani." His expression softened when he looked at me, noticing tone sad frown I was giving him. "You thought I didn't..."

It didn't come out as a question, instead more of a realisation when he finally realised how his actions made me feel.

"Crap, I'm sorry Dani, that's not true, I do care I just don't know how to process things."

After a moment, Carson shuffled across the bed closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders before pulling me into his side. It fell silent between us for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts about what had happened that day.

"It started when I caught him cheating on me."

"What?" When I spoke, Carson turned to look at me, but I just continued telling the story from the beginning.

"I had suspicions a year into our relationship but then when I actually caught him, I told him we were done. I was only nineteen then, I was still in college but I was so determined to move out and leave him."

"You were already living with him?" When he interrupted giving me a confused frown I just nodded my head. "I was stupid, I know. But I didn't have anyone else Carson. I was struggling to cope with my depression after my parents died and he was there for me. He made me forget about my parents and everything that I'd lost."

I think he understood why I was living with him after that or at least, he didn't ask any more questions about that which made me think he understood.

"When I caught him I told him we were over and that's when he first hit me. It was your typical story, he apologised and begged me to forgive him. Except I didn't, and that's when he reminded me of how much I depended on him financially and how I'd be lost without him. I had no where to go and he knew it."

Instead of responding this time, he just let me talk, which I appreciated a lot more than I ever thought I would.

"He made my life hell Carson. He controlled my every move, he knew where I was every minute of the day. He didn't let me have any friends, it was just him."

As much as it felt good to finally after years tell someone about it, it was still humiliating to say it all out loud - to admit the situation I put myself in.

"Even though he got everything he wanted from me, he still used to cheat on me. If you could even call it cheating, I guess cheating only happens when you're in a loving relationship. He used to disappear for days or sometimes weeks, taking other women on vacations and trips."

The entire time I told him the little aspects of the life I've lived over the last two years, I refused to look at him. I didn't want to see the pity he was no doubt looking at me with.

"It started with yelling and a few light slaps at the beginning and two years in it had become...so violent."

Surprisingly I'd managed to keep my cool up until now, when the memories of the Friday night before I was kidnapped came back to me.

"He was just like George. He hit me, kicked me, punched me, everything. The more he did it, the more he enjoyed it. It was like he was addicted to hurting me any chance he could. Even when he...when he was..." When my sentence trailed off I hoped he understood what I was saying without me having to say it out loud.

"...he used to hit me so hard just to hear me scream, like it made him get off on it more. I thought that was the worst of it, but then the night we got taken he...he did this."

Without looking at Carson, I lifted my shirt high enough to show him my midsection where the scar from the cut he'd given me almost a month ago was clear to see. Somehow I'd managed to care for it and protect it while we were in that room with access to the first aid kit, otherwise I'm sure it wouldn't have healed as well as it did.

But I knew from the depth of the cut I'd always have a scar to bare for the rest of my life. A remembrance of him forever.

Carson gently pulled his arm away from my shoulders so that he could see my scar, adjusting himself on the bed so that he could see my face clearly too.

"I have this scar and another one on the side of my neck." When I spoke Carson lifted his eyes to look at me when I moved my hair to the side to show him the faint scar I had under my right ear.

I got that one for waking him up during the night when I had a nightmare. Ironically the nightmare was about him.

He still hadn't said a word for a while as he just stared at the scar that stretched across my stomach before he brought his hand up, gently tracing his fingers over it. I watched in the dimly lit room as he gently caressed my skin before he slowly lowered himself down pressing his lips to my scar.

His action caused me to take a sharp intake of breath when I felt his soft lips make contact with my skin causing fire to spread across my skin. His eyes met mine as he pulled away before he came in closer to me, gently moving my hair to the side.

I pretty much held my breath as he placed a kiss on my neck under my ear causing my eyes to close instinctively.

"You're beautiful Dani...every single inch of you is so damn beautiful."

When I finally opened my eyes, I could still feel his breath on my skin when I turned my head to look at him. Even though the room was only being lit by one lamp, I could see him clearer than ever. Every detail of his skin, his beautiful brown eyes with subtle gold flecks you could only make out from up close and his plump red lips.

Just like so many times over the last few weeks, I found myself staring at him again with this tension developing between us. Every time it happened it was unexplainable and every other time I looked away, except this time.

"Carson..."

"I'm trying so freaking hard Dani." His words came out in a low and strained in a whisper which caused that feeling to rise in my stomach, like I knew where it was going.

"To what?" I could feel my heart racing in my chest as he closed the gap even more between us, bringing his face closer to mine.

"To not kiss you."

As he said this, his eyes shifted to my lips before he lifted them again to meet my own.

I probably should have stopped it, I probably should have done better to protect my heart after all that I'd been through.

But I didn't.

"Stop trying."

