I should ink my skin

With your name

Chapter 29 ~ Wake Me Up

     Scar Patterson

The last time I hosted a house party was when the football team won the championship game.

I needed the help from my team members because I had no clue how to throw a good party. Most of my concerns were placed in the fact that not enough people would show up, but Trey assured me that any party would be successful if the host was popular.

A month ago, that would've been true. Lately, though, it was hard to tell if I was even considered popular anymore. Everyone blatantly expressed their hatred for me turning gay for Jamie, so how could I expect them to show up to Jamie's birthday party?

I wanted to give him the best birthday party in the history of birthday parties, because the last time he actually celebrated his birthday was when his parents were still alive. If anything, he deserved that.

But Jamie wasn't so convinced. "We really don't need to have an elaborate birthday party," he complained as he sat on the edge of the bed with one of my white t-shirts draped over his shoulder. "I'm totally fine with a cupcake or something."

I glanced over my shoulder at him. He looked so breathtakingly beautiful in the mornings, when his blond hair was still a disheveled mess atop his head and his cheeks were flushed with color.

"You deserve more than just a cupcake," I countered as I tossed him a pair of jeans, and he wasted no time in putting them on.

Jamie released a heavy sigh. "Scar, I appreciate you doing all these amazing things for me, but it's really not necessary."

I scoffed in disbelief while hastily getting dressed. "Don't be ridiculous, Jamie. When's the last time you had a birthday party?"

He grew silent, folding his hands in his lap.

"And it's not only for you. It's also for Jillian," I added.

Jamie responded with another pessimistic sigh and he glanced down at his fingers, nervously playing with them.

A moment ticked by before I realized what was bothering him. "She's not running away," I reassured him.

When Jamie told me about Jillian and Ake's plans to hitch a train out of Summer Hill, I was just as shocked as he was. Jillian might have hated me, but I knew it was impossible for her to separate herself from Jamie.

But if the past few days were any indication, she had done a pretty good job at ignoring him.

Jamie's clear eyes began to roam around the room. "I hope not," he mumbled under his breath.

Once I was finished getting dressed, I focused all of my attention on Jamie. "Just talk to her about it."

A look of amusement flickered across his face. "She won't talk to me."

I studied him with a deepening frown. I didn't like seeing him sulk over Jillian and her boy problems. She was old enough to make her own decisions and it was more than obvious that she wasn't going to let Jamie sway her opinion.

"Come on," I announced. "My mom made you birthday pancakes."

He let out yet another reluctant sigh, but eventually lifted himself up from the bed. He upheld his "pissed-off" demeanor as he jogged downstairs and joined the others around the dinner table. He took a quick glance at Jillian, who was giving him a death stare, then took a seat in between the twins.

"Happy birthday, Jamie!" Bryan exclaimed at the top of his lungs. "I didn't even know you had a birthday because you never celebrate it!"

"Yeah," Ryan chimed in as he gestured toward the plate of pancakes placed in front of Jamie. "Do you like the pancakes we made you? They're in the shape of a castle, because you're the prince for today."

Jamie's lips tugged into a weak smile. "Thanks."

Jillian spoke up from the end seat. "It looks like a dick," she spat dryly as she jabbed her fork into her stack of castle-shaped pancakes.

Jamie's eyes widened at his sister's sudden outburst. "Jillian," he said sternly.

She responded with a simple shrug without meeting his hard gaze and continued to take her pancakes apart, but not actually eating them.

Bryan leaned closer to his brother and whispered, very loudly, "She's not acting like a very good princess."

I heard Jillian's fork clang against her plate before I saw it. The action had made the whole table fall silent in fear of saying anything else that might piss her off. She slammed her hands on the table and stood to her full height, sending us all deadly glares before storming out of the dining room.

Amy was the first to speak. "Okay, what is going on between you two?" Her question was directed at Jamie, but we were all thinking it. The tension between Jamie and Jillian was so blatant that everyone noticed.

Jamie glanced down at his pancakes, but didn't respond.

