xxxii. TO LIE TO A SPY

How do you lie to a spy prodigy?

Long answer—you first try to straight up deny it in the first place. When that (inevitably) fails, you try to divert the topic. Once you are almost caught, you force your eyes to water, increase your heartbeat, and for the cherry on the top of the cake, pretend to be upset.

Short answer—you take advantage of the fact he cares about you.

Ace sits arms crossed on the edge of my bed, still waiting for an acceptable reason as to why I intoxicated him. I rack my brain for any possible excuse.

Because I thought it would be funny? No, that doesn't explain why I was out.

Because I wanted food? No, that doesn't explain why he had to be drunk.

Because I'm actually stuck in a simulation? No, that's the plot of the Matrix.

Alright, alright, alright. Think, brain. Think. Don't fail me now.

Ace looks at me expectedly. "Don't try to lie to me," he warns. "You know I'll just see right through it."

My hand runs through my damp hair; strands fall to my face as I let out a sigh. "The truth is, I wanted to take a walk without you, the others, or the agency tracking my every move. Everything's falling apart; I needed control over this one night."

Ace closes the distance between us until our bodies are about a foot apart. I find myself grasping at the towel I am still wearing tighter, unwittingly, and he takes a hand in mine.

"I'm sorry Cupcake. The agency should have done better."

His golden eyes are laced with genuine concern. I mean technically, I wasn't lying, more like just not telling the entire truth. Even then, his presence and words brought me a sense of comfort that I didn't know I needed. It was always like that around him.

Ace brings my chin up to meet his eyes. Perhaps he believed me, perhaps he didn't. I usually couldn't read him, and tonight was no exception. Nevertheless, he drops the subject.

"You should probably get dressed," he smirks while looking me up and down.

Red rushes to my face. Right, I was still just in a goddamn towel.

"Why are you awake?" I ask, scrambling for my pajamas, "you seemed pretty drunk just a couple of hours ago."

"I've just always had a high tolerance and quick hangover time. With sleep too, I just don't need much of it."

"Must be nice. I need a solid ten hours otherwise I have the temperament of a sailor."

Ace raises an incredulous eyebrow at me. "So you mean if you get more sleep, you won't be such a pain in the ass?"

I flip out my two trusty middle fingers. "Aye aye, Captain."

Finally, I find my pajamas. It consists of an old Agents of Shield t-shirt and woven shorts.

"So what," I add. "You're like a booze-resistant vampire?"

"Precisely. A hot, booze-resistant vampire."

A dry laugh comes out on my part. "Don't really see the hot part."

Ace frowns at me. "Just admit that you find me attractive. It would be like admitting the Earth is round; it's an undeniable truth."

I pretend to zip my mouth shut then throw away the key. Ace takes up my challenge. Swiftly, he grabs my pajamas from my hands and holds it far out of my reach above my head.

My eyes give him a hard "are you kidding me" stare. Screw tall people.

"Are you seriously going to pull a Tantalus on me right now?" I spit.

"How is this Tantalus?" Ace asks.

"Greek mythology. Tantalus was damned to never eat the fruit so close to his grasp."

"I know what Tantalus means, but this isn't like that myth," Ace smirks. "You see, Cupcake, Tantalus was damned to an eternity without any redemption. You can have redemption—just admit the truth, flat-Earther. You find me as hot as the Earth is round."

I give him an annoyed look. There was no way I'd give into the embarrassment of jumping for my clothes. "Guess the world is flat then."

Thoroughly wanting sleep, groggy, and judgement impaired, I tackle Ace. It's probably not the best decision to assault a world-renowned spy, especially when you're almost a foot shorter. Ace stumbles backwards in surprise as I push into his stomach.

His back slams into the wall at my weight. A smirk tugs at my lips; for the first time I'm able to momentarily paralyze Ace.

Just as I have the upper hand, Ace recovers, overpowering me and quickly restraining my limbs from smacking him. "Haven't you learned to not assault me by now?" He laughs.

"Why don't you just go suck a—"

Before I could finish, Ace clamps a hand over my mouth. I instinctively bite down on his palm.

The aggressor lets go of me in shock and slight pain; his golden eyes go wide with almost comical disbelief at the fact that I straight up bit him. I take my pajamas back in his semi-paralyzed state.

"You... you bit me," he narrates.

"Don't steal my clothes or I'll bite you again."

"Who actually bites other people?"

"It's a defense mechanism," I say with my arms raised, "and you triggered it."

He flips me off before leaving my room.

~

Babies are gross.

I mean, sure, when you're holding their chubby bodies and pinching their cheeks, they're cute. But when you have to change their diapers or clean up their vomit, it's a completely different story. So let me be clear: no matter how cute your baby is, you can't ignore the shit that literally comes out of them.

That being said, I don't think anyone on this team should be trusted with any child.

"You know I hate children, right?" Xavier states in seriousness.

The agency just told us we would have to babysit a famous chemist's baby for a day; otherwise known as how to torture a group of adults for a day. All of us groan at the prospect of having to take care of a child.

"We have to make the chemist happy to ensure he works with the CIA," Ace states. "So fucking deal with it."

I roll my eyes. "We are literally the least qualified team to take care of another human being. Ace is an ass, Skye has four knives on her at all times, Chase is severely hungover, and Xavier immediately becomes distracted at the mention of cheesecake."

Skye nods. "The child has a better chance of survival in the Hunger Games than with us."

"Why are we even babysitting? Shouldn't we be stopping crime and shit?" Chase sighs.

"The chemist is working on a way to synthesize biofuel from bacteria—it's paramount. Plus, it's only temporary," Ace poignantly says.

Chase runs a hand through his hair. "We need to watch our language. If we're going to babysit we probably don't want it to pick up our creative curses."

"Why don't you just go eat a shi—" I start.

"He's right Cupcake," Ace interrupts. "The members of this team have a cursing problem."

I bite my lip. Fine, maybe I did swear a little too much.

Suddenly, the penthouse doors buzz open to reveal a SWAT agent holding a baby. The SWAT agent looks around at one of us to hand the baby over. We all avoid eye contact. Awkwardly, Ace finally gives in and takes the baby into his arms.

We all look at the baby like it's an atomic bomb of poop.

"If it shits, you're cleaning it up Blackwell," I grimace.

"Language. Next one to curse cleans up its diapers," Ace warns. He holds out the baby uncomfortably in his arms.

"Alright mama bird," I smirk.

Ace gives me a look that said all the swear words in the world. 

Octavia: "Vote if you have controversial thoughts on children. Or just vote anyway if you love those diaper monsters."

AN: Thanks for commenting! Some of your hilarious reactions put Octavia's sass to shame.

Also, please let me know which of the following bonus chapters you want to see! Comment next to the ones you're interested in. I will write the one(s) that get the most interest. 

-Thirteen's Backstory

-How Ace's mom and dad met

-Xavier and the "Cute Brunett Guy"