So open your eyes and see

The way our horizons meet

Chapter 19 ~ All of the Stars

      Scar Patterson

The drive home was more than silent.

I had originally planned to take Jamie back to my house to give him a grand tour and perhaps, initiate a few make out sessions, but the school's principal had finally gotten in touch with my mother and after hearing the news, she had no desire to stay in the hospital any longer. As punishment for my less-than-chivalrous actions earlier that day, my mom and Jamie had to meet on unfriendly terms.

When she slid into the passenger seat, she almost didn't notice that Jamie was sitting right in the backseat. "Scar," she said in her motherly patronizing voice. I already knew I'd be in for a long talk for the duration of the drive. "It's nice to see you."

I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel anxiously. "How was your stay? What did the doctors tell you?"

She began to rummage through her purse, ignoring my question. I was beginning to think that she would continue to ignore me, but she finally spoke after rattling a small orange bottle filled with pills. "He prescribed some shit with a ridiculously long name. He says it's supposed to help with the hallucinations, or whatever."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. Maybe she would be too consumed with her current situation that she would forget about my suspension from school. "That sounds great, but maybe if you didn't drink at all, then you wouldn't have hallucinations."

She shot me a deadly glare with her cobalt eyes. "Don't be ridiculous, Scar." She huffed loudly to show her obvious disapproval and ripped open the vanity mirror. Tossing the pills back into her purse and replacing them with a tube of lipstick, she began to swipe the red color across her lips. Before closing the mirror, her eyes snapped open and she whipped her head around to face Jamie. "Who are you?"

I took a quick glance in the rear view mirror just in time to see Jamie suddenly perk up in his seat. "Oh, um, I'm Jamie."

My mother kept her trained eyes on him. "Okay, Jamie. Why are you in my son's car?"

I gripped the steering wheel tighter out of frustration. "Calm down, mom. He's my friend."

She sat back into her seat and stared at me. "Since when? Why haven't I ever heard of him? What about the black boy?"

My grip on the wheel grew tighter with my fingernails digging into the worn out leather. "Trey and I aren't on good terms, and Jamie has been helping me with the kissing booth."

She continued to stare at me with a dumbfounded look plastered on her face. "Kissing booth?"

I tried my best to suppress the growl that was bubbling in my throat. "Yes, kissing booth. The one at the carnival to help raise money for new football uniforms? The one I told you about."

Mom stayed in that statue-like state for quite a while before she finally gasped. "Oh, that! Of course! I remember it now, sweetie." Her red stained lips pulled into a soft smile as she focused her attention on the vanity mirror again.

I knew she didn't actually remember it, because she was drunk when I told her.

"Anyway, you probably won't be needing those uniforms. Your principal called. He said you tried to strangle a girl? I thought we established the whole 'no hitting girls' thing in elementary school. Scar, you know better. I should take away your car, but I think getting dismissed from the football team is enough punishment, don't you think?"

I had an aching feeling that this would happen. Usually when there was a tough decision that had to be made, the coach would call for a team vote. Even though my team knew I was their best player, the recent gossip going around probably made the decision easier. Just like Trey said, faggots weren't a good look for the Summer Hill Falcons.

So what if I wasn't the team's linebacker for my senior year, when it mattered most? It wasn't like I wanted to be on a team with those backstabbers anyway.

"Well, as long as I still have my scholarship, I'm happy."

Mom giggled softly beside me. "Scar, honey. A suspension goes on your permanent record. Once colleges see it, you can forget about that scholarship."

I nearly slammed on the brakes right there and then. "What?"

My mom rubbed her lips together to evenly apply her lipstick. She was oddly nonchalant about the subject, considering that playing college football was something we discussed a lot. "With your father gone and everything, I don't have nearly as much as I did back then. All of my money goes into paying the bills, so unless you have some unknown savings account that I've never heard about, you can kiss college goodbye."

My eyes snapped open. If I hadn't been so fixated on the road and trying to get us all home safely, I probably would have had a heart attack.

