2. "no buts"

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NOTE: This part uses sound. For a better reading experience, start the above video when you see a music note/symbol such as this ๐ŸŽถ or ๐ŸŽต. However, you can start the chapter music whenever you like as I have only suggested where I see fit but to each is own!
Song: "Thunderclouds" (isolated vocals version)
By: LSD (Labrinth, Sia, and Diplo)

Thank you, happy reading.

~Natasha Carmen

======

There I was, standing outside on my balcony as the golden sun set over the busy city.

I was just taking in the scenery when my iPhone rang, startling me almost.

"Hey dad," I answered the call.

"Hey, bud, I haven't heard from you all day," he said.

"I know," I breathed in,"I was shooting some kid's first t-ball game."

"Fun. This means you can treat me to dinner when you come visit-- no, I want brunch," he joked.

I paced back inside and sat on the couch in front of the coffee table with all of my work supplies on it.

With the phone pressed against my cheek as my shoulder held it in place, I twirled the promise ring around my finger and went "mhm" as my father went on about how Kaign never left a good taste in his mouth.

Suddenly, my eye caught a glimpse of the time on the tv.

"It's six-thirty already, I gotta go?!" I rushed my dad off of the phone untile said "bye, love you" and hung up before I could.

In a hurry, I threw on the first dress I could find, a short, off-shoulder, frilly, white one and a matching pair of Steve Madden Women Kimmie Flatforms. Since my hair was straight already, I just let it brush the exposed skin on my back. No time to accessorize, I grabbed my bag and ran out after being sure to lock the door.


During the car ride, I tried applying mascara, lipgloss, and eyebrow gel but I was driving so fast because I was already late being that the gathering started at five. Really, I had no excuse as to why I was late since the game I photographed ended around three o'clock.

"SHIT," I cursed aloud and made a quick (pretty sure it was illegal) U-turn.


Parked in the lot outside of Dollar General, I searched the car for my wallet. No luck. It wasn't in my bag so I chucked it in the backseat and threw a mini temper tantrum.

What is this karma for, I asked God in my head.

Unable to afford wasting anymore time, I just drove casually to Kaign's where he was standing angrily outside when I pulled up.

I cooled down before approaching him.

"I can explain," I began to apologize but he didn't say anything or make eye contact, only let me inside before he walked in.

I turned to talk to him but he interjected,"you're late and didn't even bring what I asked? I texted you a whole list, babe."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but-"

"No buts," he said and I finished the sentence with him,"you know how I feel about buts."

"We already ate and ask me what was on the menu," he fumed.

I cocked my head sideways and asked,"what was on the menu?"

"Dip. You know why?"

"Why," I yawned.

"Because you forgot the chips, the hot dog buns, and the macaroni-"

"Well damn, what was everyone else supposed to bring?" I sassed.

"They're our guests, we treat them."

"'Our'? I don't live here and we are not married," I reminded him sharply.

"I don't need this right now-" he began walking away from me but I followed closely behind.

I continued the argument,"And what idiot brings dip and no chips," but I stopped speaking when we turned into the living room occupied by Dylan and his date, Lexi.

Awkward...

"I guess that idiot would be me," Dylan stood to hug me. We laughed it off before he suggsted,"hey, let's not fight over chips-- err, lackof, I mean."

"Hi, I'm Lexi," she introduced herself,"you have a lovely home!" Hearing that, I folded my arms across my chest and stared down Kaign who looked utterly embarrassed.

"A-hem, Lindsay, I told you that this isn't her house. She doesn't live here," Dylan tried telling her discretely but I heard.

"I thought you said they've been together a year?" The girl was dense. Dylan just face-palmed himself while I grabbed a glass of wine and took a seat, Kaign sitting on the arm beside me.

"It's Lexi, by the way," she spoke up.

"Huh," sounded Dylan.

"My name."

"Oh, what did I say?"

"You said Lindsay," she told him while trying to be nice.

Dylan scratched his head, looking dumbfounded.

In the next few seconds, their foreheads were against each other's and they were whispering God-knows-what to each other only to be swapping spit the next time I looked over at them.

The sound of their obnoxious lip smacking was enough to make anyone uncomfortable. So much so, apparently, that Kaign excused himself from the room.

Feeling quite disgusted, really, I decided we needed something to do so I threw out an offer.

"How about a stroll to the docs?"

======

"Bye, good night, thanks for having me," Lexi waved her hand as she clicked in her heels down the pavement.

"She's a keeper," I nudged Dylan with my elbow but he didn't seem to agree. He looked down bashfully and just said "nah." Kaign went "whew", making the both of them laugh but not for long. There was a weird silence before I let them talk alone.

๐ŸŽถ

Not too long later, Kaign came in the house and called me to the kitchen.

"Yeah," I kept walking towards him, waiting to see what it is that he wanted.

I wasn't even all the way in the kitchen when he asked the rude question,"did you have to embarrass me?"

