Chapter twenty-three.

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"This is the season she will make beautiful things...not perfect things...but honest things...that speak to who she is and who she is called to be..." - Morgan Harper Nichols 

Natasha's POV. 

After Lorenzo dropped me off I sat in my kitchen and looked around. The silence and stillness of the room were a bit overwhelming. 

How? 

Then I realized that I hadn't had taken the time to actually be happy being on my own and being by myself. 

I got up and grabbed my house keys and purse. Heading outside I walked on the now shadowy streets. The lamps were going to go on and I knew that I had to hurry. I increased my pace and my eyes scanned around till I found a little stationery shop. I walked in and straight to the notebook Ailes. I found a smaller cut pocket-sized notebook and soon checked it out. Soon I headed to a coffee store and sat down. So many thoughts were going through my head. I had lived here for a long time but I have never actually taken the time to actually discover my space. Just enjoy my own company so that is what I wrote. Everything I wanted to do and enjoy with myself. I also wrote down daily visits to my aunt or at least 4 times a week. Plus helping Natalie with wedding plans. Other than that I was going to enjoy myself. The first two weeks of I planned a getaway...I think I still had left, the money Lorenzo had given me. 

I texted mom and apologized for the sudden change of plans. I think she understood the situation with Tantin, she was even more anxious ready to fly down here. But I told her not to. After hanging up, I downed what was left in my cup and headed home. 

The street lamps were flickering on now. Looking up to the sky the sun had painted the most beautiful portrait and that just added to my mood. I had taken these natural things for granted and now that I noticed it I think I should appreciate them more. I made it a mental action to look around me as I walked back home, noticing the people, the little shops, even the stray cat that would round the corner. 

Maybe these daily things always happened but why I had never seen them before made me realize how most of my time is spent on autopilot. 

Finally, I got home and ordered me a small dinner for myself. A roasted teriyaki mushroom and broccoli soba noodle. 

I sat on the couch and actually enjoyed a Netflix season. And before going to bed I managed to book my getaway.  Then I headed to bed. 

*Next day.*

The world was different when I woke up. Maybe I was more conscious of my space or something had just shifted. I did the necessary morning routine that I would do and headed downstairs for breakfast. I whipped myself a simple egg and avocado toast and then decided to go for a walk. 

It was still a bit dark when I left the house but my goal is to watch the sunrise from wherever I am. I walk aimlessly, maybe stride it a better term. I watched as some small shop stalls were busy trying to get everything ready.  And the smell of the bakery makes fresh bread. The silence was nice since the cars won't honk or people rushing to get here and there. Soon the sun was going up and I captured a picture of it. They say that no two sunsets or sunrise are ever alike to I am testing this theory for the time that I have. 

My day was filled with visiting little streets and discovering amazing boutiques and also checking up on my aunt. My trip was tomorrow so I head early to back my stuff and necessities. 

The trip was a few hours but when I got there the beaches were so clean and after a bright blue. This was where I felt at home and at peace. I smiled at the feeling that overtook and possessed my body. 

After I settled into my room I checked my phone and I saw a few stressed messages from Lorenzo who seemed very anxious about my whereabouts. I didn't text him back though, that was Natalie's job to tell him I wasn't there. 

Even though it was hard I had to know where my head and heart were and if it was even in sync. I sank into the be and soon I was asleep. 

Waking up I headed down to the lobby to get something to eat...it seemed like there was a buffet going on. I grabbed a plate and followed the cue of the other guest as they collect their food. I noticed though that an elderly woman was struggling to decide or whatever she just looked really uncertain. 

So I approached her.

"Are you ok Ma'am?" I asked. 

"Man, if Jeff was here he would know what to get." She replied a bit sad. 

"Sorry, ma'am may I ask who Jeff is?" I asked a bit carefully not knowing which area I had just crossed into. 

"He was my husband, died last year and this is our first anniversary since then." She answered smiling into the memories. 

I was a bit of a loss for words. 

"Why don't we find a table and then we can figure it all out?" I asked offering an arm. 

Surprisingly she agreed and walked with me to the nearest table. 

"I haven't had anyone that nice to me since Jeff." She said looking at me. "Even my own children and grandkids got too busy for me." 

My heart sank. 

"Jeff was a sweetheart. Man but the way we met was hilarious. You would have never met that we would one day be married for over 70 years."

"Wow, that is amazing!" I exclaimed. 

"It truly was, so magical. You know we use to be neighbour but that man was unbearable. Who makes so much noise at such ungodly hours? He was always banging the wall or some sort of loud music that was playing." She said asking her head. "One day I just got so upset and banged at his door. I thought that he probably couldn't hear me with that loud music but he did and soon the door swung open. Let me tell you I was taken back because I had never seen this neighbor before, I always referred to him as the loud neighbor." She said looking at me. 

"I still remember the first words that we exchanged... He said: "Sorry you have the wrong house, the club isn't here, it's a few blocks down." 

"Do I look like I am going clubbing to you?" That was my reply. 

"What do people who go clubbing look like exactly? Or are you saying that because you aren't wearing heels, makeup that cakes your face, and shiny or skimpy clothes that you couldn't be going clubbing?" 

"Not only are you loud and inconsiderate but too add to is you are cocky. Whatever I just came to tell you to turn your music down...I have put up enough with your torture and I need to finish studying." 

"I didn't give him time to answer." The old woman said as her face lit up and she released a laugh. 

I smiled at her story. Observing her, her face lighting up as she spoke, recalling her fond memories. 

Spending that week with this wonderful woman, who I later found out was Alice, opened my eyes to so many things. 

The struggles and endurance in love and just enjoying each other's company, and her words stuck with me...

"Before you commit yourself to someone make sure you know yourself and who you are, and then ask yourself if your goals and dreams of life you are ready to put on hold for some time..... Are you ready to trust and let your heart be broke at times?...... Ready to be driven to the point of insanity....? Being with someone, especially marriage is bumpy but it can also be a beautiful ride to a beautiful destination....all you need to do is never give up on each other, fight for each other not against each other, and trust plus communication is important...are you ready for all that?" 

And the whole trip back home that is the only question that stuck with me...

"Am I ready for this?" 

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xx- IceSkatingIsLife0 


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