51. "boy problems"

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Breanna Michelle Santana

=== January ===

    I felt bad for keeping Aflie all to myself so Grayson and I were taking turns. Only, I grew tired of having to see him so I asked Joey to drop Alfie off at Grayson's place.

Joey and I grew even closer since my "breakup". He was extremely kind and patient, I didn't get why, but I was thankful. He was really there for me, ya know? Not even as a boyfriend, but a friend. A really great one. So great in fact, I started questioning whether or not we should take it to the next level. He had his shit going on, just like I did, and we respected that. I knew Joey was seeing other girls, even one he was getting serious about who he met when he went back to Florida. Since he was such a businessman, he was staying in Oregon more to get some work done but would be leaving soon. I wondered what that meant for our relationship, if anything?

On the one hand, Joey and my dad really kicked it off but so did he and Grayson. Yikes. Then, my mom said he was a "catch", and Mother knows best, right? And okay, maybe the last reason is because I'm super horny.

However, I had a bunch of dates from Tinder lined up so I decided to see how that went before giving Joey a chance...

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Fully dressed, I let my hair fall before applying hairspray and doing my makeup.

Hearing the music from beyond my bedroom door, my father knocked and entered without me saying so.

"Dad!" I screamed, covering my cleavage.

"Oh. Hot date?"

"Eh. Yeah, sure," I replied dryly, turning back to my vanity.

Dad walked behind me and looked at my reflection. He started smiling and then shook his head.

"What?" I asked what he was smiling for.

"You look so much like your mother."

I dropped my powder brush and asked,"Dad, do you think I'm... broken?"

One of his eyebrows raised at my question,"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Like, unlovable. And before you go all fatherly on me, be honest. Was Mom this... complicated? Did she make you work so hard? I think after she left, it fucked me up."

"That's a lot to unpack, Brea," my Dad grunted and sat back on the edge of my bed, sliding his palms down his thighs to his knees. Continuing, he said,"she was a handful, yes, but I always liked the chase. Does that make me fucked up? It's just how men and women are. And, maybe your mom leaving did affect you, but you're not broken, Brea. You need a little extra attention, some special care and patience - just means you're worth it and one day, the right man will come along who can deal with all that."

"But what if the right man did come along... but he hurt me and I know I shouldn't take him back... but he's the only one that I want?"

He let out a deep sigh. "We're talking about Grayson, aren't we?"

I nodded with wide eyes and a pout.

Combing his fingers through his hair, my dad seemed to be at a loss for words.

After a gentle knock, Angie asked if she could come in to which I nodded my head. She occupied my father's side and wondered what we were talking about.

"Breanna, here, has boy problems."

"The same boy?" She wanted to know if it was Grayson after finding out all that happened on the trip.

My father and I said "yes".

Angie went "ahh" and then took a seat next to my father, them both looking at me like I was a child on a shrink's couch during a session.

"And you miss him?"

"Sometimes. I just really think he was the only one for me. No one else will know me like he knew me or make me feel how he made me feel. I'm not even interested in getting to know another man, and I don't find anyone else attractive."

"This is deeper than I thought," my dad exhaled. Angie rubbed his back briefly to relieve him before consoling me.

"There's almost eight billion people in this world, you might've found your person, but who's to say there's not ten, twenty, fifty, or even a hundred more just like - if not better than - him? First loves are hard to get over, but-"

"I didn't say I loved him."

"But didn't you?" Angie and my father both leaned in, anticipating the answer.

I swallowed. "I loved how he held me and how hard he could make me laugh. I loved that I was comfortable around him and that he made me a better woman. I loved his voice, his laugh, his smile, and all the little details about him like the freckles on his back and the birthmark on the side of his butt— Ooh, and that one stubborn strand of hair that would fall like a Superman curl sometimes. Okay, I love him. Loved, I mean. But there's no way I can back with him; I'm not doing that to myself!"

Angie and my dad, Chandler, glanced at each other before she nudged him and said,"tell her."

My curiosity peaked, I asked,"tell me what?"

After hesitating and letting out a frustrated grunt, my father spoke up. "Grayson's been calling and stopping by here nonstop. Says he wants to talk to you."

"You're just now telling me this?"

"Does it make a difference? You said you didn't want to see him."

"And you're right," I settled, keeping myself from getting upset.

He was right.

"No going back," I assured them aloud.

My alarm went off. It was eight-thirty PM, time for my date.

"Gotta go, don't wait up." I said to them, scooting out of my chair.

"Another late night/early morning?" He didn't sound too happy with my new routine (the tinder hookups). Nor any father would be.

"Goodnight," I said deflecting his comment and making my way out.

======

"Did you cum?" Asked the man of the hour. Tom? Tim? Terry? Something with a T...

I glared at him and rolled over, mumbling,"you know I didn't if you had to ask."

"Huh," he wanted to know what I said but I didn't repeat it. The guy breathed out and grinned,"yeah, you did," not having heard what I actually said.

Usually I would've got up and not made small talk but I was lonely and missed being held.

"Do you wanna get coffee or something? There's a diner not too far away from here, we could-"

"No," he blurted, sitting up to put his clothes back on.

"No?" I gasped in shock at the rejection.

"Yeah. No."

"You're gonna leave just like that?"

"You knew what this was, you're not new to this."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, not sorry, but any girl who can just fuck random guys off a app is... well... loose."

"What're you trying to say?" I grew offended, coveting myself with the cheap sheets.

"Jesus, what're you, dense? I mean, you don't love yourself, or someone doesn't. Let me guess? Daddy issues? No. Either a bad breakup or trying to make someone jealous? This won't fill the void, sweetie."

"Get out," I barked, gripping the sheets.

He walked over to the door and let out a sharp chuckle. "This is my apartment, sweetie. You get out."

Fuck. Me.

With an eyeroll, and what pride I had left, I collected my things and stormed out.

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