Flora

Physics makes a mean mistress. As the date of Sean's USAPhO approached threateningly like a comet about to hit earth, I had begun to see less and less of him. Physics Olympiad was a phrase I never thought would appear in my life before, but it was now making a frequent guest appearance. (Yes, I know, how absurd.)

Sean abandoned me half the time for his studying sessions, and I tried to get used to the fact that I was dating the hottest nerdjock in the universe. I constantly reminded myself to be understanding, that he was a rare blend of intellect and physical ability and I should be proud of him, but it still frustrated me to no end. To make matters worse, basketball season was around the same time, and alternating between physics and basketball had left him with practically no free time.

After basketball practice one day, he and I chatted briefly before he announced he had to rush to the library. Again. Since Wikipedia was invented I didn't know why anyone would need the library anymore, aside from trying naughty things in there to add to the bucket list.

"I really want to spend more time with you," I whined. We had been dating for more than two months and my love for him was going strong. "How about I go to the library with you?"

"No, I'd rather you don't. I'll call you later."

"Why not?"

He leaned in close. "Because I'm seeing this librarian behind your back and I don't want you to know."

"Very funny." I set my lips in a thin line.

"Come on, you know why. I can't concentrate with you beside me."

"I won't say a single word to you. I'll just sit near you and read my own stuff." By my own stuff I meant Vogue. I almost never read anything and I was proud of it.

"But you're distracting and I'd want to look at you. Besides, you'll be really bored." He patted my head. "I'll call you after dinner."

I had come to acknowledge the fact that he stood his ground on certain things. I couldn't make him spend time with me when he didn't want to, and he always hung up the phone first. Clingy is not sexy, I told myself. I'm a strong independent woman and I have my own friends.

"Fine, fine," I said grouchily. "I'll go get a sundae."

Deep down I was getting more and more alarmed as I realized the power shift between us, as if the scale of affection was tipping faster. I knew it was immature to care, but I wanted The King much more than he wanted me.

I joined some other friends, Sandra, Jake, Dylan and Sydney (yes they were back together again to double-date us, we'd done it and no, it wasn't pretty), as they drove off to their afternoon treat. I used to like this sort of group gathering, but without Sean it just wasn't nearly as fun. Besides, they all liked to tease me about being ditched which was annoying.

"So you're unable to drag your boy toy here with you?" Sandra started. I didn't understand why but she always started her greetings with an insult and could somehow get away with it.

"He has to study for his physics exam." I couldn't believe myself how lame that sounded.

"Is that even normal? I mean, no time for a sundae?" Sydney said. Her eyes were innocent, but her lips twitched as if she was mocking me.

"Are you sure he's not cheating on you?" Dylan said, his arm around Sydney's shoulder. He was a serial cheater himself and fancy he had the nerve to question Sean's integrity.

"Shut up." I dug in my sundae, the spoon clicking loudly against the glass. "Sean's actually going somewhere with his life. Just wait till he invents something while the rest of us bag groceries." I was in fact getting really tired of defending for my boyfriend, especially when I wanted to ask half of the same questions myself.

"I thought you used to brag about how every boy is just a phone call away." Sandra just had to rub it in. She was probably upset herself, because Daniel the artist wasn't here either. He was working in his so-called studio and didn't want to be disturbed.

"You're so supportive, Flora," Jake said. "No wonder Sean's all 'Flora understands me' during practice today." He and Dylan burst out laughing as if there was anything funny about that.

"Yes, that's me, the supportive girlfriend. Why don't you all just get off my case and enjoy your ice-creams? When this stupid physics thing is over he'll be back to normal."

Inside I was positively fuming. These people were counting on me to pay the bill, yet they didn't even have the decency to show me and my MasterCard some respect. It was a sign, however, that Sean really had been neglecting me to the point of it being obvious.

And yes, now let's talk about the fights.

The first thing we fought about was my flirting (well, that's what he called it, anyway), the second was that he refused to spend time with me, and lastly, it was because I couldn't shake the nagging suspicion that he found me stupid.

This mostly span off from fight scene two, when he said he couldn't go out because he had homework to do.

"It's just an English paper." I was on the verge of tearing out my hair. "I finished mine in two hours. I don't understand why you're still working on it after a week."