The hair at the back of my neck tingled at the bitter silence. In an effort to revive the conversation, I changed the subject. "Amy, where's mom?"

She kept her skeptical gaze on Jamie, but switched her attention to me when she realized he wasn't going to respond. "She went to the store to buy drinks for the party tonight."

I gave her a sideways glare. "And you didn't go with her to make sure she didn't a hide a few bottles in her car?"

Amy blinked at me in disbelief. "No, because I was looking after the twins, asshole."

Jamie stifled a laugh, which was the most emotion I'd gotten from him so far. So instead of firing back at Amy, I sighed. "Are you ready to go?" I questioned him.

He stared blankly at his pancakes. Any remnant of his amusement was completely gone. "Yeah."

I snatched my keys from the kitchen counter and redirected my gaze to Amy. "The house will be ready when we get back, right?"

Her eyes fluttered shut as she combed her fingers through her brown ringlets, taking deep breaths. When she had finally collected herself, she raised her middle finger in the air which was followed by a low, threatening growl.

I bit down on my bottom lip to resist saying anything too vulgar around the twins and took Jamie's hand in mine. He didn't make much of an effort to protest or an effort to genuinely be happy that it was his birthday.

Even we got into the car and were driving across town, Jamie didn't speak once. I understood he was mad over the whole situation with Jillian and her boyfriend, but that didn't give him an excuse to stop being the Jamie I knew and loved. Especially since today was his birthday and he deserved to be happy.

When the entrance to the highway appeared in the lane ahead, I hung right and followed it out of town. I took the last exit heading towards the dark side of the metropolitan area, known for its high crime and school dropout rates.

I had expected Jamie to question me about our whereabouts, but he didn't. He was too caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't noticed I had pulled curbside of a tattoo parlor until I tugged my keys out of the ignition and stepped out of the Jeep.

He circled around the car to meet me with a puzzled look morphing onto his face. "I'm not getting a tattoo," he protested.

I scoffed. "Who said anything about you getting a tattoo?"

Jamie cracked a smile. "So, you're getting a tattoo on my birthday?"

I grabbed onto the door handle and smiled back at him before propping it open for the both of us. "It's your birthday? You could've fooled me with all that pouting you've been doing."

"Birthdays aren't my thing," he muttered as he shuffled into the parlor with me following shortly behind.

The air inside the tattoo parlor was much cooler than it was outside. The atmosphere was also much louder thanks to the collection of speaker systems blasting an unknown heavy metal song.

A large, heavily tattooed man stood on the other side of the front desk with his pierced eyebrows raised at us. "What are you two scrawny kids doin' here?" His voice was powerful - deep and loud.

I glanced over at Jamie, who was simply smiling in satisfaction. "I'd like to get a tattoo," I managed to say, despite how intimidated I felt.

The man stared at me with a dead look in his eyes. "No shit, kid. Where's your mommy?"

Jamie chuckled to himself.

I straightened my posture and cleared my throat. "I want a tattoo," I reaffimed as I placed a wad of cash on the counter.

The man poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue as his eyes glazed over the money. He retrieved a clipboard containing all the paperwork from beside him and placed it on the counter. "Got any ideas in mind?"

I had already decided on the tattoo I wanted to get long before coming here, but I didn't want to say it in front of Jamie. "No, not really. It's my first tattoo. Do you have any books I could look from?" I began to fill out the necessary information on the paperwork, glossing over the information about possibly getting infected and dying.

The man's lips twitched, but I couldn't tell if he was frowning or smiling. He looked me over before turning to face another large, tattooed man behind him. "Enrique, take over. I gotta give the newbie the run down." A definite smile curved his lips as he motioned me over. "Follow me."

I did as I was told and followed the man past the waiting room and down a dark, narrow hallway. Lining the walls were framed photographs of tattooed body parts. There were arms, legs, torsos, and even genitalia, which made me cringe.

He veered right and opened the first door he came across. The room was dank, which seemed to be a common trend with this tattoo parlor. Cigarette smoke filled my nostrils as soon as I stepped into the room. More photographs were plastered on the walls and a large reclining chair stood in the middle of the room.

