Be my coffin, that I may be yours.

— Mahmoud Darwish

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Him

"Can you climb a tree, Joojoo?"

"No."

"Me neither. But I want the dates from the tree and it's too tall for me to reach."

"We can use a stick," he suggests.

"It's very, very high," she informs him, holding her tiny hand above her head as high as possible. "But if you get on your hands and knees, and I climb on your back, then maybe we can reach it with a stick."

He appears apprehensive of the idea, and she eagerly waits for him to agree. "But what if you fall down and hurt yourself?"

"If I fall then I will fall over you and won't get hurt." She grins and takes his hand excitedly, dragging him after her. "I'll get you some dates too. Maman says they're healthy. We'll both eat together so we can grow bigger soon and then become king and queen."

"You'll become my queen?"

"Yes, silly. Aren't you going to be the Khalifa?"

"Baba said I can be. But to become a queen, you'll have to marry me then."

She scratches her head in puzzlement. "Can I wear the bride dress?"

"Yes?"

She giggles and tugs him some more after herself. "Then I'll marry you. But you'll have to get me a crown too."

Her

"What business did you have with Adam?"

"Nothing significant."

"So you see him over and over for nothing significant?"

"Faris has been keeping you updated, I see."

"Noura," he calls her by her full name, and it doesn't come to her without agitation. He's upset and it's showing. "Didn't I warn you? That man is no good to you. He's cunning and manipulative. God knows what villainy he's up to. He's trying to lure you to himself."

"So far he hasn't done anything to harm me," she argues. "If anything, he agreed to help me return to home. I already told you this before."

"And I don't believe in him. Not one bit."

They're at his tent at the barrack away from prying eyes where the soldiers are training or where they could be heard. Eskander restlessly paces back and forth and scrubs his face before stopping by the table with maps splayed on it and a water vessel lying there. He fills himself a glass and gulps it down. Noura tries to remain as calm as she can and not lose her composure against him. At least not this once.

"You don't know Adam as I do, azizem," he finally says, the tension in his tone somewhat melting now. "You would think he might take you back home, and he might be able to-- that man can make devil repent-- but he might as well be the reason you're enslaved here."

"What do you mean?"

Eskander turns to her and she sees the burning hell in his eyes. "Who is he? It's beyond my comprehension that why the opinion of a mere slave could become the order of the caliph in the court." He smirks and looks down at the maps. "As if no one will ever try to seek the truth. As if I wouldn't know what he's up to, and why."

His words are a labyrinth, dark and confusing. She frowns and walks up to where he's standing. Eskander meets her gaze again and Noura tilts her head curiously.

"I don't understand. He's the caliph's special man. Of course his opinion would matter."

"He's not only the caliph's special man, he's more than that." Eskander scoffs. "He's the queen's closest confident, the vizier's vizier when need be, the executioner of Baghdad who decides for the lives of the prisoner, and the in-charge of royal army. When he could convince the court to replace me, then why are you still here if his intentions to send you back are genuine?"

Noura gapes at him. She doesn't know what is it that stuns her,whether Eskander's knowledge of what has been going on behind his back or Adam's capability of what he can do for her but isn't doing.

"You know about your replacement?" she asks in surprise.

He arches an eyebrow. "I knew the moment Fereydun was demoted that Al Shafay might try to rid of me too. And with Taha ibn Amr here, my doubts are confirmed. But how did you learn of it?"

"The night of the celebration for the queen's child, I overheard Ameer Zakariya and Yusuf bin Khalid discussing it."

"You've met Yusuf bin Khalid?"

"Yes." Noura places a hand over his arm, looking intently into his eyes. "Eskander, he's alive. Before, we didn't know. But now going against might have dire consequences. At least being sent away can save your life and honor from becoming stained with treason."

"You think I worry about any of it?"

"Will you still stand by prince Sulaiman?"

He clenches his jaw before exhaling out slowly, as if taming a beast within himself. "Yes. I was his servant. I still am. Neither Yusuf nor Al Shafay can change it. I'll stay true to the prince. He deserves the throne and he shall have it."

"But Eskander--"

"I'm not taking anything against it," he dismisses. "If Al Shafay, son of a traitor, can be a caliph, then Sulaiman bin Khalid deserves it more than him."

"How are you so sure he's son of a traitor?"

"I've my ways like he has his. Nothing can be hidden forever. Eventually the truth will come out. And if my suspicion of him being son of Marwan is right, then there's no way I'm serving him. He has spies, he has an army. So do I. We'll see who fights the best." He cups her cheek, the fire in his orbs gently turning to warm honey as strokes his thumb across her cheekbone. "Meanwhile you stay away from Adam, Nour. That man is dangerous, I mean it."

"Eskander." She clasps his wrist. "If baba was alive, and things were as they are, would he have approved of what you're doing?"

Once more, those eyes lit into flames that engulf her. He removes his hand from her face and Noura let go of his wrist. He turns away from her and leans forward on the table.

"I don't know. If baba jan were alive, maybe he'd be disappointed in me for some of the choices I've made. But I've my reasons, and I've come a long way. There's no going back for me now."

