Sean

Flora often nagged me about staying the night when I drove her back to her place. I didn't have a rigid curfew anymore since starting senior year, but I knew better than to push my luck. I would stay as long as I could before I tucked her in, stroked her hair and said my difficult good-nights. All that was keeping me from being a competent parent was a good book of nursery rhymes.

I knew what Flora really needed was her parents. Despite being the most fun, free, and popular person in our school, she had a lonely side not known to others, and sometimes not even her 900 friends and I could rescue her. She'd freak if she ever heard the word clingy on her, because she thought it was reserved for insecure people who had no friends, and to be fair she wasn't clingy in the usual sense since she wasn't attached to just one person, but it went without debate that she couldn't spend one moment by herself. Flora always had to be doing something with someone. She was irrationally afraid of missing out.

She argued that she went to her spa treatments alone when she spent the entire time gossiping with her masseuse, and once it was over she immediately switched on her phone to check missed messages.

I was now responsible for all the blanks in her life, and while I loved her beyond words, it was emotionally flattering but physically exhausting. In junior year I was infatuated with her, but at least I had more self-control. This time it was impossible to say no. I wanted to work extra hard to make this relationship worth her while.

Have you ever done something that feels so good, that even though you know there should be an end, you just can't stop? I don't mean dating Flora, but the way we were wearing each other down. We were like a meteor tearing through the atmosphere, burning up and giving out sparks so dazzling, that while it was mesmerizing to look at, it just wouldn't last.

I wanted us to be like the moon. There'd be brighter and dimmer days, but we'd be consistent and perpetual, effortlessly reflecting light off the sun.

I had started nurturing the dark circles under my eyes which Flora found sexy. She teased they made my eyes bluer. Homework only started after she slept, and espresso and condoms had become my life supportive system. I just couldn't slow down the rate of consuming them.

We cut class more than once too, mostly during German because Mrs. Kinston was majorly gullible. How many times could I fake being summoned by the principal? Many times and counting, it seemed.

"What's senior year for if not to sneak off campus?" Flora said, all reasonable, like she was making a documentary on 'things I wish I knew before starting high school'.

"I thought that's what college is for," I protested as I gave in. We didn't even do anything important with the stolen time other than grinning at each other stupidly. Senior year may not be about ditching classes, but it was definitely about finding love and wasting time together.

I had been getting straight As since always, so I wasn't that fussy about grades, but late night studying sessions mixed with caffeine, sex, being in love and basketball season really took its toll, and it was inevitable that I would either float off the ground or drop dead, whichever came first.

I didn't complain to Flora because it was what I wanted, to be with her, my dream girl, albeit a high-maintenance one, and I thought I should just deal with it. I didn't see Janet at all anymore, and whenever I hung out with the guys I brought Flora with me. It wasn't like they didn't enjoy talking to her anyway. At first they were tolerant, but by the third time they started getting sarcastic.

"Yes! It's guys' night out and let's count on Sean to bring his girlfriend again," Dylan said.

Jake agreed. "I shall bring all three of my recent hits too so we have an awesome Eyes Wide Shut party."

Alan was just generally pissed because we were meeting at his house, and he couldn't figure out why he still didn't have a Carmen in his life.

The real wake-up call came one night when I accompanied Flora to a Lanvin runway show. Her mom was one of the VIP guests, and Flora gladly took her place. She was very agitated about a night out. The thing took longer than expected and when we got back to her house it was already late, and I indistinctively remembered there was something I needed to do. We made out for a while--that was the amazing part, that no matter how tired I was as soon as we started the adrenaline rush kept me going-then I held her hand while she snuggled under the covers. I sat on the edge of her bed watching her face.

"I love having you beside me," she said groggily. "You're so wonderful to me."

The sexy sleepiness in her voice and the love on her face was exactly what kept me doing this. In bed she was innocent and sweet, completely without makeup, and the feeling of being needed was overpowering.

"Good night, baby," I said, and she rested her face on my hand.

The next thing I knew was being jolted awake in the middle of the night due to the cold. It was three am and I was freezing, my phone had died of power and every muscle in my body hurt. I scribbled a quick "the king has left the building" on a post-it and stuck it on her headboard, then I rushed out. By the time I got to my car I had a monster migraine and stars were whizzing by my eyes, and all the way home I prayed about not getting into an accident.

I overslept the next day and only had time for a very quick shower. There was no room for breakfast and no catching Flora before class, and when I sat down in AP chemistry at second period, that was when it hit me. The thing I forgot to do.

Mr. Miles asked us to hand in our assignment after class, and I stared at my blank answer sheet in a daze. This couldn't happen to me. I was the person whose homework people passed around in order to check their answers. I never forgot to write it and it was always done impeccably.

Am I going to get detention? Detention was a word as foreign to me as Lanvin.

When Mr. Miles turned around to scribble formulas on the blackboard, I willed myself to pull it together. I can do this, now, in class. Chemistry was one of my stronger subjects, although the words kept dissolving before my eyes like salt in an under-saturated solution. I was literally too tired to think and I cursed under my breath.

Nicholas silently laid his homework on my desk. I turned to him with bloodshot eyes. I thought I knew what it meant but it didn't register at once.

"Don't worry, my answers are correct," he said quickly.

I nodded. "Thanks."