The moment the words left my mouth barely above a whisper, Carson crashed his lips against mine. The moment his lips connected with mine it was like that spark that I'd felt every time he touched me over the last few weeks was finally ignited and the electricity began to flow between us. The kiss was filled with everything you wanted in a kiss - longing, passion, affection and intimacy.

It was just us.

No one else.

His arm snaked around my waist as he pulled me into him, deepening the kiss as I melted into him. I placed my hand on his shoulder as I ran the other through his hair like I'd been aching to do for what felt like years.

Then all too quickly it was over when he pulled away from me, instead resting his forehead against mine as he struggled to catch his breath.

"Dani...that was-" Before he could finish his sentence I cut him off with a glare.

"Don't you dare say it was a mistake."

"I was going to say perfect." When he spoke, he gave me a small smile, clearly amused at how I jumped to conclusions so quickly.

At first a smile tugged at my lips in response to his words, but of course reality had to catch up with us and it chose that very moment to do it.

"What's the matter?" When he sensed my change in mood, a frown appeared on his face when I began to pull away from him.

"We can't do this Carson." I shook my head as I attempted to release myself from his arms but he just held on tighter to me.

"Of course we can. Dani I-"

"I'm not coming back to New York with you."

The moment the words flew out of my mouth cutting him off, his frown deepened and his grip on me slackened allowing me to finally moved away from him to put some distance between us.

"What?"

"I can't do it Carson. I can't go back there and there's nothing for me there anyway. I have no friends, no job, no home. Carson
I don't have anything." When I finally said the words out loud, the reality of the situation only began to feel more real to me.

I had no where to go. Apart from one place.

"I think I should go back to Ohio, to my parents house. It's the only thing that makes sense right now. I can start again fresh there."

"You can't just go. Dani...I feel things for you...things I've never felt before."

Once reality set it in, I knew this would be hard, but when I saw the expression on his face it became so much harder.

"What am I supposed to do? It's my only option." He seemed to take a moment to think before his eyes lit up as if he had an idea.

"You can come with me. Come and live with me Dani." The moment he said that I just let out a scoff. "A kiss isn't enough to make such a huge decision and you know that. Carson once you get back to New York you'll be busy working again, it won't be the same between us."

"We can try."

"No, we can't, you know deep down that it won't work. It's too much. A clean break is best for both of us." Trying to stay positive, I gave him a small smile reaching out to take his hand which he instantly pulled away from me causing my smile to drop.

"Carson-"

"So you're just going to leave? And I'm never going to see you again?"

Just the thought of what he was saying was enough to cause my heart to drop but still, I tried my best to control my emotions.

"Maybe one day? You can come to Ohio or I can come and visit you in New York."

"Visit? Do you hear yourself Daniela? So what, you're going to say we can only be friends, that's it?"

When I feebly nodded my head Carson glared at me causing me to frown.

"Well I'm not going to be your friend."

"But we were friends before we kissed...you're my only friend." The moment my voice broke, his glare instantly softened and soon he reached out to take my hand. Neither of us said a word as he held my hand, tracing his thumb on my palm while we just sat there.

"I don't know if I can pretend I don't feel things for you. It was hard enough to push it to the back of my head and forget about it before we kissed but now, I don't know if I can."

"Isn't it better to be friends than to never speak again?" When I said this, he lifted his eyes away from my hand to meet mine. "I've spent almost every moment of the last three weeks with you Dani, I can't just lose you. I can't just go back to my life and not have you with me."

"Then stop fighting me on this. If you just say yes we can talk and-"

"Visit each other?" Letting out a scoff he shook his head before he leaned forward resting his forehead on my shoulder while he took one of my hands in his. The only thing I could do to comfort was him place my free hand on his back, rubbing it soothingly.

"Every morning when you woke up in my arms it just felt so right. I just had to keep pushing the thoughts of Ayden to the side, trying not to remind myself that you were his. But when you told me the truth...I just wanted to kiss you and then kill him."

I didn't say anything as Carson told me his thoughts, still with his forehead resting on my shoulder so I couldn't see his face.

"You may think it's crazy how I feel so much for you so quickly but being in that room with you just intensified everything. It came to a point where I couldn't imagine not being there with you."

The longer I listened to him speak the more I felt that lump in my throat, but I just pushed the tears back. I didn't want to make it all about me, because this was probably the last time he would ever be so honest with how he felt about me. I wanted to hear every word he had to say before it was too late.

"Whenever I see your smile I feel this freaking thing in my heart I can't even explain and your laugh, I could just listen to it all damn day. I hang off every single word you say, aching to hear you say more. That room would have killed me if I didn't have you. I treated you like shit Dani, I don't even deserve to call you my friend after what I did."

"Carson don't say that, of course you do."

"No I don't. You didn't deserve any of that, or anything that's ever happened to you. You have the kindest soul and the purest heart I've ever come across and you're doing crazy things to me Dani."

It fell quiet between us