The said English paper was A Tale of Two Cities, and somehow Mr. Richardson had a way of knowing if you watched the movie version (I knew because I tried) and instructed everyone to read the book. Sean was supposed to write about Great Expectations for his class, but I forced him to read my book with me nonetheless. We would read a chapter in turn and tell the other person about it on the phone before sleep, which really was a brilliant idea if I do say so myself. Only someone as romantic as me could come up with it.

"Flora, I told you school work is very important to me," he said in that patient but patronizing tone of his which always irritated me instantly. "I need to get an A. Besides, I spent so much time reading your book with you, I barely had time to read mine."

"You always get As! Aren't you top of our class already?" I couldn't believe this. I got a B- on my paper and the comment 'insightful', and if I could achieve that in two hours then spending more time on it would just be impractical.

"I want to get into a good university. With scholarship." He sighed. A good university meant MIT and nothing else. "Not everyone has the kind of money your family does. We can't all just be carefree and shop all the time."

"You don't need to hold that against me." I folded my arms. "It's not my fault I can afford certain things."

"I'm just saying you're a very lucky girl, but I wish you'd respect that I sometimes have more important things to do than go to the mall with you. Please don't hold that against me either."

"You're saying I don't have anything important to do." I could feel the rational side of me crumbling away and the defensive side starting to surface. "And you're suggesting I can't get into a good college, but I won't starve because my parents won't just let me die on the street."

He laughed. "Where did that come from? I never so much as hint you can't get into a good college, because I think you can do whatever you want in life if you put your heart in it."

"I already put all my heart in getting the one thing I want in life," I retorted. "You." I meant what I said but clearly he thought it was a joke.

"Getting me is the easiest thing you could've done, Flora." He laughed. "Come on. I hate to fight with you. You're so funny you always crack me up."

"I'm not trying to be funny! I think you don't take me seriously. Obviously you think I'm a brainless silly girl who's entertaining, but has no real goal in life and will end up miserable."

"No..." he said slowly, his smile disappearing as he sensed my mood. "I don't think you're brainless at all."

"I wonder what you see in me! Am I just a dumb pretty cheerleader to you?"

"Of course not! I—"

"You're a hypocrite! You're dating me because I'm pretty, but you despise everything I do to stay pretty such as shopping, doing my makeup, going to salons and reading fashion magazines..." As I counted off my daily routine it started to occur to me how frivolous these things were. "It takes a lot of maintenance to stay on top of my game, you know."

"Hey, baby." Sean reached over to pull me in his arm. He stroked my hair softly, and I felt juvenile and silly. "I never complain about having a super sexy and beautiful girlfriend, you know that. I have no problem with you doing the things you like to do. I really just want you to be happy. All I'm saying is that there're things that are important to me too. Surely you can understand?"

"I guess," I said stiffly. "But maybe you can hang out with me first, then write your paper after I go to sleep or something." I was really half joking because staying up at night writing a paper seemed pretty extreme.

"You think I haven't been doing that? I already shifted most of my homework to before sleep, after we hang up the phone. I've been getting like four or five hours of sleep for about a week now," he said. "It's just that sometimes even that's not enough, with the f=ma test coming up. If I have more time when this is over, of course I want to be with you."

I stared at him. I always thought Sean didn't like talking on the phone very much, but as I searched his face I saw he had dark circles under his beautiful blue eyes. How could I have missed it? Only then did I notice how tired he looked. "Oh my god I feel so awful. I don't even know."

"So can I earn some sympathy now?"

"No wonder you look especially hot these days. You are sporting the haggard look with dark shadows." I giggled as I kissed his cheek.

"Have some mercy, Flora."

"Fine, fine." I touched his face gently, then I smiled. "Let's go back to the part where you said I'm your super sexy and beautiful girlfriend. I haven't been anyone's girlfriend in a long time."

"I'm grateful you're my super sexy and beautiful girlfriend." He kissed me. "And for the record, you're so much more than that. I think you're intelligent, fun, interesting, crazy, you know, good crazy..." He paused to kiss me after every adjective, until I had to stop him to begin another sizzling make out session.

In the end, we always made up. We never let the fights get out of hand. But sometimes all the kisses in the world could not erase the insecurity I had. I worshiped and admired my boyfriend for his determination and knowing what he wanted, but at the same time the exact same thing intimidated me.

I was so afraid he would get tired of me.

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This chapter is dedicated to toreach_thesky for making me an awesome cover (see side banner). Thank you, lovely!!

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