"Would you still say the same if it were about us marrying?" she dares and his gaze snaps back at her. "If he were alive but not approving for it, would you not take that leap for me?"

He straightens and steps in front of her. She looks at him and he places both hands on the table behind her, locking her in between, hovering over her. A crooked smile forms on his lips.

"Do you love me, Nour?"

His nose grazes hers, setting her skin ablaze. She pulls back a few inches, eyes searching his, floating into his, drowning into the heat of his gaze. Despite the many lies between them, things she disapproves of or has been learning about him, which until before her arrival at the palace were nothing but mystery to her, she finds affection in his eyes for her. Maybe she could've lived her life in oblivion to who he really is, or maybe he could narrate to her every sin himself, one thing which wouldn't change is that Eskander will care greatly for her, she's sure, and she too will always care for him, whether this love in question remains between them or not.

"Shouldn't I ask you this instead?" she replies.

"Ask me then."

She swallows, trying to find her voice before dropping the weight on her heart at his feet. "Who is Ruwa, Eskander?"

His features don't show any surprise, lacking any hue to give away what's going on in his mind, answering her in a monotonous voice after a few seconds, "My first lover." He sighs and his smiles turn rueful. "I did something stupid when I was drunk, didn't I?"

"You called me Ruwa."

"I'm sorry."

She huffs. "This doesn't explain anything."

"I told you there was a woman in my life. It was before I developed any feelings for you. But she betrayed me-- turned out to be a spy. So she was sentenced to death and I was appointed to execute her."

Though he tells her everything briefly and passively, Noura can still make out the dull ache in the timbre of his voice. But for the lack of a better response, she can only offer him her silence.

"Things changed after her-- I changed," he adds. "I only wish if it wasn't me taking her life-- if there was a way to save her despite what she did."

"You're still not over her?"

"Some things wound us too deeply. Their healing takes longer than expected. It's still a knife in my chest I fail to take out. It keeps twisting within me. Her love, her betrayal. They still hurt from time to time. And they might until I forgive her and forgive myself."

A tinge of envy grazes her at his statement. She gestures to herself. "And who am I to you?"

"Don't compare yourself to a dead woman, janem. She killed a part of me with herself, but you're my salvation." He once more brings his hand to her face, grazing her cheekbone with his knuckles. "Although you make me feel like a wolf around you."

"Is that an accusation?"

He chuckles. "No, how can I blame you when I've entertained the thoughts of you? I've found it pleasant to be with you. Your presence alone eases my pain. But I wonder often that maybe you don't love me."

"Why would you say that?"

"You love Eskander, Nour, not me." His hand falls back to her side. "You love the man who would come home to you, to Isfahan, leaving behind his darkness and his demons, and share with you stories of his journeys and battles. The man you would watch stars with and build dreams with together. He's a good man to you-- a hero. But I'm a villain, a bad man, and you've confused me for someone who I'm not. And I'm afraid when this illusion finally shatters, you'll regret being with me-- then you wouldn't want me anymore. Or try to change me to become who you see me as but who I'm not. I'm afraid I'll break your heart, Nour, and that you'll break mine. And that what we've now, we might have none left for each other then. I only want to save us both."

She trembles as the meaning behind his speech begins to register. Her throat feels dry, and when she speaks, it only a quivering whisper. "How?" She fists her dress anxiously, staring up at him. "How would you save us both?"

"You know," he whispers back, tilting his toward her and nuzzling her jaw. "You're the sin I want to commit so badly. You're bright; you're alluring. Every time I look at you, you draw me to yourself life a moth to the flame. God knows how many times I nearly gave into this desire. But something always stopped me. This realization that you're so pure, and I'm so tainted. I've never deserved you. You deserve someone way better than me."

He finally pulls away from her, moving back and putting distance between them, and she feels her heart cracking apart each second.

"Eskander," Noura chokes, struggling to get the next sentence out of her mouth. "You're saying... are you suggesting... w-we shouldn't get married then?" She already feels her bosom filling up. "Your proposal to me... you're taking it back?"

"For the best." He inhales sharply and looks away from her. "If your father was alive, and if my father was alive, and we weren't even raised at the same house, still then, your father wouldn't have given your hand in marriage to me, not after who I've become. And knowing this, I cannot carry this burden on my conscience anymore." He closes his eyes and rubs them. "You were innocent, you didn't know all about me, and I should've stopped you the first time I learnt of your attraction towards me. But instead, I inclined towards you too. I'm so ashamed of myself, Nour." He looks at her again, this time with ruins in his orbs. "This has come so far, it never should have. It needs to end here."

Something in her breaks like glass. She wants to scream. She wants to cry. Though she has been realizing he wasn't as golden as she would see him glittering, yet still letting go of him like this wasn't something she expected. He could be right, their relationship could be wrong, but the sheer agony of heartbreak is no lie to her.

She cannot utter a word to him. And he seems to be drained of life after having said so much. Eskander steps back closer to her and they both can only stare blankly at each other, suddenly too void of emotions, wooden expressions, and her vision thankfully still clear so as not to give away the maelstrom in her soul. Yet she feels close to falling apart.