The man, whose name I learned from his coworkers constantly shouting his name, Ricky, gained ahold of several photo albums. "Do you have any idea what you looking for?"

"Yeah, I do," I admitted. "I want someone's name tattooed on my arm."

Ricky's brows pulled together in one straight line. "'Kay, sit down."

I swallowed a lump in my throat and reluctantly took a seat on the reclining chair. Getting a tattoo sounded great in my head, but I was starting to get nervous.

Ricky placed a piece of paper on the table separating us and handed me a pen. "Write it."

I took the pen in my hands and scribbled Jamie's name on the paper. Ricky overlooked the handwriting and smiled. "She your girlfriend?" He pushed the sleeves of my shirt up and began to dab the area with a cloth doused in alcohol.

"He's my boyfriend," I corrected him.

Ricky paused for a moment and I was almost sure he would punch me based on the way his brows kept furrowing and his lip kept twitching, but he just shrugged. "How'd you two meet?"

"At a carnival."

When he was finished wiping my arm, he applied some weird gel onto the area and grabbed onto his tattoo gun. "How romantic." His lips curled into a unsettling grin. "This is going to be painful, but nothing you haven't been through before, right?"

I snapped my eyes to him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He hadn't intended on responding because he was already pressing the needle into my flesh and beginning to draw faint lines. I sucked in a breath just as my hands tightly gripped onto the chair when the pain surfaced. Each stroke of the needle seemed to have a different kind of pain until it subsided completely, but I was willing to endure it.

When Ricky was finally done with my tattoo, about fifteen minutes later, he slapped my arm to notify me. "There you go."

I glanced down at the black lines engraved into my skin. A hint of regret washed over me, but it faded away as soon I reminded myself that this was all for Jamie. Even though he didn't like it, I was going to make his birthday the best day of his entire life. "I like it," I told him. "Thank you."

After Ricky applied a large white bandage onto the tattoo and recited a few rules for me to follow for the next few days, I paid him for his services and followed the dark hallways lined with framed tattoos until I arrived in the lobby again, where Jamie was patiently waiting.

As soon as he saw me, his blue eyes lit up. "What'd you get?"

Absentmindedly, I ran my hand over the bandaged area. "A tattoo of your name."

Jamie dropped his gaze to my arm for a few moments before letting his eyes flicker back to mine. "You're kidding, right?" Without waiting for my response, he grabbed onto my wrist and tugged me out of the parlor, letting the cold air wrap around us. "You do know that's permanent, right?"

I reached out and pushed a stray strand of blond hair away from his face. "Just like our love," I retorted with a smile. Jamie stared back at me with a look of disbelief, but I was already making my way to the Jeep before he could make me regret my decision to get a tattoo.

Once we were both seated in the car, Jamie released a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "You are the most stupid and most impulsive person I have ever met."

I turned the key into the ignition and waited as the car roared to life. "But that's why you love me, right?" I asked him, tugging an inquiring brow.

With a wry smile, Jamie sunk further into his seat. "Just drive."

**

The party was already in full effect by the time we arrived. I hadn't expected so many people to show up but sure enough, cars were parked in my driveway, on my lawn, and along the sidewalks. Reasonably loud music blasted from speakers that I didn't even know we had. Maybe I underestimated Amy's abilities.

As soon as we walked into the house, we were greeted with a mass of people dancing to the current Miley Cyrus song playing. I couldn't even spot most of the living room furniture, which led me to believe that Amy had moved it beforehand.

The air was heavy with the thick smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke. It didn't seem to bother anyone aside from Jamie, who had already started to cough from the stench.

"You said you only invited fifteen people," Jamie noted in an annoyed voice.

"I did," I responded. "But who am I stop those fifteen people from inviting fifteen more people. Relax, Jamie. All these people are here for you."

Jamie folded his arms against his chest and began to search the crowd for a familiar face. "Then why don't I know anyone here?"

I placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I'll get us something to drink. Just relax. It's your birthday. Have some fun!"