I never had the good grades to get any academic scholarships, so football was supposed to be my free ticket into college. And that was all going to be taken away over a stupid girl?!

Mom clicked her tongue. "See, I told you hitting girls always has a consequence."

And for the rest of the drive, no one talked.

The thought of possibly not going to college scared the hell out of me. Ever since I scored the winning touchdown last season and received a medal from the mayor, my future has pretty much been set. Football was all I ever wanted to do and all I ever knew how to do.

Jamie must have sensed my frustration because when we entered my house, he pulled me away from my mom's view, and gazed into my eyes with his weightless, sky blue ones. "Are you all right?"

His hand slid down my arm to grab mine, and I really liked how it felt. "Uh, yeah. I was just kinda depending on that scholarship to get me out of here, you know. I'm not really the brightest person."

He was looking at me in such an intense, concerning way, which made me feel so lucky to have him constantly looking out for me. "Do you want to go somewhere?"

I quirked a brow. "Where?"

The side of his mouth curled into a half smile. "I know a place."

"Is it another gay club again?"

He laughed. "No. This place is a bit milder."

"All right," I agreed with a sigh. "Let me just tell my mom before she worries about me."

"Heard that!" My mom's delicate voice flowed from the kitchen. She soon appeared into view with her hands wrapped into a kitchen towel. "If you guys want to step out, then that's fine by me. Just don't do anything too ... you know. I'm way too young to be a grandma," she finished with a genuine smile.

My brows pulled together. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She gestured towards my hand, and I suddenly realized that I was still holding Jamie's hand. That wasn't exactly how I planned to tell my mother. "Mom..."

She raised her hands in defense, separating herself from the situation. "I don't mind if you're gay. I just kinda wished you told me. What happened to that Bulgarian girl? The one with the cute little face? She was such a sweetheart!"

Absentmindedly, my hand gripped Jamie's a little tighter. "That Bulgarian girl is the reason why I'm never going to college."

"Oh! Well, she was kind of a bitch anyways." She laughed at her own little joke and smiled at us. "You guys have fun. Be back by eleven."

As I headed toward the door with Jamie's hand still intertwined with mine, I glanced back at her over my shoulder. "You'll be drunk by eleven," I reminded her.

Her lips twisted into a rueful smile. "You know it."

Shaking my head in disbelief, I dragged Jamie along with me as I exited the house and slid back into the Jeep with Jamie following suit in the passenger seat. He recited an address for me, and we were off. The drive was pretty much silent, because we both couldn't find interesting topics to pass the time, but i didn't mind. It was the good kind of silence.

When we arrived at our destination, I was convinced that I took a wrong turn somewhere because the address led us to an open field at the top of a hill set back in a grove of maple trees. I kept hoping there would be a building of some sort hidden in the trees, but by the looks of it, it was just an empty field. "What is this?" I asked Jamie for confirmation.

He didn't answer right away. His eyes were glued to the open area as his lips twitched into a soft smile. "This is just somewhere I like to go to think." He popped open the door. "Come on."

Reluctantly, I stepped out of the car and followed Jamie through the freshly cut grass. He picked up his pace by skipping and dancing around the field, clearly having the time of his life. He continued to tread through the grass until he approached a conspicuous-looking boulder. That seemed to be his destination because he collapsed onto the ground and leaned against it while fishing out a cigarette and lighter from his pocket.

Following his actions, I knelt to the ground and propped myself up against the boulder. I watched as he lit his cigarette, stuck it in his mouth, and took a long drag of it. "Why do you smoke?"

He pulled her brows together as he gazed down at his cigarette. An expression of confusion morphed onto his face as he eyed the cig. "I guess it just relieves stress, and I kinda like it."

I raised a brow. "You know it can kill you, right?"

"Drinking can kill you," he retorted in a dry, bitter voice.

I wasn't sure if that was an insult or not. "I don't drink that much. I just do it sometimes if I'm having a bad day."

