Grayson Reid Jansen

   "—it's mine." Kaign just admitted to me that Brea's meltdown was all on him.

"What?" I asked, genuinely confused as to how he figured that.

"You remember how we first met?"

"Of course, we were supposed to be roommates."

"Right," Kaign nodded,"we moved in early and got to know each other and everything, remember?"

"How could I forget, we went to frat parties," I laughed with him as we reminisced.

"So you remember why we... fell off?"

I gulped and my leg started to shake under the table. "Yeah, you said you liked me and tried to kiss me."

"Yeah," Kaign murmured. He looked away shamefully.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm getting there," he said,"So, you switched rooms and then we ended up in freshman seminar together."

"That's where we met Brea."

"Exactly. I saw how you looked at her and she looked at you the same way. It hurt me to see someone I like flirt with someone else right in front of me. Then, you beat me up so I came up with a plan. At first, I was just going to be her gay best friend and tell her not to date you but then, I got to know her. I started to like her, too, Grayson. That's why I didn't come out to her, or anyone. I also used her to convince myself I was straight because I was scared to come out-"

"Kaign, I-"

"No, listen. I fought hard for Brea, harder than you and that's why I ended up winning her over. I was loyal because I had to be, when you were out sleeping around. Which, I don't blame you - I know it's hard to get her to commit, she gave me a hard time, too. In fact, I probably had it worse than you. I got rejected so many times and even had to watch from the sidelines as you two had your little fling."

"Why're you just now saying this, what does it mean?"

Kaign started to get choked up a little, I didn't want him to go on and hurt his own feelings all over again but I needed to know what he was going to say.

"For over a year now, I've blamed myself for making her the way she is. If I didn't use her as a cover-up, if I didn't lie about my sexuality, and mistreat her while we were together, you two could've been together all along. Happily. I wasted her time, which was essentially your time. That's why I feel like I owe her. I've been ruining my relationship with Dylan as long as I kept her living with us."

To be honest, it all started to make sense, seeing it from his point of view.
It actually made me pretty mad when I thought about all the time he consumed that I could've spent with her had he just been open and honest, but I knew coming out wasn't easy so I didn't hold it against him.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

Kaign broke down. "Poor Brea, I think I really did a number on her. You have no idea how bad it breaks my hurt every time she says she isn't good enough for you or when she says she's stupid and not worthy of love. She has this fucked up concept of love where she thinks couples aren't supposed to argue because her and I never argued. Granted, we never argued because I didn't care because I didn't want to be with her. See, so, there was no lying because I didn't tell her anything at all. No miscommunication because we barely communicated since I kept myself busy. No jealousy because I'm not into women so she had no competition there."

That much actually made sense and honestly, it was pretty fucked up when you thought about it.

Brea didn't think she was good enough for me, I asked myself in thought. That's ridiculous and completely the other way around.

"So, if you hate me, I deserve it. If you want to beat me up again, do it. Hit me!" Kaign braced himself for a hit, causing a few people around us to stare.

I pulled Kaign down to snap him out of it. "Stop! I'm not going to hit you. And, why would I hate you?"

"Because I'm the reason you two aren't together right now!"

I stopped and laughed through my nose. "Trust me, you're not the reason we aren't together right now."

"But I-"

I cut him off to say,"Don't give yourself that much credit."

Sniffling, Kaign said,"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's in the past, it doesn't matter now."

Dylan came back only to see his partner walk around the table and give me a hug.
"Everything okay here?" He asked timidly.

Kaign laughed as I clarified,"Don't worry, I'm not gonna steal your man, I'm straight."

"So is spaghetti until it gets wet," Dylan joked, earning a nudge from Kaign.

"Yeah, don't worry, Grayson's one of the good guys."

"Thank you." I appreciated that.

Kaign then told me,"you've come a long way since your homophobic self four years ago."

Ashamed, I spoke up. "Can I be honest? I didn't beat you up for trying to kiss me. I beat you up because I thought you were tryna compete with me for Breanna."

"Ah, toxic masculinity. Cute." Dylan noted. Kaign and I just laughed it off.

Surprisingly, Kaign's approval meant a lot to me - him saying I was a "good guy". I still had a lot of work to do to, but it did make me feel better about myself.

All of a sudden, Colson appeared beside me.

"Where have you been?" I asked him, worried sick.

He just stared at me blankly and then said,"I'm ready to go," walking away.

As bad as I wanted to beat on him, I held back.

I turned to Kaign and Dylan then shrugged. "Teenagers, am I right?"

"See you tonight at the rehearsal dinner?"

"Nah."

"Chandler did invite you, didn't he?"

I nodded then explained,"I don't wanna step on anyone's toes." Excuses, excuses.

"Brea won't mind you being there, Grayson," Kaign told me, knowing that's what I meant.

"Still, I think it's best if I just don't go, ya know? It was nice talkin' to you, I'll see you around. Dylan." I casually removed myself and started to follow Colson back to the parking garage.

======

"Oh my God, Colson! Where have you been, I've been calling and texting you for an hour." Holland stressed but Colson didn't say a word. Hell, we didn't talk the whole walk there.

He just got in the passenger seat of her Prius and shut himself inside with Ellie.

Holland exhaled deeply and then walked over to me as I started my Jeep.
She came to the window and waited for me to put the window down. When I did, she gave me a hug.

Before I could ask what that was for, she told me. "For what it's worth, I can see that you've changed. This is the Grayson, we all know and love, I like him. Brea will, too."