=== FLASHBACK ===

Breanna Michelle Santana

"Group one presentations tomorrow, don't forget!" My professor yelled as the class shuffled through the doors.

As soon as I rounded the corner, I was snatched up and pulled in the opposite direction.

Before I could protest, someone's lips crashed into mine.

"Grayson," I exhaled with a lustful smile on my face.

"Were you expecting someone else?" He tittered, his neck cocked.

"No," I claimed, taking his hand,"in all fairness, I wasn't expecting that at all."

"Good."

A trio of boys came up behind Grayson and roughed him up playfully. I shyly stepped away so it wouldn't look like we were doing anything but I'm sure they saw anyway.

Grayson greeted his best friends and teammates with hand slaps and a beating grin. "What's up?" He asked in his casual voice.

While they endured small talk I just snuck a few peeks up at Grayson with lustful eyes. He was so dreamy, I always found myself staring at him lazily.

The chatter suddenly stopped and they all shot their eyes in my direction. Snapping out of it, I stepped back and laughed it off.

"Anyway, bro, we'll get back wit' you." LJ said to Gray before they dapped each other up again and left us alone.

I scrunched my rosy nose and started to walk out of the building with my hand in his.

It was a nice day; a sunny sixty degrees, birds chirping, squirrels terrorizing campus per usual.

"How'd you do on your test?" Asked Grayson as he tilted his head back and shoveled Lay's original chips into his mouth.

I breathed out after shrugging,"I barely studied, I was up all night editing these pictures and-"

"I told you about that; you need to study, Brea, for real. And you're still not sleeping, are you taking the melatonin?"

I shook my head.

"Your doctor said you should take it. You don't listen." Grayson scowled, walking off the sidewalk to throw his plastic bag away.

My eyes rolled as he rejoined me. "Can you let me finish?" To answer my question, he nodded stiffly.

"—I got an 'A'." I looked up into his eyes once I finished speaking and concealed my excitement until I saw his reaction.

He grinned ear-to-ear and lowly said,"Good girl." Pulling me in for a hug, Grayson kissed the top of my head.

We wound up on the bleachers in the stadium where the cheerleaders were doing whatever it is that they did but outside for some reason.

I saw how they watched as we settled down and the way they started snickering, giggling, and staring up at us — err, him, rather. Ignoring it, though, I rested back against the bleachers as Grayson eased between my legs.

A gust of wind blew through my wavy hair as I pulled it all over to one side.

Grayson had snatched my phone and unlocked it since he knew my password. He was busy stealing pictures of me to upload to my story when this girl approached us.
She was some short blonde with bad roots and a hard, athlete's body.

I hardly looked up at her because, well, I didn't want the drama - I just wanted her to act as if I wasn't there so I could be nosey and see how they'd interact.

"Hey, Gray." She said in this very lustful tone, twirling the ends of her long, stringy hair.

"Sup?" He replied back dryly, not making eye contact either.

"You have a minute?" The girl asked, stepping closer until she was or practically in between his legs.

Grayson let out a grunt and sat up so they could have their exchange.
He didn't say anything before she let out,"I was wondering if you'd like to come over later? My roommates will be gone, maybe we can-"

"Don't you see me here with my girl? Not interested." His response didn't come as a surprise, I had heard him shoot down girls before worse than that.

He'll probably hit her up later, I thought in my head.

With a huff and hair flip, she walked off, looking back to see if he was watching her walk away but he didn't.

He leaned back against my body until I chuckled.

Grayson turned to face me and chuckled, too.

"It's not funny. What. Is. Up. With. These. Girls? They're crazy. Can't they see I got everything I need right here?" He tried getting a kiss but I pulled away.

"Oh, what," he asked angrily,"still no PDA? No one's around-"

"Your friends almost caught us earlier - not that it matters, you already told them about us." I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Babe— I mean, Brea — I don't see why we can't just be together? I mean, we might as well be a couple. It's been long enough." We'd met in August, the first day in class, and immediately hit it off, having lost my virginity to him not too long later (around homecoming) .

"Because, Gray, I'm just... not ready."

"What are you scared of? I won't hurt you." So he claimed.

I packed up my things and fled the stands. Grayson followed, trying to keep my attention but I didn't stop walking fast out of the stadium.

"You say that now," I said roughly as I stooped to turn and look at the disheartened look on his face,"but what about when we fall for each other? Things happen and I don't think either of us are ready to be that serious."

With a sigh, I grabbed his shirt and spoke flirtatiously to change the mood,"We're having fun, let's not mess it up. Okay?"

"Tell me something, Brea" he licked his lips,"do you even like me?"

I released his shirt from my grasp and laughed before answering his question. "Of course... of course! Oh. Come. on."

He didn't look satisfied with my answers so I pulled him down and kissed him. When I pulled away, he still didn't budge. So, I bit down on my lip and slid my hand down his pants to feel his length against his thigh.
Grayson squirmed to get away before cracking a grin. "Alright, alright" he said,"but this doesn't mean you're off the hook."

My eyes rolled again. "And what will it take to get off the hook?" I asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Be mine." He looked down at me with a smirk.  I pushed Gray back and shook my head, out of eye rolls to give.

"You're cute. I like you, Grayson, I do, but let's be honest with each other; this wouldn't end well. For either of us."

I watched the veins in his hands tighten as he squeezed the straps of his athletic backpack and sigh deeply. You could tell he was a little hurt. I didn't want to end things, just slow them down.

Continuing, I gave him a list. "The arguing - yelling at each other at the top of our lungs, the  constant girls who are after you and the jealousy that comes with it.  You may turn girls down in front of me but the second you go out and get any weed or alcohol in your system — or whenever I'm not showing you any attention — you run off and fuck some other girl. How am I supposed to take you seriously and know you wanna be with me, and only me, when your actions are completely the opposite, hm?"

At first he looked speechless, I thought I had him. Then, he rebutted and was growing to be pissed off, I could see it in his face.

"Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do, Brea? Wait?! You want me one second then not the next. You can hit me up and ask me to fuck you, then kick me out the next morning and say you want nothing to do with me. Then, you got that fucking fag-" I stopped him before name-calling my "friend" Kaign. I use friend lightly because what Kaign and I had was difficult, less so than my relationship with Grayson but still, difficult.
He wanted me... for some reason, and I wanted him but we had nothing in common and it seemed forced between us. Everything he lacked, Grayson had to offer and it just seemed right with Gray.

Grayson corrected himself and went on to rant. "—Kaign snaps his fingers and you go running. I'm just fucking these girls, you want him. The second I fuck up, you go running to him or whoever else will give you attention. He's not gonna save you, Brea. You think he's your easy-way-out, t-that because you're scared to get with me that you can just go to him and it'll magically be better. Well, it won't be. It won't be better. He doesn't make you feel how I feel, you don't even use your real laugh with him" —

===

—Enough.

I couldn't sleep. My mind was on cruise control, going down memory lane.

3:43 AM

With a grunt, I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling in the dark room.

I just want to stop thinking about Grayson, I thought in my spinning head.

Mmm....

Grayson.

Grayson.

Grayson.

"Stop." I huffed and forced a pillow onto my face until I almost couldn't breathe.

"Just close your eyes," I let out to myself,"and sleep."