Jamie gave a dry laugh. "Then you and I aren't that different, now are we?"

I huffed. "Fair enough."

A brief moment of silence settled over us before Jamie spoke up with, "I'm sorry about your football scholarship thing."

I shut my eyes and suppressed a sigh. I didn't need any more reminders. "Yeah."

"Can't you go to another college? One that's affordable? Surely you must have a plan B if football doesn't work out."

"That's the thing," I said as I gazed up at the darkening sky. "I don't have a plan B. Football is the only thing I know how to do and can do pretty well."

Jamie thought it over for a moment while simultaneously running a hand through his tousled blond hair. "What about piano? Don't you play piano? When we met for the first time, you were wearing a baseball uniform. What about baseball?"

"My dad played baseball and he taught me how to play piano." It was a simple statement but I was hoping he would understand the underlying meaning behind it.

He did. "Sounds like you were trying to follow in his footsteps before he..."

"Yeah, because he was really cool. I wanted to be just like him. But now that he's gone..." I could feel the tears welling in my eyes but I refused to let Jamie see me cry.

"You should still strive to be like him," he suggested as he tore his eyes away from the sky and focused them on me. "Just because he's no longer with you, doesn't mean you should do everything in your power to forget him. You should try to let his legacy live on."

He was right, and I hated it. "It's just hard."

Jamie laughed loudly. "No one said it was going to be easy."

The awkward silence came between us again. The only sounds audible were Jamie's soft breaths every time he blew out a puff of smoke. But his eyes widened suddenly when he pointed toward the night sky in awe. "Look! It's the Little Dipper."

"Don't see it," I said quickly. I didn't even bother to look at the sky because I was too distracted by just looking at him.

But Jamie persisted. "What? How can you not see it? It's right there. See those three stars over there? They connect."

I barely took a glance at what he was referring to, but I wasn't nearly as excited as he was. "That's the Big Dipper."

He objected almost immediately. "No, it's not! The Big Dipper is way bigger than that. Do you not know your constellations?" He finally turned to face me with a shocked expression casting over his face.

"I don't believe in constellations," I replied with complete nonchalance.

Jamie scoffed. "You're crazy. They're beautiful."

I kept my eyes on him as he returned his full attention to the stars above us, becoming completely mesmerized by them. If only he knew how mesmerizing he was.

"I can think of a couple things that are more beautiful that stars," I told him.

He made eye contact with me again, his clear blue eyes appearing to be the only light in the dark night. "Bullshit," he spat. "Like what?"

"You."

His lips pressed shut and all the amusement left his face. I wanted nothing more than to take it back, but he responded with, "I bet you say that to all the girls."

Shrugging, I said, "Maybe, but you're the first dude that I've ever said it to."

He grinned. "You're stupid."

"So are you," I retaliated.

Finding nothing better to respond with, Jamie simply shrugged and took another long drag of his cigarette.

I realized that Jamie was only wearing a plaid shirt and nothing to protect himself from the bitter cold. Suddenly I felt selfish for relishing in the warmth of my coat. "Hey, are you cold?"

Jamie shrugged. "Little bit."

"You can, uh, um, you can have my, uh, my coat." I began to slide my hands out of the sleeves when Jamie snickered silently to himself. "What?"

"I'm not a girl, Patterson. I don't need your coat. I'm fine."

Stifling a laugh, I shoved the coat in his face. "Your gender has nothing to do with why I'm offering you my coat. It's just the nice thing to do."

He gave me a skeptical look, but reluctantly put the coat on. After another moment of silence, he smiled. "Now you're cold, idiot."

I faked a smile and tried to maintain my composure. "I'm not cold."

"Sure," he drew out in a sarcastic tone. He pulled his arm out of one of the sleeves and beckoned me to move closer to him. When I did, he said, "We'll share" while draping half of the coat over my shoulder and ordering me to stick my arm in the other sleeve.

I couldn't be gay. Just imagining myself in such an intimate position with another dude made me sick to my stomach. With Jamie, it felt right.