My back burned up with mortification. I couldn't believe I had to stoop to copying answers, but I had no time for repentance. For the rest of the period I scribbled furiously and missed the whole lecture in front of me.

"Are you okay?" Nick asked after the class was over. He was one of the rare friends in my life who didn't speak fluent sarcasm, and I knew when he asked the question he really meant it instead of waiting to ambush me with something mean.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, because that's what I always said, but then I shook my head and let out a long breath. "No, not really."

"You seem tired. Basketball season is exhausting, right?"

"Yeah, but it's not that. Mostly it's Flora," I admitted. "I want to be with her all the time and it's blowing my life out of proportion. I feel really out of control."

"Feeling out of control once in a while is not necessarily bad," he said, maybe because he never had a girlfriend as far as I knew of, let alone one as demanding as Flora. "I think it's a phase and it'll pass, so maybe just enjoy the moment?"

I wasn't entirely sure I was enjoying it. "I don't know."

"You only live once." He shrugged.

"I don't want a fling. I want this to work in the long run."

"Then maybe you have to gradually find a way to incorporate it into your life. You can't push everything else out of the way, although to be honest I think it's amazing to feel so passionate about something."

I rubbed my eyes. "Not really. It's more scary than amazing."

"Maybe someday you'll miss feeling overwhelmed," he said, sounding all philosophical. "By the way, if you ever need my help again I don't mind."

"Thanks, Nick, but it won't happen again."

He lent his notes to me because he knew I didn't have a clue what the class was about, but he didn't say anything about it. That's one of the reason I liked about him. We left the classroom and hurried off to different directions.

The next shock came two days later when I got the result back from a German pop quiz. I'd always been lousy at pronunciations and I struggled with my grammar in a dialogue, but written tests were easy and I usually managed to ace it. When I saw my test the first instinct was that it wasn't mine.

I got a freaking 68. Sixty-eight! I didn't remember ever getting anything below 90, and I ran my eyes around the classroom and rested on Carmen's table for reference. Maybe the test was harder than usual and everyone failed miserably.

Nope, Carmen got a whooping 94.

I don't believe this.

As I shuffled on my feet to the next class I felt as if everyone on the hallway knew I blew my test. This must be what the Scarlet Letter felt like on the chest of Hester Prynne when she was accused of adultery. I had a giant 68 embroidered, scalding the front of my button-down shirt.

Flora wasn't very sympathetic about it.

"Wow, a sixty-eight! What a story to tell to the grandkids, right?" she said on the way to cheerleading practice.

"Flora." I tried keeping the irritation out of my voice.

"It's okay. It's one test, and German isn't that useful anyway. I mean, everybody in Germany speaks English, including Einstein." She tousled my hair. "You know how to forge your parent's signature, right?"

"It's a pop quiz and I don't need to show it to them. That's hardly the point." Getting a lecture from my parents was the last thing I worried about. "I think my grades are slipping."

"What? One pop quiz is not going to affect your GPA. I can't believe you're freaking out over one little test."

"It's not the test per se. It's a warning sign. I forgot to write my chemistry homework too."

"Yes, but didn't Nicholas save you in time? Being his friend finally paid off." She smiled as an idea hit her. "Maybe you can ask him to start typing his homework so he can directly print you a copy. Saves a lot of time. You're too smart to waste time on it anyway."

Could she be more insensitive? "You don't understand. I'm not as smart as you think and I've had to work very hard for my grades. This shows I have to start putting more effort on it."

We had reached the football field and I could see this topic bored her. "I have to go to practice now," she said. "You can blame me later."

That was exactly what I was afraid of. "Baby, I'm not blaming you. I just think we have to make some changes. I'll talk to you after you're done, okay?" I had a game to go to myself and I was so weary I didn't even have the energy to explain.

"Sure." Her lips were set in a thin line and I could tell she was mad at me again.

"Can you go to practice now and get mad at me later?"

"Getting mad at you won't interfere with my practice. Unlike you I'm a pro at multitasking," she said in a snooty tone. We stared at each other for a second before breaking into smiles at the same time.

"You're funny, Flora. And you look so hot in your cheerleading uniform, no one can argue with you and win," I said. "I'll just admit defeat right now."

"Give me a second while I analyze if you're being sarcastic." She tried to keep the smile from curling up her lips.

"I'm not. You are really hot, especially when you're angry." That sounds like something Flora would say. Well, two can master this art.

She gave me a proper smile that washed away all my concern, like soft waves brushing off the drawings in the sand. "I'm sorry about your test. Call me after your game?"

"Sure."

I watched her walk away, and I realized that being with Flora felt like a vacation. There was so much to see and do, wonders at every corner, exotic food I never knew existed, adventures to seek out. I wanted to fill every day to the brim with her like it was the last day of the trip, but the problem with a vacation was that it eventually had to end and I had to start living.

For some reason, the thought excited me. I couldn't wait for the plane to land and the honeymoon to be over, so that we could start making a real life together.

***

In case you're worrying, Sean isn't having second thoughts about Flora. While she's more prone to an obsession, he's more sensible, and he's not comfortable with being out of control. Some people cool down more easily, but they don't love any less (I'm starting to feel very stupid over explaining. I know you got it)

I think a short period of addiction is not that bad, to be honest. I miss how obsessed I was when I finished watching Prison Break in days :)