He gave me a weary look, but he didn't bother to protest anymore. He probably knew that I wouldn't let it go until I was sure that he was having a good time.

I flashed him a quick smile before making my way through the crowd of provocatively dressed girls and horny boys. A few people shouted my name followed by derogatory nicknames, but I didn't pay them any attention. I continued to push through the crowd until I arrived at my final destination and began to pour myself and Jamie a cup of an unknown alcoholic liquid. Just as I was about to return to Jamie, a female voice stopped me in my tracks.

"I don't hate you, you know."

I looked over my shoulder to find Jillian propped up against the wall with a drink in her hand. Her wavy blond hair was pulled back into a tight, high ponytail, and her transparent blue eyes looked even more dramatic with all the heavy mascara she was wearing.

"That's good to know," I replied.

Jillian took a sip of her drink and raised a delicate brow. "I hate that my brother is head over heels for you, but I don't hate you."

I let out a humorless laugh. "Then why do you want to run away?"

She challenged me with her narrowed gaze. "There's nothing for me here. I was under the impression that Jamie and I would find a place of our own. I didn't expect to move in to his boyfriend's house, where you two screw each other all hours of the night. Amy is nice and the twins are great, but Jamie was the only one I truly connected with. Now he's found someone else to spend his free time with."

I took a large sip of my drink, allowing the bitter liquid to coat my throat. "Ah, I see. You're jealous."

Jillian clenched her jaw, but didn't protest. "I love my brother, a lot, but staying in your house with your family doesn't feel right to me. I feel like an intruder."

My gaze fell to the floor as I took yet another sip from my drink. "You're welcomed here. I want you to be here."

She placed a hand on her protruding hip, becoming more serious. "For now, you do. But what happens when you and Jamie break up? What happens to us? Where will we go?"

I hadn't thought about it like that. I had convinced myself that Jamie and I would be together forever, but I had no control over that. "We won't," I assured her, though I was really trying to reassure myself.

"How do you know that?" She retaliated. "You're not even gay. Who's to say you won't find a really hot girl that blows your mind and makes you leave Jamie? You can't honestly believe that you'll be with him forever? Hell, even Jamie doesn't believe it."

My lips down turned into a frown and I took a sip from Jamie's drink, not even noticing that I drank all of my own. "He doesn't?"

My mind flickered back to when Jamie tried to make me feel stupid for getting his name tattooed. He didn't believe we were going to be together for the rest of our lives?

"Of course not," she said as though the answer was obvious. "He likes you and I can tell you like him too, but to think that this relationship is permanent is just plain stupid."

I let Jillian's words sink in along with the two cups of alcohol I had just consumed. She was right. There was no way I could guarantee that our love would last forever. Just like I had thought I'd be with Francesca for the rest of my life, it could easily change in the blink of an eye. Even though I might not love him forever, I loved him enough to save him from future heartbreak.

Jillian closed the gap between us and placed a comforting hand on my chest. "I didn't mean to burst your bubble, Scar. But the more you do all these cute things for Jamie, the more he falls in love with you, and the more heartbreak he'll have to endure in the end." She gave me a weak smile before immersing herself in the midst of the crowd.

I stood there, frozen and torn over what to do next. Maybe Jamie hated that I tried so hard to make him happy because he knew it would eventually be over. When he gave me his money for my college tuition, it was to ensure that I had a good future - one that didn't include him.

If that was the case, then why hadn't he ever talked to me about it?

For the next couple hours, I was so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't bothered to return to Jamie. I wasn't sure if I could even face him after everything I had been told.

A feeling of self-resentment bloomed within me when I realized this was all my fault for getting too involved in the first place. Maybe Trey was right. Maybe I had gone into this relationship expecting things that weren't practical. Jamie and I wouldn't last forever, no matter how much I wanted to think we would.

By the time the alcohol fully settled in my brain, I was incoherent. I couldn't understand my thoughts or my feelings. I was going to lose Jamie and the thought scared the hell out of me. It was bound to happen, but I didn't want it to. Not when I already lost my dad.

I found myself venturing