"I know no amount of apologies can fix this," he utters lowly, "but I'm so sorry. I'll always pray for your happiness, Nour, even if it feels like I'm the one taking it away from you right now."

She forces out a smile and shakes her head. "No, Eskander, you haven't broken my heart, so don't apologize for anything. I've broken it myself, and you're only saving me from breaking it anymore."

"I've never been once insincere in my feelings towards you."

"I know." She keeps the smile plastered on her lips. Years of dreams she had built for him come crashing down on her, pouring like rabid rain and leaping like an angry ocean, sinking her to the bottom. "I trust that you'll never intentionally hurt me."

He leans down to place a kiss on her head. Noura lets out a shuddering breath before pulling away from him.

"I should go."

He only nods and she rushes out of the tent without another spending minute there. All she wants is to be away from here, from this place and its people, and be with her mother to cry in her lap. All she wants is for the sands of time to turn back, her heart to have never fallen for Eskander, and the caliph to have never brought her here.

Faris tries to keep up with her long strides and in her haste she bumps into someone.

"My apologies," she excuses and looks up only to find Hafez.

"Sayidati, marhaba." He offers her a small smile and Noura painfully returns it.

"Hafez, it has been a while. How have you been?"

"Good, thank you. I hope you're doing fine too."

How she wishes if she was, but she can only nod. "Have things been well between you and Eskander?"

"All is well."

"The general is treating you fair?"

He chuckles and nods back. "Yes, sayidati."

"I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you, Hafez. Because of me you had to face Eskander's wrath. Please forgive me for it."

"Don't embarass me, sayidati. It's in the past for me."

As they talk, Noura notices a figure in the distance making her way to Eskander's tent. At first, she decides to ignore it, her heart having already taken too much. But then her curiosity begins to suffocate her, and she cuts her conversation short with Hafez as she makes her way back towards the tent.

"Faris?"

"Yes, sayidati?"

"I had left a letter with Adam to give it to the Khalifa. Earlier I didn't get a chance to ask him about it. Please go and ask him for me if my letter has reached the caliph or not," she smoothly lies, wanting Faris to leave so she can see what was up at the tent. "I'll be with Eskander. I forgot to tell him something important."

To her relief, Faris agrees without a protest and leaves her alone as they part ways. She waits for him to disappear before going around the tent and peeping through the flaps inside. Princess Maysoon buzzing around Eskander has been becoming to much to overlook now.

Noura can see the princess standing in front of Eskander with her palms against his chest. That gets her a jolting shock to her sanity. She feels herself sear in rage. Despite gathering Maysoon's fondness for Eskander, she didn't expect to see it like this.

"I can go to any extent for you," she tells him, and a nail is hit in her head. "If Eskander cannot belong to Maysoon, he will not belong to anyone else either."

He takes both of her wrists and removes her hands away from himself. "Then I'd rather be alone than be with you."

"Why?!" She latches onto his arm as he tries to move away. "Because of Nour? Because she's any better than me?"

"Don't drag Nour between us," he growls, harsh and seething. "Don't think I'm unaware of the men you sent after her to the bazar. By God, if you try to hurt her again, I'll forget that I serve your brother and who you are to him. You'll find no enemy worse than myself against you."

Noura feels a stab to her back, so intense that her lungs forget to breathe. She clutches at her heart, all the bruises coming too much at once. The tears once more pushes through her eyes. She cannot believe she considered Maysoon to be a friend only for her to betray her.

"I will never allow another woman in your life," Maysoon threatens. "Whether Ruwa, Noura, or anyone else. I'll end whoever tries to come between us."

Eskander grips her jaw and pulls her to himself roughly, gritting through his teeth as he says, "Stay away from Noura, Maysoon. I won't be quiet this time. I might not have been able to save Ruwa when you managed to expose her and made me take her life with my own hands, but for Nour, I will kill before any harm befalls her. Even if I have to kill you."

He pushes her away and she stumbles backwards. This time, Noura notices the tears flowing down Maysoon's cheeks as she sniffs. "What is it that I cannot give you? Power, rank, wealth, whatever you ask of me. My heart is yours, Eskander. Why are you so cold towards me?"

"Leave," he simply commands and turns his back on her.

"Don't do this." She reaches out towards him again. "What was it that was between us?"

"A mistake!" he snaps, and Noura feels her nerves snapping too. "I regret the day I ever touched you. I wish I had died before ever sharing a moment with you. It has become a noose at my neck. Just let us both be free, Maysoon."

"Noura?"

Some grazes her elbow and she jerks, pulling away from the tent and turning towards the person. Adam gives her an amused look.

"Eavesdropping on the general this time? Interesting. Is that why you sent Faris after me?"

But the mirth leaves his eyes against her fallen expression and his own countenance color with concern instantly.

"What happened, farasha?" he asks with worry and she cannot help the sob escaping her lips.

"Please take me back home."

✵

I was growing up insane with studying and writing had to become my salvation.

Enjoy the surprise and the cliffhanger. Things are about to spice up and heat up (romantically and otherwise).

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