"Excuse me," I was shocked at his words.

"It's bad enough you were late, then you didn't bring the stuff, you drank more than any of us-"

"First of all, I am not even drunk," I rolled my neck involuntarily. Okay, I was a little tipsy.

"Just don't let it happen this weekend," he demanded as if he was my father and started walking to his bedroom.

"What's this weekend?" I questioned, knowing he wasn't referring to what I had in mind.

"We're having brunch with my clients - The Jonses," he informed me.

Just as I thought, he completely disregarded the fact that I had prior engagements planned for us.

"Is this man serious", I asked myself out loud,"he can't be?"

I had to give it to him, he certainly was funny. I started chuckling maniacally,"wow," I gasped.

"'Wow' what," he barked madly.

"You really hate me, huh?" I asked a rhetorical question, standing in the doorway.

"Don't start," he groaned, sliding his hands down his face.

"No, no, no, it already started. You know we're supposed to fly to Oregon this weekend."

"Reschedule it, babe," he said it so calmly like it was no problem.

"Yeah, okay. 'Hey, dad, I can't go to Nan's funeral because my ASSHOLE BOYFRIEND rather sit at brunch with people who aren't interested in buying one of his houses anyway!'" I pretended to make a phone call, using my fingers as a phone.

He rose up from his bed and got in my face, swearing,"you are this close to pissing me off," demonstrating with his fingers.

"Tell me when I'm this close and I'll start to care," I snapped back, mimicking him.

Kaign suddenly started laughing. With my face turned up, I looked at him like he had three heads and asked cautiously what was funny.

"You are. I don't think I can do this anymore," he sighed, easing down onto the foot of the unkept bed.

"Then don't," I responded, my throat swelling up.

He threw up his huge, muscular arms and stood tall over me and said,"you know it's not that easy." But I, in fact, didn't know it wasn't that easy as he never discussed it with me before, all he would ever say is that it's "complicated".

"Let me make it easier for you. We're done," I thought I had ended it then and there.

Kaign lunged towards me and grabbed my arm, his grip was unrelenting.

"You'll regret it, don't do this, Brea," were his distasteful words of reason.

"Why should I stay with you, huh," I demanded an answer, a hiccup escaping my mouth halfway through the sentence.

"I love you," he actually said those three words for the first time in a few months. I had gotten used to him saying "you too", "I like you a lot", "the feeling's mutual", or "same". If it were over text, though, I'd get an "ily", but that's only if I was lucky.

*

"You love me?" I asked and he nodded. So, I said,"fuck me."

He let go of my arm slowly and stood upright. "What," Kaign waited for me to speak again.

"Right now," I didn't hesitate to say.

Kaign looked defeated, there was nothing else to say. He had something to prove and I was giving him his last chance.

He started ripping off clothes and I peeled my dress up to my chest but not entirely off. Kaign pushed me onto the bed on my stomach and stroked my hair. His breath was hot against my ear as he licked my neck and hungrily bit it then my shoulder blade before leaving a trail of dry kisses down my spine. One hard time, his palm connected electrifyingly with my ass, sending shock over my body. I winced and gritted my teeth, my eyelids squeezing together tightly.

I assumed the position, arching my back with my bottom in the air. Kaign spread my legs and then jolted himself inside of me without foreplay and no lube. A single pained "ahh" left my lips as I buried my head in the white sheets covering the mattress. He didn't grab a fistful of hair or grip my hips like he used to, instead, he dug his nails on both hands around my shoulders - not that it made a difference, all options were acceptable, this one was just new.

1, 2, 3 -- I began counting. Normally, I got to at least thirty.

It was quiet. The whole time.

He sped up and let out some swears and grunts while I laid there, straight-faced and mute.

13, 14, 15 -- I kept counting mentally. He stopped, tensed up, hissed and moaned, and then fell onto the bed with closed eyes and an open mouth. Oh, is that it, I thought in my head.

Out of nowhere, he started to snore and was out like a light.

Yup, that's it.

*

I crept stealthily to the master bathroom and let the water run until it got warm while I reached for a fresh wash cloth and cleaned off my backside.

Looking in the mirror, I analyzed the look on my face in the mirror.

Dissatisfied.

Discontented.

Disgruntled.

Displeased.

Unfulfilled.

All of the above are words explaning how I felt in that moment and during the entireity of our relationship.

"I can't do this anymore," I sniffled and exited the bathroom. I stomped over the carpeted floor to the bedroom door, waking him on my way.

"H-hey, where are you going?" He wanted to know, sitting up in a crutch position.

"I told you, we're done. It's over," I stated firmly, asserting myself.

"But-" he started to say something but I cut him off.

"No buts. Bye, Kaign," I made clear that I was serious. Speechless with his lower lip hanging, I left him sitting there.

I waited at the front door to see if he'd chase me and confess his love for me, maybe admit his faults and vow to change, but no. He didn't care and neither did I anymore.

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