"When did you know you were gay?" We were so close that it probably sounded like I was yelling in his ear.

He took another drag of his cigarette. "When I was born."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why do you think I was born before Jillian? I was just so desperate to escape my mom's birthing hole."

I didn't expect to laugh as much as I did, but as soon as I started I couldn't stop. "What the hell, Jamie?" I joked as I playfully shoved him. "I mean, when did you actually know you were gay?"

He rolled his eyes at me, but continued anyway. "I was thirteen. I saw my best friend naked and it changed my life forever."

Growing more interested, I pried further. "What did you feel inside? When you saw him like that?"

He pulled his brows together and crinkled his nose in confusion. "I think you can fill in the blanks."

"I don't want to fill in the blanks. I want to know what you felt."

In reality, I wanted to know what being gay felt like. If whatever I was feeling for Jamie actually counted as being gay, or if it was a phase.

He stared off into the distance, as though he was actually thinking about it. "How about I show you?"

"What?" I could sense the coating suggestiveness in his voice.

"You want to know how I felt. How about I do something for you and you can tell me how it made you feel?"

I sucked in a shuddering breath. There was something oddly hot about the way he was talking to me. "Okay."

Jamie burst into laughter. "If we're going to do anything, you're gonna have to come closer."

I didn't even realize that I had inched out of my coat and scooted away from him, until he pointed it out. "Oh," I said dumbly. "Sorry." I moved closer to him so that our lips were only inches apart. It wasn't that I didn't want to do what we were about to do. I just had other things on my mind.

"I'm not going to bite you," Jamie reassured me after realizing how tense I had gotten.

"No, I know. It's just ... We're getting really close and stuff. I don't want us to be, like, friends or whatever. Because Francesca told me were friends and it didn't sit right with me if we were going to be doing that stuff. It might be stupid. In fact, it probably is stupid. I'm really picky about that sorta thing."

"Scar," Jamie snapped. "You're rambling."

Ah, shit. "Oh, that's just something I do when I don't know what I really want to say. Like I have an idea but I don't know how to form it into words and even if I do say it in words, it might come out-"

"Scar!" He yelled.

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" I blurted out so quickly that it sounded like one long word.

Jamie stared wide-eyed at me. His body grew just as tense as mine was. Long minutes passed as he tried to let my words sink in; long minutes spent with blank stares at each other.

It was a stupid question to ask. To him, I was probably an upgraded version of Max. There was no way he actually want to be with me in that way. Suddenly, I found myself acting like a poor, rejected, little boy. "I mean, you don't have to be. We can keep doing what we're doing now if that's what you want. You know what, forget I asked that. I am so-"

"Shut up, will you?" Jamie spat, even though his words weren't laced with any kind of malice. "I would love to be your boyfriend, Patterson."

He threw his arms around my neck and tackled me to the ground, capturing my lips into a sweet kiss.

**

A/N: To read the rest of this chapter, please take a trip to my book titled "Other Stuff" and look for the chapter titled "How did it feel?" It is Rated R and it will be a private chapter so you have to be a follower to read it. If you are a follower and still experiencing problems with the chapter, just shoot me a PM. I'll be glad to send you the link.

As always, leave a comment telling me your favorite and least favorite parts of this chapter. I had massive feels writing this chapter (when don't I?). I really wish a boy will talk about me the way Scar talks about Jamie. Oh, and also, what do you think of Scar's mom in her sober state?

And also, a lot of you expressed your hatred for Jamie in the last chapter and I totally understand it. However, I have certain events planned out for this book and they are crucial to the book. Just because you want Scar and Jamie's relationship to be perfect, doesn't mean it will be because the real world isn't perfect. Besides, Jamie is used to sleeping around and as much as he wants to, he can't just stop because he likes Scar. Think of it like an addiction. (But maybe I'm just defending Jamie because I love him).

Gif to the side is Scar -->

If you liked this chapter, why don't you vote and leave a comment?

Until next time my lovelies,
Lara <3